Questions for LGBT Members

[HeySeuss]

Disclaimer: This is a moderated thread. See the spoiler for details:

Spoiler

I am requesting that people not post anything inflammatory or insensitive or attempt to derail the thread -- if you really want to air your opinions and this doesn't allow for it, I suggest that you start a new thread.

Prior to posting this, I notified Contra Fates that I wanted to post this, but I wanted to avoid it going down in flames and she basically told me to post a disclaimer pointing out that this thread is moderated.

There was a recent suicide of a high school kid in Tennessee who left a note saying that he couldn't take the environment anymore. I was reading (on the Huffington Post) a lot of comments from people about the situation. A lot of them seemed rather unrealistic and foolish, as they tend to presuppose what it is like and make a value judgment without being informed, but I had no real way to call people on it because I've never been in the situation. It struck me that I should ask people for their experiences.

So I had the following questions:

• What sort of school are/were you in?
  
• Were you in or out of the closet in primary school? (or are, if still in)
• What do you consider to be the primary survival mechanism of LGBT people in high school/primary school?
• What is the general climate you have to endure in school? Do you consider your school 'friendly' or not to LGBT?
• Are some teachers helpful or not helpful? Do the administration help at all or are they part of the problem? How so?
• Any other comments.

Since this is a sensitive topic, I'll just spell it out; this is not the topic to argue your point of view, try to convince people to agree with you or otherwise win the argument -- debates are considered off-topic. This is a specific topic asking questions from specific people, rather than soliciting a diverse pool of opinions and proceeding to wrestle over them.

What I want to know is what LGBT folk have to face in high school and similar environments. I'm trying to get a first hand, primary source, anecdotal account of what the LGBT experience is in primary education. I am iffy about the idea of letting people comment second hand talking about 'their friends' largely because I am worried about people more or less inventing the friends to push a political agenda, but in the end, I also figure this allows people a degree of anonymity in speaking...that and friends of LGBT people have a valuable perspective in this.

[Hunter of Shadows]

I'm very interested to see some of the opinions and stuff that gets posted here

[Sanquin]

1: A secular, public school for primary, then a semi-christian public school for high school, and a secular public school for college.


2: In the closet. I didn't really come out until the final year of college, but by then I decided to keep it a secret at school itself.


3: Keeping it a secret. I mean, it's the easiest way to deal with it and school is only a small part of your life. After that you still have many years ahead of you. As for people coming out at school, I wouldn't know about them.


4: Ridicule, everywhere. And that while the Netherlands is a very open and accepting country (Relatively) about LGBT issues. Granted, if I was gay/lesbian instead it might have been different.


5: I haven't dealt with this part, but I got the feeling that the school wouldn't be helpful at all. Rather they'd probably not do anything, and make me do all the work.


6: Outside of school I've been able to get enough help. But there too there's still a lot of ridicule, stares, and even hate sometimes. Though the last one is rare.

[Siruya]

[*]What sort of school are/were you in?
[*]Were you in or out of the closet in primary school? (or are, if still in)
[*]What do you consider to be the primary survival mechanism of LGBT people in high school/primary school?
[*]What is the general climate you have to endure in school? Do you consider your school 'friendly' or not to LGBT?
[*]Are some teachers helpful or not helpful? Do the administration help at all or are they part of the problem? How so?
[*]Any other comments.

1) I went to public school the majority of my life, but attended a private school for a couple of years as well.

2) In the closet during primary school, out of the closet when I pursued college.

3) Depends on the tolerance of the community. In an extremely intolerant place (I live in the USA, the South), it is better to remain in the closet. It also helps to have a mixture of friends, not keeping to one specific gender--I found that I was called more swearwords and inflammatory names when I hung out with just boys or just girls. Around the boys, it was noted I fit in unusually well; with the girls, it was noted I was very masculine. If possible, try to report the offenses as bullying rather than some sort of discrimination, since no one listens to the idea of LGBT discrimination, but bullying is a significant issue. Worked for me.

4) I endured a hostile climate, particularly the two years I went to private school during high school. It was difficult to make friends, and I preferred to isolate myself. The few friends I did have came from households with more unconventional liberal environments (friends with single or polygamous parents, other LGBT friends, or friends with strong grounding in civil rights issues).

5) The private school was run by very religious administration, and we had many evangelical Christians mixing in with Muslims. They couldn't get along with each other, and they certainly didn't want to acknowledge any LGBT youth, let alone the problems of the LGBT youth. Openly admitting a "deviant" sexuality would put a student at risk of suspension or detention. Public school was slightly better; the students gave me a harder time than teachers or staff. All in all, I found most teachers to be aloof at best, and they were part of the problem at worst.

6) Other comments: College was a huge milestone. It was far more accepting and tolerating, and I really blossomed there. Not only did I finally find the right woman for me, I didn't get harassed over it.

[HeySeuss]

Thank you for the responses thus far. The reason I asked, as indicated above, was because I saw a conversation between people that basically amounted to 'this is what I think it is like.'

I'd rather have a clearer idea of what the pressure is like from those who understand it first-hand.

[Sora]

• What sort of school are/were you in?
  
