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Thread: Patience [Lizzie B x HeySeuss]

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    Patience [Lizzie B x HeySeuss]

    The hallway smelled like old urine and sweat, or maybe something worse, it was hard to tell. But to Mark Angelo de Rossi or stage name Mark Verona, which merely added to the run-down charm of the Alley Cat, a club notorious as a venue for musicians. There wasn't much in the backstage, mostly the debris of previous shows and stacked up equipment and supplies, a few closet-sized dressing rooms, the least and smelliest of which belonged to his band, Reckless Life.

    Their dressing room was a lot like the backstage of the club in general. It was pretty trashed; graffiti, paint-overs, patch repairs, and overall war-weary damage from many a different band smoking, shooting, drinking up in the place, getting pissed and trashing it or just turning it into an orgy-room; Mark didn't even want to think of the types of bodily fluids embedded in the upholstery of the seats. The tables were scarred, the mirrors stained and the place was bare bones. There was food to be had as a concession, but the Alley Cat charged for drinks. Even though a couple of the band members were underage, there was beer to be had, and plenty of it being drunk; Mark had one or two and left it at that, but others were slightly more in the bag. That was okay, they could play drunk. Once they were on stage, they'd be fine. It was keeping the whole crew from doing anything dumb and drastic beforehand that was wearying. Mark had to keep it a bit down so he could handle other business; a band with some money or support, like the ones they were opening for, had their own crew. In the case of Reckless Life, they were on a shoestring and hadn't sold their soul to a manager or signed a label, so they were fundamentally on their own.

    They'd basically had to talk fast and use the word of Manny, his employer at Manny's Power Sound, to vouch for them to get this gig, but they’d spent their time playing small gigs in the area and even going out of town; the first time they went to Portland and Seattle...but it was kind of disappointing. The second time, they headed for Texas to play the club scene in Austin, and just narrowly avoiding arrest for a variety of charges in addition to playing an awesome shows that week. After a long stint of playing parties and then cruddy clubs, the word finally got around enough to get them a gig to play an opener in the Alley Cat -- not bad for a band that wasn't alive for even a year. A year before, Mark was still looking for a band that worked, while playing in a couple filled with less serious guys, dudes that were kind of like high school buddies or something and weren't so committed to playing music as they were to playing rock star for a variety of reasons -- pussy, drugs or one last soiree before giving up for good and getting a 'real job’ and 'serious' about life. The Alley Cat tended to be wary of those sorts of acts; people paid for a certain degree of quality at the Alley Cat -- three bars, a cement pit for standing and a mezzanine level with seating reserved for VIP seats that held twelve hundred people and a stage big enough to accommodate a decent speaker rig. The place had a certain standard, despite how run down it was; the ramshackle look was hardly an accident, any more than a punk rocker's torn up clothes were an accident.

    Mark wasn't wearing torn up punk clothes, but he wasn't wearing flannel or cowboy shirts or sweaters, either. Instead, he was wearing a button down shirt with a white, black-bordered lizard pattern on purple that seemed a bit rumpled and semi-tucked, along with a pair of jeans; the shirt was probably a size too large for him, with sleeves rolled up to the elbows and exposing one, rather than a sleeve of, lurid tattoo of a Medusa on his forearm and the sort of ball-chain and leather-wristband bracelet arrangements he favored; the collar of the shirt was unbuttoned down to the solar plexus, and it all conveyed the sort of wiry sense of his lean frame; rippling muscle underneath the shirt. With long, dark hair and deep set eyes, he had a fairly Italian look, but it was an innocent, almost boyish demeanor, unfocused eyes staring out from under all that hair. The rest of the band was similarly careless about what they wore, and sort of just chose their wardrobe as they saw fit. Meanwhile, there were other bands in the place, Sneer and the Blue Ribbon Nitrous Oxide guys, who were a little more costumed.

    He didn't socialize, at this point, too much with the other two bands; Sneer was, at this point, an act that had a record deal and a decent selling record under their belt, some airtime on the radio, but it seemed, to Mark at least, that they were a one-hit wonder, and while those guys were okay, he wasn't really interested in trying to kiss their ass. None of his band were; Cave Wyatt, the lead singer, put it bluntly; "we're here to turn it over on those guys, we aren't here to be their buddies." That sort of aggressive take-no-prisoner attitude was basically the vibe they wanted to put forward. The Sneer guys weren’t bad, but they were the sort of band that Mark found annoying -- butt rock, microphone therapy. It was a band of guys that formed in some college further out east and they played with mandolins and tried to be folkmusicy and eclectic.

    But beside the BRNO guys, Sneer was great. The Blue Ribbon Nitrous Oxide was one of those groups that were sculpted by their manager, who was quite possibly their songwriter. There were guys that tried this Kim Fowley bullshit, running the band, writing the music and managing very closely, and this guy, like Fowley when he ran Joan Jett, Lita Ford and the Runaways, came off as two things; a megalomaniac and a shifty swindler. For what it was worth, it couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of guys, because the BRNO lead singer was a pretentious prick. They all preened around in their skinny jeans and sweaters, wearing thick-rimmed glasses in some cases. Hipsters. Hate at first sight. It was worse, because Ian Hackworth, or Hack, the bassist for the band, told Mark that the BRNO guys played a pretty bland array of uninteresting songs modeled off the psychedelia of the 1960's. There was a reason why the Stones, for example, moved away from that into grittier territory...because sitars, gongs and that stuff got old real fast. It only lasted two years in the 1960's, and that was largely the Beatles bringing all that Indian-esque posturing into their music that spurred it.

    So they knew where BRNO was coming from; they were more passionate about their look than their music. That wouldn't have mattered much, because Reckless Life didn't give a fuck about the music other guys played, perhaps because they were self-centeredly in the middle of their own universe and didn't look outside it terribly much, but the manager, Martin Smith, who insisted on "Smyth" pronunciation in what Mark figured may have been a faked English accent of some sort, managed to penetrate that sneering antipathy and lodged themselves in the hearts of the band as a figure to revile.

    And so it was with a sigh of relief that Mark managed to pretty much get past the son of a bitch, in the dressing room for BRNO giving some sort of ranting speech, and onto the stage. There was a lot to do there; they had a lot of gear, courtesy of Manny, but the only sound tech they had was Johnny Mellow, a fellow employee at Manny's, and he was a heavy pot smoker -- the guy was a good enough player, but he never seemed to be able to find a group to play in. So Mark was the second sound tech, guitar tech, bass tech, drums tech. He knew the equipment pretty well from his stint, and he spent the time setting it up and getting it as right as could be gotten on the fly with rented equipment at a venue with limited setup time; a bigger, richer band on tour could afford roadies, techs, insist on sound checks and get things just right, but a good live show was more about rolling with it and just playing full speed ahead, lots of energy and lots of intensity. It wasn't a studio, and you couldn't worry about perfection.

    But you could worry about making sure what you had was set up; it was a more impressive than usual rig; he had a Marshall 1959 amp, used, hooked up to four different box speakers, a half stack on each side, which would give his guitar more sound in a bigger than usual room, and a similar arrangement for Stace's guitar, Hack's bass, Dalton’s drums and Cave's microphone. Hack had a mic as well, as a backup vocalist for Cave. Everything had a position, but Mark had it set up so there was as much room on stage for movement as they could get -- it was a larger than usual stage, but it wasn’t so large that space wasn't at a premium; it was basically black plywood and grated metal raised up a bit, with rubber mats and the such, an attempt to reduce the potential for a slip and fall. There was lighting overhead, but for an opening band, no one gave a fuck and the lighting show was reserved for Sneer's set -- it was just the way it was.

    The thing was, plugs, wires, guitars and other equipment were checked; he was already lightly buzzed from the free drinks at the place; being just twenty-one was a new sensation for him, drinking legally. It didn’t really stop the weed smoking and drinking even when he was underage, but now he could just walk around with a bottle and not be bothered, basically. All the same, the consumption of liquor forced him to realize that he needed the PCP - Pre-Concert Piss as Hack called it. Cave said, "Clear your mind."

    Either way, he elbowed his way past other people, because the backstage was a bit crowded as everyone got ready to start things, just as the front area was starting to fill up with the inevitably bored early arrivals that weren't intending to pay attention to the opening band anyway. But Mark snuck a glance out at the crowd, and it looked more like a bunch of people out for a good time rather than any specific band’s fan base; Reckless Life had some fans, mostly people they knew, which included anything from Claire, Mark's roommate, Manny, his employer and people who were fairly respectable to some of the strippers, druggies, drug dealers and a various, assorted rabble of what could be loosely termed 'characters.' The strippers were Cave's idea; the Texan realized that having strippers around was one way to get noticed favorably, and he distributed most of the backstage passes the band had to them. As marketing moves went, it was devious, and the girls, usually not ones to give up a profitable Friday night dancing on a pole, seemed to see the upside of being around even B-list rock stars like Sneer.

    Cave Wyatt was a pretty ruthless motherfucker that way. Mark was a more 'roll with it' kind of guy when it came to actually playing, but he took notes from the lead singer's sense of marketing and how to wiggle into the limelight; it could come in handy. Instead, Mark's job was generally to write the music, even the lyrics, and play the guitar; like most guitarists, he affected a demeanor of not giving a fuck and saying little, preferring to let the guitar do the talking for him. If there was an aggressive air to him, it was largely the stage persona of a guitarist.

    That wasn't to say the vibe of "I don't want to talk" didn't have its advantages; he found himself in a smelly, absolutely defaced and graffiti’ed bathroom with none other than Martin ("It's pronounced Smyth!") Smith, yelling away on a cell phone, jamming cocaine up his nose and managing to piss without holding his junk; he was wearing what looked like rather expensive clothing, but Mark tried not to look at the guy too much; in fact, he tried to close out the nasally but nearly-yelled conversation while he concentrated on just getting his PCP done, washing his hands and escaping.



    ”...right, and I'm saying you need to have PHIL BECKEN bloody well here, I'm telling you I have something hot...”

    Mark just tried to shut his ears.

    ”...bloody hell Alex, I'm telling you, I have a good band here...you'll see? Come on...” the guy was wheedling, so he must have been talking to someone important, or at least more important than him. Mark noticed with a degree of grim satisfaction, that the guy was rapid-firing his talk but sounding like he was ready to drop to his knees and suck this guy's Cal over the phone. It was a huge contrast from how the likes of "Smyth” addressed people he considered beneath him, which included Mark when he was even worth addressing.

    Mark didn't ever want to be worth addressing by this bottom feeder. In any case, he zipped up and tried to sneak toward the sink when he heard, ”...thank you, thank you, thank you so much Alex, you're a mate, you know that right? You're my mate...” Babble-babble.

    And indeed, Mark thought, as he washed up, that he'd escaped notice, only to find, as he was leaving the door, ”Oi, you there! Make sure you give my lads a good introduction tonight, we've got some VIP's coming in, you 'ear me?” Mark just nodded a bit as he got out the door and away from Mr. Buzzkill. Martin "Smyth" for his part, seemed to be ignoring him once more as he speed-dialed the next lucky contestant on Coke Train.

    ”Yo, Mark, you ready man? You hit that PCP?” Hack yelled it out with glee, knowing that others would perk up in confusion; PCP wasn’t the most common drug anymore, but everyone heard it and thought "Drugs." Hack was a six foot three guy with a big frame, a lot of muscle from working construction for a day job, and he had a real punk rock attitude and swagger; he liked to think of himself as a Sid Vicious type of guy, so he wore the lock on a chain around his neck (along with just about anyone that ever played the bass and liked the Sex Pistols) and gleefully wore leather pants and a jacket with no shirt under it; tattoos, because he liked tattoos and didn't give a fuck if they were trendy or not. His hair was bleached blonde and spiked out, and he smelled like a lot more liquor than Mark; it was cool, Hack knew how to play when lit the fuck up.

    ”Yeah, taken care of, dude!” Mark played along a bit, ”I swear I felt lightheaded just as I took it because it was a big one!”

    ”Fuck yeah!” Hack seemed to enjoy the idea of leading people on and making them think that Mark had done like a pile of PCP or something...that perception was actually reinforced when Martin "Smyth" bolted out of the bathroom with white dust giving him a "Hitler" under his nostrils. People noticed, largely because it seemed that guys like him were seen coming from a mile off, and no one wanted to be cornered with Mr. Personality.

    "Yo!" called out Dalton, the drummer, "Did you invite Claire, she there?"

    "Yeah, I invited her, dunno if she's there though!"

    "I hope she is and I hope she brings her sister!"

    That elicited groans from the rest of the band; Cave led off with, "Dude, you're a slave to your dick, you know that? What ever made you think it was ever an idea to get started?"

    Dalton just laughed; boyishly. He had a medium-shade-of-brown skin and big, liquid eyes, which he could puppydog anyone with. He could ooze sincerity and found that out on early in life. He was easily the most sought-after man in the band by the women; women loved Dalton, and Dalton loved women...perhaps a bit too freely, "Hey, MILF is in. I like to fuck her and she loves to fuck me."

    "She likes to fuck everyone. Hey, I grew up next door to her. Watching her was way better than sex ed, especially the week she decided she was a lesbian," Mark told them all. They all knew each others' shit, it was how a band rolled, but everyone knew not to clue Claire in to the Dalton thing; she might suspect her sister was loose, but Mark figured the best thing would be to play dumb...he might pay the price of not admitting everything later, but it wasn't like he'd encouraged Dalton or anything, and he certainly wasn't Jamie's keeper. No one was.

    Dalton chimed in, "Yeah, well if you think watching is an education, you oughta try..."

    "Dude, fuck off. She's married, nearly ten years older and has kids. You keep that bareback bullshit up with her and that bitch is gonna get pregnant and when she pops out a baby black as you, your ass is gonna be the first one the Lawnmower man wants to murder with hedge trimmers."
    That was Stace, the rhythm guitarist, cutting loose in a New-Yorker sort of tirade; intense, quiet and cigarette smoking was how Stace rolled, and he needed something to vent at before the concert to help with the jitters.

    Dalton, of course, knew this. He also didn't give a fuck, which made it easy. Stace ranted, Dalton just laughed it off with a big old smile -- that was how Dalton rolled, a big dopey kid just sauntering through life.

    Meanwhile, Hack simply ignored the whole thing in favor of a change of subject.

    ”Cave and I came up with something for the concert. A tribute to our fake Brit friend's boys.” Hack handed Mark a paper bag. Mark peeked in and laughed.

