Book. It has no name.

[LillyanaKabal]

This book no longer has errors. The name is being worked on though.

Forenote
This book does not actually have chapters, it simply has numbers at the side for reference and to avoid confusion.


1: Jane sat on the bed, a layer of blood soaked into the sheets and stained them red. It soaked into her clothes and her hair and gathered in a pool around her apart from the few drops that got though the mattress and dripped onto the floor. The blood was caused by her but the reason behind it was her father, a weak pudgy man who was scared of the world and made himself feel big by beating up his daughters and his wife. He did not tell anyone about this however because it was not exactly a thing you bragged about but, it still gave him the satisfaction.

Jane felt cold as the blood from her wrists ran out in a plentiful amount, she had cut her wrists again as a result of her fathers actions, Jane knew he was going to punish her for trying to kill herself but she would cross that bridge when she came to it. It annoyed her that no matter how she cut her wrists or how much blood came out she never passed on, there was several times when she bled so much that a normal person would not have a drop left in their body but she still awoke the next day.

She never knew why she had such a thin frame either, it was not like she was underfed-her father tried but she always got plenty of food to eat, mainly though Eliot’s adventures in the kitchen- but no matter how much she ate she always stayed thin weak, it was like the world was taunting her with a combination of weakness and an inability to die.

The things the unconscious mind thinks of when you are nearly in its grasp are far beyond your own control. You just have to go along with the ride and hope it is not too bad. This time she thought of her second father-not an official father but one who had adopted the mantle none the less- and his Familiar. She thought of the times when Eliot and Silverfang messed around with each other, she thought of times when Eliot cooked a plethora of different foods, she thought of times when she watched a movie using Silverfang or Eliot as a cushion to lay her head on, she remembered times when her sisters, Beth and Nehvna, would come round and they would have a party, she remembered playing card games with her sisters and Eliot. She remembered happy days. It was better than thinking about where she was.

[Kagamine]

Hmmm... >> Well I really don't use the Gallery all too often, do I? But you linked me here and now I have some critique to provide.

So uh, here goes;

Before I start, though, it is clear to me that you posted a rough draft, which was mentioned, but I'm just a bit confused as to why you did that. I understand you lost your more updated version, which is quite a shame, and I understand how that feels, but just going ahead and posting a rough draft is... I dunno. Personally, I would've at least proofread the draft before posting it, and re-added as many revisions as possible because, well... Like you said, some things that I may comment on might already be fixed in the full version, so that makes it harder to critique. :/ I feel like a critique on the version you are most proud of would be much more beneficial than the draft you know isn't as good as the final version.

But, that's just my thoughts on that. Moving on to the real critique;

One thing I noticed about this is that, honestly, it didn't seem to have a good flow of emotion in it. You opened up with this girl, Jane, attempting suicide, which isn't a bad way to open a story, but the problem comes in with the way it transitioned into this exposition. To me, it just doesn't seem like the things that would be going through a girl's mind as their life drains out of them. If you want to include the same sort of background information in your exposition, then I suggest phrasing it differently so that it sounds more like what Jane would be thinking about at the time, and make it all a bit more ambiguous, rather than just re-capping what's been happening in Jane's life up until this point, which seems out of place in the scene. Does that make sense?

Secondly, the ending threw me off a bit. Again, the things going through Jane's mind don't seem to be what you'd expect from a girl in this position. Not only am I sensing little emotion from her, but another odd thing here is that she seems to know exactly what's going to happen after she's dead. How she'll "wake up in the same spot as she left", well how would she know that? No one really knows what's after death and it's a bit surprising that Jane seemed so certain about it. Unless that's how this universe you've sculpted works, of course, where people are sure of what the afterlife is like, but somehow I doubt that. If that is the case, though, it would've been helpful to hint at somewhere. And even before that, back in the first paragraph, how she's expecting that she'll wake up, not dead yet, and her father will punish her for trying to kill herself. How does she know that? If someone tries to kill themselves, they plan to die. They don't plan on being rescued. So to me, I just don't understand why Jane is so certain about these outcomes. Suicide is something I'd expect someone to be more uncertain about. It would seem more realistic if her mind was, I don't know... racing, a bit more at this point. Right now it seems like not much is going on in her mind at all, which goes back to how the description of her sisters and other family members just sounds more like a summary than Jane's thoughts at the time.

tl;dr- All in all, this piece wasn't something I particularly enjoyed, but I think that's just because there wasn't very much emotion to it. I don't feel like I know Jane's thoughts right now or what she's going through. I just can't connect with her at all, really.

