Reply With QuoteDefinitely to put in paragraphs.... I can't read your story there honey. Please separate in to paragraphs as the scene or idea or situation changes.
I wrote this fairly easily, and quickly, so please excuse typos. I want to potentially make this a RP or a story, and if possible, I would love your opinion on it, good or bad, any help is extremely appreciated! Thanks you!
The year is 144 of the 10th Era in the Second Age. But the age is ending. The age of magic is coming to an end, and the age of steel is arising. Since the beginning, magic was the only form of weaponry, and was a carefully guarded secret meant only for, ‘The Chosen’. The Chosen were those who were born under the sign of The Eye, a rare constellation that appeared rarely and only to some families. The Chosen were raised as the better members of society, as the ultimate nobles, save the King. The Chosen protected the Kingdom’s borders, and worked as the only doctors. For three looong eras The Chosen were gracious and good, and made life better for the citizens of The Kingdom. Life was good. Until one day. The day The Council was formed. The Council was the seven counselors of the King, all of whom had conspired to coerce and fool the King into letting them form a group of just they seven in the fourth era. The group wrote their doctrine that stated they were to be given all power, as long as the decisions were unanimous. This included having control over The Chosen and all of their actions. The King, arrogant with his power, signed the approval to form The Council, foolishly believing that this Council would never dare cross him. They did. But they did so slowly and in secret, still wary of the King and some of his more powerful friends and associates. For five eras, (spanning the course of over 2500 years) The Council slowly developed their plans, and poisoned the mind of The King to dispose of any one or any groups that could throw a wrench in their plans. The Council of course was not the same people for three and a half millennia, but the children of the Council members before them, keeping power in the families. So, for all these eras, The Council came closer to fruition of their plan. Finally in the year 137 of the Ninth Era, the Council staged a coup that lasted only two days. Having gradually reduced the king’s power over the years, they slaughtered him and the most loyal members of his court. And finally, they unleashed the full might of The Chosen on the civilians who would not bow. While working on their plans, the Council had manipulated and twisted The Chosen into believing that they and The Council were better and more deserving of life than all others. For two years The Chosen and Council ravaged the land of Aztaria, wiping out all those who withstood, since there were no warriors or fighters in Aztaria, just The Chosen. But of course, some resisted. Blacksmiths who had forged metal for buildings and carts, and other items of need, and who resisted the Council, began to look in history for the methods to forge weapons and armor. So the meager resistance fled to the Whaleback Mountains in the far north of Aztaria, too far for The Council to reach to. So for an era (lasting 352 years) the Resistance hid and The Council grew in power and influence, using the nearly-unstoppable Chosen to wipe out all surrounding small countries, as to gain more land and resources, and wipe out any possible enemies, which was ridiculous, as no other country had warriors or weapons, as peace was, until now, very widespread. But in the year of 120 9th Era, one Council member began to doubt wheather what The Council was doing was right. So seven years later, along with three Chosen, he fled northward to the Whaleback Mountains to find the Resistance. What he found shocked him. Inside the largest mountain, Ashtop, a full civilization of thousands of men and women lived together, hiding from the cold hand of The Council. After being accepted, the Council member, and The Chosen ones, were able to teach the Resistance, now named The Force, about The Chosen, and The Council, how to defeat them, and how to fight. Blacksmiths had done much research with the help of scholars to learn how to make weapons and armor from simple ores that were prevalent in the Whalebacks. The Three Chosen decided among themselves not to tutor the children born under The Eye, as it could lead to much hurt and destruction. However, they wrote all of their combined knowledge into books that they buried far under the mountain, just so magic was never truly lost in case The Chosen were destroyed in the coming war. So, now in the Fourth Era, year 144, the Resistance is powerful and many, ready to strike against The Council, and The Chosen, who were beginning to weaken due to how far they spread over Aztaria and the fact that very few children had been born under The Eye recently, for reason’s unknown. The Council tried to force the Chosen to teach non-Eye children about magic, but they all refused, adamantly stating that magic was for those born correctly. The war will be bloody, long, and devastating, with hundreds of thousands of casualties garaunteed. But this is the last hope to save The Kingdom, and The Force knows. They are lead by the great-grandson of The Council defector, with his three lieutenants the great-grandchildren of the three Chosen members who joined the Force. Prepare. It shall be great and awful.
Thanks to patchworkpassion!