    ”Well, he said to give the boys a good introduction for all the impoooooortant people that were going to be here tonight!” And he laughed again.

    ---

    They clambered onto the platform of the stage, with the lights glaring down and the cables all around and duct tape all over the place and looked out to the black and gray painted venue they'd be playing, he felt a thrill. Sure, he'd played before, starting with a highly embarrassing first time at a high school talent show where the cool kids won, not the kids who could actually play; not the same thing at all as his choice, as a man he felt, to play rock music, to play the guitar...people glanced over curiously from the bar or the floor or the second floor mezzanine where they swilled their drinks and waited for the sound checks to get over with...and the opening band, that was them, to get it over with.

    Despite the fact that they were on the lowest rung, at least they’d gotten on that rung. He saw the other guys, BRNO and they looked more like a package deal; five people in similar attire that complemented each other, probably the doing of that Martin Smyth guy, whose attitude screamed ‘suit fuckhead.’ By contrast, Mark and the others were more ramshackle, less contrived…well, in some cases. Cave seemed to have a degree of calculation to his outfits that others didn't, but that was possibly because he was the lead singer, the focus of the attention; even though he looked like he was just getting up in a pair of vinyl pants didn't mean much; Mark knew Cave Wyatt and knew that the Texan was sitting on the internet scouring for just the pair of pants he wanted, with everything perfect. But he got up wearing only his tattoos on top, with hair that was too long to comb into place but too short to tie back, a wild mop of brown curls that went all over the place. Mark felt it was better to be comfortable and everyone else in Reckless Life just made a decision on what they felt like wearing; Hack in the leather pants and jacket, bare-chested beneath, Stace in a t-shirt, scarf and dyed-red jeans, Dalton in a pair of shorts and an a cut-off t-shirt that exposed the long, wiry muscle of his arms. It felt a little more natural, but it was hard not to feel slightly inferior to these guys, or like they didn’t have their shit together; they had all the bells and whistles and seemed to match each other...in fact, their instruments matched, and that set off a bit of an alarm bell in his head; he realized just how packaged and manufactured they were, how inauthentic these dudes had to be. On the other hand, that didn't really address his feeling of inadequacy, his internal struggle with self-doubt.



    That ended when he reached for his guitar on the rack, a gleaming Les Paul that he'd picked up used; the pickups were custom, the color was a glittering blue with a white border. The thing was totally unusual among Les Pauls, a consignment item that came into Manny's that Mark leapt on; he made a personal deal with the owner to acquire such a beautiful and awesome axe, just for this show. He didn't have the money in the bank account to but barely pay the bills and groceries for living in that apartment and keeping his head above water, but Manny was generous. Hell, the guy said, "I trust you, kid, just make that thing sing."

    The BRNO guys had nothing like it; neither did the Sneer guys, come to think of it. It had its own unique look, which was important; Kirk Hammet and his KH-1, Eddie Van Halen with the Frankenstrat, so on and so forth. Lifting it lovingly from the rack where it sat with his backup guitar, he slung it over his body, plugged a cable into it and inserted that into the amp and took a deep breath, and started the sound check, to make sure he had the tune right; he ran his hand over the strings and the doubts started to recede. Things made a little more sense. He hit the wah-wah pedal with his foot, just to test the effect; pick on the strings, fingers on the fretboard, he took a deep breath, once things were switched on, moved over to the bridge pickup, and did the opening riff to "Welcome to the Jungle." He was a knobs kind of guy; his equipment was analog and not digital because he preferred the feel of guitar playing, the old fashioned sort of tuning that allowed you control over your equipment rather than just programming a computer. That meant having to adjust by fingertips, tweaking things. It seemed more authentic that way, and there was more control over the feel. The fine tuning counted for something with Mark.

    People looked up, in a bit of curiosity, but when the sound check was over, so was the interest; he tweaked the amp, the guitar and checked the cables to the speakers, two sets of Marshalls in a 1x2 configuration; they'd rented a lot of amps for this show, but it would be worth it in terms of putting the sound out right and doing the job properly. They wanted to make the impression that they weren't here by accident, and that meant looking like business. That meant having the equipment and setting it up right; Mark did it for a living, so he was in charge of generally taking care of that shit, while the others drank. But one by one, the other bandmates filtered on to check their shit themselves and make sure it was right. The crowd started to fill out, but it was still pretty sparse; there was a lower 'pit' level and an upper mezzanine/balcony level, three bars with lots of beer on tap, several bathrooms and lots of room; the lights shining down ont he stage were hot as hell and he could feel that sweat rolling right down on him, but he didn't worry about it.

    If it seemed like forever to get things ready, it was heady relief when the lights went dim to signal that the show was truly about to start; the first gig on a bigger stage than he'd ever been on before. It was strange, because there was a lot of camaraderie with the band; differences aside, personalities clashing, shit getting in the way and tempers flaring sometimes, they were still a lot like family and they took up struggles together; the big struggle being recognition. Mark thought he spotted Claire down there before the lights went off, and when the lights were finally killed, each of the band stood there with their thoughts to themselves, but united in spirit. The time for the nerves, for wondering was past, and all that lay before them was a gig; the tension, the coiling before the release of a furious barrage...but he was feeling limber and confident now, with the guitar in hand. It wasn't like that high school talent show where he and a kid named Guy covered some Pink Floyd and kind of got hustled off the stage so Claire' boyfriend at the time could play Nickelback songs badly but get cheered because they were cool. This band had their own songs, Mark's songs, and they were going to play their own set. It was time to see how they'd do in the darker, deeper waters further away from the safety of shore.

    The lights came up; they were all wearing thick-framed, non-prescription glasses, the icon of the hipster, the sort of thing BRNO’s audience were into. Then, they, as a unit, ripped the glasses off and threw them off-stage, while Cave shouted, ”REAL ROCK AND ROLL FANS FRONT AND CENTER!” People laughed, but they paid attention -- the hipster love wore thin these days, thought there were some in the crowd wearing V-neck sweaters in the summer, or beanie caps and otherwise looking bored and indifferent, affecting that pose by texting each other and their friends about what a boring show they were at.

    They were about to get rolled over like Rachel Corrie.

    Then the music rolled out, sordid and honest, a snake dancing stripper grinding away on the pole to lusty cheers, an unapologetic tribute to the original bacchanalia of rock and roll, an attempt at revival, the blues message keeping the core of the music together.

    --

    Alex Blue was in the crowd, or had his own spot in the Mezzanine, part of the VIP area that was very small; through a door and there you were. A couple of girls were there, and he was still older than the both of them combined. Between him and John Reynolds, his agent from the days when he played bass guitar for Double Proposition, a glam-punk-metal band that launched fast in the early 80's, flew supersonic and crashed hard in the early 1990's in a heap of coke, heroin, hookers, private jets and total excess. These days, Blue was a tamer man, a veteran of rehab and the music scene, a sometime producer that still liked to sit in on sessions with his bass or help other artists compose songs. Occasionally, Double Proposition toured, and with video games like Guitar Player and the internet, something Alex Blue supported heartily, unlike some other artists, they had resurgence in popularity, though it wasn’t like the good old days on the top. Even if he'd slowed down he and his partner in crime had an amusing night set up for themselves, or so they hoped. The girls were basically groupies, or soft hookers that would want a taste of the lifestyle and some of the drugs that Reynolds had; Blue had gone sober in 1995 or so, after a long, long period of various addictions and bad decisions. The thing was, he still sounded better as ever; he'd played a hard lead bass in the Double Proposition days, and he'd made his reputation as a the heart and soul of his band, the guy whose antics defined their appeal, as a drug addict that couldn't get enough and a guy that was enslaved to his penis. He’d married twice, divorced twice, had a son and a daughter from one of the marriages; both hated his guts and he could hardly blame them.

    That was rock and roll.

    Opener bands were usually a good time to chit-chat about business or talk up the girls, but the start of this particular band, who didn’t even bother introducing themselves before they started; the lead singer just shouted to all the crowd to pay attention, and somehow, the two bigshots in the private balcony area found that they were commanded to attention as well. There was a wiry guy on stage, hair all over the place and wearing no shirt and only some vinyl pants, tattoos on display, and none of them ironic. He wasn't singing the usual barrage of droning whining, something that sounded awesome when Kurt Cobain screeched out his agony, but which became an old hat by 2011; it was boring. Instead, he was singing unrepentantly about "Wild Rose," a bum wine that the band liked to drink. The crowd seemed to be enjoying it, particularly the parts of the crowd the songs were written about, the strippers and the shady friends of strippers and the other guys that were clearly fans of the opening band. But by having strippers, Blue could spot a stripper from a mile away, in the crowd cheering away and singing along, they also had the male part of the crowd engaged.



    Blue glanced toward Johnny, who was noticing the same things, and then back to the stage; he tried to bypass the singer's presence, though it was hard; the guy was a sinuous, beckoning presence at the front of the stage, strange and inviting, with a dash of Mick Jagger or David Bowie's Devil May Care...or maybe some of Iggy Pop down there, as he went from a baritone to a shouted tenor, smooth and rough in the delivery -- he was actually very Iggy Pop, but that was a good thing. Too many of those lead singers were Chad Kroeger or Eddie Vedder wannabes.

    He tried to focus on the rhythm, the way the guitars interchanged, and the bass, how tight they were with the beat. The conversation died off at the table as below, the crowd became more energized; they'd been idling at the bar, getting drinks and milling around the way bands often do at the openers.

    ”Johnny, are these the guys we're supposed to be looking at, this Blue Ribbon Nitrous Oxide band that fuck Smyth was talkin’ about?” he still had a hint of Jersey to it though he'd left the place long behind him.

    ”I don't think so Blue, I remember Martin clearly saying that they were the second opening band...” he grabbed the flyer, ”Reckless Life. Fitting.” he noted, even as the sonic assault continued; these were men used to ignoring the rush of the adrenaline and the crowd going wild to assess music as a business, ”They sound very, very, very good. That lead guitarist, with the blue Les Paul...that thing sounds out of this world. Maybe he's the bastard of Angus Young or something, eh?”

    ”4/4 beat and that drummer is putting real ferocity into it, but he’s skilled despite the simplicity of it – the bass is locked right in with him. And watch him when he twirls the sticks and kind of shows off; that motherfucker can drum the way the guitarist can play! The rhythm’s in a 3 chord with the volumes cranked, no distortion pedals, but they break out of it. It’s got crunch, a real throaty sort of growl. The lead plays along but occasionally breaks loose, but he keeps it pretty ‘in’ with the rest of the setup, rather than overdoing it…you know, like the metal guys often do. Look, the bass player even has a lock and chain around his neck like Sid Vicious!” His generation grew up venerating Sid Vicious and the like, but it seemed like that sort of grit was out of style now. It seemed like there were two varieties to rock these days; over the top whiny buttrock or hipster rock that involved less musicianship and over-simple stuff because those guys couldn’t play or way over the top, pretentious, classical-music complex metal composition. Alex Blue came up in the days of the Sex Pistols and Johnny Thunders, grew up with Iggy and the Stooges, whom he idolized. These guys apparently grasped the middleground between competent musical talent and keeping the songwriting simple. From a songwriting perspective, he almost thought of it as the sort of thing he might like to write, though every band sounded subtly different and their voice was there. It was a combination of the instruments, the way the players learned to play, the lead singer and a little psychological je ne sais quoi that made really good bands stand out; Reckless Life had that, identifiable sound, distinctive. These guys would work, largely because they were good at it and very, very different from their peers. It wasn’t a new type of rock, but it stood apart from its contemporaries.

    Alex Blue already realized that he was thinking of them as on the radio or MTV, as someone that needed to have an album. Blue never had a Grammy, but he’d had several platinum albums, he had #1 on the Billboard. He figured he was pretty good at this shit.

    “The whole band sounds fucking great, Johnny...” Perhaps it was the freshness of the sound; they were expecting the usual standing-still, indifferent delivery of a battery of emotional problems and irony, mixed with anal-retentive social criticism, not high-octane party and love songs to drugs and alcohol, to the sex, drugs and rock and roll, or a devilish sense of humor about it – sense of humor seemed to be one thing that the rock and roll world had lost around the time that Nirvana got big. The music slithered through with a demonic consciousness of its own, sly and amused even as it ranted and raved, ”They sound a lot like the Stones. I don't know, it's the material they sing about; it's not painting a pretty picture, but it's not apologizing or trying to make some fucking political statement.”

    One of the girls was pouting, but the other interjected into a conversation between professionals, ”Wow, they're really cool.”

    Blue smiled over at the girl, who was nodding her head along as that guitarist, some kid with the long hair was clearly into the music; he had that classic pose of the hips thrust forward, the back arched and was moving his hands furiously up the neck as the rhythm, bass and drums kept things going as a backdrop to the solo; it was ear-splitting, hard-driving stuff, akin to AC/DC or Guns N' Roses to the intensity, tossing aside totally the St. Anger-era belief that the era of guitar solos was over. He'd started the set wearing a shirt, but it was soaked down from the heat of the lights and the electrical equipment, and now it was tied around a pair of jeans. The guy was all over the place, leaping around, strutting up and then thrusting his hips toward the audience as he riffed, only to move back and then sidle up to the lead and start playing at some point in the song they liked; a song that was basically in mocking praise of society, particularly LA’s less glamorous parts... It was a classic sort of paean to the fucked up alternate universe of the LA music scene, the wealth and the desperation, the excess, the grifters and the drifters, the failures and the has-beens. But the songs celebrated it all with a mocking tone of black humor and devil-may care.

    It was music after Alex Blue's own heart, unapologetically arrogant rocking that didn't bother to worry about the grit or who it offended.

    ”You're right, Candy, they're really cool. That's a sound. Listen to that fucker on the lead play, that's not just talent, that's a fuckin’ gift.”

    ”That's a sound we can sell to Phil Becken.” Johnny agreed, nodding along, even as things moved to the next song.

    ”Better give him the call, then, he'll want to get here before it's over.”

    ”Fuck,” Johnny groused, ”Martin’s gonna come in his pants and then he’s gonna shit himself angry when he realizes you got Phil here, but not for his shit…”

    But that just got Alex Blue laughing; he had a sense of humor that sometimes ran toward the cruel and capricious, the dancing malevolent. It wasn’t really his fault; after all, Martin had asked him to do whatever it took to get Phil Becken down here tonight. He figured he’d give Smyth what he wanted, but in a way he wouldn’t really appreciate.

