View Single Post
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 06-05-2008
Bonkutsu's Avatar
Bonkutsu Bonkutsu is offline
Writing is my kung-fu.
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 764
Default

Nice narrative! I like where you're going. However, we've got some SPAG issues.

Quote:
“You’ll have to wait, Enserric. Quiet, were almost there. Im taking a break and then we can continue hunting again.” Lux replied.
The "were" should be "we're." The "Im" should be "I'm."

Quote:
Ignore it.
If you've established that the sword speaks in tildes, you should put tildes around this.

Quote:
~Im a person.~
I'm. Once again, apostrophes are your friend!

All in all, interesting stuff! Keep going, keep going.
__________________
I'm just a guy who's ill at ease and only knows how to write.

Madness - simply no way to live.
Reply With Quote