Definitely to put in paragraphs.... I can't read your story there honey. Please separate in to paragraphs as the scene or idea or situation changes.
Signature Created by Myself.
Oh ok, will do!
Thanks to patchworkpassion!
The year is 144 of the 10th Era in the Second Age. But the age is ending. The age of magic is coming to an end, and the age of steel is arising. Since the beginning, magic was the only form of weaponry, and was a carefully guarded secret meant only for, ‘The Chosen’.
The Chosen were those who were born under the sign of The Eye, a rare constellation that appeared rarely and only to some families. The Chosen were raised as the better members of society, as the ultimate nobles, save the King. The Chosen protected the Kingdom’s borders, and worked as the only doctors. For three looong eras The Chosen were gracious and good, and made life better for the citizens of The Kingdom. Life was good. Until one day.
The day The Council was formed. The Council was the seven counselors of the King, all of whom had conspired to coerce and fool the King into letting them form a group of just they seven in the fourth era. The group wrote their doctrine that stated they were to be given all power, as long as the decisions were unanimous. This included having control over The Chosen and all of their actions. The King, arrogant with his power, signed the approval to form The Council, foolishly believing that this Council would never dare cross him. They did. But they did so slowly and in secret, still wary of the King and some of his more powerful friends and associates.
For five eras, (spanning the course of over 2500 years) The Council slowly developed their plans, and poisoned the mind of The King to dispose of any one or any groups that could throw a wrench in their plans. The Council of course was not the same people for three and a half millennia, but the children of the Council members before them, keeping power in the families.
So, for all these eras, The Council came closer to fruition of their plan. Finally in the year 137 of the Ninth Era, the Council staged a coup that lasted only two days. Having gradually reduced the king’s power over the years, they slaughtered him and the most loyal members of his court. And finally, they unleashed the full might of The Chosen on the civilians who would not bow. While working on their plans, the Council had manipulated and twisted The Chosen into believing that they and The Council were better and more deserving of life than all others. For two years The Chosen and Council ravaged the land of Aztaria, wiping out all those who withstood, since there were no warriors or fighters in Aztaria, just The Chosen. But of course, some resisted. Blacksmiths who had forged metal for buildings and carts, and other items of need, and who resisted the Council, began to look in history for the methods to forge weapons and armor. So the meager resistance fled to the Whaleback Mountains in the far north of Aztaria, too far for The Council to reach to.
So for an era (lasting 352 years) the Resistance hid and The Council grew in power and influence, using the nearly-unstoppable Chosen to wipe out all surrounding small countries, as to gain more land and resources, and wipe out any possible enemies, which was ridiculous, as no other country had warriors or weapons, as peace was, until now, very widespread. But in the year of 120 9th Era, one Council member began to doubt wheather what The Council was doing was right. So seven years later, along with three Chosen, he fled northward to the Whaleback Mountains to find the Resistance.
What he found shocked him. Inside the largest mountain, Ashtop, a full civilization of thousands of men and women lived together, hiding from the cold hand of The Council. After being accepted, the Council member, and The Chosen ones, were able to teach the Resistance, (now named The Force), about The Chosen, and The Council, how to defeat them, and how to fight. Blacksmiths had done much research with the help of scholars to learn how to make weapons and armor from simple ores that were prevalent in the Whalebacks.
The Three Chosen decided among themselves not to tutor the children born under The Eye in the Force, as it could lead to much hurt and destruction. However, they wrote all of their combined knowledge into books that they buried far under the mountain, just so magic was never truly lost in case The Chosen were destroyed in the coming war.
So, now in the Fourth Era, year 144, the Force is powerful and many, ready to strike against The Council, and The Chosen, who were beginning to weaken due to how far they spread over Aztaria and the fact that very few children had been born under The Eye recently, for reason’s unknown. The Council tried to force the Chosen to teach non-Eye children about magic, but they all refused, adamantly stating that magic was for those born correctly.
The war will be bloody, long, and devastating, with hundreds of thousands of casualties garaunteed. But this is the last hope to save The Kingdom, and The Force knows. They are lead by the great-grandson of The Council defector, with his three lieutenants the great-grandchildren of the three Chosen members who joined the Force. Prepare. It shall be great and awful.
__________________
Thanks to patchworkpassion!
