[Raven and Julia] Amuse Your Queen, Joker

Joker laughed and combed his hair back, smiling at his reflection. He looked over at Harley Quinn, presenting himself, knowing that her simple mind would stroke his ego nicely.

"Gosh, Mistah J..." Harley gasped and looked him over, as she did almost daily, "You sure look nice..." Joker smiled and laughed, pleased that Harley still thought as highly of him as he did. "Do ya think you can get batbrain today, Mistah J?" she asked, walking up to him in a cute manner as he laughed his evil laugh.

"Oh, Harley, my dear, I can do anything!" Joker chuckled and then turned sharply away from her, ignoring her attempts at a hug. He was becoming bored of Harley, and even though she was still simple minded, she was becoming no more than a tool for him to use. Descending the stairs, Joker looked around at his beautiful chemicals and ingredients for his bombs.

"Hey Mistah J?" Harley called, looping her arms around his shoulders as he sat down. "What happens if I stop tellin' ya that you're handsome?"

Feeling something boil in his gut, Joker glared at Harley. "It's simple, my dear. You will end up with one of the pretty little bombs in your mouth, tied to the railroad tracks!" he growled, the pitch of his voice changing throughout his sentences. He watched as Harley's eyes filled with fear and her arms unlooped from his shoulders.

"Sorry Mistah J..." she whispered and sat down, watching as he began to tinker with his bombs.

Wow, what a nut-case.

The crouching femme fatal was tempted to stay on her perch, simply watching these two move about for a few more hours. She’d managed to sneak onto the rafters of their not-so-secret hideout a few minutes ago and kept perfectly still while the couple of the year had their little threating fight down below. Poor girl was hooked badly on the psychotic clown, hooked as bad as the fishing hook stuck in a trout’s upper lip. By the look of it, it seemed like the fishermen wasn’t about to let her go anytime soon either. Seemed Laurel wanted to keep Hardy around to abuse them all that much more. It almost made Max want to extend an exit door to the girl…almost.

She brought it on herself, she thought, finally deciding that now was better than never. One had to be a little crazy to attempt thievery from the clown prince of crime, as crazy as their target, but that was exactly what Mad-Max, the Queen of Hearts, expected to do. The Joker, or maybe Harley, had acquired a St. Valentine ruby from the jewelry museum, one of the more rare grades of ruby to be found. With any luck it would be going home with her tonight.

Adjusting her mask she turned her head towards the large vault in the corner. She needed them out of the room, and was thinking of a pretty proverbial distraction. She moved her wrist in a circular motion, producing a small round ball from her suit. She smirked, eyeing the smoke bomb with devilish delight. With a quick toss, she threw the little contraption down a nearby air shoot leading directly to the upstairs room. It landed just upstairs and, with a loud crash, exploded, filling the whole room up with a bad smelling smoke.

The queen of hearts grinned, and cat-crawled over to one of the many beams, ready to slide down.

"Mistah J?! What's going on?!" Harley squealed and looked around. Smiling and laughing, Joker inhaled the scent strongly and climbed onto the table from which he was working, eyeing the rafters above.

"Someone here likes BOMBS!!!" he giggled. "But there is nothing here to take, which confuses me!" he cried and jumped down from the table as the smell from the bomb filled his nostrils. He began to ignore Harley's fearful cries, and searched for the culprit of the smokey odor. He opened the windows as he passed them, watching as the smoke cleared.

"Come out, come out, where ever you are...!" he called in a creepy, childlike manner. "I only wanna play!"

"Mistah J, I don't think they wanna play..."

"Hush Harley!" Joker snapped and pulled his gun out of his pocket. "Of course they wanna play!"

Watching the two fly to her smoke trap, Max grabbed the beam and slid down soundlessly to the floor, landing on her heels. Yet another glance around, just in case someone got nosey, and made a dash for the vault at the end of the room. If they were keeping the ruby anywhere, valuable and fragile as it was, it had to be here. Pressing an ear to the stainless steel, she moved the dial around, hearing everything click into place as best as it could. Finally finding what seemed like the proper combination, she attempted to open the lock.

She was greeted with the dial attempting to punch her in the face. She managed to dodge just before the knob popped off, the Joker’s laugh filling the room on some kind of record. She swore once, redialed the lock and hit the door hard, popping it open just by the sheer force on the tumblers. She threw the door open, and did indeed spot the rare jewel. She snatched it, quickly stuffing the jewel in her costume before exiting the vault.

Before she could reach the pillar again, the original inhabitants returned to the room. She smild oddly at the two, shrugging her shoulders in a clueless manor.

“Well I see Larry and moe, where’s curly Joe?” she taunted.

Joker burst out into an amused laugh and approached the woman whom stood in his vault. She had made a rather funny joke in his opinion, but she obviously wasn't the joking type. He stepped forward, pushing Harley back and bowing while he was still laughing.

