06-04-2008
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Writin' letters and stuff.
So I've decided to try writing some kind of novel or story or something, but, problem is, whenever I start one of these, I never finish it. I want to finish this one, so if I get stuck, I was wondering if I could get some help. I've already begun typing the first bit, the prologue, if you will. Any constructive criticism would work for me.
It was early morning. The sun had barely begun to rise and its heat was already bearing down on a colonized crag canyon. It heated the wood shacks, the storage buildings, and the stone and metal houses, waking their inhabitants. The people that lived here were a hardened breed, and they were already used to being wakened in this manner. They had a sense of unity, for they all suffered the dry heat of the canyon, the dust storms, and the like. However, one of them was different, trapped in her own world with her mind as her companion. Her mind and a ‘living’ sword. It spoke to her, it kept her calm when she had ‘fits’, it kept her safe when they were out to get her. The blade was a good four-and-a-half feet in length, from hilt end to blade tip. Its width was half a foot, and a few inches from the crosspiece rested a large, iron circle, a few inches larger in diameter than the blade itself. It felt warm to her, like it was alive. It spoke to her, only she could hear it in her thoughts. It had feelings and senses. It even had a name, Enserric the Longsword. It was her outlet for her thoughts and emotions because she couldn’t talk to anyone else. But, anyways. The heat bore down on her back as she walked. It had been long enough to where she would’ve been used to it, or entirely annoyed, but she shrugged it off and continued on, as surely an inn in another town would provide her with enough comfort for the night. She attempted to wipe the sweat and sand from her forehead, but her thick, leather gloves wouldn’t absorb any moisture. She sighed in disappointment. ~Lux, I grow tired of this place. I wish to taste blood again.~ the familiar voice echoed in her head. “You’ll have to wait, Enserric. Quiet, we're almost there. I'm taking a break and then we can continue hunting again.” Lux replied. Stray, windblown strands of her russet hair caught in the buckles of her epaulets and she winced, pulling them back. The chain leggings under her knee-high boots pinched her skin. Her blade groaned impatiently in her head. Ignore it. An unfamiliar scent ravaged her nostrils. Smoke and burning. She wrinkled her nose and looked around, she had neared her destination, the village of Balhoumere. But the village was different from the last time she had seen it, when they dragged her from her occasional wandering trips. But this time, the village had been ransacked, houses and shops were destroyed and set ablaze. She strolled through the village, looking around with wide, gray eyes, like she always had. She stopped and looked up at the town’s inn. It was in shambles and burnt to the ground, the bartender sweeping ashes frantically with his broom. A group of officials were already here, inspecting the ruin. Her heart dropped. She felt her whole trip wasted. Now they were going to come and find her out in the open, and bring her back. “Unbelievable, where am I supposed to hide for the night?” she said under her breath. Her sword laughed and she smacked the blade with her fist. ~Uncalled for, mistress.~ they had their fights every now and then. “Shut up.” Lux knelt to the ground and attempted to catch her breath. She was exhausted and uncomfortable. ~Why not ask them whats going on?~ “You know I can’t talk to people.” ~Im a person.~ “I don’t know, it’s different with you. Now shut up, I said.” Enserric fell reluctantly silent in her head as she stood. One of the soldiers turned around and noticed her staring up at the inn. She froze, he was going to speak to her, most likely a question, and she would have to answer or look suspicious… “Excuse me, ma’am? Have you seen anyone around here that might or could have done this?” he asked. She shook her head ‘no’, meekly, in response. It was good enough for him, for he turned around and began conversing with his group. ~Wimp.~ she punched her sword again. In need of a title and I'm not stuck yet, thats just all I'm going to put down so far.
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Participated Roleplays: Legend of Zelda: Joined Destiny Zombie Survival: Charshire Three Wings guild: part I - Sky Wolf Pack Battle Last edited by Ninaura : 06-05-2008 at 11:45 AM. 
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06-04-2008
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It isn't too bad actually, I have the prologue to my novel idea in the gallery as well, to love thee father it's called, romance angsty novel idea lol.
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06-05-2008
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Nice narrative! I like where you're going. However, we've got some SPAG issues.
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All in all, interesting stuff! Keep going, keep going.
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I'm just a guy who's ill at ease and only knows how to write. http://roleplayerguild.com/f14/tuesd...e-rp-ooc-6494/ Tuesday of the Dead! Zombies! It's advanced! The goggles, they do nothing!