The year is 144 of the 10th Era in the Second Age. But the age is ending. The age of magic is coming to an end, and the age of steel is arising. Since the beginning, magic was the only form of weaponry, and was a carefully guarded secret meant only for, ‘The Chosen’.
The Chosen were those who were born under the sign of The Eye, a rare constellation that appeared rarely and only to some families. The Chosen were raised as the better members of society, as the ultimate nobles, save the King. The Chosen protected the Kingdom’s borders, and worked as the only doctors. For three looong eras The Chosen were gracious and good, and made life better for the citizens of The Kingdom. Life was good. Until one day.
The day The Council was formed. The Council was the seven counselors of the King, all of whom had conspired to coerce and fool the King into letting them form a group of just they seven in the fourth era. The group wrote their doctrine that stated they were to be given all power, as long as the decisions were unanimous. This included having control over The Chosen and all of their actions. The King, arrogant with his power, signed the approval to form The Council, foolishly believing that this Council would never dare cross him. They did. But they did so slowly and in secret, still wary of the King and some of his more powerful friends and associates.
For five eras, (spanning the course of over 2500 years) The Council slowly developed their plans, and poisoned the mind of The King to dispose of any one or any groups that could throw a wrench in their plans. The Council of course was not the same people for three and a half millennia, but the children of the Council members before them, keeping power in the families.
So, for all these eras, The Council came closer to fruition of their plan. Finally in the year 137 of the Ninth Era, the Council staged a coup that lasted only two days. Having gradually reduced the king’s power over the years, they slaughtered him and the most loyal members of his court. And finally, they unleashed the full might of The Chosen on the civilians who would not bow. While working on their plans, the Council had manipulated and twisted The Chosen into believing that they and The Council were better and more deserving of life than all others. For two years The Chosen and Council ravaged the land of Aztaria, wiping out all those who withstood, since there were no warriors or fighters in Aztaria, just The Chosen.
But of course, some resisted. Blacksmiths who had forged metal for buildings and carts, and other items of need, and who resisted the Council, began to look in history for the methods to forge weapons and armor. So the meager resistance fled to the Whaleback Mountains in the far north of Aztaria, too far for The Council to reach to.
So for an era (lasting 352 years) the Resistance hid and The Council grew in power and influence, using the nearly-unstoppable Chosen to wipe out all surrounding small countries, as to gain more land and resources, and wipe out any possible enemies, which was ridiculous, as no other country had warriors or weapons, as peace was, until now, very widespread. But in the year of 120 9th Era, one Council member began to doubt wheather what The Council was doing was right. So seven years later, along with three Chosen, he fled northward to the Whaleback Mountains to find the Resistance.
What he found shocked him. Inside the largest mountain, Ashtop, a full civilization of thousands of men and women lived together, hiding from the cold hand of The Council. After being accepted, the Council member, and The Chosen ones, were able to teach the Resistance, (now named The Force), about The Chosen, and The Council, how to defeat them, and how to fight. Blacksmiths had done much research with the help of scholars to learn how to make weapons and armor from simple ores that were prevalent in the Whalebacks.
The Three Chosen decided among themselves not to tutor the children born under The Eye in the Force, as it could lead to much hurt and destruction. However, they wrote all of their combined knowledge into books that they buried far under the mountain, just so magic was never truly lost in case The Chosen were destroyed in the coming war.
So, now in the Fourth Era, year 144, the Force is powerful and many, ready to strike against The Council, and The Chosen, who were beginning to weaken due to how far they spread over Aztaria and the fact that very few children had been born under The Eye recently, for reason’s unknown. The Council tried to force the Chosen to teach non-Eye children about magic, but they all refused, adamantly stating that magic was for those born correctly.
The war will be bloody, long, and devastating, with hundreds of thousands of casualties garaunteed. But this is the last hope to save The Kingdom, and The Force knows. They are lead by the great-grandson of The Council defector, with his three lieutenants the great-grandchildren of the three Chosen members who joined the Force. Prepare. It shall be great and awful.
__________________
That's better?
Thanks to patchworkpassion!
I'm reviewing it. I will be making changes too.
Signature Created by Myself.
Awesome! Thank you!
Thanks to patchworkpassion!
Originally Posted by Mister Monday
I colour coded my changes.
Signature Created by Myself.
*raises hand* I'm also willing to provide additional input, in both grammar and content. But do you prefer it here or I'll simply PM you about it?
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