    --

    The roar at the end of the set was lusty, drunk, and possibly drugged; addled on the booze and the endorphins, the adrenaline and the sweat.

    The end of the set was heralded with outraged howling and Cave Wyatt telling them that they had to get off or the next band, announcing them politely; the crowd were expecting BRNO to try to live up to the octane level set in an unexpectedly fierce opening gig.

    That's when the shouts of "ENCORE!" started. Unfortunately, they were on a tight schedule; openers didn't give encores...

    ”All good things have to end, right? But after a short break, you get to see Blue Ribbon Nitrous Oxide!”

    And then they trouped off stage; Mark felt drained, but strangely buoyant; drenched in sweat, he'd thrown off his shirt midway through and went for it mercilessly, playing for the life of him and loving every second of it. The howl of the crowd, raging for more music, for the party to continue, and no doubt drinking themselves silly at the bar -- an important distinction for a business that lived off liquor sales like the Sandpit did -- was now BRNO's problem, and didn't Martin Smyth know it.

    ”What the hell was that?” he thundered away in that accent of his when the band barely entered the room; Mark didn't know a real English accent from a fake, he was all-California, but he knew the tone, it was demanding and pissed off; the guy looked puckered up and he was bugging a band that just got done gigging, were still dripping sweat and were just trying to get ”Are you lot trying to play at rock stars or something? What the hell did you think you were doing with those fucking glasses, being cute?” Oh, wow, that English accent that, “Old Son" cockney was melting into something else -- more American. Surprise, Surprise, thought Mark.

    Well-known fact; American rockers wanted to be English, English rockers wanted to be Black.

    If 'Smyth' was going to continue on, it was cut off by the entry of Sneer, the third band, sloshing booze on them, ”Shit dude, I feel bad for us. We have to follow you up after you BLEW that fuckin' crowd away.” The guy's name was Holden Barrow, the lead guitar of Sneer, to Mark, while shaking his hand, ”I couldn't believe that fuckin' playing.” he told Mark as he slapped a beer into his hand.

    The beer tasted awesome; it was actually kind of warm, and he liked cold beer, and it was some sort of piss weak beer, but it tasted ambrosial on his tongue tonight. The room was so tiny, the same little cat-piss smelling dressing room they'd had before, but suddenly there was a second band and some strippers; he could smell things being lit, not all of them legal, and didn't care.

    He was aching tired, beat up from leaping all over the stage, running into shit and all that, but it was a good, even heady feeling. He just went along with the crowd as they made a run for the bar; he thought he spotted Claire in the throng, but he failed to notice that Cal, well, Calvin, was there as well. It was Cave Wyatt that poked Mark in the ribs with an elbow to warn him; the expression on Cave’s face was enough to do that – the dude hated Cal with a passion. Maybe the lead singer wanted a piece of Claire’ ass, maybe he resented the way Cal tried to run the show in the apartment that Mark and Claire shared. Maybe it was just something on the cellular level; Cave was Texan white trash that had a fucked up upbringing, more fucked up than usual anyway, and guys like Cal set the guy's teeth totally on edge.

    ”Fuck,” he breathed, he had no idea that Cal was going to show up when he handed Claire the tickets; he figured it’d be the usual and she’d bring another college girl as a chaperone to what were, after all, somewhat freakshow concerts. He never expected to see Cal here. But even Cal couldn’t put the damper on the night – they’d killed the concert, locked in on all fronts. They unloaded on a new crowd at a new venue and now, while the BRNO struggled to put a dent in a fired up crowd with their set, they were setting up to drink. He wasn’t exactly excited to deal with Cal, and that was probably why Stace found other places to be and Dalton found something to do; it was better that Dalton not hang around Claire too much anyway, what with the thing going on between Dalton and Jamie, Claire’s sister – that was on-again/off-again, but Mark could just see what the reaction would be when Jamie popped out a baby that was an entirely different color. It was like the broad was Greek or something, and she was going to claim that Zeus did it to her.

    All that aside, he couldn’t just not talk to his friend, even if dealing with her douchebag boyfriend was this huge trial, it would have hurt her and probably wouldn’t have been a good idea for him – it always seemed like Claire had a lot of shit going on, even if she didn’t know it. Parents pressuring her, boyfriend pressuring her, career choices pressuring her, sister running around (though she didn’t know the details, such as that the woman was banging a much younger Dalton, and Mark dreaded the day she found out, because she’d blow her shit) and a myriad of things…Claire was always high maintenance, or maybe it was more accurate to say that the people all around her were high maintenance. She was always trying to please her parents, emulate her sister, keep her boyfriend happy, and Mark played the role of the low-maintenance friend, the safety valve.

    Some days it rankled; he appreciated her showing up, but he wondered why the fuck Cal was here, and he knew that anyone that took one look at the guy’s scrunched-up nose was wondering the same thing.

    It didn’t matter, he wasn’t going to be the drama guy, instead, he pretended it was cool. But sometimes pretending around Claire seemed to stretch his patience lately. But he had beer, and that would probably help take the edge off. Or make him care less.

    ”Hey, Claire, enjoying the action?”
    Last edited by HeySeuss; 07-24-2012 at 04:54 PM.
    -
    "The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time."
    - Bertrand Russell


  2. #2
    The Bleeding Rose Lizzie B's Avatar
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    Clare Pierce was going places. Where, you may ask? To a large, comfortable home in the suburbs. She was going to graduate, become an ultra sound technician, get married, buy a house close to her parents, have a few kids, and spend the rest of her life as a stay at home mom. Of course pieces of that were subjective. For example, with the pressure her mother was putting on her marriage and children could come at any time. The sooner the better, really.

    She already had the man she was going to marry. Calvin Richardson. Strong, handsome, studying to become a real estate agent. In LA, real estate was a booming business, and RA’s made bank. Their relationship wasn’t perfect, but what is? They got along well, and he made her feel…special. Like she was the only girl for him, and their relationship was like no other. “This is something that lasts a life time.” He’d told her, after the first of many times he would get her out of her favorite jean shorts. And as she laid on his strong, tan chest and ran her hands through his sandy blonde hair…she believed him.

    He wasn’t a saint, and his track record read loud and clear that she was not the first girl to curl up against him. But she would be the last, because the two of them were a team. Yes, they fought often and Cal was a real ass when he was hungry. Yes, he hated the fact that she’d moved in with Mark and he had no problem saying it. Yes, he’d accused her of having an affair with a co worker who had more acne than clear skin. And yes, he wasn’t exactly thrilled when he’d introduced her to his friends and she hadn’t bothered to change out of her uniform from the theater. Sure, sometimes he was late or she saw him trying to hide his phone when he was texting…but Claire wasn’t too worried. Her parents loved him, his parents loved her, and as long as they didn’t get her translucent easy to burn skin or incredibly curly hair, their children would be very attractive. Possibly even future super models.

    They wanted the same things, and they were going in the same direction. Sometimes it was better not to question, and she had to trust that he’d been put into her life for a reason. She loved him, she did, and her mother wanted grand children now. Hell, he might have even proposed already if she hadn’t moved in with Mark.

    Oh, Mark. The mystery Cal couldn’t seem to solve. He didn’t think it was ok that she’d moved in with a male friend, especially one with so many questionable characters as friends. And sure, Claire didn’t condone the smoking and drinking and whatever the hell else they did, but she hadn’t found any of them to be too disturbing, or even dangerous. And besides, how often could you find a roommate that you could bring home to dinner with your parents, or talk about people from high school with?

    She didn’t attend Mark’s concerts enough, and in all honesty it was something she felt bad about. Belli usually came with her, but she was out on a hot date and how could Claire deny her of that? She’d asked Cal to come with her instead. It was probably a bad idea, considering he and the band didn’t exactly coexist in a peaceful manner, but at least this way she could be sure no one would try to drag her into the back and kill her. Cal was nothing if not protective.

    The room was hot and crowded, filled with people who smelled like a mix of illegal substances, booze, and sweat. She immediately regretted coming. Luckily it wasn’t long before the band took the stage, all wearing… “Are those glasses?” Cal asked her, leaning in close to her ear so she could hear him. The band ripped them off, throwing them down, and Claire couldn’t help but laugh. Mark hated hipsters, and the hipsters hated Mark. The music was good, as always, but even in the thick of it all, Claire made no attempt at dancing. She hung on to Cal’s hand and watched intently, her eyes spending most of their time on Mark. He was so passionate, the way he played. Alive and outspoken in the way he moved. His performances had gotten better since high school, along with his physique and his song writing. He was more confident now, and he had…something. Anyone could see it. A fire maybe? Lit inside him somewhere, making the sweat drip down his body until he finally shed his shirt. And talent, he had talent. He always had.

    Her musical bliss didn’t last long, because the bodies began to move faster, people pushing their way through the crowd. Yelling, talking, laughing, drinking. Were they letting more people in? The place was already crammed. Some girl got up on a pole and started working her stuff, earning cheers from the crowd…including Cal? Claire looked up at him in disgust, and he only grinned down at her. “Come on babe, it’s just for fun.”

    Before long the music ended and another band took the stage. They were forgettable, and the music that drifted over the crowd might as well have been from a hidden stereo somewhere. Claire could feel her anxiety level rising, setting her teeth on edge. “I need a drink.” She told Cal, dragging him towards the bar. She was good at dealing with stress from school, and her parents, and Cal. Familiar stress, the kind she’d been dealing with all her life. But that crowded room with smoke in the air was anything but familiar, and she could feel herself beginning to unwind. After she saw Mark, she was leaving.

    He found them just after she’d down a beer, feeling a little better but not entirely. He asked if she was enjoying the action and she grimaced a little. The action. Did he mean the strippers? Or the drunks? Or the strippers? Why the hell were there strippers? For people like Cal, those who had been dragged along for whatever reason and needed a little excitement. Ok, so she was a little bit upset about the strippers. It was all of the people, and the fact that her beer had been warm. She wasn’t a warm beer kind of girl.

    “The action is debatable, but you guys were great. The glasses thing was awesome.”

    Well, Mark meant ‘the action’ as in the way the crowd blew up. It was try that Cave used every marketing ploy he could think of, and giving strippers the tickets they paid for to get the gig going seemed like an investment that more than paid off; they got to party and they made the guys in the crowd, and some of the women, want to party.

    Claire was a bit naive about the marketing end of the business or just how sleazy music could be, but it was also true that Cave Wyatt was a bit of a dirtbag...not that this was a new thing in rock. On the other hand, the BNRO guys were droning away and the buzz of the crowd was steadily dropping in response to the Freudian angst of the music, the way it basically seemed to relentlessly try to combine the therapy couch aspects with a Woody Allen movie and the psychedelia of Iron Butterfly into this unappealing package where a guy in a sweater tried to imitate Eddie Vedder and Weezer. But it was old news, overdone, and an over-saturated market. There was too much avant-garde in rock right now, and too little of a grittier, more lively sense of it that Reckless Life brought to stage.

    There was also a lack of musicianship; Mark was looking at the guys on stage and their playing almost as if shocked -- they were at the Alley Cat and they were out of tune and playing sloppy; there was nothing like Mark up there, fury and fingers on the frets. There wasn’t even any real appreciation of the basics there, such as a timing between the bass and drums that formed the core of any good music. These guys were all marketing, no music.

    He wasn’t surprised when a beer cup went sailing. It seemed inevitable.

    “Yeah, we wanted to salute another band’s manager in fine style.” He jerked a thumb at BRNO on stage with a grin.

    Claire smirked at him, as if she was trying not to. The place was loud, and noisy, and hot. She wasn’t exactly over dressed, but she could already feel a layer of sweat forming where her jeans were tight against her skin. She leaned forward, stepping close as if she wanted to talk to him without shouting over the crowd. Cal, content with hanging onto her hand until now, took this as his chance to move. He snaked his hands around her hips, pulling her back against his solid chest before she could get a word out.

    “I knew you couldn’t get through a show without taking your shirt off.” he yelled over the music, wrapping his arms around Claire. She was about ready to smack him; it was too hot for cuddling. But he always got like that in front of Mark, all touchy feely and possessive. She accepted it, but that didn’t mean she liked it. “Do you get paid extra for that? I mean like, is it your contract?” Ah, and there was what he’d been building up to all night. The implication that Mark was nothing more than a male stripper. Fantastic.

    “Trying to find a job in the field, Cal?” That, of course, was Cave Wyatt, who came on the stage without a shirt and stayed that way; the man had some tattoos going on, and otherwise had a very fit sort of physique, muscled from manual labor as a kid down in Texas and kept up from luck and the rest. He wasn’t like ripped completely or a body builder, but it was more feline than that; he posed himself with his left thumb hooked into the belt-loop of a pair of rather tight black leather pants, laced up along the crotch at that, while he held a beer loosely in his right hand. If Mark had the “Devil’s Eyes;” it was sometimes said that they were a little too knowing, but it was Cave who had the “Jack Nicholson grin;” crooked, self-indulgent and mocking to those it was aimed at.

    The truth was that Cave was more willing to just be unabashedly himself around Claire; Mark held back a good bit in her presence, and it was something that the lead singer found annoying for a guitarist that cut loose on stage, wrote songs about drugs, stripping, casual sex and all the other planks of rock n’ roll. It was as if Cave was starting to think that Claire, by being overly influenced by Cal, had become part of the establishment. There was a chill in those relations, as a result. Cave would tell him, in private, that he was letting Cal get to him too much through Claire, that a third party was fucking with his life and he had to take control. Mark, however, wasn’t quite at the stage where he was ready to say anything about it, much less do anything about it.

    But it was mostly Cal that Cave aimed to annoy.

    This was the sort of confrontation Mark didn’t really want; Cave Wyatt was the sort of guy that didn’t care and didn’t mind getting in people’s face to prove a point. He had a lot of things he overcompensated for, but when it came to goading guys like Cal, he was pretty close to impenetrable. The problem was, of course, that it was other people who always paid for it.

    Mark had to stifle back a groan; he did it with an ample swallow of the beer; it was game on, unfortunately.

    “Yeah, uh, dude, it gets hot up there under the lights with the amps running.” That was as polite as Mark could make it, but it probably came out a little snotty; Mark was feeling snotty tonight, at least toward the intrusion of Cal. All around, people were drinking and enjoying themselves, but here he was, answering to Mr. Young Authority. He was kind of hating himself at that very instant.