• Were you in or out of the closet in primary school? (or are, if still in)
• What do you consider to be the primary survival mechanism of LGBT people in high school/primary school?
• What is the general climate you have to endure in school? Do you consider your school 'friendly' or not to LGBT?
• Are some teachers helpful or not helpful? Do the administration help at all or are they part of the problem? How so?
• Any other comments.

• Public Highschool in the middle of the colloquial "bible belt". College town though.
  
• Nope, I keep rationalizing that it's even not worth the trouble for me to come out at school.
  
• Hiding it, I would say. Or finding an outlet like choir/band/clubs. Or keeping yourself busy. I tend to put up an unapproachable façade, and keep myself busy with rigorous classes. Then I come here and gay up the guild to vent
  
• It isn't very positive, but I probably have it better off than most people in my area. Sometimes I think "Hey, this isn't so bad, I bet I could go 20 miles from here and find someone who has it at least ten times worse!"
  
• Some are, most aren't. Several teachers put little "Safe Zone" stickers on their door, which is nice, I guess.
  
  But there are definitely bigoted faculty. I don't see a whole lot of abuse, either on myself or others, but I'm sure it goes on.
  
• Getting validation always helps. Especially from authority figures.

[Beatrix]

What sort of school are/were you in? I was in a public school full of rich people, mostly white, especially considering it was the former KKK capital.
Were you in or out of the closet in primary school? (or are, if still in) I only came out to a few people, other than that, I was in the closet.
What do you consider to be the primary survival mechanism of LGBT people in high school/primary school? Pretty much don't show any affection towards a person of the same sex. My best friends were lovers and caught hell because they would kiss, while those that were clearly out of the closet were just accepted. I never really heard of anyone catching any hell over being homosexual except in cases of PDA.
What is the general climate you have to endure in school? Do you consider your school 'friendly' or not to LGBT? Pretty much rich people flaunting their status, but most of all they were pretty much friendly towards LGBT.
Are some teachers helpful or not helpful? Do the administration help at all or are they part of the problem? How so? I'm not sure, mainly because I've never been in a situation where my own sexuality was a problem. In the case of my friends, they ended their relationship because of the teasing at school, so no, I don't think that they help at all.
Any other comments. I understand that in this day and age people are being more acceptable towards homosexuality/bisexuality, but there are still some strong haters out there, and some even claim that there is no such thing as a bisexual. We necessarily cannot open other people's minds to why people are attracted to the same sex, and it is disheartening to see those that you know shunned by their own family because they are homosexual/bisexual, because the love of a family cannot be replaced by the love of a lover. To me, it's the same thing of why Muslims are hated on because of the small group that are what we Americans consider 'Terrorists'.

But, having been in a Baptist church, I have read the old Jewish laws on what they did to people if they were found to be homosexual, and even Romans 1:18-32 gives an explanation of why they believe that there is homosexuals.

18For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness;
19Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed [it] unto them.
20For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, [even] his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:
21Because that, when they knew God, they glorified [him] not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.
22Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools,
23And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things.
24Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:
25Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.
26For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
27And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
28And even as they did not like to retain God in [their] knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;
29Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,
30Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,
31Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:
32Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

We cannot have everyone loving LGBT, because life does not work that way. All we really can do is help those that are struggling with their status in the outside world, that is if they choose to seek and accept that help.

[★LunaLight★]

What sort of school are/were you in? I am in a public high school. Although lots of texans have catholic opinions, it seems to have missed my school. I am in a pretty well off area, and my school does not have much of a bullying problem. If there is a single fight all year, then that is high. However there are a good number of druggies.

Were you in or out of the closet in primary school? (or are, if still in) I am sticking my head out of the closet. If anyone pays enough attention, they can notice something off about me. If someone asks me, I will tell them without an issue. Being too open about it makes people uncomfortable and hard to deal with, so I try to keep to myself for the most part.

What do you consider to be the primary survival mechanism of LGBT people in high school/primary school? Well in my school, it falls into two groups, don't ask and I'll leave you alone, and I don't give a damn what anyone thinks. It really just depends on the amount you care about social standing. There are a few kids who want to feel like everyone is against them, and because of that they just disconcern opposing opinion. I fall into the other group, who just doesn't want to cause an issue with anyone.

What is the general climate you have to endure in school? Do you consider your school 'friendly' or not to LGBT? Well, besides a small amount of homophobics, and talking behind the person's back, there hasn't been any real attacks on LGBT. Even some of the more religious people have enough tolerance to openly make the statement, "I don't support it, but it is their choice." So I guess that is good enough to be considered friendly.

Are some teachers helpful or not helpful? Do the administration help at all or are they part of the problem? How so? The administration seems fairly content neutral. I might have a better idea if they dealt with it on a more regular basis. I don't see any strong feelings one way or the other.

[Hunter of Shadows]

This is fascinating, and terribly sad that people are treated this way

I've never met anyone that LGBT in real life though either, which I find rather curious, maybe I'm just oblivious or something

[Sanquin]

A fear of what might happen makes LGBT people generally very good in hiding when needed. And believe it or not, but a lot of the transsexuals actually pass really well after everything's done. Which makes them hard to spot as well.