Roleplayer Guild - Forum Roleplaying Games

**76.** · #31 (**permalink**) 09-15-2008

If a day ever comes that I can't hear my thoughts rattling around, I'll be able to do anything.
I've only ever succeeded from quieting the noise.
Silencing it would grant me unfathomable success.

**76.** · #32 (**permalink**) 09-28-2008

I was just visiting my old Photobucket account(because my imageshack account decided to finally fail.) and I found some of my old digital pieces.

http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l1...6/OLDERMAX.jpg

http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l1...ae76/sango.jpg

http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l1...76/comicV2.jpg

http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l1...ficcolored.jpg

The last one(Shino from Naruto) was drawn by a friend and I colored it out of boredom.

The last four are quite large, so I posted links instead. (Darn you, Photobucket. No thumbnail option...)

**76.** · #33 (**permalink**) 09-28-2008

Okay...This is going to be an Ass-load of an epic-massive post. I got all nostalgic when I checked through my imageshack archive and just had to post my old doodles here. I cannot believe how much they suck, but they make me feel good when I look at them. So, I'm sorry 56k users, but I'm going to do this...

Memories, sweet memories. Being abandoned by a long-time lover. The sorrow of losing a parent and the warmth of remembering them.

**76.** · #34 (**permalink**) 10-12-2008

Some old text docs I found. Written back when I was like fourteen. You can tell I was sickly-emo. My dad used to describe me as "Mean as a bitch-wolf". Lol.

Anyway, if any of my personal information is revealed in these, just pm me and tell me. ;p

Cut/paste ftw.

this world means nothing to me because I mean nothing to it "live and let live" is just a sentence it means nothing to no-one because it's a "dog-eat-dog" world and everyone is looking out for number one

fuck this, fuck that. I can't stand this monkey on my back, beating my head to a mash potato, pissing me off and eating my play dough...this monkey will die sooner or later so I'll just wait for that day to come hoping I won't become captain insano

once again I sit typing, as usual about myself, caring for me and not those I don't know, and barely the ones I do. trying to conjure a thought in my mind but nothing comes to me

hearing a distant bark and cry, I lift my foot to step on the pavment, but, something stops me. when I lift my foot up, suddenly I was covered with a chill, a chill that ran down the inside of my body. like a cold stare from the grim reaper, all at once I felt dozens of emotions and thoughts sprang out of nowhere. shock, hurry, fear, irritation, hatred, persiverance and then the last emotion I felt was one that seem to warm my skin, from the inside out. I was warm all over. my foot touched the road and I began walking instantly, without hesitaton my feet started walking and there was little I could do about it, one foot slamming the pavement after the other. BOOM,BOOM,BOOM. and then stop, my heart stopped. I felt dizzy and almost fell over, but I caught myself and stood with my legs spread apart to keep my balance. I soon felt a weight tied to the front of my head and BOOM
I was back in my bed
once again I sit typing, as usual about myself, caring for me and not those I don't know, and barely the ones I do. trying to conjure a thought in my mind but nothing comes to me sitting here thinking about things to come, I start to worry about the outcome for others related to the matter, not knowing if this outcome will effect them to their benefit or their demise. I ponder and worry and panic in silence to keep from alerting the others around me of my discomfort and woe. on the edge of crying my eyes out and beating holes in the wall. going back and forth thinking and thinking until madness strikes me hard and swift the blow lands and knocks me to the floor, it loosens any sanity I had left and throwing me into a whirlwind of chaos. my heart is in my throat as I type more and more about my own problems trying my hardest not to care about the world I live in, about how many have done worse than I, about how many have died. and I begin to drift away into the darkness of the bitter cold night, the void...an endless torture for my soul, a special corner of hell made just for me. suddenly I'm in the corner of a room with just enough light, that I'm able to see that I'm alone. my heart seeps deep into my chest faintly thumping and thriving for thriving to stay alive in the abiss that I sit in, the dust from the floor gently lifts with a cool breese that comes in from under the doorway that stands high at the other end of the room. I try to stand but my body feels like tons of dead flesh, I feel my throat as I pull myself off the ground but no sound comes from my mouth, this room seems to nulify any sound or noise that is in it. I walk over and set my hand on door nob to feel that the top side is warm but the bottom is chilling cold, turn the nob and peer out the door to see that I am standing in a giant cranium. I look down to see an arm, a leg, and a bit of the rest of a giant body that sits slumped over a desk, I try to jump but something grabs me and pulls me through the door once again. the door slams shut, I stand up and spin around to see myself, wearing a different, but familiar outfit, I try to talk but my voice utters no words. he opens his mouth and says " you must stay here, if you leave we will die you have no choice but to stay here, STAY HERE!!!!" these words echo louder and louder rather than fading out. louder and louder these words grow bigger and bigger and I open my mouth wide and scream "SHUUUUTT UUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!" an then I find myself sitting infront of my desk with a pencil in my hand, I click off my lamp and crawl in bed. good night
body feels like tons of dead flesh, I feel my throat as I pull myself off the ground but no sound comes from my mouth, this room seems to nulify any sound or noise that is in it. I walk over and set my hand on door nob to feel that the top side is warm but the bottom is chilling cold, turn the nob and peer out the door to see that I am standing in a giant cranium. I look down to see an arm, a leg, and a bit of the rest of a giant body that sits slumped over a desk, I try to jump but something grabs me and pulls me through the door once again. the door slams shut, I stand up and spin around to see myself, wearing a different, but familiar outfit, I try to talk but my voice utters no words. he opens his mouth and says " you must stay here, if you leave we will die you have no choice but to stay here, STAY HERE!!!!" these words echo louder and louder rather than fading out. louder and louder these words grow bigger and bigger and I open my mouth wide and scream "SHUUUUTT UUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!" an then I find myself sitting infront of my desk with a pencil in my hand, I click off my lamp and crawl in bed. good night