    Crap. Crap crap crap crap shit dammit. The night was going down hill, and fast. She loved listening to him play, but this was exactly why she usually stuck to listening to him practice in the apartment. She didn’t exactly dislike Cave, but she did dislike what he represented. Drugs, sex, more drugs, and more sex and strippers and dying of and overdose. She also disliked the fact that he and Cal got into it so often. And that wasn’t exactly Cave’s fault, at least not fifty percent of the time. But the two of them were a bad match, a very bad match.

    “Yeah,” Claire offered, trying to make casual conversation with Mark to deflect the inevitable bickering that was about to go down. “It’s hot down here, I can’t imagine how hot it is up there. With the lights and the-,”

    “Actually I’m not.” Cal said to Cave, his hands gripping Claire’s hips tightly in his anger. “Because, you see, I have this funny thing called a future. You know, with a job and a house. The kind where you live, not where you crash for a not because you can’t afford to get your own place. But it might be a good job for you? I hear the gay community loves that leather pants and feminine tattoo shit. And they’ll appreciate that beautiful needle work you’ve done to sew your pants shut. Unfortunately, the ladies aren’t so keen on that. Isn’t that right Claire? Women don’t usually get close to a man’s crotch to see how well sewn shut his pants are. But I mean, if you’re trying to save your virtue or something you have the right idea.” she could hear her heart pounding in her ears, dread filling her stomach like a lead weight. But she’d been through worse than this, she knew how to keep a straight face.

    “Tell you what, Cal,” when Cave, as a Texan said, ‘Tell you what’ it generally meant, ‘Listen here, you retard...’ but that worked the same way as ‘with all due respect’ or ‘oh, isn’t that so nice’ in the South, “See those fellows up there?” He thrust his jaw toward the VIP section, the mezzanine level, “They’d probably do a damn fine job in your real estate agency. Hell, one of them is Phil Becken...”

    Cave had good eyes, as Mark saw that, no shit, there was a music industry legend up there; actually, the guy went from working as a talent agent in a larger agency to the top of that agency...then he crossed over to an executive position in the movie industry, at one point the head of a studio and then switched over to run a music label. At one point, he’d combined the two into an entertainment conglomerate that promoted bands in movies and cheaply promoted movies with the music. But then he left the studio/music arrangement for Universal Music Group. The man was a legend in several industries, not the least of which being that he was good at picking out talent. But he wasn’t into flash in the pan talent, he picked groups that had hits and longevity, directors that made hit movies with substance. He had taste, and that elevated Phil Becken over the rest.

    Cave’s drawl went on, somewhat relentlessly, “You want to brag about how much money you’re going to make, Cal, you go ahead and do it. But guess what? There’s more n’ one way to skin a cat. Sell all the houses you want, you’ll never make as much money as any of the guys at that table, because you’re too yellow to ever even try it, boy. And look real close; Becken doesn’t even like girls, but the other two guys at the table have some unbelievably hot ones. And if I ain’t mistaken, one of them is wearing plenty of leather.”

    “You’re right. I can see why you look up to them. They can actually afford shirts.”

    “...holy shit, that’s Alex Blue up there too. Dude’s awesome on the bass...” that was Mark’s response; it was like they were being looked down upon by the gods.

    “Hey babe? Maybe we should go. I have a report due in the morning. It’s really important, I should finish it...” But Cal wasn’t even looking at her. He was glaring at Cave, leaving Claire to look to Mark for help. Or maybe just hope? Anything, she’d take anything.

    But Mark was probably lost in a bit of hero worship; and if he didn’t really see the point in getting involved, that was fine; it was Hack, on the other hand, hanging around nearby, talking to a girl and making it obvious that he would intervene if Cal decided to get violent toward Cave; that was Hack in a heartbeat, always up for the fight. The guy was heavily muscled and a big dude to boot, but Cave was, in his own way, tough enough to fight and win if he had to. The problem, of course, was that Cal probably knew people and might sue just to watch people squirm. The guy was a prick.

    But at least Mark wasn’t so lost that he didn’t notice Hack starting to stir as Cal started his act, and shook his head curtly at Hack -- the band managed to communicate by signals, and Mark was using this now.

    “Here, buddy.” Cal said, finally releasing Claire and digging into his pocket. Her opened his wallet and pulled out a five dollar bill, offering it to Cave. “This should get you something at Walmart. Or maybe two whole shirts at good will? I’m sure you’ll find something that goes great with those pants.”

    What? Five whole dollars to his enemy? Cal was incredibly cheap, Claire could hardly get him to pay for dinner.

    “Oh, I wouldn’t want to deprive you of a morning latte tomorrow, Cal. I know they don’t pay people like you for the minuscule and unimportant work they do out in the cubicle farm.” But he, too, caught Mark’s expression and nodded faintly, “But pardon me, I think I need a beer to wash a few things down,” and he sauntered off; of course, that left Mark with Claire and Cal, though Mark seemed more inclined to watch what the ‘suits’ were doing up on the mezzanine out the corner of his eye. Meanwhile, there seemed to be a Circle of Calvin, a radius that people didn’t enter into, and so Mark was definitely being held back from the rest of the night’s festivities by being kept there.

    Suddenly, she was out of tolerance. “Cal, I really need to leave.” Claire was not someone who was fun to be around when she was pissed. Mark would recognize the body language. Folded arms, glaring daggers, biting her lip to keep from biting him. He was in for a hell of a ride home. She didn’t bother to say goodnight to Mark before she dragged Cal out of the club. He was already complaining. “Can you believe that guy? He’s such a prick.” She refused to respond. In fact, Claire didn’t say a word the entire ride. When he dropped her off she turned away, and when he attempted a good night kiss, slammed the door of his stupid SUV so hard he jumped a little in his seat. She went up to their apartment and did her normal night time ritual, something that took the edge off the anger, but not enough to let her sleep. She lay awake for hours, scolding herself for staying up so late, imagining how tired she’d be in the morning. It was a vicious cycle, but eventually she drifted off, falling into a web of tangled dreams.


    By Jaxi

  3. #3
    Stands out like... HeySeuss's Avatar
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    He wasn't so sure that Claire wasn't pissed at him; it seemed like he got lumped in with Cal, even when he tried to tolerate Cal as best he could. It was irrational and grating on him; he wasn't Saint Mark, though, he probably could have done more to stand up to Cave in defusing the situation...but that seemed like a lot of work. Claire left without saying her goodbyes, looking ready to go off with her temper. He wasn't even sure why she didn't just come on her own...or had brought Belli. He wasn't sure what Cal was here for.

    Mark felt totally guilty for thinking it, but Claire being gone meant Cal being gone and that made life a whole lot easier; it just was. The thing was that Claire had a lot of Bruce and Helen Pierce in her, and very little of Jamie's rebelliousness. Even for Jamiethe rebellion ruthlessly squeezed into a domestic life that simply wasn't working; in fact, it was fucking dysfunctional, given that he'd actually been there a time or two when Jamie essentially fucked Dalton's brains out one room away.

    The net result was that Claire intentionally steered away from more than the most staid sort of fun. A party to Claire seemed to involve hors d'oeurves on a platter and a nice wine, rather than even what the average college kid did -- she was practicing full time for housewifehood in some suburb somewhere.

    He wasn't sure how to tell her that she was becoming one of the most relentlessly boring people he knew, not at all like the girl in high school and early college that partied around and enjoyed herself; sure, she always had baggage from the accidents and the scarring, but now it seemed like Cal was a vampire, taking the life out of her drip by drip until what he had left was a fucking Stepford Wife; glazed eyes, fixed smile, impeccably coiffed hair, perfectly done nails and fashion sense, eternally decorating a too-nice home that had the sterility of an operating theater in a hospital...just like Bruce and Helen's place.



    Hell, he even had suspicions about Bruce, but nothing that could be proven; the dude did a lot of biking to compensate for something.

    There was a lot of drinking to be done, and Mark was on it, beer after beer, rocking a piss in between and staying away from the backstage where Martin Smyth seemed intent on trying to corner people; he'd had enough of that shit for one night, as had the rest of the band.

    In any case, the little bubble dissipated in the place and Mark was able to enjoy the drinking with the guys; BRNO gave way to Sneer, and if Sneer couldn't quite match the rolling, thunderous intensity of Reckless Life having one of its best performances to date, they were at least seasoned up enough to play good shows like the tour veterans they were. BRNO were a marketing schtick with bad music. Sneer were way more conventional but the musicianship was there -- the guys could play, even if they didn't quite manage to pull it off; Mickey Mullen, the lead guitarist, couldn't swagger, jump around or work the fretboard with nearly the intensity that Mark liked to do, and they didn't really have a bite to the lyrics...it was a bit shocking to compare the band's sound to their own, and the comments reflected that.

    Unfortunately, it was around that time that Martin Smyth made an approach, one very different from earlier when he'd been ranting. Now, he was sidling up all friendly, perhaps overly friendly, with a drink that reeked of booze in it and a little bit of coke under his nostrils, above his lip; he gleamed sickly in the lights of the club, making a ghoulish presentation of himself...

    "Look, lad, you're going to need representation in this world, you need someone that knows how to keep you from getting screwed by these companies, and I'm that man..." Mark wasn't sure what the man was angling at, but he didn't bother to conceal his expression, though Smythe didn't bother to read it. It was a rambling litany of everything Smythe would do for him, and at the end of it, Mark simply said, "We aren't signing away total ownership of the songs to you," and meant it; the others deferred to Mark on this one, and he told them the history of Kim Fowley and the Runaways, or the way that Creedence Clearwater Revival got so screwed by their label that they weren't even allowed to play their own songs on stage after the break with them...they'd been bought for peanuts out of desperation, and Mark knew that game..he didn't intend to get snookered that way.

    "What do you mean, you aren't exactly in a great position to bargain here, I'm doing you a bloody favor!"

    "You don't do favors Martin, you have angles. And you have nosecandy powder on your fuckin' nostrils, you look like Cocaine Hitler. No way. Final answer."

    "Fuck you, you rotten little shit, don't you know what sort of pull I have in this town? I'm not making that fucking offer twice!" Mark sniggered, and that was enough for Martin to turn away livid; angry, aging, and hiding a bit of bulk with a loose, and very loud, shirt while still rocking leather pants. Mascara, a receding hairline and earrings. A bit of a comic figure. But he was wearing a Patek Philippe watch, the sort of thing a guy like Cal would drool over; forty grand of watch on his wrist and the band he was representing were using very basic equipment -- even Reckless Life's rig was better on stage, perhaps because Mark swung favors with Manny at the Power Sound and knew equipment, but if Martin Smythe really could do things for them, you think he'd at least back up that statement by doing something for the band he had up on stage right now. The only thing he regretted was that he didn't string Martin along for some free meals while he tried to woo the band. He'd take shit for that, but hey...the guy was the worst kind of hustler.

    The thing was, Mark didn't actually pay attention when another someone spoke to him; someone familiar-sounding enough for his head to spin.

    "You guys sounded so much better up there...so...intense and real..."
    slurred a girl that seemed vaguely recognizable; Asian somewhere back in the ancestry, going by the dark hair and the hint-of-dusky skin and a slight tilt to the smoldering dark eyes, perhaps enhanced just a bit with the artful application of mascara, but a lot of other things that made her all California; she was lean, lithe and wearing a skimpy strappy sort of top and tight pants, but with a bellybutton and ring exposed; and the flesh there was toned, like the rest of her. California had lots of really beautiful girls, undeniably, but some were a cut above and this was one of them.

    "Holy shit," Mark blurted; hell, he almost spewed beer in the woman's face "Jen Gilbert? From JFK?"

    The thing was, Jennifer Gilbert was like one of the 'mean girls' of his high school years, friends, distantly, with Claire; but it was more like they moved in similar circles than being great buddies. But Jen Gilbert went out of her way to torment Mark a bit, and that was what Mark remembered most of all. It was hard to tell, back then, if Claire Pierce and Jen Gilbert were friends, enemies or frienemies, or whatever the hell women had for these categories.

    "Mark 'Verona' now is it?"
    she purred at him even as she edged closer and closer, and even threw her arms around him, like they were old friends; that was fuckin' surreal, "I couldn't believe that was you up there, I just remember what you were like in high school, but now...wow..."

    Mark was like looking over at Dalton at this point, and Dalton was furiously giving him the thumbs up and a nod, like as if to say, "Fuck yeah, bro!" and Cave seemed to have the same thing going on, a big Cheshire Cat smile on his face and glittering eyes as he watched Mark and this girl -- usually, it was a race between Dalton and Cave. Dalton got more women, but Cave usually got the sophisticated ones, the ones who were ensnared by men with personality as well as feral good looks. Stace? Nowhere to be seen, and Hack? Out on the floor moshing with other guys, oblivious.

    Mark didn't quite understand; he didn't think he'd changed that much from JFK high as much as he had, and Claire gave little indication of it even though she knew him from those days. It was hard to figure it out if one watched the changes happening; from a skinny guy with a lot of hair but not much going for him, too big of a nose and not quite done growing all the way up in a school full of beefcakey football types.

    It was a different ballgame now; Mark was finished growing and managed to come out cleaning up well; the deep set eyes and the nose fit his features, along with a strong jaw and slightly olive skin, though he was still fairly pale. He'd tattooed since he'd left high school, and the Medusa was distinctive; he'd pierced since he'd left high school, two in the lobes, one in the helix, and he knew how to take care of the hair better, which required a degree of conditioner that he bought and used very much in secret.

    He was wearing that sweaty shirt again, but it revealed what was beneath and while he was no six pack muscleman, it was far from unacceptable. He was lithe from hours of guitar practice and moves on the stage.

    "Uh, wow, it's really good to see you,"
    there wasn't much more to do than return the hug and play along; bitch though she'd been, it was hard to remember that a girl had been a bitch to you in high school when she was kind of up against you and in no hurry to leave; and he was in the bag enough that he didn't care, to be honest, "It's been what, since, uh, senior year at JFK?"

    He'd skipped the graduation, feeling no inclination to attend. He'd passed, and that was on the direct orders of his mother, who had a hard time keeping him off the guitar; the deal was to do work or she'd take it away, so he did what he could on homework and tests, but managed to average at a low B for not doing well on participation...grades that might have gotten him into college if he'd cared.