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06-05-2008
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Ive read yours, Kilana, Im pretty impressed with all of that. And, Bonkutsu, Ill add in those apostrphes, Ill always leave those out : / "Ignore it. " was a statement, it wasnt in dialogue. And "~~" signalizes thoughts and the swords dialogue, not spoken words. And I dont really have this in chapter format yet, Im just putting down what comes to me and then posting it here. Ill group chapters together as I see fit. Still needs a title. Ill probably have that figured out when I write more.
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Participated Roleplays: Legend of Zelda: Joined Destiny Zombie Survival: Charshire Three Wings guild: part I - Sky Wolf Pack Battle Last edited by Ninaura : 06-05-2008 at 12:10 PM.
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06-05-2008
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This is the next bit Ive written so far, it needs some editing. I didnt have enough time to write better than this:
Lux backed away from the scene and walked off, keeping a continuous, repeated path as she searched for somewhere to rest. The heat was almost unbearable and dust and dirt whipped at her face. She let out an annoyed groan and grabbed the hilt of her sword for support. ~Easy, there, I have feelings, you know.~ Enserric groaned “Help me look, don’t just sit there and be baggage.” Lux snapped at him. Her wide-eyed gaze darted around the village in search of any vacant house, any back-up inn, tavern, and the like. She wasn’t watching the ground, and her foot caught on a rock, sending her flying forward towards the ground. She grunted with the impact and quickly forced herself up to her knees, brushing the dirt and rock shards from her thick, leather breastplate. She looked around for anyone who might have seen. Eyes were everywhere, way too many of them for her to handle. She brought her legs close to her chest and wrapped her arms around herself, whimpering. ~Mistress..? Get out of there!~ Lux drover the heels of her boots into the ground and pushed herself back against the wall, hiding her head in her lap and trembled violently. “Look away!”, she shouted, “Stop watching me!” Mothers shielded their children’s eyes, the rude pointed and laughed, others called their friends to come watch the scene. Lux froze. ~Move!~ Enserric urged. She couldn’t. The door of the house she was huddled by had swung open. The person who owned it was most likely annoyed with the raucous laughter and jeers coming from outside its home. It was a man, appearing to be a few years older than Lux herself. He tossed a bucket filled to its brim with icy water at the crowd. “Get the hell away from here!” he shouted. They backed away from the splashes, and a boy stepped forward, pointing at Lux. The man hung on his door and turned around to look at her. She pulled herself closer and shifted away from their stares. “She’s a psychopath, Arentil! Look!” the boy jeered. ~Let me at him, mistress.~ Enserric growled, still not getting a response, ~Are you there?~ She nodded in response to her blade, but the others looked on her, confused. They didn’t ask her anything, why was she nodding? Arentil, the proprietor of the house, shoo’ed the others away from her. They groaned and walked off. He walked over to her and knelt about a foot away from her, holding out a helping hand. “Jackals.”, he muttered, “Miss… are you alright?” She would not respond. Enserric groaned in her head, ~Mistress, I think I’ll trust this one. He is not laughing or throwing anything at you, and he does not look the same as them.~ Lux lifted her head slowly and eyed the man attempting to help her, “He’s alright, I guess.”, she said aloud, to her blade. Arentil gave her a questioning look, “Who… is?”, Lux nodded at him, “Me?” She nodded again, and her sword laughed, “Well sure I am. Let me help you. You must be tired, I haven’t seen you around here, meaning you have traveled a long way. Come inside, I’ll give you a place for the day. And something to drink, too. Dehydration kills.” ~Take the offer, Lux.~ She laughed lightly and took his hand, after hesitating for at least a minute. He heaved her up and led her inside, “There is a couch over there.”, he pointed to a room past the front doors hallway. Lux nodded meekly and strode past him, eyeing the several chairs and couches Arentil owned. She took liking to a simple, Oakwood rocking chair with a single, embroidered pillow in its seat. It was simple and suited her well enough, and she eased herself onto it, pushing the chair on its curved feet. It was soothing. “Strange girl.” Arentil said under his breath, grabbing a glass from his cabinet and filling it with water.
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Participated Roleplays: Legend of Zelda: Joined Destiny Zombie Survival: Charshire Three Wings guild: part I - Sky Wolf Pack Battle
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