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Hi. I'm posting a new one. This was made before I was poked into realizing that I have the unnecessary words habit. Haha. This is Cinderella man.
![]() Read and review. ![]() Cinderella Man I watch as you go about straight’ning the room, Picking up your boots that are strewn on the floor, “Pumpkin, you know I can’t stay through the night, You know that cannot be, I’ve to be back before light,” “I know,” I whisper as you shrug on your coat, And turn up your collar to ward off the cold. I see you reach for the ring like you always do, Then smile back bitterly “You know I cannot leave clues.” You bend down to kiss me, the last for this time, That’s supposed to last me through this cold lonely night, I know better than to whisper “Please love, just leave her,” Better than to beg you “Please, just stay forever,” You walk determinedly towards that door, I hold my tongue knowing I cannot ask for more, And I watch as you move further down the lane, There’ll be no magic wand, no one to ward off the pain. Alone I notice the magic gradually fade away, Along with the few traces left of the love that we made, Half the slipper of your life I keep to myself, All that’s left for me when the clock strikes twelve.
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Van Hellsing is Hiring! We need monster ass kicking Agents! http://roleplayerguild.com/f15/van-h...e-agency-3042/ Zodiac Balance: The Awakening http://roleplayerguild.com/f14/zodia...wakening-5152/ Kiss Me While I Sleep http://roleplayerguild.com/f17/kiss-...08/#post116233 ...some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them... ![]() |
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Great flow and story! I loved it!
I honestly find absolutely nothihg in fault of this poem. It holds true to what poetry is all about. It has a flow, story, and an emotion that is absolutely portrayed beautifully! You, my dear, win. And it has a great title too!
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Yay!!!
Thank you. Sniff. ![]()
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Van Hellsing is Hiring! We need monster ass kicking Agents! http://roleplayerguild.com/f15/van-h...e-agency-3042/ Zodiac Balance: The Awakening http://roleplayerguild.com/f14/zodia...wakening-5152/ Kiss Me While I Sleep http://roleplayerguild.com/f17/kiss-...08/#post116233 ...some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them... ![]() |
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Still Echoes
This poem really touched me, It reminds me of my past and a love that i lost. It seems that you experienced a loss close to you. either way 5/5 stars Cinderalla Man Cliche' title lol, and i really don't endorse cheating however, the poetry is not to be faulted again, I must give you a 5/5. the reasoning is that Poetry is supposed to be written from the heart and both poems are full of emotion.
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"Come ye one and come ye all to test thine wit against mine, lest thine be considered of little prowess in the field of battle for I have come and I have chosen the field for battle, knowledge and wit are my weapons can you best me upon these terms?" ~The Riddler The battle field: http://roleplayerguild.com/f5/riddle-alteria-8175/ |
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Yay thank you. Loved and Lost. A lot.
![]() Anyway, here is another depressing poem. It's the after break up thing that you just wanna be left alone. It's actually a song. I've made arrangements and am trying to have it up and running in youtube or something. Enjoy. ![]() This was written as a getting over “the one” but not quite there yet song. It’s the grace period when you just want to wallow in your grief and loss and stuff. Hope you like it. This is one of my favorite songs to sing. ![]() Run Away I don’t wanna be here where I stand with this darkness enveloping, Where the cold seeps in, deep within where emotions lie unmoving. Where I’ll realize the love that I’ve been fighting for is gone, Where I’ll learn the fact that I have been holding on to lies, Where I’ll feel the pain of the dawning truth you were not here to stay, And that you were unreal, and you were never there to start off anyway. Chorus: So I’m running away from everything that tells me that you’ve gone. And I’m walking away from everything that tells me I’m alone. So I’m keeping you here, your photographs near until the coming of the years, Where I no longer need to doubt, where I no longer need cry out, Where I no longer need pretend… you’re here. I tried to give you all, my love and time but you were blind you didn’t see me. And I cried for you, wept for you and yet my tears dried upon my cheeks. Now I drown in tears the hand I used to reach to now is gone. And I couldn’t breathe you’re the only one that I’ve been living for, Now I’m hollowed through the emptiness is growing from inside, And still I am alone… still I can’t move on Chorus Bridge ‘Cause when I close my eyes I still feel your arms surround me I feel the fire, the warmth of your embrace Then I opened my eyes and found myself ever so alone The emptiness, the loneliness, the silence… I wanna run away… Chorus
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Van Hellsing is Hiring! We need monster ass kicking Agents! http://roleplayerguild.com/f15/van-h...e-agency-3042/ Zodiac Balance: The Awakening http://roleplayerguild.com/f14/zodia...wakening-5152/ Kiss Me While I Sleep http://roleplayerguild.com/f17/kiss-...08/#post116233 ...some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them... ![]() Last edited by atalantea : 06-17-2008 at 09:14 PM. |
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Well done 10/5 for that song.