    "Mmm, yeah, something like that. So besides playing in a totally awesome band, what have you been doing with yourself, Mark?" She was a bit in the bag herself, but nowhere near beer goggles; Mark had some experience in gauging this, actually. He'd never gone home with any women, but when he'd crashed after partying, it was generally with his buddies or in some girl's place. Even one of the strippers, though that was more Dalton and Cave and Hack territory.

    "Uh, well, I work over at Manny's Power Sound on the strip," he told her and then, added quickly, "It's a music store that sells guitars, amps, drums, mics...Uh and," he was trying to move it along, "I'm living with Claire Pierce."

    "You're with her?" That drew a startled reaction.

    "Oh, no," He laughed, "She's dating some dude, we just live together in the friendzone..."

    "Well, that's really good, Mark,"
    she told him tartly as she snuggled up even more, "Because I think I want to have a few more drinks and then I wonder where we could go to catch up on things a little more..."

    "Uh..." This was new territory for him; he didn't want to precisely tell Jen Gilbert that she probably wasn't welcome to come over. Beer and Penis told Brain, "Look, Claire isn't your girlfriend, and you pay rent too." Brain was like, "Yeah, you're right. This is a stupid restriction, and she bangs Cal there all the time. Alright, request approved."

    Maybe Jen Gilbert caught the hesitancy, because said, "I've got a secret to tell you..." and then she leaned in and whispered into his ear, while her hands went inside the unbuttoned front of his shirt, feeling their way around all too knowingly and all too enticingly; she could have been octopus the way those hands went everywhere they could, "I want you show me where you keep your guitar, Mark."

    And then she nibbled on his earlobe, and that was that. Decision made, point of no return.

    "Yeah, it's not that far, lemme just make sure to get my axe..."

    --

    Mark was the veteran of rough mornings, and he knew that this was going to be another one; there was little memory of what went on during the night except that they'd had liquor and pot in his room, and that was pretty quickly consumed during the proceedings; if Jen Gilbert wanted to say hi to Claire, she never managed to; things were hazy, but he remembered the press of flesh and the sounds of Aerosmith's "Rocks" playing on his stereo, not so loudly as to be heard past the thick walls of the apartment or between the rooms of the apartment, but enough so that it could be enjoyed by the two of them.

    That first hour was done to the rhythms of "Rocks" through "Back in the Saddle" and "Last Child" and all the way through. By the end, they were curled up and, despite all the booze and smoke, talking like old friends rather than...well, whatever they'd been in high school. It was surreal, and that was even before the intoxicants. All night long, it was Jen Gilbert telling him she couldn't believe it was the same guy, which he was taking as a compliment and a truth at this point.



    It was strange to realize, in the course of the conversation, the pillow talk really, just how much Jen Gilbert apparently loved rock but didn't know much about it -- it hadn't been an in thing in high school, and certainly Aerosmith wasn't on the playlist.

    But after a night of serious play, they were both exhausted and strung out, both seriously done in. Dalton would run for his life or sneak out while the getting was good, before strings could be attached, Hack would be hungry, Stace...no one knew what Stace did in these situations. Cave would be kicking the girl out. But Mark maybe was a little different; he didn't just bag girls left and right the way the others did, perhaps because of a confidence issue; until tonight at least, he still saw the stringy JFK sophomore he'd been in the mirror, not the darkly handsome bastard he was now, the one that made Calvin Richardson think he had competition.

    And of course, it was maybe two hours after they were done that the Mark's phone went off. It was 7:37am on a Saturday, and they'd been blissfully asleep in spoon position beneath a single rumpled sheet, though she was snoring a bit. The phone shattered that and was most unwelcome for doing so.

    He let it go to voicemail, because he couldn't find it in time, even though he'd scrambled in a mad dash to find his pants. Meanwhile, Jen was asking, "Ugh, no way, what time is it?"

    "Early."


    "Ugh. Do you have any coffee?"


    The thing was, Mark always had coffee on a timer; that was his duty in the place and he took it seriously, "Yeah, it's in the kitchen. Just grab one of my shirts and go for it. There are clean ones in the closet..."

    Jen didn't look good at all; she was hot when made up and healthy, but this morning she was strung out, worn out and hung over. If she looked that bad when she usually looked that damn good, Mark had to be some sort of beast from the black lagoon mess. Jen was up and in one of his shirts, one that had the "Gibson" guitars logo; actually, she didn't look half bad in the shirt and her panties, though the shirt covered her down to about the top of her thighs, but Mark wasn't really that kind of morning guy. Not this hangover, with the head pounding and the stomach growling and everything sore as fuck. He honestly wanted to get back to bed, but he knew that now that he was awake, he just had to grind through...



    It was just as he was stepping into his bathroom to run the shower that his cell phone rang again, and this time he picked up instinctively; back to back rings meant something was up. It was Cave, and Cave went right to the point.

    "Johnny Reynolds is here with me at breakfast, what do you think?"


    That woke him up; Johnny Reynolds was a heavy hitter, a big name in rock management. But it'd been a while since the guy grabbed a band. That perked up Mark's radar, even through the hangover.

    "What's he want?"
    Mark said in a haze of hangover headache and agony as he stumbled out of bed and staggered around a bit, trying to get his bearings even as he spoke into the phone.

    "To manage us. Apparently Edge wants us."

    "That's Phil Becken's division of Universal Record Group...that's huge Cave."

    "Yeah, I know. So what do you say?"

    "Yes, do it."
    Mark told him, realizing what that was about. Reynolds was one of the guys watching the concert last night with Alex Blue, he obviously was impressed. Then again, so was Martin Smythe, but there was a world of difference between Martin Smythe and Johnny Renyolds. Now it made a bit of sense; Smythe was trying to nail them down because he smelled something. Whatever Smythe's faults were, he had a good sense of what was coming.

    "You sure about that?"


    "He's got a solid rep. No shennanigans, but tell him we want Harry Cohen for our lawyer, you know, my mom's ex-husband? He'll keep things honest anyway."

    "You sure about that, I mean, dude, I know he's your ex-stepdad, but he's cranky..."
    Cave had reservations about it, but that was where Mark stepped in, even though he was over the phone, showering and felt like hell. Cave had authority issues, and he never quite got over the idea that Mark had good relations with an ex-stepdad, a father figure.

    "Don't worry, he's cranky but he's a professional, does contract law all the time and he's got good ethics for a lawyer. He'll make sure we don't get fucked." Mark felt a surge of pain wash over his skull as the water hit it and bit back a groan.

    "Okay, I gotcha." Cave was an instinctive marketer, but Mark lived in this town long enough to know names and reputations and the general way things worked.

    "How did the girl go? Who was she? Dalton said she went to high school with y'all."

    "Would you believe that I knew this girl in high school and she kinda hated my guts? It was..."
    He trailed off, unable to complete the sentence and Cave just guffawed.

    "Dude, I saw her, she was a ten. Hell, she looked like a fuckin' man-eater, I was jealous, even Stace was jealous. And you sound like you've had a religious experience or some shit. Lets hope Claire is happy for you and doesn't blow a gasket. She's brought Cal home often enough. Don't let her guilt you with her Susie Homemaker horseshit, you needed this. Just because that Cal fuck's tightening her screws doesn't mean she gets to tighten yours too."

    "Yeah, dude, I get it. But leave it."
    Cave was right, but Mark didn't want to discuss it; Claire was his friend and he wasn't going to adopt the hard line on Claire. Even this thing with Jen was like...well, a big step. He wasn't about to add to it. The thing was, Cave knew Claire, and even kind of had a thing for her, but he also knew the situation better than anyone, beside Dalton anyway, and Dalton wasn't about to say a thing because Dalton was too happy-go-lucky to think that shit through.

    "Okay, but just saying, for what it's worth. Think you can be ready in half an hour to forty five? There's a meeting that's gonna happen at Becken's office, apparently they're moving fast as hell on this."

    Sometimes it happened like that, lightning striking; he'd heard of it, read about it, but never saw it in action. Bands like Sneer, the guys they opened for last night, spent years building it up. But they also played music in the normal way, the trendy way, they weren't looking to make a point or storm the barricades. And Edge group, as the name implied, liked to be innovative and different, and to set trends.

    So Mark knew the answer to that question, it was an answer he'd been ready to give for a long time.

    "Of course I'm ready dude. I gotta be, right?"

    "Yeah, you gotta."

    "Don't worry bro."

    "'Kay. Later."

    Only then, with the phone hung up, did he realize that Jen stood a chance of running into Claire out there. That made him cringe. On top of everything else...
    Last edited by HeySeuss; 02-11-2012 at 05:54 PM.
    -
    "The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time."
    - Bertrand Russell


  4. #4
    The Bleeding Rose Lizzie B's Avatar
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    Morning came far too early. Claire ran on a very strict schedule, and she was well disciplined and dedicated to keeping that schedule. When you stuck to the plan, things worked out the way they were supposed to. When you stayed on track, your homework was done on time, your laundry was clean, and you never ended up with any embarrassing tattoos. When you did what you were supposed to, your life ran smoothly.

    However, that concert was a deviation of her strict schedule. And bringing Cal? Against most of the rules involving social etiquette she followed. You didn't bring your boyfriend to your guy friends concert. Especially when you were living with said guy friend, and the two of them didn't get along. Cal and Mark really weren't big fans of one another, and the fact that she had brought him into the same room as Cave...what had she been thinking? Next time, she'd risked being raped, or mugged, or whatever happened to girls who ventured out at night alone. It couldn't be much worse.

    She forced herself out of bed, snatching her robe off of the back of her door and heading straight for the bathroom. Showers were long for Claire. Not only were they her time to think, but you couldn't go more than a day or two in California without shaving your legs. That, and when you were dating Cal it was best to just always be prepared. She'd had hopes that it would force her into consciousness, but that groggy hungover feeling was still there when she got out. Great, just great. Now she would lose focus in class and pay for it during exams.

    It wasn’t just the effects her sleepless night would have on her school work that bothered her. High school had been filled with drama, but Mark was drama free. He didn’t sugar coat things for her, or lie to impress her, or pull random crap to get under her skin. He was her drama free zone, the person she didn’t have to worry about. But with Cal around, Mark got sucked right in with all the shit. In all honesty, she felt a little trapped.

    Life got harder as you got older, it was to be expected. But there seemed to be less and less happiness every day. She didn’t laugh often, didn’t smile for no reason, didn’t enjoy learning or working or talking to people. Even her morning routine of straightening her hair was becoming tedious.

    Of course, she wouldn’t leave it curly. She hadn’t completely lost it. Once her hair was pin straight she applied a thin layer of eye liner and mascara, along with the lightest shade of lip stain you could buy. Her skin didn’t leave her much room for wild eye shadows or dark lip stick. Pale and smooth, the kind that should have been freckled but wasn’t. Her complexion just couldn’t handle the make up. She wound up looking like a hooker every time she tried to venture out of the norm, and that was clearly a sign. Sticking to the norm was what she did best, and trying anything else was…well, stupid.

    She didn’t apply any foundation, just a thin layer of moisturizer with a bit of sunscreen mixed in, to keep herself from burning on the short walk from her building to her car. The car of course, was paid for by her parents and far too expensive for someone of her income. She did, however, pay her own rent. It would be shameful not to, because if Mark could pull it off so could she.


    Bundled up in her robe, she made her way back to her room and dropped her clothes into the hamper. It was one of those days where she felt like she needed to compensate for her fuzzy brain. And so, an outfit on the borderline of prostitute was pulled from her closet. A white, lacey summer dress that was far too short and far too see through in some places. But she had a rule, breasts or legs, and her breasts were indeed zipped away behind the zipper that ran along the front of the dress. A fitted blue coat with plenty of buttons, just barely shorter than the dress, was pulled on after that. And then came the shoes. Pumps would make the skirt look too much like a shirt, so she decided on dark grey, thigh high stiletto boots. The skin that was shown was plenty scandalous, but the clothing was high quality and stylish.

    It was something her mother had taught her in high school, back when her fashion sense had started to lean towards ultra whore. Less vibrant colors and expensive clothing could give off the impression that you were classy and well dressed, while a short skirt gave you a sense of freedom and sex appeal.

    As she got older she fully intended to exchange legs for breasts, but as long as they were expensive and the right color no one would dare suggest she wasn’t well bred and classy. The entire outfit made her feel better, stronger, more confident. And yes, she did check her butt in the mirror to make sure Cal would have a minor heart attack when he saw her. She couldn’t help it, not after he’d been hollering at the strippers the night before. Now all she needed was some coffee, and maybe her sense of dread for the day would disappear entirely.

    Of course, the sense of hope she’d received from the outfit was washed away entirely when she saw that a girl was in their kitchen. Mark never brought girls home, ever. Never ever ever ever. Ever. She’d expected it at first, assuming he had an active sex life, living the rock and roll thing and everything. But he never brought girls home.

    There was something odd that punched her in the stomach, when she saw that girl standing in front of her coffee maker. The coffee that Mark made for her every morning. It might have been jealousy, or utter rage…Either way, Claire knew full well it shouldn’t have been there. Cal spent the night all the time, or just the afternoon. And it was no secret that when she was drunk she had a tendency to be…well, loud.

    He put up with her, she should put up with him. And besides, what was the number one rule of being a good house wife? Always be prepared for guests, and always be welcoming. And so, as the girl turned to face her, Claire plastered a smile on her face. “Oh, hi. I’m Claire, Mark’s roommate.” Not overly excited, but normal, as if this happened often and she saw no problem with it. She made her over to the cabinet and pulled out a mug, trying to seem as casual as possible. “Well, you look different. Then again, you never were one to follow the dress code.

    Her heart stopped. That voice…but it didn’t fit with the messy hair and smudged make up. And it definitely didn’t fit in Mark’s t shirt. Claire turned slowly to face the woman again, recognition slowly creeping across her features. “Jen? Jen Gilbert?” Jen Gilbert. A little older, a little messier, but it was her. The same girl who slept with her boyfriend of six months on homecoming night, at a party after Claire had won the crown. She’d been busy talking with her friends, too busy to notice that her boyfriend hadn’t slipped away with the guys. He’d always had a problem holding his alcohol, but it was hard to believe he’d tripped in his drunken stupor and landed between her thighs.

