They call me crazy
It was that time again. The time for Henry to be let out of his room of pillow walls and protective surfaces. He looked forward to this each day, being let out and being able to talk to someone, even if this someone was a shrink. They opened the door to his room and two guards escorted him out if his room. Henry was not know for being nice to controlling people and nobody would take the chance of getting any kind of restraints on him, so he was allowed to walk without and sort of jackets or handcuffs. When Henry reached the shrinks office he sat down in the chair and looked at the shrink get ready to try getting the crazy out of him once more. "You know that everybody except you have given me up right?" Henry said scratching his neck and smiling. "Henry just run away from here" Henry heard a voice said to him. "no I don't want to... I am dangerous for outsider" he replied to it. These voices always made him a bit frighten, but they always went away after sometime, just to come back later.
Tanner flipped through the countless pages of the ever growing thick file for Henry. The others have washed their hands of him and only suggested heavy medications to keep the boy from hurting himself and others. Very few long complicated titles for Henry's condition were never really the same, most were just pathetic guesses from over worked and uncaring coworkers. He leaned back on his chair and let out a breath glancing at the clock on the wall. His mind ticking over all he had seen of Henry through personal, taped and written experiences. There was hope for Henry, he just needed the right triggers to help all those things to be beaten. There was always hope.
He swept over his desk to ensure everything dangerous was behind lock, he left only a pencil and paper to take notes. One last slow sweep to ensure all was safe before the door opened and his patient entered with the orderlies. He smiled at the announcement, Henry's brain was sharp as a whip it was the rest of it that stood on shaky ground.
Tanner didn't make a move at the one sided conversation. "How are you feeling today, Henry?" It was a standard opener which he always used it helped him know which direction they needed to go in that session.
"Tanner you know what the definition of crazy is right?" Henry said as he just looked past opener from Tanner. "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" Henry had a smile on his face. Tanner had asked him that question many times and he had got the same answer each time. "You know that I feel dangerous"
Henry was shifting back nervously in his chair, his hands intertwined with each other repeatedly as he fringed with them. He looked around in the room, never settling his eyes on just one object. He was trying to relax, but he just could not do it. He was just waiting for the voices to come back, but it didn't and that kinda scared him. When they came they usually stayed for a while and did not leave before he had a long chat with them, but they did not do it this time.
Henry shock his head and tried to calm down a focus on his appointment. Henry forced himself to stop intertwine his hands, but he just ended up taking them apart then clenching both of them for a few seconds before he went back to intertwining them "So Tanner what do you want to try today?"
"Hmm," Tanner hummed. "I thought that was the circle of chaos." He tapped the eraser on his lips. "Why do you feel dangerous?" He never really got a good answer to that question, he had seen Henry go off the deep end during those 'dangerous' times. He had a feeling it was those would be the answers that led them closer to understanding what made Henry ticked.
He put his pencil down watching the fidgeting of his patient. He was agitated and it was unnerving to see this young kid that way. He really wish he could just open up Henry's mind and read what was going on in there. Of course, that might send him into his own crazy state. He leaned forward on his elbows. "I thought we could talk about something off topic today," he said. "Perhaps art or music. Tell me something that you enjoy doing that makes you feel comfortable."
"Makes me feel comfortable?" Henry asked back. Nobody had ever asked him what he liked to do or what he did to enjoy himself. He actually had to think about it, he just never thought about it. He felt like he was put into a corner and that he had to find a good answer to this question. Biting his nails and mumbling to himself did not help so he just said to first thing that came to his mind. "I guess reading, but they don't let me do that anymore after that one incident" Henry said as he looked at Tanner. Henry's mind flashed back to the last time he held a book in his hands.
A copy of the book The Amulet of Samarkand was in his hands. It had magic, demons and all sorts of other unnatural things. He had a weak memory of someone or something talking to him and then the next thing he remembers is strange symbols all around the walls. The worst one was a pentagram made in his own blood. Henry felt afraid of himself after he had remembered what he had done, his heart was beating fast and it felt like someone had beat the breath out of him.
"Tanner?" Henry said with a low shacking voice. "Do you maybe think I could.... have my books back?"
Tanner remembered vaguely about Henry having a fit about symbols on the wall. He didn't recall what books was allowed to the patient whatever he had been reading it had upset him a great deal. He flipped mental notes of a list of books that Henry might have read in this facility. Adventures of Carebears, all sorts of Dr. Seuss and other such children books. All were light hearted with a happy ending. Nothing that would cause such an episode.
He leaned forward, he didn't like the way Henry was shaking or the shallow breathing. His gaze went to the orderly near the wall before he returned his full attention to the patient. Books didn't seem like a good idea, he was hoping for some painting or drawing. That was the best way to get things that were stuck in the brain on paper. Something they could talk about and bring some issues to light. "You are shaking pretty hard. Something scared you. What was it?"
"No nothing scared me. I am totally fine" Henry was a terrible at telling lies, you could hear it in his voice and the fact that he was shacking even before he began talking made that very clear. What scared Henry was that he remembered just what he had done do make that pentagram. He had cut his own wrist and almost severed the a couple of important veins, the worst part was that he could remember himself smile as he did it. "Look at what you did kid, look how stupid you are" a voice said to Henry.
Henry took a quick over at Tanner. Henry's eyes where full of fright and he looked like had seen a really good horror movie. "What are you looking at him for? he cant help you get rid of us" It seemed to Henry like someone was whispering it to him and the person was standing right behind him. Henry looked around the room. He never let his eyes rest on one area before he looked over to the next. "Tanner, the voices are back"
Tanner felt his heart fall to the floor, the agitation of talking about the books had made him jump back into his old ways to cope with the fears in his head. He had hoped just once Henry would pull the voices card and they would get somewhere. He felt a pinch behind his eyes and a dull ache in the back of his skull. He kept his face neutral.
"They are back? What brought them back?" He wondered if the link was there between the voices and his unrest. Something had to make sense, as long as Henry was calm he seemed to be alright. Any hint of strong emotion rebelled into the voices. This was going to be a long session.
"I don't know. I don't know. I don't know" Henry said rapidly. Henry used his hands to cover his ears, but that did not help at all. He was rocking back and forth in the chair. "Oh you know what did Henry. Oh you know very well" the voices said. "No I don't want to remember....I just don't want to" but it was far to late for that. He saw himself as a kid reading a book and when he heard a loud crack and the memory ended. "I think the books made them come back" said as he heard nothing. It was quiet again, he felt better, he felt lighter.
Tanner's palms rested on the top of the desk he froze half way when Henry was rocking, his own heart racing with fear. He mentally willed Henry to snap out of it. Then control seemed to return to his patient he slowly sat down as the comment was made. Books and the voices were connected? He made a note about books, hoping he could talk to some of Henry's family to see what they knew about books in the child's history.
"I think we will leave that subject right now, okay, Henry? You did very well, Henry. That was very good. I am very proud of you." He smiled at Henry glad to see things were better. It was a hard thing to pull one self out of those vacuuming memories, he had seen patients go into screaming fits unable to snap out of what they saw but couldn't voice properly. "Do you want to end the session or do you want to continue?"