Supernatural-MY BATTLE (1x1)

[FuriePhoenix]

Mika wasn't surprised by his scoffing at her answer. Good, that's what she wanted from, any kind of reaction from him that arched towards him distancing himself her was progress in her mind. Maybe it would get easier if he was learning to distance himself from her finally. She didn't look at him when he actually said words instead of scoffing noises, and just kept looking forward.

When they got to the motel, she knew her guiding him there was done and she should get back to Ethan. She had a warm bed to go back to, and a homely enviroment to experience again. So why was she just sitting there contemplating about not getting out of the car at all for a few more moments? When he finally spoke up and said about whether she can go in with him, she hesitated. What should be her right answer? She fumbled as she tried to find the right answer.

"I shouldn't...I should get back to Ethan and well... I don't think it's still 100% safe out there tonight, so I gotta get back and keep him safe..." She said, but her voice fumbled as she gave out her poor excuse of an answer. She did wanna stay with Dean but she had to break away- it was seeming that was proving harder to remind herself of that. Yet, how many more excuses could she make to do this same mistake again? She reluctantly opened the car door and put one foot out onto the gravel.

[AnnaBeth]

Dean frowned. Ouch. Another blow. He nodded, sadly, running his tongue along the front of his top teeth.

"Although that's a bullshit excuse…", he murmured, opening his own door. He stood from the car, slamming the door, and draped his arms over the roof, waiting for her face to appear over it, as well, "You don't wanna be around me. I don't know the reasoning, but this Ethan guy…he's a mask…a beard. I don't buy it…Come inside…"

He was almost ordering her around. Maybe it's what she needed. Maybe he could force her to stay with him. He could force her, like he had forced Sammy for all those years. He was more of a father than his own father had ever been, at least to Sam, and he was doing a piss poor job of taking care of him…of making sure he was happy. Now, he was making the same mistakes with the only person who could push him forward.

Right now, he was in park…and his life would never move forward…until she either cut ties, or stayed.

[FuriePhoenix]

Mika hovered on the spot, trying to push herself to just go back to Ethan and cut ties... again. So why was she hovering and finding it hard to leave him here alone? Could it really be because he drove for three hours straight just to see her to see if she was safe? When she heard him slam his car door shut and start talking about how her excuse was a bullshit one, and what Ethan was to her.

He was ordering her to stay, ordering her to do what he wanted. This fuelled her fire inside, and she then got up and slammed the car door shut behind her, turning to face him over the roof of the impala. "Dean you can't order me to do anything, I'm not Sammy. So stop trying to desperately hold onto me!" She told him, another hard blow in his face. She didn't want to be this harsh, but she felt like he needed it so they could cut the ties more easily.

But she just sighed afterwards, she was angry at him, she was cold hearted, not herself but she kept feeling sorry for him. "Dean, if I stay, its for one drink then I'm going back to Ethan, I don't care what you think he is to me. I'm going back to him tonight. "But you're right, it's hard for me to stay around you, I don't want to be around you- you need to cut me out of your life. I'm not right for you Dean..." She said to him, and although her words were cold hearted, but her tone of voice was the complete opposite.

"My heart is too cold hearted and dead to be saved...unless you figure me out on your own..." she thought to herself.

[AnnaBeth]

Dean tried not to let the walls fall down around him as Kenzi snapped. Her words echoed Sam's all too perfectly. She didn't want to be controlled, but she didn't want to leave. He could hear it in her voice. She wanted to stay, but she wouldn't. He knew it.

"One drink…", he choked out. One drink and he would let her go. He would cut the ties. He would never see her again. One drink, and this would all be over. He would go back to Sammy, and he would deal with his dad. He would do his job, and he would stop chasing after ghosts…of the non literal sense.

"But I don't think you mean anything you're saying. If I'm standing here. If I'm telling you I want to be here. I want you to be with me…you're plenty good enough, Mik….", he stopped himself, and decided to regroup, "You're plenty…good enough…"

[FuriePhoenix]

Mika sighed, and nodded, giving into everything. She would stay for one drink and then she would leave and then hopefully they can both move on unless he figured it all out. Then maybe she could be herself again, yet part of her still hoped he wouldn't figure it out. It was too soon, but so far into this whole facade. She was conflicted with every thought in her heart and soul and mind.

When he spoke up, she looked at him as he spouted off how he doesn't believe that she believes what she's saying. Here we go again, she began thinking. His little preach about how he knows she faking this whole badass attitude to try and prove something. Or so she always took it as. It wasn't until he began saying 'if i want you to be here' and then almost calling her Mika instead of Kenzi that she was put into shock.