    It wasn’t exactly a huge scandal because they’d both been drunk, but it hurt. It hurt a lot, and it was embarrassing. Jen had given an odd little half apology to make herself look better, but that wasn’t the only crap she’d pulled to screw Claire over. They ran in the same circles, went to the same parties, shopped at the same stores, and occasionally got stuck in the same car or at the same lunch table. But they weren’t friends, not real friends. She hadn’t exactly been kind to Mark either.

    Ok, that was a huge understatement. She’d been cruel and horrible to Mark. So why on earth would he bring her back to their apartment? “Oh my gosh, it is you!” Claire managed, working up a pleasantly fake smile. “I didn’t recognize you with your hair like that!” Jen returned the smile. “Well, after the night I had it couldn’t be helped. Of course I kind of enjoy letting it go all wild, in my line of work we’re paid to look good. It’s exhausting.”

    “Yeah, it sounds like it. I heard you dropped out of college?”
    “Yes. I got picked up by a modeling agency, so I really didn’t have time for it anymore.”
    “Oh, right. I always thought you might drop out of school to work. I mean I didn’t know what…”
    “And what do you do?”
    “I’m studying to become an ultra sound technician.”
    “Ah. That sounds…smart. I always thought you’d be pregnant by now.”
    “Well I’m engaged to be engaged. We’re waiting until we’re both out of college.”

    Jen gave a little laugh. “Oh honey, getting married has nothing to do with getting pregnant.” Which translated to ‘you dumb bitch, I just called you a whore’. Claire laughed as well, pouring herself a cup of coffee. If she didn’t get caffeine, Jen was going to be a pile of dismembered body parts by the time Mark got out of the shower. “Well, you would know all about that. Hey, speaking of sleeping around, what the hell are you doing with Mark?” it came out a little more cold and territorial than she’d wanted. Lack of caffeine also meant lack of self control. Jen only raised her eye brows.

    “Have you looked at him?”
    “I live with him, of course I’ve looked at him.”
    “How long have you been living together?”
    “Couple of years.”
    “Have you ever really looked at him? Because I don’t know what happened since high school, but he has become incredibly hot. And just between me and you, he’s not bad in bed either.”

    Claire felt her cheeks grow hot. Embarrassment, rage, whatever it didn’t matter. The point was her skin was too thin and her emotions showed right through it. “But you have a boyfriend right? So it doesn’t matter anyways. But…me and you might be having a few more chats over coffee in the morning. I definitely wouldn’t mind going for round two. Well…I guess technically it would be like round six.” Claire had the strangest urge to throw the boiling hot coffee in Jen’s face. Instead, she took a long drink of coffee.
    Last edited by Lizzie B; 02-11-2012 at 02:53 PM.


    By Jaxi

  5. #5
    Stands out like... HeySeuss's Avatar
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    Apparently, Mark was bigger on forgiveness than Claire was. Then again, he was a man, and the rules were different and the apologies generally of a different quality. While there was tension in his sinuses, a pounding in his forehead and his neck had this gritty-grinding feeling, he was a fairly happy camper when he showered down in near-scalding steam, scraping it all off; he was even humming the riff to "Combination" by Aerosmith, a song that had definitely played the night before.

    He'd always wanted to do that with that album playing. Hangover and all, he was about to go meet the band's new agent and deal with; he'd waited for this for a while, knowing that it was the only way to play the guitar for the rest of his life, a ticket out of the mundane, out of the Sphere of Calvin. That was the whole reason the rest of Reckless Life formed; none of them would ever be comfortable behind a desk or conforming to society, they were eight balls, odd men out and weirdos, characters and pieces of work. They could be sociable in passing, but they were not stable enough to really hold down a job. Not a 'Real' job anyway, not at some real estate office.

    When it was do or die, and they thought it was, something like a signing with a label like the Edge Group was literally a holy grail. It was the ticket to a different life...assuming, of course, that they could make a good record.

    But everything seemed to be going the right way in the morning, even with the hangover; the shower's steam and heat seemed to restore him, even if nothing could quite take the edge off. The priority now was to turn hungover Mark into semi-human Mark, which meant that he soaped himself down with a fervor and washed his hair out slowly, massaging his scalp in an effort to get rid of the pain that radiated there from his temples to the bridge of his nose.

    Shaving was slow-go, because he didn't want to cut into his cheek or chin or something and have that bleed all over the place, and while it looked like he was going to be signing with a label before he knew it, he felt it was best to show that he wasn't some sort of fucked up case that'd make them have second thoughts. That meant clean body, clean clothes, presentable. But he'd never be Calvin Richardson; they'd probably yank back the contract if he showed up wearing a suit and acting like some University of Southern California Frathole.

    Then it struck him that Jen hadn't come back; like a typical guy, his shower hadn't taken long or anything, but now he was rushing a bit more to pull on pants, a pair of jeans that were actually clean and a t-shirt that said, "The best way to prevent pregnancy is to use your head." He just liked shit like that, it was hard to do without, even though people tended to look down on that. All the same, he was belting on whatever belt he had laying around and all that even as he toweled out his hair, though he wasn't bothering to brush it. It'd be a bit thick, but it was all good; it was a bit of a messy tangle, but it wasn't poodled or curled up artificially, it just grew in thick. He'd once heard the rule, "Rockers are not allowed to have curled hair...unless they are Slash, because that's his natural hair" and abided by it.

    He hadn't really expected meowing and claws out, but you never knew in the morning when everyone was coffee-deprived. He emerged from his room, once he'd pulled on a pair of shoes, looking somewhat like a human being, though he still had a glazed look over his eyes. He still managed a mumbled, "Good, uh, morning."

    He was clearly unsure how to take the vibes the two women were giving off; they were all smiles and chatty cathy on the outside, but he could just tell something was up.

    "Hey there, baby..." cooed Jen, possibly a bit overdone, but his brain was too fogged to be sure.

    "Uh, hey there." He grinned tentatively, "That call that woke us up, that was Cave...uh, I have a meeting I gotta get to. Are you okay here or can you handle whatever you need to...uh?"

    He wasn't sure how to kick a girl out; never really happened that way, or at least to break it off politely the next morning. Claire there, looking very much like the Sphinx at Giza, wasn't helping matters. But she turned her back and moved to deal with other things in the kitchen while Jen and Mark had their conversation.

    "That's fine, Mark, I'm in the modeling business, I know how it works. You have someone important to meet to make anything happen." she actually leaned in and straightened his shirt on him a bit, adjusting the collar, though it was just a t-shirt collar; it had a very possessive air about it, as if she were picking up a stray kitten and pampering it. Mark didn't get what was going on, but that message wasn't for Mark anyway.

    "But afterward, if everything goes well and you want to party..." she just leaned in and gave him a little nip on the ear as she put herself up against him a bit, "...you just give me a call later. I'll leave my number on the pillow."

    Mark wasn't exactly angling for a one-night stand, but the thought flashed through even his fogged brain that Claire might have something to say about all this. If he'd been more sober he might have recognized that Jen was being incredibly catty, but Mark was probably, after the last night, willing to overlook a lot, just the way Claire did when he had to put up with Cal.

    Cave's words came to mind; a warning to stop worrying and certainly not to let that shit get in his way, and he figured he might as well take it for what it was worth.

    "I think it's going to go real well, so I'd really like that" he told her as he kissed her on the lips, though only briefly, "But I have to run like the wind to get there. It's Phil Becken's office, and no one keeps him waiting, not even you Miss Mindfuck."

    It was a catchy nickname, but it was meant playfully; for whatever reason, she seemed to take that as a compliment of sorts, and the name came out of that rational, perceptive part of Mark, the part that wrote songs that resounded with people. He wasn't, in his day to day life, as in tune with that part as when he was playing music or just setting up equipment and thinking through stuff in a state of mind less filtered, where shit just came to him.

    And that part of the mind informed him that Jen enjoyed the role, and the title was like a crown. It was an acknowledgement of talent and ability. That part of the mind also said other things, but he tuned it out. Things were going too well to listen to that shit.

    In fact, that almost triggered off the sequence that led to songwriting, which he had to, for once, suppress this morning. He just tried to file it away so he could write it down later on napkins or in a waiting room...

    It might have been a little much, but she actually grabbed him by the belt and told him, with a hand caressing his neck, "Well, you better not be late then, babe. Knock 'em dead kid," were her parting words, with a tongue-kiss for good luck. He'd had no idea she was a Crue fan, but he knew the proper response;

    "Knock 'em dead," he agreed with a grin, as he made his way out the door after the embrace.

    ---

    The Universal Record Group, URG, which had bought out Edge Records years ago, had a beautiful, manicured headquarters in downtown; it was a hell of a place with wannabe actress secretaries, beautiful and expensive furniture and they even had Italian coffee on hand to ply to a hungover band about to face their A&R rep and his lawyer. Mark found out that the little coffee they'd provided was not enough -- clearly, the label didn't want him too sober.

    The way the A&R Rep, Dan Heinman, spoke, he was enthusiastic to have them, apparently Phil Becken, of all people, was up there last night and heard them, and they managed to acquire a copy of their self-produced and self-published EP, the one they sold at concerts and gave away to industry guys. The A&R guy was there to make an initial offer, but then things would go straight to the lawyers. It was interesting to notice that Heinman brought his own lawyer, just as Reckless Life brought theirs.

    The thing was, then there was the negotiations, and that's where Johnny Reynolds and Harry Cohen went to work on matters; Reynolds understood that a good deal would be sweet for him in the long run if the band produced good stuff and sold well, and Cohen had a fee; a short, wiry, bald man that shaved it all off when it started to fall out because he didn't 'want to fuck with it' he was the only real father figure that Mark had in the household, though Harry Cohen was about as lost with kids as he was with romance...it had been a rather disastrous attempt at marriage for an irrascible workaholic that, despite his best efforts, couldn't keep up with Mark or his mother. He was ferocious as a lawyer, but a nice guy to friends and family...but he was a bad husband and bad father in that he was obsessive compulsive and had neurotic issues. In the end, there was a divorce. Everyone's sanity was involved.

    It was, at least, an amicable parting, rather than an acrimonious one, and Mark found that he liked Harry Cohen a lot better as an adult than as a fourteen year old kid that wasn't helping matters any by going through puberty. He was easier to understand. Kids didn't get 'workaholism' for the most part, and on Harry was the sad and unpleasant duty of somehow trying to make up the lack of a father figure to a kid. It didn't work. But today was a little different; Harry Cohen was not a guy you could play catch with or talk to about kid problems, but he definitely was a guy that could hammer and chisel on a negotiation and make sure his client got the best possible sort of contract out of it. In fact, when they'd walked in with him, Dan Heinman had this expression, like he was surprised and then covered himself. He clearly wasn't expecting Harry...Harry Cohen, as a lawyer, should have been out of the league of a bunch of guys like this.

    Ironically, it was Harry that put an old Fender Stratocaster into the hands of Mark and started him on the path. It was Cohen who got Mark a Gibson SG on his 16th birthday when it was clear the kid was going to break that Fender Strat and that he was serious enough to rate a serious guitar. It was Harry Cohen's record collection of albums by the Sex Pistols, Black Flag, Dead Boys, Clash, New York Dolls, Johnny Thunders, Kiss, Aerosmith, Black Sabbath, Rolling Stones, Iggy and the Stooges, Guns N' Roses, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Jane's Addiction, among many, many many others, that got him started. Strangely enough, a lot of those were his mother's as well, though she never was quite as big on the music as Cohen was.

    The office was sleek and all Hollywood; downtown, with a beautiful glass view from two sides, sitting right on a corner. High up, so that a guy could stand there and get a hardon looking down on the rest of the town; that was what Heinman encouraged them to do and that's what Cave was doing as the whole proceedings happened -- Cave liked to be dramatic, "Too bad you can't get it open, that'd be the greatest piss ever," he'd told the A&R guy, and the response was, "Yeah, but we might splash someone we want to do business with in the future and company policy is to prevent any suicides by jumpers. You could lose a lot of interns that way."

    Despite his best attempts to keep track, he wasn't able to through a growling hangover; he wasn't the only one there nursing one. Dalton seemed to be on top of things, but Dalton was never part of the business end. Hack seemed okay, but he was out of place here. Stace looked pretty warmed over himself, like he'd had way too many drugs and was feeling it. Cave seemed to have a good handle on stuff, which was just as well. The thing was, of course, that Mark and he laid out the gameplan, to a degree, in starting an indie label -- it didn't take much these days to do that -- and producing an EP, which was like a handful of songs, and not their best songs, recorded as a demo that made enough money to keep the label afloat and maybe pay for gas once in a while. He'd kept his head enough to refuse Smythe, okay Reynolds and get Harry Cohen on board to mother-hawk the process.

    So whatever he thought about signing a record deal ahead of time, he was actually a bit disappointed when Harry said, "Sounds great. Forward the actual contract to my office, we'll look it over and get in touch."

    Reynolds cut in quickly, "And then these guys will probably sign."

    "Don't get me wrong, Johnny," the A&R guy, Dan Heinman said, "Phil wants you on this label. Just don't get out of hand with demands. What we have here is an equitable arrangement where everybody wins and a rather nice advance for your boys. You know and I know that this is a sweet deal."

    Harry looked at Mark, who looked at Johnny and Cave. Nods all around.

    "Yeah, and we're on board too. We'll definitely be in contact after everything is reviewed." Harry Cohen's job; check every comma, every period placement, to ensure that the contract was on the up and up. It was a formality but a necessity all at the same time. Since they were actually selling their self-made label, they had a better position with which to bargain; they'd put some of their meagre pay into that when Mark's neighbors, such as Claire's parents, basically said it was an insane sort of dream, and now it was paying off dividends in the initial stages of negotiation. It wasn't like a huge moneymaker label, but it was a functional entity.

    "That's good, because once we clear this stuff and get you the proceeds from selling your label so you can start recording. You might want to start looking for a producer now..."
    Heinman ran off a print from his computer, "Do you want me to forward that list to you, Johnny?"

    It seemed like a pretty done deal, and Mark was happy, but what he was really dreaming about was some coffee and a real breakfast; sitting through a contract negotiation on a hangover, something you usually didn't have to do on a first date with a record company, was not the world's most pleasant experience.

    At the same time, they emerged from the meeting with a heady feeling of success; people eyeballed them -- it wasn't like they knew who they were or anything, but anyone emerging from that office looking like a bunch of rockers got a momentary eyeball, and that was an elated sort of feeling; they hadn't made it yet, but they'd managed to survive climbing the first rung of the ladder -- a lot of guys never even got that far. And it was a lot easier from here on out. The loose-limbed feeling that came of it, even through a grinding hangover, was the subconscious breathing a huge sigh of relief that the work paid off and they weren't gonna be in dead end jobs for the rest of their life...or at least might not be if it worked out decently.