This story could get a lot better if there was more emotion behind it, and I think that's really the one thing it's lacking in. Fix that, and the story would sound a lot nicer, I'm sure.

[LillyanaKabal]

Penguin.

[LillyanaKabal]

I have moved it to the top, if I get the 100 views I need for the next chapter I will put it here.

[LillyanaKabal]

I got bored.


2: Extract from Dr. Anybody’s “Understanding Familiars”.
“The existence of familiars has never been denied as they have a very definite form on this plane, they also appear to be undying as, should a Familiar be involved in a fatal incident they will simply re-appear later at their master’s side.

It has been debated that Familiars have a separate dimension that in which they reside while awaiting their master and it may also be where they go to recover from their fatal incident. As Familiars disappear at the death of their master this has given rise to the belief that their is a limited amount of Familiars, however this has been dismissed as the worlds population is growing constantly and so the Familiars would need to observe out planet and make a Familiar every time a child was born on here which would require a constant observation and the instant growth of a Familiar.

The second proposal is that a Familiar is a creation of the subconscious given form and that is the reason why they are so impossible to remove completely, however there are many Familiars that are almost identical and some have heard of or even know other Familiars so this along with there being no notable side effect to the mental health of the owner when the Familiar dies means that this theory has also been rejected.

While we can’t understand how Familiars came to be that does not mean we can’t classify them, Familiars have four different classes, as noted below.

First is the common Familiar that has few abnormal powers and only slight increase in strength over humans these are the easiest to summon making them the majority of the Familiar population.

Second is the uncommon class which are stronger than the common sect and possesses more powers. While being harder to summon they are possible for your first attempt if you have a good enough tutor.

Then there is Rare. Rare possesses a formidable increase of powers and strength over uncommon and some have the ability to manipulate their own bodies for several purposes such as making limbs into tools that fit the situation. They include a shield to guard against damage or a blade to attack the enemy but have a high difficulty rating and failure rate.

On the top of the Familiar hierarchy is the Familiar classed as Very Rare, these are some of the strongest standard Familiars and they possess the highest speed, strength, endurance and collection of powers of all the Familiars, they also have some powers solely unique to them.

There is also a rumour of a class that exceeds all the others, the Legendary Familiar, it is believed that Sean Kabal’s Familiar is not Very Rare but Legendary, this claim has never been proven before since Sean refuses to turn his Familiar for testing, and because his Familiar is, and has been for the past five years, the Worlds Greatest nobody wishes to press the point.”

3: Jane woke up and immediately saw that she was not in her own room, the room she was nowhere in her house which meant that she was in someone else’s house. Jane tried to run though the options of who would be able to get her out of her house and into their own when she saw bandages across her wrists. They looked fresh and they where tied in a way that kept them tight but did not hurt the cuts on her wrist. Feeling extremely confused she laid back on her bed, the way the bandages where wrapped around her wrists looked professionally done.

While thinking about her location she spotted a glass of water. Jane was feeling very thirsty from the blood loss so she stepped off the bed to grab it, her foot landed on something soft and warm as if it was a living rug of some kind. “Ahhhh! Im getting crushed!” The rug shouted, causing Jane to quickly pull her foot back onto the bed, the rug then stood up and revealed that it was not a rug but actually a person with an abundance of fur. “Ohh, I seem to have been sleep-changing” he said, the fur reseeding until it was all gone, the man that was left standing was tall and had broad shoulders that looked like they could carry a lot of weight without much trouble, he also had a goofy smile that never seemed to waver. “Silver!” She shouted in surprise as he clutched his side, Silver’s apperence had told her whose house it was without ever speaking.

