You guys are probably sick of my bitching, so this'll be it.

The only advice I can really give is you need to find a way to limit their means of control over you if you want to be independent of them. If finance is something they bring up then take a job you want to take, it's unlikely they'll cut you off immediately but save in the meantime in case. If it's accomodation then see if you can't stay at a friends house. If it's transport then think about where you actually need to get to, if it's short distances a bike or further a bus pass. That's really only the practical side of things but once it's sorted you can focus on the emotional side which is more difficult.

On the emotional side of things you need to figure out what about their behaviour is affecting you the worst and tell them, obviously they aren't going to change immediately so you need to cut of contact until they do. This probably seems harsh but it is not the child's responsibility to account for the parents behaviour and if their influence does more harm than good you are better of distancing yourself from them. To do this you may massively reduce your funds which will put off some of your plans but in my experience asserting your independence is very important and it sounds doubly so to your situation. Plans on the otherhand can wait, I have friends who are studying after starting families so it's not impossible to do them later and the reality is some people just get a bum hand in life. You're immediate reaction to this will probably be to find reasons not to but I really think you need to find ways to do this because otherwise nothing will change with your situation.

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Originally Posted by Taaja Hart

My parents, I don't even know where to begin. I'm "selfish" and a "hindrance" because I'm going to school and planning to take a class abroad, which (gasp) costs money and shit, apparently. They're also furious because I don't want to work at a summer church camp. I think I've described my reasoning for this before, since it interferes with a very important paper I have to write after coming back from the class abroad. They're absolutely certain that I won't be able to get any other job than that. My mother so kindly pointed out today "well at least McDonald's hires all the time." Thanks for that support, mother. Your motherly sensitivities astound me.

Not only that now, but it's suddenly my fault that I'll have traveling costs to get home for my sister's wedding this summer. I know, I'm confused, too.

What scares me the most is how much they can get inside my head, and make me believe that all of this really is my fault, and that I'm causing the family irrevocable damage just by being a part of it. It scares me that they can make me think seriously about canceling a trip abroad that I've been dreaming about since I was 9, and that they can make me believe that I'm a pile of shit, and not worth a thing unless I adhere to their agenda.

That's all. I don't really know where I'm going anymore, and all of this probably seems like "middle class american white girl" problems to you, so. Y'know.

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I would just say try to do what you want, without completely cutting ties with your family. Because I know how easy it is for people to tell you to say fuck it and "do what you want". When it comes to family it isn't that easy.


Don't however cancel your trip abroad. You have to stand your ground on everything you really want in life. As someone who also wants to go abroad next summer and again for a semester in a couple years, I know that if I were to change my plans and live according to what my parents tell me to do. I would end up working for minimum wage my whole life, living at home and supporting the rest of my family. If I did what people wanted and I didn't fight for what I want. My best advice would to be firm but not aggressive, aggression will get you nowhere. Maybe if possible try and find a compromise. For example, I originally wanted to spend my whole undergrad abroad, and for a while my mom and I argued about it. But then we settled on a compromise that I would be allowed to go and visit next summer and then spend a semester there. She even tells me now that if I decided to move out of the country once I was done school. She would be fine with that.


Compromise and firmness is key with parents, and my mom is a lot like your parents seem to be. At least from what I've heard you talk about and such. It isn't easy, and you might not even want to take my advice because lolI'm16 or whatever. But it worked for me and it couldn't hurt to at least consider. Also, who cares if it is considered "first world white girl problems". The people that try to downgrade your problems because their problems might seem worse, are just idiots and not worth your time. I wish you the best of luck with everything, hopefully you can sort it out.

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Originally Posted by Azarthes

Now.
I know this might be a little unorthodox.
But have you ever considered killing your family and self?

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Take several seats.

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Originally Posted by Sophistikit

Take several seats.

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Do they stack or do I have to take them 1 by 1?

Look, I've met people like this before, Taaj, they're impossible to talk to and reason with so don't even try. You've been trying your whole life, you're exhausting yourself worrying about it. Try your best to ignore them until you're in a situation again where they're not in your face 24/7 and you can think freely, don't let them pressure you into living at home or taking a job near them; you know what makes you happy and what you want to do. One good idea might be to make a list of those things and write beside each a message to yourself about why so when you start to doubt, you essentially have yourself to talk you back down. The only way you can show them is to shove your future success in their faces. I know how shitty and hard it is to try and block out the people who are supposed to be supporting and encouraging you when they do the opposite, but you'll regret it a thousand times more if you listen to their bullshit on the off chance it'll make them accept you more.

In the end they're your family and they should love you no matter what you choose to do, and if they don't and can't respect your choices, to be completely honest you don't have to respect theirs either.

<3

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Originally Posted by Azarthes

Do they stack or do I have to take them 1 by 1?

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Cut yourself into pieces and place one chunk of meat on each. On second thought this requires a buddy system, I'll send Hank over.

I'll leave the porch light on for him.
Would it be considerate for him to slice me up, or should I slice myself into piece and hand it to him?

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Originally Posted by Azarthes

I'll leave the porch light on for him.
Would it be considerate for him to slice me up, or should I slice myself into piece and hand it to him?

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It's Hank, if he's not doing the slicing, what's the point?

I'll just ask Hank to be sure.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sophistikit

Look, I've met people like this before, Taaj, they're impossible to talk to and reason with so don't even try. You've been trying your whole life, you're exhausting yourself worrying about it. Try your best to ignore them until you're in a situation again where they're not in your face 24/7 and you can think freely, don't let them pressure you into living at home or taking a job near them; you know what makes you happy and what you want to do. One good idea might be to make a list of those things and write beside each a message to yourself about why so when you start to doubt, you essentially have yourself to talk you back down. The only way you can show them is to shove your future success in their faces. I know how shitty and hard it is to try and block out the people who are supposed to be supporting and encouraging you when they do the opposite, but you'll regret it a thousand times more if you listen to their bullshit on the off chance it'll make them accept you more.

In the end they're your family and they should love you no matter what you choose to do, and if they don't and can't respect your choices, to be completely honest you don't have to respect theirs either.

<3

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Basically, this.

Taaj, at the end of the day, it's your life. Do what makes you happy because it's all too short as it is.

Become an assassin

Kill bitches get money