It was Redbread’s tone of voice and the kindness in his words as well as just the sight of Saidah that let the dreaded tension of his feeling of loss slip away. Tiredness and tingles of pain overtook any other emotion. He didn’t feel his wounds, any of them just yet. He just felt as if his energy was bleeding out his feet. He wanted to close his eyes and lay down on the bench.
But Jaymz didn’t want to fall asleep there. Not in the room next to the arena. Not with the next fight beginning soon and the next man crawling in here with his own cuts and broken bones. Instead he just put his head in his hands as if he needed the support to hold it up. He kept his eyes hidden inside the palms of his own fingers.
Jaymz began to speak answering Redbread. “My will to live causes me to lose parts that make me the man I want to be. I was not ready to die. Not at the claws of a beast. It will be a man’s eyes I see when mine fall shut.” He was not sure he could explain killing an animal does not hold the same for him as killing a man. It had nothing to do with which Jaymz felt was better or more advanced. It was more about killing your own kind, your family, your pack. Jaymz snorted slightly at his own thoughts. Look around this place you simpleton. Your own kind eats each other for entertainment. Not mine. These are not mine. Jaymz shook his head realizing everything he believed holds little value here.
“I do not want to be their champion.” He lowered his fingers from his face and looked to Redbread with a bit of strength finally finding its way into his eyes. “But I do not want to die for them either.”