Times New Roman Sitting alone in the dark, I start, to think of ways to be amused without having to be a ‘muse
punching into thin air, I see a spark light some bark and away I go to try stop a fire hazard
thinking upon fire fighters. what must it be like to be one who give his life everyday
thinking not of himself but only of others, to be a cop for when trouble-calls I stop
thinking of no fear I grab the bull by the horns.
space man, name - name - name we’re calling your name. so stop what your doing and
stop the intruding, aliens in space
going through some and that thinking of ways “I couldn’t be that!”
I was starting to get bored so jumping up I said “come on aboard”
finding a way to play by myself I was playing in mind not bothering anyone else.
then I heard a loud roar it was a dragon on board!, it had two heads and three large horns
‘breath smells like liver and a heart full of shivers. I jumped to infinity, with my blade named
quiver and slay the beast where it stands I wake-up to find my glory divine had been a dream
all along!, sadley good night and so long

protect your enemys, and love them dearly. the is the way of the 76. love your family. keep your friends close. this is the way of the 76, always obey the lord, protect life, no matter what. meditate your actions, and act accordingly. triumph over obstacle and devour mishap with pride. never allow someone to insult your favored ones and never allow them to harm you, unless it means helping someone else in danger. this is the way of the 76. always be happy and never use your anger to power your own happiness, always use your anger to power you forward, and accomplish you goals. obey your parents, unless it holds you back, help your enemys unless it is for evil. and thrive for respect your whole life. this is the way of the 76

love, obey, respect, and live. this is the way of the 76. this is my way, my life. incarnate and written down.

let it lead you and obey it always, and you will march with me at the end, toward meaning, and the love of christ

**76.** · #35 (**permalink**) 10-12-2008

and there he sat, staring into the abiss. with nothing in his head but the thought of going. going and going along an open road, the road seemed to swim like an eel through slick and clear water. it seemed to dive and rise with the flow of motion behind the thump of every foot that he traveled. slam. he would move forward. BOOM, he would move forward. the dull thump and boom of the calused crust that covered the exterior of the bottom of the boy's foot seemed to help him glide along this long road. one after the other, BOOM BOOM boOM. he would thump and glide along the road, until finaly a light at the end of the road seemed to barracade the road. it seemed to stop the boy immeadietly. he stopped imeadietly and halted all motion, not for his own account. but to gaze upon what was blocking his way. staring deeply into the force that glowed like the summer sun setting over an open and distant horizon. the trees around the rim just enhancing the beuatiful picture being painted out by a holy and sacred brush that no one can see or listen to the sound of. the image infront of this boy was that of a celestial being. one who he thought, couldn't be of this world. because she was so devine and beautiful. he thought she may have been the claim of GOD himself. for only GOD seemed worthy of this beautiful woman. she had hair like beautiful grape vines. swaying as she moved toward him. her eyes were like suble moons that turned over as the light would hit them. her feet didn't seem to touch the ground as she walked, but she seemed to hover above the soil and float toward him. her hand gently lifted and bed him toward her. he motions toward her as tears come to his eyes. he steps just one mere step toward her before the tears are steadily pouring from his face. she seems confused at this and gently resumes holding her hand out and gliding toward him. still he stands almost sobbing with rivers of tears flowing down his face.
"this is a fantasy" he says. "this is nothing more than a dream that I have conjured in my head. I have constructed this beautiful being out of all the things which I find attrative and nice, her hair. her beautiful hands. her body and movments. all of this womans being I have constructed inside my head, and she is nothing more than a dream. meaning that this heaven will be nothing when I awake" the tears steadily pour from the boys face and he falls to his knees, holding his face in his hands. when the boy looks back at the woman, she is gone. and he stands up as if he was expecting something different to happen. as if hoping he was wronge. hoping, a word that means wanting something that is improbable, something that is not likely to happen. meaning the odds are against what you are longing to accomplish. something inside the boy snaps. his mind clears out, nothing left. and then the sole thought remains. was this a dream? is he still sleeping? was that truly a celestial being from the right side of GOD? was he wrong in saying such things? in front of her? was it that that drove the beauty away? or did she vanish because he imagened inside his mind that she would? subconsciously. by thinking that she would be gone, did he force her from existence? did he force this saddness upon himself? by thinking that she would be gone did he imagine her away?.

?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????

Something is strange about today, something that I can't explain. What is this deep feeling in my chest? What could have cause this strange effect? Could it be that I'm over stressed? Or could it be all in my head?
Sometimes I question my own thinking, what could drive such strange a being? Am I truly crazy or mad? Or could it be that I'm just a bit sad?
What ever the reason, what ever the way. I'll find the answer on some odd day, it doesn't matter when or where I just know that I'll be there, ready and waiting, deeply meditatiing the thoughts which lead me to thinking of these strange and weird things.
A slow and simply twist of words my minds rap around as I sit and stir, something to think of is what I crave something to deal with every day. Am I this, or am I that. these thoughts just keep swirly in my mind, am I a poet? or an artist to boot? What is it that drives my thinking? So many questions that I still want answers to, so many things I wish I could do. will I succeed? Or will I lose? if the choice is given, which would I choose?
Could it be possible that all this thinking is just part of some story that I'll tell someone in the years to come? when does yesterday become the storys our childrens' children will talk about in the years to come?
will the psychotic thinking of a madman today, become the thrilling adventure to a small child someday?

is all my life just a story to be told?

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What could it be that sets me apart from everyone else? what could make me special in one and a million?

The perpetual perdicament that I have found myself in leaves me standing in awe of that I can't control.