“I think your dainty feet broke my ribs” he said, breathing deeply before stretching his other hand out. “I can see the light, I must go towards the light” he said before making looking like he was electrified, he then collapsed and spoke softly “It was a bug zapper” Jane had since realized that she did not actually do anything to him so she laughed, Silverfang was forever the comedian. This caused Silverfang to stand up and bow. “Thank you. Thank you” he said as he blew kisses to an imaginary crowd before turning to Jane with a suddenly serious look to him. “Now, to the serious business” he told Jane.

[LillyanaKabal]

Have more bookness.

4:”....And then I woke up here” Jane told Silverfang as she finished recounting the events of the night.
“So why did you slit your wrists today? What was different?”Silverfang asked, rather surprised at this since it was not the kind of thing she usually did.
“Well it was worse today because my dad got a divorce letter in the post today, guess mum was tired of having to share a name with that pig and so she started the divorce and so my dad got really mad and...” She trailed off as she thought of all the things that had happened that night. If there was a way she wished that all those memories could just be erased from her mind.
“Want me to kill him?” Silverfang asked. He made this question a lot and every time he did he was totally serious about it.

“No because even if you could get past his Familiar, which you can’t by the way, what would his death bring? Eliot is too young to make an adoption without a partner I would go to my closest living relative which is my mum and since she did not take any of us with her when she ran away I don’t want to go to her now, and I would never be able to see you again which would totally suck” She told him, it was a good and rational argument but Silver still grumbled.
“Thanks by the way” she said to Silver with a shy smile.
“Thanks for what?” He asked. “Bringing me here, bandaging my wrists, getting me out of that bloody t-shirt” She said, reeling off each reason for thanks before she smiled and moved up close but just as she got to him he heard Eliot shout“Im home” so Jane quickly recoiled with shock but Silverfang caught her hand pulled her back, kissing her as she reached him. It was a warm kiss, different from anything she had ever had before. With a hint of dog breath.

She could feel her heart pounding against her chest as they locked their lips together. This was one of the best feelings she had ever felt and knew it must be that strange emotion she never thought she would feel. Love.
“Anyone home?” Eliot shouted again and Silver broke off the kiss to shout back.
“Yea I’m up here and we have a plus one” he told Eliot, who laughed.
“Plus one wouldn’t happen to be my baby sister at all would it?” Beth asked as Jane and Silver headed out of the room, Jane was transfixed on the feeling of Silvers lips on hers so Silverfang guided her down the stairs.

Eliot stood at an average height with an average build and average length hair. He was very average to look at but it was his heart that set him aside from everyone else, he never turned down anyone who needed help and never hesitated extend his hand to any who needed it. Beth, however, was physically Eliot’s opposite; she stood a foot taller than most people in the street and had a wide chest-with equally big breasts- and broader shoulders than most girls had, they were nowhere near as big as Silver’s shoulders but they were still big for a girl.

“Hello Beth, how are you?” Silver asked, as Jane managed to snap out of her trance and smile, hugging Beth tightly.
“I’ve been good thanks, work has been rather nice lately as we are fully staffed” She told him, hugging Jane back; she hugged her just as tightly but tried not to crush her with her arms. As much as Jane tried to hide it Beth always knew how her baby sister was feeling without her ever saying a word and right now there was something seriously bothering her but she decided not to press the point just yet.

