Could Use Some Advice
Hey Spammers. I know that some of you are actually really fantastic advice givers, so I'm going to leave this here in hopes someone can help me. I'm having a hard time. I know it is lengthy, but please give it some thought if you have the time.
My boyfriend and I have been together since middle school (barring a short break in 10th grade). We are now going into our senior year of college. My boyfriend spent two years at a community college to get his basics. I went straight to a four year university. This time last year, my boyfriend was accepted to the same university.
He went into the engineering program, and did terribly. He failed most of his math classes, and some he went on to fail two more times. I kept asking him, is engineering really where you want to be? He kept saying yes.
At the end of last semester, his GPA fell below a 2.0. He didn't even get enough credits to move from sophomore to junior. The university put him on probation, and he was kicked from the college of engineering. He tried to retake his math class, to get back into the college and raise his GPA, but he failed it. Now not only has he been kicked from the college of engineering, and informed that he should not reapply, he was dropped from the university for a year. He will try to appeal it, but I have little hope.
I'm having a very hard time with this. I've been pushing him and pushing him, but he just won't improve. He blames the professor, the school, the work, and occasionally, he admits he isn't trying hard enough. I'll be the first to say he does come from a family of lazy, apathetic people who don't work and live off of disability. They have never gone to college. But I expected more of him.
My parents are growing pretty turned off by his behavior, and I'm really annoyed myself. He keeps talking about how all he wants is to graduate, but then he won't put in the work to do so.
I know there is only so much that I can do, and he has to choose for himself, but all he talks about is being an engineer. I recommend other majors, and even after he knows he cannot study engineering at this university, he won't even talk about it.
How do I find the balance between being supportive and being realistic? Is there anything that I can do in this situation at all? Has anyone been through something similar? I'm just all over the place right now. :\
You gotta walk up to him, lean in really close and whisper.
"Follow your dreams Simba, follow your dreams"
Milky cornflakes now cover my computer screen. Thanks a lot. :tear:
Originally Posted by Myyt
Tell him straight. Engineering is a tough and if he doesn't want to put up with the math then he should try some other major. Plain and simple. I'm quite surprised his persistence in trying to become an Engineer after taking heavy hits from his math classes. I took the hint right away and got out of Engineering because I just didn't like doing math so my grade wasn't exactly top.
I'm sure I can come up with some great advice, but I think I'm still a bit haggard from my no sleep nuzlocke thing.
This sounds like something that can be solved with introspection. I think you might need to let him stew in it a little.
If you leave him alone about it, he'll only be left with himself to talk to about it, and he'll discover what he really wants and whether or not it's feasible. I know from experience that when other people are telling you to pick a certain decision in a very difficult situation, you lean towards the other decision. Off topic: I think it's because if we can convince someone else that we're right, we can get validation for one choice, and we then we can feel allowed to pick that choice, and a little like someone else got to make it for us. That's what happens when you're indecisive or you can't decide between two things in my experience. If you leave him alone about it, he'll have to pick one, and he won't have anyone for validation or opposition. I think he'll have to be honest with himself.
That's just what I think. I wouldn't put too much weight on it.
Slap him with reality and, if he can't accept that, then you have to accept that he's in denial and there's very little you'll be able to do to make him change that.
The reality of the situation is that he's chosen a very tough major -- it's one that requires a lot of hard work and is a very demanding field. The issue isn't with the professors because other students aside from him are being presented with the same material and they're not having the problems that he is. All of his professors can't be problematic because the odds are simply against a college having nothing but shitty teachers. So, what's the common factor that threads all his problems together?
If he's the issue, then he needs to figure out how he has to resolve the problem.. If his issue is not working hard enough, then he needs to put in more effort. If the problem is that the scope of the information simply eludes him, then maybe the major simply isn't a good fit and he needs to be honest with himself about that, regardless of his dream.
He should ask himself why he really wants to do this paricular field so badly -- is it because most engineers make a lot of money? Is it an ego thing because it's a very respected field? Does he just dream of building things? He should figure out why he truly wants to delve into this particular field so much and then weigh out that against how much work he's willing to put in. If it's about money, there are plenty of fields that are equally lucrative.. If he just has a passion for building things, has he ever considered environment/game development? (He'd get to create all kinds of things, but without the crucial math classes that engineering requires.)
If he can't get his rear in gear about fixing such a serious issue, the it's likely that the trend will continue throughout his life. It might just be the way he is. (Some people just never figure out how to light a fire under their asses and that just the way they are.) If he can't figure this issue out, you have to weigh how willing you are to be tied to someone like that. (Because, if you start talking about things like marriage, his issues will then become yours -- daily problems he can't deal with will get set on your plate, finances/assets become shared, unless there's a prenup, and he has the potential to drag you down into ruin with him.. And he might not even realize he's doing it.)
It's a hard situation to deal with, but you can't really fix any of it. Much like his professors, you can only present him with the information.. He's the one one who has to process it and then decide what to do with it.
Okay, good, Holmes did it for me.
Originally Posted by Sherlock Holmes
How many of these gifs are of your creation, and how many do you actually dig up from other sources?
Originally Posted by Sherlock Holmes