The emotion, it's ever present in your work, keep them coming ^_^
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"Come ye one and come ye all to test thine wit against mine, lest thine be considered of little prowess in the field of battle for I have come and I have chosen the field for battle, knowledge and wit are my weapons can you best me upon these terms?" ~The Riddler The battle field: http://roleplayerguild.com/f5/riddle-alteria-8175/ |
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Thank you.
Will try to write something again soon. ![]()
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Van Hellsing is Hiring! We need monster ass kicking Agents! http://roleplayerguild.com/f15/van-h...e-agency-3042/ Zodiac Balance: The Awakening http://roleplayerguild.com/f14/zodia...wakening-5152/ Kiss Me While I Sleep http://roleplayerguild.com/f17/kiss-...08/#post116233 ...some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them... ![]() |
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This is Crimson Tears. I was supposed to write a whole story in poem format but my muse left me and told me this poem was enough. Sigh. So here is the intro to the whole thing. Hope you like it.
![]() Crimson Tears Love came when one least expected, Was over before even started, But this story of love I came to write Lasted forever and ended night after night. For this kind of passion never once happened before Was only for the fools who trusted the unsure And forbidden it may be, with it's fire you might burn, It will drench you as you thirst and with it's warmth the tides will turn... Now I warn you fool! This love was destined but not meant to be, Eternal but ended each eve, Forever that started at dusk, Forever that ended at dawn, Forever that lasted for lifetimes, Forever that ended too soon. This is a story of love, This is a story of passion, This is the story of my future years, Of midnight sorrows and crimson tears...
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Van Hellsing is Hiring! We need monster ass kicking Agents! http://roleplayerguild.com/f15/van-h...e-agency-3042/ Zodiac Balance: The Awakening http://roleplayerguild.com/f14/zodia...wakening-5152/ Kiss Me While I Sleep http://roleplayerguild.com/f17/kiss-...08/#post116233 ...some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them... ![]() |
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Still no reviews? Sigh... oh well. Anyway, here's another one, it's about not being inspired anymore but wanting to write.
You can't write thn you finally realize why. ![]() My pen I haven’t been writing lately. No, I’ve been writing but I don’t like it. I can’t finish it. I can’t finish it. You liked my hands, you told me. You said they were beautiful. I believed you. I wanted to. But my hands are shaking now. I’ve been trying to write my songs lately. You said you liked my voice. So I try to sing. Do you hear it? No melody comes to mind right now. No. Melody. The words don’t fit, they can’t, I can’t. Fit in this reality. I tried again, maybe tried too much, So now it’s overdone. But I still don’t like it. Don’t want to like it. My words, my song are bland. You’re not holding my hands. They are empty. They are cold. They are shaking… I force myself, I beg and twist, I held the pen too tight. I broke it. I broke it Now it won’t write. My hands are stained now. And they shake as they reach for it. The pen you gave me. Before you went away. I still can’t write lately. Not even to you. Please review! ![]()
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Van Hellsing is Hiring! We need monster ass kicking Agents! http://roleplayerguild.com/f15/van-h...e-agency-3042/ Zodiac Balance: The Awakening http://roleplayerguild.com/f14/zodia...wakening-5152/ Kiss Me While I Sleep http://roleplayerguild.com/f17/kiss-...08/#post116233 ...some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them... ![]() |