    Still, Mark was elated but hugely hungover; moreso than the other guys.

    "What's up with you kid, you oughta be jumping right now?" Cohen asked.

    It was Stace that answered, "Mark's still physically shattered after last night-- some girl that he knew from high school. I know I'd be fuckin' helter-skelter after that; he looks like he's aged ten years after that experience."

    "Dude, it was Jen Gilbert. I still can't believe it." That was Dalton, who actually knew the girl. In fact, Dalton had shared a lot of it, but none of the guys really saw the problem with Mark getting high school out of his system, and boning one of the girls that stood at the top of that was bound to do wonders for his self-confidence...and they all wanted a songwriter and lead guitarist who was at his peak. The band consensus was typically juvenile; they figured that sex with a hot woman could only improve things. How little they knew.

    "Dude...yeah." Hack's contribution.

    "So what's the story kid?" That was Harry's concern.

    "Well, uh, she wants to see me again, even after I called her Miss Mindfuck. I think she liked that."

    "Going off looks alone, I can see why she'd love that title. It kind of sounds like a song...is that what you're trying to say Mark?"
    That was Hack's suggestion.

    "Yeah, that's definitely what I'm saying. When I sober up, I know what I want it to sound like. It's just...uh there."
    And it made a certain amount of sense; dangerous women were the bread and butter of rock n' roll, one of the enduring pillars of the mythos. Rockers had a love-hate relationship with the gold-diggers and the predators, and while Mark seemed to not realize Jen Gilbert was one of these, something about her just sent off the danger signals. And those danger signals just made her hotter to all of them. It wasn't just his dysfunction, it was a dysfunction just about every rock musician had at one point or another; they got all twisted with a woman.

    Of course, it was more complicated because there were now two women in his life, it seemed. But that was definitely a thought he pushed down to the back of his mind.

    "How'd that go? Did Claire blow her top?" Cave seemed to have a good grip on the psychology of Claire, it was this strange sort of thing between them, real love-hate. More hate now, as Claire slipped into the Sphere of Cal.

    "Nah, she's gotta be cool with it, right? I mean, Cal comes over all the time and they're loud as shit about it...I mean, that's fair, right?"

    Cave Wyatt knew better and just shook his head.

    It was Harry Cohen, father figure, that gave him the bad news, "Mark, you've got a lot to learn and you gotta learn it fast, kid. But you look like fucking hell, let's get some breakfast and then you can sleep it off."

    ---

    And so it was a half-done in Mark that shambled in, looking fairly worse for wear; he'd held it together long enough to manage not to fall apart during the meeting with the execs...and he was, for all purposes, a signed artist now. But the question of what to do with everything was now swirling in his head; finding a producer, recording an album...writing that Miss Mindfuck song.

    But he probably had to pass through the gates first, and that meant Claire.
    Last edited by HeySeuss; 02-12-2012 at 04:44 AM.
    -
    "The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time."
    - Bertrand Russell


  6. #6
    The Bleeding Rose Lizzie B's Avatar
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    Mark emerged from the bathroom, and Claire looked to him for answers, for an explanation. He didn’t even really look at her. There she was, all dressed up with her hair and make up done, standing next to Jen who looked properly awful. And he didn’t even look at her. No, he couldn’t take his eyes off Jen. He had that look, like he was hungover but inspired. Had she inspired him? No, of course not. Jen was horrible. Jen had done horrible things to the both of them, surely he hadn’t forgotten that?

    She wondered if he’d hit his head, or if this was the effect of some strange new drug. Warning, may cause temporary amnesia and increased sex drive. Also allows desperate musicians to draw inspiration from evil conniving whores. Jen was putting on a show, but he couldn’t seem to see it. No one ever saw it. Suddenly she was back at homecoming, sitting on that awful couch with a beer in hand, surrounded by friends. Laughing, buzzed, the crown that said she was a queen resting on her head. It was only for tonight, but it was one hell of a night.

    Matt had left to get more drinks a while ago. Or maybe it was more than a while ago? She couldn’t seem to make sense of the timing, but she knew as a girlfriend it was her job to make sure he wasn’t passed out with his head in a toilet somewhere. Oh Matt. That poor boy could not hold his liquor. “Hey Steph, have you seen Matt?” she called, as her friend walked by holding a spatula that was probably going to be used for something she didn’t want to know about. “I saw him go upstairs.” She said after a long pause, and as if on que, there was a loud commotion from above. “DUDE! COME ON THAT’S MY BED!”

    The thought that it was Matt who was being yelled at never crossed her mind, but like any proper teenager she followed the masses upstairs to the bedroom. And there was her boyfriend, pulling up his pants, laughing like a hyena, stumbling drunkly into a wall. Jen Gilbert was still in the bed, wearing nothing but a sheet and looking an awful lot like she enjoyed getting caught. No, it couldn’t be real. She and Matt were so good together. He’d never cheat, never. It was almost their seven month anniversary…

    She looked down, only to realize that she was gripping her coffee cup so tightly her knuckles were white. Back in her kitchen, back in reality…or at least what seemed to be reality. It couldn’t be though, with the way Mark kissed her and called her ‘Miss Mindfuck’. Shit, didn’t he know how much she liked that? Didn’t he remember how much they hated her?

    He spoke of meeting with important people, but Claire couldn’t seem to care. She set her coffee down with a loud clank and stormed past them, grabbing her book and gym bags off the table. Mark seemed to pay no notice of her as she fled the apartment, but she made sure to slam the door so violently the entire room shook.

    ~~~~

    They say you shouldn’t drive when you’re angry. You probably shouldn’t attend classes either, because Claire didn’t retain any of the information that day. She didn’t take notes, didn’t pay attention, flunked the pop quiz, and spent her entire lunch venting to Belli. She listened sympathetically, but every time Claire paused she would attempt to change the topic to her oh so awesome date. In the end Claire threw away her salad and bought a Brownie, eating it in blind rage on the way to her next class. Even better, when that was finally out Cal had the nerve to call.

    “Hey, so I was thinking I could come over tonight and we could have some alone time?”
    “After the shit you pulled last night? Fat chance.” Claire wasn’t one to cuss often, but when she was mad the swear words came flowing out of her mouth in a torrential downpour of profanity.
    “I thought you were mad.” He sighed loudly. “Ok, what did I do?”
    “You picked a fight. You always pick fights.”
    “But those guys-,”
    “Forget it. I shouldn’t have brought you. I should have known you couldn’t manage to control yourself for an entire hour.”
    “So we’re not having sex?” It was sarcastic, an attempt to make her laugh. Instead it sent her over the edge, and she hung up the phone.

    She drove to the gym and changed into her suit, skipping the showers and diving right into the pool. She swam hard and fast, the exercise allowing her to take out some energy that would have otherwise been used to rip up Mark’s t shirt collection. Yes, it was safe to say Claire was a little hot headed, but she usually kept control of herself. Usually. This, however, was a huge betrayal.

    Swimming left her feeling sick and exhausted, and while she may not have had the energy to murder anyone, the rage was still there. She made a poor attempt of rinsing the chlorinated water off of her skin and out of her hair, before changing back into her clothes and making her way home. Claire made sure to open and close the door with just as much violence as she had when she left, dropping her bags by the door, and fixing her eyes on her prey.

    Mark. He looked terribly. On another day she might have pitied him and ignored him, going straight to the bathroom to straighten her hair all over again as it was already drying in messy ringlets. Instead, she walked towards him slowly, expression fixed into a glare she usually saved for child molesters.

    “How many random pills have you taken today?” she asked him, voice full of venom. “I wouldn’t usually even want to know how fucked up you are, but when you forget high school entirely...well, then I have to be concerned.”

    “Hey, I remember. But you know, I guess I just let go of that.” he flashed a grin, all devil-may-care, “and she’s pretty hot. That certainly helps me get over any bad memories.”

    That was disturbingly similar to what Jen had told Claire, of course, but that was no surprise.

    Claire stared at him for a long moment, teeth gritted to keep herself from screaming at him. Screaming never worked. Cal shut down and peed himself when she screamed. Unless he was screaming first, in which case chances were he wouldn’t intelligent enough to hear anything but his own voice.

    “You’re right, she is hot. It certainly helped her get my boyfriend into bed on homecoming night. Remember that? I suppose her utter hottness should help me forget about that? Or maybe I should forgive her because she’s screwing you now?”

    “Actually,” he shot back, “As I recall, that was something like four years ago, and Matt Meyers had more than his chance to decide. Look Claire, the guy had a choice, and he made it. Whatever goes on between Jen and I, it’s like this; it’s our thing, not yours, and it’s definitely not about you, not for me at least. I mean, I don’t take Cal as a personal insult, though he does his level goddamn best to make me a stranger in an apartment I pay half the rent for. Maybe you have conflicted shit going on over this, but it’s your turn to sit by and be mature about it and suck it up.”

    That was a strong message for Mark; he’d never quite ever said anything like that, and it seemed like he was impenetrable, despite the hangover -- he definitely had his confidence in place the way he’d never quite managed before in the past. Where before it was often the case that it was a facade, it seemed like now he had it locked in a lot tighter without the usual vulnerabilities that plagued him in the past.

    Claire’s jaw dropped, genuine hurt registering on her features. Ouch. Really, ouch. Mark never said anything like that. In fact, she wasn’t sure if she’d expected Mark to say anything at all. “He was drunk!” she finally exclaimed, after a long pause. “He was drunk, and she was supposed to be my friend. So ,forgive me if I’m a little bit disturbed to come into my kitchen and find the girl who screwed me over in high school going on and on about how she is now screwing my best friend. It’s a little bit upsetting, but obviously I’m the one being immature about it. Especially considering you are sleeping with her for no reason except that she’s hot. That, and you seem to have forgotten the hell she put you through too. I’m not the only one who hated her, Mark. I know you do, or you did up until she offered to take her pants off. As for Cal, I’m dealing with that. I’m not blind, I know he was being a douche bag last night, but at least he would be smart enough to turn down a girl who made his life hell.”

    Mark made himself coffee; he poured from the carafe into a cup and dumped an indeterminate amount of sugar into it, but he didn’t go drinking it or anything. But he wasn’t hunching over in the face of what amounted to a verbal barrage, though he did lean against the counter-top and cross his wrists over his abdomen in a rather indolent, relaxed sort of pose. He was, of course, supposed to sleep it off, but apparently he had to fight before he got there.

    “Okay, you’re excused for getting angry about it all and being shocked by a total surprise in the morning; I’m sorry about that, but I literally had no way to warn you that I could think of. But it’s gotta end there, Claire. Drunk, sober, whatever, I made my choice and it really is my choice. You’re worried about what she does to me and all, and what she did to me all the way back then, but look, I’m over it. I mean, high school sucked, she was a part of it, life’s looking up, I’m cool with just letting it go.”

    Claire stared at him for a long time. It wasn’t a stare of realization, or defeat. No, it was the same kind of stare a very religious mother might give her pregnant teenage daughter. “I thought you were smarter. Mature even, but right now...fuck, Mark. Right now you’re acting like Cave. It makes me sick, it really does.”

    She should have left it, but instead Claire turned around, and then spun back to face him. She closed the space between them in two long stride, stopping with her chest not two inches from his. “And I know that look in your eyes. If you write a song about how she’s some amazing seductive sex goddess, I will never come to another show again. And if it become popular and they start to play it on the radio, I will smash every one of your guitars with a sledge hammer and let Cal piss in your shoes.” It was a little much, but he had really pushed her past her breaking point.

    It was probably a touch too much for even Mark, “Yeah, well I was going to write a song about a man-eating woman that breaks men for amusement, because it sounds better than a song about a girl that thinks her high school years were the best she’ll ever have and is surrendering to white picket fences and a douchebag husband who won’t be even allowed to listen to that kind of music after she’s shackled to his kitchen floor. Don’t even think about touching my guitars.”
    That last part was said with he protective snarl akin to that of a mother jaguar protecting her cubs. He didn’t mention the shoes.

    “Now, if you’ll pardon me...” That was his limit, and rather than go ballistic, he stalked into his room, coffee cup still in hand. Mark was not a door slammer by any means, he didn’t even blow is top, though he would get intense and start speaking in rapid-fire, which was certainly the case here.

    But the door did close, firmly, and the lock got turned.

    His words blew her away. Literally. She took a step back, mouth open, unable to believe what he'd just said to her. Mark didn't speak to her like that. Mark kept his cool and calmed her down, and he listened to her. He never said anything like that....hell, she hadn't even known he'd thought of her like that. She stayed where she was, even after his door locked firmly. Claire wanted to stay mad, but her rage was dissolving, and she could feel the lump forming in her throat.

    Oh no, she was not going to cry over this. But she already was, tears streaming, a small sob escaping her that sounded like it came from a pathetic child rather than a grown woman. She clamped a hand over her mouth, as if he might have heard it. As if him seeing her cry would mean she'd lost. But she had lost hadn't she? And shit, it was already time for work. She put her hair up in a bun, still crying the entire time, and changed into her uniform. And then she drove down to the theater, tears still streaming down her face. She made it through work ok, but as soon as she got back in the car the tears started up again. They continued through face washing and teeth brushing, running out just before she fell asleep. It was another night of tossing and turning, with the knowledge that tomorrow probably wouldn't be much better.


    By Jaxi

  7. #7
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    It would have been a surprise to Mark to know that he won an argument; he generally wasn't good at it in the past, and the truth was that he was a little bit grateful enough toward women that he'd let them walk all over him a bit, which was potentially the case with Jen. What he did know, as he started peeling off clothes in the hurried fashion of a man that wanted desperately to collapse into bed, was that he'd just said some pretty fucked up shit to Claire, and while it'd been building up, it came out in the worst possible way.

    He wrote songs, he probably should have been better at it than that, instead of saying what came to mind without trying to make it sound better.

    But at the same time, he felt a lot better. It was classic Claire; she tended to take a dim view of all other women, seeing them all as controlling predators and competition, while she gave all the men a pass on their shenanigans. Matt, Calvin, the lot. Strangely, Cave Wyatt was an exception, and apparently so was Mark.

