She always lost herself in here, the second she turned the taps and hot, steamy water erupted from the faucet – her mind began to wander. Seconds…minutes…hours. She’d tuned the world out for almost an entire day once while she stood, still as a statue with her head turned up, hands pressed to the warm tiles, bracing herself against the wall while hot water splashed her face and seeped through her long, dark, wild locks.

She’d worn it short back then, the wispy ends of her hair had only just touched the tops of her shoulders, they’d worn it that way too – the girls. She’d never met them – not personally, she saw their pictures. Their bodies looked frozen, their skin as clear and smooth as alabaster, almost translucent, she remembered staring at their blue veins as they shone through their dead flesh and wondering…Why hadn’t he cut up their faces like he had their bodies? Fourteen….fourteen girls, each and any of them could have been her sister, from their small, petite builds to their angelic faces, the youngest was fifteen, the eldest was nineteen, at the time she was twelve. She didn’t know their names, she could never remember what they’d been called, what their parents had screamed when they saw their angels lying there on cold steel slabs. She went to all their funerals and yet she couldn’t remember what was etched into their gravestones. But their faces, the look of manufactured peace on their still features was etched permanently into her memory.

Had they looked that way while they were with him? She doubted it.

A loud, sudden thud broke her from her trance, Lil blinked, hard and shook her head as she turned and looked at the shower curtain, as if she could see through it to the door.

“Open up!”

The shrill, croaked voice wailed like a harpy and the knocking resumed. She didn’t move, her eyes stared about the bathroom, the air was choked with steam – how long had it been this time? She lifted a bottle of shampoo and began to wash her hair, the knocking continued so persistently that eventually it was nothing but a dull annoyance in the back of her mind.

“Open the fucking door!”

She calmly rinsed her hair and began to lather herself in a body wash that smelt of vanilla and cinnamon. The knocking turned to an open hand banging, stopped, a moment of something that sounded like kicking, a brief pause, a muttered swear and the knocking resumed.

“Fucking hell!”

Lilith stood still and let the now cooling water rinse the suds from her pale flesh. Eyes closed, she inhaled slowly and waited until the water was frozen then twisted the taps and severed the flow. The consistent knocking broke for an unusually long time, five whole seconds and then the door handle shook as if someone were trying to open it from the other side. Lilith grasped a fluffy white towel and wrapped it warmly about her thin, shivering, dripping body. Several sharp bangs sounded on the door, she lifted her chin and stared at it as if she expected the wood to splinter at any moment.

“For fuck sakes – Open the door now Kri-”

The door swung open so fast that a slight breeze rippled through the air and sent the steam swirling into the corridor. The final word was silenced as Lil stood, blocking the entrance to the bathroom, her pale grey eyes looked silver and cold under the white glow of the light bulb. There before her was an older woman of about her height, her dry, messy dark hair salted grey, she dressed in a peach flannel bathrobe, held a cigarette in one hand and tapped her bare foot in agitation against the floorboards.

“So you’re finally awake,” it was already ten in the morning, “Have fun last night, Claire?” Lil stated blankly as she looked the woman up and down before meeting her dark, almost soulless brown eyes.

The woman’s face visibly twitched in anger, they shared their features, the same small nose, defined jaw line and thin lips, course hers seemed sour, Lil had a sweeter look to her that could only be credited to her youth.

“You watch what you call me – I’m still your damn mother!” Claire retorted sharply and took half a step forwards to enter the bathroom, Lil dug her heels in and didn’t move out of the way. They were close now, she smelt of cheap booze and even cheaper aftershave.

“You do the same,” Lil breathed, her words seethed through her clenched teeth. She chanced a look to one side, “I’m not going to run into someone I shouldn’t on the way to my room, will I?” The implication was blatant and it was one she’d made too often, one that no daughter should have to say to her mother.

“He left,” Claire replied as she stared down and looked directly at the sparkling crystal orb covered in tiny dew drops that dangled about Lilith’s slender neck. “You’re just like him,” she hissed and forced her way into the bathroom, Lil didn’t have to look, she could hear her falling to her knees in front of the toilet, heard her retch, heard the practically empty contents of her stomach splash into the water. She was surprised she’d held it in this long.

“So you keep telling me,” Lil whispered as she walked down the corridor, leaving a trail of wet footprints in her wake. She passed her mothers ajar bedroom door and glanced in, the sheets were tossed, the floor lined with beer cans and half empty bottles of spirit and by the door was a not so perfect circle of watery, stinking vomit.

Figures she didn’t hold it in.

Lilith was dressed and making her way out of the apartment before Claire had even risen from her knees and stopped hurling into the toilet bowl. She buttoned her crimson jacket, wrapped a red tartan scarf about her neck, over the damp, free falling locks of her hair in an attempt to tame it as she rushed out the door with a black canvas bag sewn all over with random patches hung over her shoulder and an old manual camera swinging from her neck. Outside the sun was warm but the air was cold and the breeze was fierce, she wandered down the street with the camera clutched like some childhood treasure in her gloved hands. There wasn’t much to do in a small town, not many places to go, at least – when you were outcast there wasn’t. True, she could have gone to the drive-in, the mall, the internet lounge, the game arcade, these were all viable hang-outs for a teenager on a Saturday morning and perhaps she might have if she hadn’t threatened to eviscerate a cheerleader her first day at school. She’d only been in the fucking town a week and already she had enemies, it was her fault really – the bitch had touched her and told her if she lost a few more pounds she might make it at try-outs. Still, perhaps it was better that way, no friends, no one to pry into her personal life, into her past. No one to ask her questions, no one to stab her in the back, no one to risk sharing her secrets with. A week in ‘Shitsville’ and all anyone knew about her was her name, she’d chosen it because it was hard to forget, course she had other reasons for changing her name, for one it was better than the original. One day in Louisiana and gossip with a remarkable pension for the truth had spread like wildfire through the school. The next day her bags were packed and they – she and her mother were gone. A week and she still had boxes towered in the corners of her all but barren room, she was still expecting them to move again. Hoping? Perhaps?

With a soft sigh Lil perched herself on a park bench where she sat crossed legged and right in the middle, head held high, brows raised as she watched people pass her by. Most stayed away from her, news spread quickly in a small town, she barely knew anyone and yet already everyone seemed to know her face, her name, what she’d said and the fact that she seemed to arrive out of nowhere. She was an enigma to them, small town folk didn’t like strangers or people who seemed to have something to hide, they could smell secrecy on her like a wolf could smell fear in a lamb and in turn, she could see worry in their eyes. There seemed to be something amiss here, every family had their skeletons, every town had their unsavoury events, she recognized the expression on their faces, they were afraid, but of what?

A soft smile flittered across her lips and Lil pushed herself from the park bench and turned down the street, headed in the direction of the library.

If nothing else it was something to do.

__________________