“Where are Nehvna and Satyr?” Silverfang asked Beth as they followed Eliot into the kitchen as standby in case something he was cooking blew up, it was not easy cooking for seven people on your own especially when Eliot had a habit of experimenting with the cooking ingredients. “Nehvna is trying to convince her little angel to come outside when we left, she told us she would catch up but she hasn’t yet. Satyr is somewhere else, probably reading a book or something” Beth told Silverfang as Eliot started telling them what he was going to cook and read out the ingredients needed for the dish, he always liked help in the kitchen.
5:
“Sorry I was a pain to everyone I really didn’t mean to be” Avrion said with a sad face that looked like it was about to cry, but then every face Avrion pulled looked like it was going to cry. That and the fact that her frame was more akin to a stick than an actual person made Avrion look very weedy but that was not the case. Nehvna usually sorted her out but she was too busy with Jane’s wrists, specifically the cuts on them. “What the hell happened to your wrists?!” Nehvna demanded, nearly screaming as she saw how deep and far they went up her wrists. “Oh nothing to worry about it” Jane said with a nervous smile, Nehvna was always kicking off about every little scrape or bruise so the six inch cuts running up her arms would spin her into a frenzy.
“That is some serious cut Jane, what do you mean there is nothing to worry about” she said before grabbing Jane by the hand and dragging her upstairs.

“First I need to get you some clothes while you get a shower” She told Jane and for the first time she looked down and found out that she was in her bra and panties, both where stained in blood.
“I have been a bit preoccupied to notice my clothing” she told Nehvna, the blood has started to dry around her back and it was not doing anything for her beauty.
“Into the shower with you, I’ll pick something out” she told Jane, walking into the bathroom and fiddling with the shower before getting it to a good temperature and pushing Jane in it.

“I’m showering already, you are so pushy sometimes Nevy” she said as the water coming off her turned red with the blood while brown tried to make an appearance, it had been a long time since she last had a shower and the events of tonight just made her even dirtier than she was before. She let the water run on her body for a while before turning to the shampoo. She reached out for the bottle and squeezed some onto her hand before working it into her hair and washing it off, the soap came off the same red-with-brown as the water had, causing her to sigh. “Dam I’m such a mess” she complained to herself as she lathered up the soap again and worked it into her hair before washing it out again, the soap coming away more brown than red this time which was a good sign that the blood was getting washed from her hair. She repeated the lathering a few more times, cleaning her back in the process, until the water returned to its natural colour, she then grabbed the conditioner from the shelf and began to rub it into her mass of now pink hair.

When she was finished Jane turned the shower off and stepped out, rubbing herself dry with a towel before wrapping one round all the hair she could manage to fit in it. It was a good feeling to be clean and she did not get the feeling very often so every time she did she cherished it because it would be a long time before she got another chance. Jane then headed into the bedroom to check what Nehvna was pulling out of the wardrobe.

“You are one serious mess” Nehvna said as she took off Jane’s towel and began to blow dry her hair, Nehvna was not bothered in the slightest by the total lack of clothes that Jane was currently showing since she had been around her and other naked women a lot so she was comfortable with female nakedness.

Nehvna ran a comb though Jane’s hair as she dried it, making sure that each part was properly dried and combed before moving onto the next part and working on that. “You could definatly be a hair dresser or something to that extent you know” Jane told Nehvna who blushed at the complement.
“I am not that good Jane” She told her, it was not true since Nehvna was amazing with all things hair, Jane’s hair was originally brown but it was Nehvna who dyed the whole length of it pink.
It was extremely hard work considering how much there was but Nehvna managed to do it perfectly.
“You are better than good Nehvna, you are amazing” she said as Nehvna finished combing though Jane’s hair and switched the blow dryer off, she then picked up two sets of clothes from the bed and held them up so that Jane could see them, Jane picked the plainer set of clothes-a simple t-shirt and jeans- and put them on. Nehvna preferred the brighter, flashier style of clothes and so she always wore a long dress that complimented her tall frame. After Jane had finished putting the new clothes on, being careful of her wrist, and-with the help of Nehvna- gotten all her hair out of the back of her t-shirt she and Nehvna headed down the stairs, Jane’s layered mass of hair swaying slightly as she walked.

[LillyanaKabal]

Book for the bored.

6. Back at Jane’s house her father had discovered that Jane had vanished from her bed and she was now shouting about it to Shadow, his one eyed Familiar. “Where is she?!” he demanded. Shadow made a sniff around the room a few times as he was trying to pin down a particular smell; he then turned back to Mark. “Traces of another familiar hang around here, I would say that it is the Fang that has been here” he said, referring to Silverfang which caused Mark to get even madder. “HIM!?” he screamed, he thought that Eliot and Silverfang was trying to steal his daughter from him and this made him very angry, he ignored the fact that he needed his daughter stolen from him because he was an idiot in that sort of thing.

