[quote=@Elite Minor]
[@Zeroth]I tried to build some background for the main character in this entry, I tried to use some of your advice!
[/quote]

Good work, I can already tell there's some improvement! This is what came to mind as I was reading it:

[hider=Feedback]
This is just my opinion, as it's mostly stylistic this time around. As you write more, and read more (never forget, writers must also be voracious readers), you'll find more of your own voice and your own preference for pacing, atmosphere, etc. But I think the last piece would be improved if the sentences and descriptions weren't quite so choppy (as in, they're rather short) and if they were a little less...I guess I'll say, down to earth? What I mean is that the sentences and the information they convey is very straightforward.

[quote]Our planet was called Obraxis, a lush planet covered in fertile fields. Almost the whole planet was a farming community. We had a small family of just Mom, Dad, and me. [/quote]
This isn't bad at all, it gets right to the point and maybe that's the kind of writing you feel most comfortable with. But here's what I mean by being less concrete about your details, and putting in a little more information so that sentences have variable lengths instead of all being so short and direct:

[quote]Our planet was called Obraxis. I still remember looking down at the golden seas of grain from our crop duster---the first vessel I learned to fly, long before I ever imagined a life among the stars. The heads of wheat grew so thick and so tall, watching the mecha-combines comb the fields felt like watching a pod of whales breach the sea surface. Thousands of miles of the planet's surface were covered by lush fields of every variety, enough produce to export to half a dozen colonies. The farmsteads, dotted here and there amidst the gold and green oceans, were the closest thing to civilization I ever knew growing up.

Growing up. Back then it felt like it took forever. Looking back at it now, it passed in the blink of an eye. My whole world was so small---just me, Mom, and Dad. My father was always somewhat distant, but I always knew he cared about us. If he hadn't, his hands wouldn't have been so tough, and his face so leathered and worn from the sun. My mother was a tough woman, strong-willed and sharp-minded. What Dad often didn't know how to say, she knew without him saying anything.

I'd worked on our farm since....[/quote]

If you find that style of writing too overly wordy or slow paced, though, that's completely up to you. Like I said, the more you work at it, the more you'll develop. Keep writing, and don't be afraid to go back and change earlier things--just don't get rid of your original drafts, either! Everything is a building block to something better.[/hider]