Roleplayer Guild - Forum Roleplaying Games

I am, if nothing else, a spiral of thought and chaotic immaturity.

Following will be a few things I've put into my journal on another forum.
Random things that spewed from my mind while I was either going through hard times or even more snared by my own thoughts.

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I was sitting there doing nothing, Then I was sitting there doing something.


I'd like to say friend but can I really? Am I allowed that here and now? At this time can I really say it?

They don't understand. Or have they tried? Do they ever here the words that I cry?
What of their (or his) thoughts(or hers)? When they think of me do they regret they did?
Or are their thoughts idle? Have I a place in their hearts? Is that what I want?

Why must I do the things I do? Am I all alone here in this world? Or will I feel empty if I left?
I'm so torn. I can't decide. Why must I drive to try to thrive?

Math is a bitch. What a bother.


Can't I succeed when I'm tired? I try my hardest and get discouraged. Can someone help me from afar?

Why can't I put my hands to things and watch them flourish? Am I that much of a failure?


I almost cried when I thought. But then I stopped and went on with naught.


If thats how my life is, then fuck the world. I'm staying in my room to die alone in the black of the shadows that hover the corners.

No-one will miss me and I don't care.


Or do I?

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Incompetent, mad, insane, foolish, violent, angry, discontent, crazy, childish, manly, pussy, bitch, bastard, fighter, pacifist, destruction, creation, falling, raising, clawing, climbing, weak, strong, emo, goth, rocker, punk, fool, learner, talented, hopeless, crummy, shiny, heartless




Loving







He stumbled and fell down the stairs he did. He met the ground when he got down, that awful flight. It almost done'im in you see. So now he never walks again.

Crying alone in the dead of night, he cries for what he wants. He needs his dear-old back to work, dear god. And he needs to feed his wife.

'Why, oh Lord?' He cries, and dies.









Coffin man here my call and flee from the graveyard stall. I am the ghost of long-since-past and I have come to run amok!
Fear my wail of terror and chill. Run right now or face me now, in the hour of my right to kill!

I wail and moan in the death of darkness. I wail and moan for more than night! I cry of the days I used to feel before I lay here bundled up tight!
My body tied in robes of white before they buried me! I died so slowly. I dread the day, for I was killed in it!

Conscience of my death I was before the blow was fell. It struck me deep and my mother weeped, when they brought my body from the well!

I was a boy who leaped with joy every day of the year. My mother was proud, until they set my down, in my final resting place!

So run coffin-man and tell the whole damned town! It was glory's gown that made my friend strike me down!

Jealous of my lady HA! he was stabbed when she found out! He had married and died when I had afore gone since. But my lady held true to the one she knew, would love her even after death.


Love does last, and it does not always embrace. But sometimes it lashes and burns things to ashes when its fury is in utter disgraced!

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It was cold, and glimmering. The grass all around was a magnificent sight to behold,
Its glow was beautiful and I lost myself in its sparkle. My joy was broken by a great tremble that shook my knees. Something pressed down on my soul.

I looked up into the sky and there I saw a frightening sight. An eye! in the sky! Glowing and staring right down at me, I was afraid! I tried to jerk away but its grip held true and I was unmoved!

Its powerful gaze crushed my bones and ground my flesh. It felt as though I being ripped in the chest by a mighty blade that struck deep and drove further.
My heart stopped as I fell under the spell of the moon that hovered above.

I stood there, surrendered to its will and its majesty overcame me. I was one with the moon and its glow was mine. And it wasn't long I was trancing my own victim.

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Hate, it rhymes with fate. But thats not the point here.

I really hate allot of things, I'm sad and lonely sitting. Keeping the time going is terribly insane, I just do the same thing over, hoping in vain, that something will happen differently. Trapped in this awful place. I can't seem to find a way out. I need to escape.
Burning an melting, feelings and power. Concentration, my sole destination.
Needing this, wanting this, reaching deeply within myself, I try as hard as my body can withstand but I can't seem to reach the thing of my demand/want a different setting or pace. Waiting patiently for a day of great grace! I want all of this, it is only a few. or perhaps to much, for me to of ask you.

Sickly pup, oh dread the day. Because the light will shine on your pitiful face.
Over the great arch, your body does long. To sleep forever.
Take it away, you awfully caged beast. For if you get out, none shall have peace.
Monster oh-monster. Please spare the little ones. They meant you no harm, teasing with stones, and sticks. They'd pick at your skin, and bone. Kicking you over and watching you learn. They'd laugh and giggle, as you struggled to walk. Not knowing the pain you felt as the talked. Gnawing on a bone, sitting alone. Tasting the once-was-blood.
The marrow of life, between your teeth. You long for more, in your cage the hand reaches.
The red stuff pours, dumping on you, til they reach for that rifle. Your the last one.
The last mutt or dog or beast they'd own. And now your left, dying alone.

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When I die, I awake, to the earth when it's not day.
The darkness engulfs me, leaving me a-blank.
Black, and full, white and empty.
Crying in the day, and smiling in the dark.

I don't make sense sometimes. Not doing anything, when I need to be.
Loving someone when the least they need is me.



I've made mistakes, and I've been a failure. But please forgive me, because I'm not
going to give up. I promised myself as well as others.
I will succeed, before all is over.

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I'm sitting here, doing nothing, typing away my life.


I really hate what I really hate, and I really like, what I don't really hate.


I"m kinda short, kinda stocky. Kinda strong, for you to take on.
I'm more powerful than anyone you know, but would I fight you?
Hell no!
I'm a ninja of secrets, and a fighter of justice. A shadow of life, that passes greater judgment. Nothing you do can sway my thoughts. I'm like a bullet proof vest, in a lead box.

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I'm not sure how I'm gonna do things, or how I should go about finding out.
Im just sitting here, thinking whatever I can, trying to figure out,
what I want to do, or say, its a burden being a burden. But I'm gaining pace everyday.
Its odd to try, and its worse to fail. But if you try/try again/persist/persevere/push forward/ in the end, you will prevail.


A custom made smile, just for you, thats what the Lord did when he made you.
He fastened your nose and carved out your bones, from the finest of material,
he worked real hard. It was when you were but a thought. That he put together your precious heart.
With a steady arm, and precision to boot, he drew up your emotions so you could be set loose, in the world, he put you, with two more. Your Mother and Father, both cuddly and warm, and oh-so nice. And he watches over you, as you sleep through the night.

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Slaying the demons, thats my creed.
I stab them in the heart, but I'm the one who bleeds.
Because if they are the demons, and they kill then what am I?
A killer of killers. A demon among demons. A monster.
A fool.

I'm a Sage, a fool, a learner in between.

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