“Where are they now?!” he demanded, causing Shadow to sigh, he thought that Mark really picked the short straw when it came to brains. “He is at Eliot’s house right now, along with your daughter, I could lead you there if you want but I don’t know what you will achieve going there” Shadow said Mark had already stormed out of the door as soon as Shadow had told him where Jane was, Shadow followed since he did not know where he was going and needed Shadow to show him. “Sometimes it’s a hassle being with him” Shadow sighed before smiling, it was a time he could get some proper killing done, one of Shadow’s favourite pass times. He headed out of the door where Mark was heading the wrong was down the street. “Wrong way” Shadow said with a hint of amusement and so Mark turned on his heel, following Shadow as he headed down the street. Shadow was smiling to himself and Mark was grumbling to himself, cursing that he went the wrong way, cursing that Jane had left and cursing Eliot for stealing his daughter.

He practically cursed everything except himself, because he was the loving father that allowed Jane to stay in his house and not kick her out with the other two ungrateful girls, or at least that is how he thought but the truth was far from it. A few minutes later Shadow spoke to Mark. “We near, be ready” he said, Mark nodded in acknowledgement; it was time to take his daughter back from that boy and his vexating familiar.

7. Jane sniffed the air as she walked down the stairs, Eliot had obviously finished his cooking as it made the air smell rather nice, this does not mean the actual food was nice however, simply that it smelt good. “What you got cooking Eliot?” Nehvna asked as she walked into the Kitchen, leaving Jane to go to the front room where she quickly snuggled up against Silverfang, feeling very close to him now. “Food. It will be done soon” Eliot said, he never gave a definite answer of what he was cooking before it was done. “Well I hope you are not going to try that puke flavoured risotto again.” Nehvna joked as she got out a collection of glasses and began filling them up with different drinks. “Don’t worry about that, I am making meat this time” he said, throwing a few more herbs in to the pan.

“Ahhhh, it has been a rough today” Jane said, not caring about proper speech as she snuggled into Silverfang who starred at her. “Rough today? I think you need speaking lessons” Silverfang joked, earning him a punch in the arm from Jane. “I am allowed to have crappy speaking.” She told him as Eliot came into the room with a massive plate piled high with nose-caressing meat. “Grubs up” he said setting the large plate down and putting some smaller plates next to it, everyone attacked the pile of meat and piled their plates high with it before sitting back, despite the large amount everyone had taken there was still a fair bit left. Jane bit into one of the chicken pieces and the flavour exploded in her mouth, the herbs went perfectly with the meat and made the whole thing beautiful. “This is great Eliot, you really can cook well sometimes cant you?” Jane announced loudly, backed by agreements from everyone else. “Well I just got lucky that’s all. I threw a load of leftover meat into a pot and chucked in a shit ton of herbs. The result was not too bad” he said with a big head, popping a piece of beef into his mouth before there was a knock at the door. “Who are we missing?” Eliot asked himself, heading to the door and opening it. Shadow was stood in the doorway with a strange, mirthless smile. “Hello” he said before punching Eliot with a great amount of force, knocking him back from the door and sprawling him out on the carpet. “Shadow!” Silverfang growled before he sprouted fur, his fingers grew into claws and his teeth elongated. Shadow’s hands gripped a blade that was so dark it stole light from its surroundings; he also had a black tattered cloak and the eye that had been cut out took a skeletal style. Silverfang leapt off the couch and charged at Shadow who swung his dark blade, forcing Silverfang to jump back out of the blades path.

Shadow then charged forward and grabbed Jane before swinging his blade at the front wall, breaking it apart in a wider hole than such a small blade should be able to make. Then-with a struggling Jane-he left though the hole with great speed, getting clipped by an arrow fired from Avrion’s bow before vanishing. Silverfang was not going to just sit around and wait so he charged out of the hole after him, followed quickly by Eliot.