"Wh..what did you just almost call me?" She asked him, swearing that she could have sworn he almost called her Mika- that he had figured out her stupid plan and knew who she really was. "What did you just say?" She asked again.

[AnnaBeth]

Dean looked to his feet, placing his hands on his hips in a fashion that mimicked his dad so perfectly that someone could have mistaken him for John. He glanced up, sniffling a bit, "You have no idea…how much it hurts to slip up like that. It was an honest mistake…and I…"

He broke a bit, pulling a hand off his hip to hold it out to her in a pleading manner, "…Don't leave. I'm sorry. She's on my mind when I get upset sometimes…and I think about what I've done, and how I failed…and now I'm holding onto you so hard that you're leaving…and…", tears rolled down his face and he looked down at his feet helplessly, "…I don't know what to do anymore."

[FuriePhoenix]

Mika watched him as he explained that calling her Mika was a slip up. It was a mistake that he felt shouldn't have happened, and she looked disappointed, but hid it from him. She saw him wavering, like he was break down and cry in fornt of her, her eyes softened. Seeing him go from looking like John to being fragile and fragile was so shocking to her in a way.

It had been so long since she saw this side of him that she wavered on the spot, she didn't know what to do initially, but then she did something she didn't think she could do anymore- she walked round the car and just pulled him into her. She held him, looking up at the sky wondering how she could be doing this to him. She didn't know who she was anymore, the old ehr would never let him suffer like this- he never let her suffer alone. Yet here she was, doing just that to him.

"It's okay to still think about her. I know wherever she is, she'll be thinking of you too. Don't worry about it." She said to him, keeping hold of him, something inside her was telling her to just break her secret and tell him the truth, but she couldn't. Her cold dead heart was stopping her. She was disappointed he hadn't fathomed her out for himself, and it was just a mistake. But right now, he needed comforting, and although her heart was cold- she had to give him this.

She tried to find the right words to tell him, and fumbled inside her mind, "I won't leave yet. But you haven't failed Dean.. I don't understand how you can think that," She told him. She wanted to tell him, he'll find Mika again, but she didn't want to sound weird to him, so she kept it to herself. "But if she loves you as much you love her, then even though she's not here, she still is and she'll still be loving you no matter what." She told him instead.

[AnnaBeth]

Dean was a little more than surprised by Kenzi's hug, but she was giving in. He hated to admit it, but despite the pain in his chest from Mika's face flooding his visions, he was happy to be in her arms. He was happy that she was standing here, holding him in some nasty parking lot.

He listened to what she said about Mika and squeezed his eyes shut, tightly. It was always the good words that people said about dead loved ones that made you cry. It was always the nice comments and the 'they would be proud of you' that made you break down like a child. He buried his face in her shoulder. She was here, now. That's all that mattered as the tears escaped.

"Thank you. And don't you dare tell Bobby about this…", he joked, despite the breaking in his voice from crying, "…never live it down…"

He pulled away from her slightly, and sniffled, wiping a hand down his face, "That drink sounds nice…"

[FuriePhoenix]

Mika kept a hold of Dean, letting him sob in her shoulder. Her words had broken him down into tears, but maybe that's what he needed to move on and stop fixating on her. She had to hope that after this, he would stop begging her to stay beside him and stay on the road with John, Sammy and himself. Even though he was giving her the perfect opportunity to own up to her truth, she couldn't do it.

When he stopped and told her not to tell Bobby she smirked, "Secret is safe with me Dean, I won't tell him. I'm good at keeping secrets" She told him, which was probably the most truth she had ever said out of her mouth in what seemed like a year. She nodded her head towards the motel bar and took him inside, taking out her wallet and deciding she could at least make the drinks on her.

"What you having?" She asked him.

[AnnaBeth]

Dean smirked a bit when Kenzi said she'd keep his secret. It was one more thing they could have in common. They kept secrets. They talked privately, with inside secrets and just…things that they would understand better than anyone. It was something that he never thought he would have again, after Mika…as small as it seemed.

As they approached the bar, he let out a sigh, knowing that he would probably end up drunk, and would wake up alone. At least he'd be too drunk to see her leave. But he wouldn't count his chickens yet. She might have stayed. If he gave it a chance…she might have stayed.

"I'll have bourbon…", he whispered, his voice a little broken, as he sat atop one of the tattered barstools.