"That's a good one!" he giggled. "Now you wanna hear one?" he asked, and flicked his wrist up, revealing the ruby in which she thought to have stolen. "You're sneaky!" he said and started laughing harder. "That's the best joke ever! That you're sneaky! Get it?!"

The sight of the ruby in his hands made panic initially rise up in the thieves chest. For all she knew, the one currently resting against her skin could have been a poison dart, containing some kind of needle with some kind of deadly toxin. In a rush she reached back in and let the fake gem fall on the ground. Thankfully, it only seemed to be plastic. That emergency over, she turned to the laughing killer-clown in front of her, who didn’t seem to be acting too murderous, but that could change on a dime. An exit was sorely needed.

“Ha ha ha…” she said, sarcasm dripping in her voice as she managed to step to the left, backing up just a little bit. If she could just get back to that pillar she could climb back up to the roof, and have at least some shot of getting out, ruby or not.

“So what now then?” she said, attempting to distract him, “Acidic flower? Or are we going to get creative and tie me to the floor with a slow growing bamboo shoot? Saw that one on tv…”

Harley made a grab as the thief drew closer. Max ducked, avoiding the grip, but ended up hitting the wall. She swore to herself over her bad luck, and turned to face what should have been their victims. Seemed like today was the last heist after all.

“Ah well…” she muttered, almost resigned, “Mother was right after all; shiny things can kill.”

"Harley! Don't attack our guest!" Joker snapped at her, his manner flip flopping to hateful disgust. "Go, get her something to drink!" he barked, looming over the frightened Harley Quinn. She nodded quickly.

"You got it Mistah J! I'm on it!" she told him and darted down the hallway into the kitchen. As she did, Joker turned back to the woman and smiled his Joker's smile, showing off his straight and hauntingly white teeth. He knew what she was here for, but she was entertaining. A refreshing change from Harley's simple, unquestioning ways.

"You're fun," he told the woman as Harley returned with a bubbling green beverage. "I would like to know more about you... Tell me, who are you?" he purred. Harley's heart dropped.

'Mistah J don't like me no more...' she thought and set the beverage on the nearby table.

"Please, come and sit down!" he laughed.

The drink could have been poison for all she knew, one bubbling sip away from falling down the dark tunnel of no return. But something about the manner in which he was inviting her over was odd, not suggesting he was going to murder her in her sleep. She had to act controlled anyway, considering showing any signs of fear would just feed his hold on her. She relaxed her posture, slipping into something more sensual before she sauntered over, arms resting over her chest.


“A drink that looks like something out of a Halloween movie, a criminal famous for creative murder and an invitation to chat.” She finished, taking a seat, “I don’t know if I’m flirting with death or buying it dinner.”

She gave a makeshift bow, “Queen of Hearts, crook, caught, and currently at your mercy.”

Which she doubted was going to show up, really. She eyed the green drink warily before sliding it over. She had built up a resistance to most poisons, since she needed to be able to ingest it if necessary, but this still looked suspicious. She decided to take the plunge and took a sip.

"Flirting my dear!" Joker giggled and took a swig of the bubbly liquid, tossing his head back with the intensity of the drink. "That tastes delectable!" he laughed and then stopped his cackling to look at Harley. "Would you bring out some of my toys? I wanna show them off!" he said, looking at her. She nodded and walked over to the table.

"Queen of Hearts?" he whispered, wringing his hands together. "I've never heard of you..." he continued then began to pace. All of his odd behaviors were simply the result of his madness. "Oh you must be good... Batman hasn't caught you! That's good..." he explained then looked up sharply at Harley.

"I got your toys Mistah J!" she giggled then ran her hand down his arm, in which he quickly pulled from.

"Harley... do I need to use a toy?"

"No Mistah J..."

A toy? There was something inertly dirty about that, but she suspected it was something far less nice. The fact that his assistant looked utterly terrified, if a bit sad, was enough to make the female criminal feel a little sad. Must not have been a very fulfilling relationship.

“Oh I’ve tussled with the man dressed like a giant rodent a few times,…” she said, dragging her finger over the rim of the class, getting the crystal to let out a faint chime. She’d only gotten away purely because she focused more on escape, less on injuring her pursuer.

“It doesn’t surprise me,” she said, in reference to his previous comment, “I’ve only hit a few museums now; love god fertility idol, million dollar heart shaped diamond, nothing special. I don’t have as…famous of a style as you do I suppose.”

She finally took her eyes back up, realizing that this clown was not going to end her life. And, even if he was, it wasn’t going to be the quick and painless way she would prefer. Considering escape was such a long-distant option at this point, she had resigned herself to relaxing, crossing a leg over the other, making her leather suit hug at her hips and chest.