    In any case, he wasn't around, consciously, much longer to really hear if Claire was crying or what was going on. Instead, he fell gratefully into his bed, which was to say a mattress and boxspring without a frame that sat directly on the ground, reinforcing the man-cave image along with the guitars, box speaker, amp, stereo system, row upon rows of records, the laptop rigged to the stereo, and the wires, cables, pedals...the clothes, strewn about, the rock posters on the wall, the roaches in the ashtray and the empty bottles in the trashcan.

    He could still smell Jen from the night before on the pillow, and the note she wrote with her number pressed against his face, but he brushed that off his cheek and slapped it onto the bedside milk crate without second thought.

    The rest of the day, once he woke up in the afternoon vaguely restored from his hangover, enough so that he could work, he was on the song; Miss Mindfuck was already signed off on as a title by the rest of the band, and there was a pile of text messages asking him how he was doing on it. At one point of the day, Hack and Stace rolled on over to help with the process, and it was, to say the least, electric. He forwarded the recording of it, rough and shitty as it was, to Cave with he lyrics he couldn't sing for shit, just to give the man an idea of what the cadence was -- Mark wrote the inflections and the songs to fit Cave's voice.

    But more important was a hard-driving, classic rock n' roll riff, hips-loose and shoulders locked; Claire was bound to absolutely hate that a song was being written about Jen, but it was too good a song not to put it down. It wasn't exactly a new thing, rapacious, predatory women were a given in rock n' roll, and the songs about them were misogynistic, but it seemed that Mark was fully in tune with misogyny today, while managing to convey admiration. No song was ever simple, and the surface impressions were merely what was readily apparent to those who had no soul in them for the metaphor or analogy, for euphemism.

    On the musical side, there were the components of the song, such as the bridge, coda and solo and all that, the various steps of a crafted song. Multiple variations were played on the song, but what it came out to was a grinding sort of song akin to "Combination" by Aerosmith or "Penetration" by Iggy and the Stooges, "Highway to Hell" by AC/DC or even "Paradise City" by Guns N' Roses. A dark, hard-driving rocker with a riff to kill for. Solos came easily to such songs, derived from the rhythm of the song and extrapolated from there; Mark wasn't a believer in leaving the structure of the song for some over the top poodle hair solo or some Swedish metal masterpiece. He liked clean song-writing.

    It was a fucking good song, and he vaguely mentioned that Claire was going to be pissed, but it was Stace that set him straight, having heard the whole to-do about her reaction. No secrets in a band.

    "Mark, you're both fucked in the head a bit on this shit, but don't let that stop a good fuckin' song." Stace was possibly the most locked down of the bunch, the rock solid of the band.

    "Yeah, you're right."

    By the end of it all, people were worn out, and with Claire on her way home, it was probably time to end the session before she realized what was afoot.

    He barely came up for water and food in the process, but even though it was mostly sitting around, he felt the odd drain of creativity coming out; creation was never a process in vacuum, but rather a process that wove emotion in. Expression involved catharsis, expressing your conscious and subconscious feelings, digging in and finding the right way to make them understood and digestible by others. It was exhausting, at least for Mark, and it'd been a long day already.

    But the e-mail came up from Johnny Reynolds saying, "Great new song. I'm gonna try to find a producer ASAP, I want to ride this wave into the studio while you guys are on it. Maybe we can meet on Monday?"

    That left Mark feeling drained but satisfied; day one as a professional musician, a paid one anyway, and not a bad day one at that, despite all the shit.

    He let that thought cradle him to sleep...

    ---

    The next morning was quiet and early enough that Mark figured he could get in on the kitchen and do some cooking; it was rare that he’d bother, because when he was in a rush he’d basically grab food and run, which was bad news. When he took time to cook, he wasn’t half bad; he’d spent time working a breakfast buffet service at a business traveler’s type of hotel, the sort of place that did some simple, not over the top shit. While he ditched that job for the shit pay, long hours and low morale, he at least picked something up to the art of scrambling eggs; he didn’t create truckstop egg clumps, he seasoned and whisked. When there was an omelet, he flipped in the French style to achieve a tri-fold.

    But cooking was a passion and you had to have that to survive the grueling torture of working in restaurants. He’d burned out on it and just found something else to do, a series of odd jobs until he arrived at Manny’s, where he found a niche and half-decent pay, taking commission for equipment sales. He was good at that job, though it was probably a thing of the past.

    But he did a pretty bangup breakfast spread too, when he wanted. It was the sort of fare guys often liked, which meant it was eggs, bacon, vegetables in a sautee pan and whatever else he wanted in there; in this case it was mushrooms and onion on top of the scrambled egg. The motions were the mechanic movement, the trained motion of an experienced line cook that knew how to bang out the food with a minimum of fuss, hold the whisk just thus, add salt at just this time.

    The kitchen in the apartment had a table and they didn’t precisely have a dining room, but that was alright, because Mark wasn’t very formal to begin with. Cal bitched occasionally, but it was about all the apartment that could be afforded and they had to make do. The truth was, the place wasn’t in the nicest part of the Valley, but there were way worse out there, places where the needles and the vials were in excess. This was more like the sort of place college kids lived, which meant the stove, oven and fridge were all a bit older, but the microwave was brand new.

    There wasn’t much to do with the place, except in trying to not let it all go to hell, but for all that, it wasn’t too bad. There wasn’t enough room, it seemed, ever, but it was also true that neither of them were home all the time, so there always seemed to be enough space, at least when Calvin wasn’t around.

    In any case, for Mark, it was a new morning and a chance to eat real food and look forward to a day where his head wasn’t swimming for a variety of reasons; he had the windows open and bringing in the unseasonably warm morning air of early-May in the San Fernando Valley, which may or may not have smelled a little smoggy. The weather was in the high 70’s and bound to go up into the high 80’s, nearly to 90, which made it unbelievable. All of yesterday was no sleep or too little, and he owed it to himself to enjoy the day before more shit came onrushing fast, like a freight train.



    So he ate at the breakfast table and figured out to do with himself; there didn’t seem to be anything on the docket, and that was refreshing for once.

    Damn her internal clock. It had woken her up again, making it impossible to go back to sleep. Her eyes were puffy and swollen, body tired and cold despite the warm apartment. And yet, she still forced herself out of bed and into the shower. Claire didn’t bother with fixing her hair or make up, changing into sweat pants and a tank top rather than real clothes. Sunday wasn’t exactly busy, but that didn’t mean it was fun. She had a load of homework. And with all of her problems buzzing around in her head, she wished she had something to do.

    After their fight, Claire wanted to hide in her room. It was a familiar feeling, one she’d always gotten after her parents grounded her. Shame, and fear, and weakness. But she wasn’t a child anymore, and to prove it she emerged from her room. She didn’t acknowledge Mark, or the thick smell of onions and eggs hanging in the air. The truth was, she felt down right sick, passing up her usual coffee and making tea instead. It seemed like a good day to go back to bed, if her body would let her.

    Mark looked pretty energized and pumped, but Claire looked like hell, [b]“C’mon Claire, have some food. There’s plenty made,” which was true -- restaurant cooking made it so that he could bang out large portions, but he generally kept it down to enough to eat for two people. Well, two large people, which neither of them were. Otherwise, stuff went in as leftovers.

    “You can’t fight the Evil Forces of Homework without a proper breakfast and an IV drip of coffee...”

    So that was his tactic; try to gloss it over, or at least, give the pretense that things were fine after the cruel words that were said. Maybe he actually believed what he said; she got to blow her shit once and then suck it up like an adult. He was, as Harry Cohen put it, a guy with a lot to learn about having this kind of fight.

    Any other day she would have laughed at his cheesy joke, or make some teasing comment about how he wouldn’t know because he’d never done homework. But as it was, it words were just to fill the silence. They didn’t mean anything. An apology would have been nice. Or maybe if he just told her that what he said had nothing to do with what he thought of her.

    But his words had hurt, deeply. He never said things like that. She’d flipped her lid plenty of times, and apologized just as many. He knew she got mad and said things she didn’t mean. But Mark...his word’s had a tendency to hold meaning. And if he’d meant what he said, she didn’t know if their friendship could ever been the same. He’d been good to her, loyal, saving her ass more than once. But was he bored with her? Did he think she was some boring idiot making all the wrong choices? Claire couldn’t even bring herself to force a smile.

    “Actually I don’t feel very well. I think I might just go back to bed.”

    “Okay, sure.”
    He shrugged, and perhaps that was a guy thing-- he’d been prodded and prodded and goaded into saying what he finally said after trying to talk to her rationally, but the threat to his guitars pretty much brought out the ugly side; that and her trying to tell him what to write and not to write musically -- that was Cal doing a lot of the talking, and that spurred him into saying shit that hurt.

    He’d never said shit like that before, and he tended to work out what he was thinking into other directions rather than saying it aloud. And in a way, he was looking at her like she was a bit at fault for taking the shit so seriously; she’d blown her top at him and wouldn’t calm down even when he’d tried to remonstrate, so he finally cut loose when she just picked hard enough under the scab and finally got some pain and angst out of him.

    “Just let me know if you need any groceries or something, I’m probably going out in a bit after I finish here and check e-mail.” He was trying with peace offerings, but he wasn’t about to apologize out of the blue without discussing shit; he didn’t feel, and maybe it was a juvenile sort of mentality, that he had to be the one to break the ice here.

    Claire nodded, still not looking in his direction. “Ok. Yeah, I need...uhm...apples. And we ran out of creamer a while ago.” There was a knock on the door and she froze, grimacing. Cal had been calling all morning. Dammit, she knew she shouldn’t have ignored him.

    “I told him not to come.” she groaned, walking towards the door. Could this day get any worse? Yes, yes it could.

    It wasn’t Cal in the doorway searching for make up sex, but Jen, looking a lot better than she did. “Wow. Claire, you look uhm...hung over.” she didn’t acknowledge the comment. Instead, she turned and looked at Mark with an expression that was equal parts hurt and hate. He’d invited her over? After last night? Oh. Oh, that was low.

    “Hey there, Miss Mindfuck.” He said that grinningly and she smiled in a way that seemed to justify the nickname, pleased as pie with what another woman might find insulting. It seemed to stick, and the tone was friendly and welcoming, even if he was surprised...and probably hid that surprise all too well. “Just cooked some breakfast, want some?”

    “Uh...maybe a little,” she said, dubiously, noting the distinct lack of fruits and fiber, and the high content of salty, fatty, protein-oriented foods. It was pretty much stuff that was the bane of the industry she was in, and totally un-California at that, “But I actually didn’t have your number, and I left my sunglasses here. I think.” She wasn’t exactly hesitant, and she eyed Claire’s reaction perhaps all too perceptively.

    “But you never did call yesterday...I sort of thought you would have after everything with the meeting.” She seemed a bit miffed by the whole thing; she was actually dressed down and unslutty, at least by LA standards, today, favoring a t-shirt, though modified to sit off the shoulder and jeans arrangement that was common enough in LA, add a belt with a rather large buckle to the mix. The purse was designer...but she was without a certain item, and the absence nagged at the mind. The picture of the LA girl was incomplete without her shades, the big type that Victoria Beckham made popular again.

    Mark mulled over how to approach that; Claire listening, Jen watching, and him having to explain his activities, “Well, I was pretty hung the fuck over after everything and I barely managed to get home and crash. Then Stace and Hack came over and we started writing and by the time we got done, it was like...well, I was tired. But I’ve totally got nothing going on today, maybe you want to...”

    He had to think about it for a moment, things he could do, things he’d want to do, things that got them out of the apartment before Claire blew a gasket. He figured today he’d humor her being out of sorts, but after today that was it. Claire of course, wasn’t psychic so she probably wasn’t even going to get the signals. He had a lot to learn.

    “...hit one of the beaches or something?”

    Jen smiled, and it seemed guileless, “Well, we’d have to stop and get my bathing suit, but sure, I’m down for it. Which beach do you have in mind?”

    “El Matador in Malibu. Easy shot from here.
    ” His favorite beach, really.



    “Awesome, baby, let me get my glasses and...uh, other stuff, out of your room, okay?” She sauntered off toward Mark’s room, as if she was already living in the place and knew her way around, it was probably a calculated message, but Jen Gilbert didn’t seem to operate on the level of open hostility the way Cal Richardson did; she seemed content to work with small barbs.

    In any case, Mark just wanted her to get their shit so they could haul ass out.

    Claire wanted to say something. Something...smart, or just right. Something clever that would make her feel like she had something on the goddess standing in her living room. But she didn’t, not in the slightest. All she could do was stare like a dumb blond, eyes flickering back and forth between Mark and Jen. Meeting? He’d had a meeting? What about? How had it gone?

    She was surprised at his suggestion that they go to the beach. It seemed to...romantic and random. It made her feel like she and Cal were the old, married, bickering couple. And there were Mark and Jen, living the dream while she stayed home with her sweat pants and tea. Well, shit.

    Her phone rang, making her jump. The loud blaring beep that was save especially for her mother, a call she didn’t dare ignore. She reached into her pocket and pulled it out, having every intention of explaining that it wasn’t a good time. But before she got the chance... “Jamie’s PREGNANT! Can you believe it? Another baby!”

    “She’s pregnant?”
    Claire managed to choke, unable to hide her shock. “Seriously? But...Kassey is only two!”

    That was where Mark almost blanched, and might have thrown up; Dalton clearly wasn’t aware that all the things they’d predicted backstage may be coming true, right down to the suspiciously black baby that’d pop out of Jamie’s womb. That’d be the jig was up; even her husband, the guy they’d called “Lawnmower Man” in reference to the movie where the mentally challenged landscaper goes nuts, would know that something was fucked up there. But he knew that he had like less than a second to keep it off his face.

    “What are you saying? Aren’t you happy for her? It’s wonderful! I’m going to be a grandmother!”

    Another baby for Jamie. Another baby in the family as a reminder that her sister had everything she wanted, while she was trapped in that apartment with Mark and Jen. No husband, no house, no babies. “No that’s great, it’s just such a surprise. I didn’t know they were even trying...” her eyes traveled over to Mark. She couldn’t help it, he knew her family as well as she did.

    He tried an encouraging grin and hoped that if it seemed awkward, that was because everything else was awkward. Maybe the knowledge of who the father probably was would fly under the radar a little longer. He’d been procrastinating on telling Claire anything about Dalton, Jamie and their tawdry little affair for fear of jumping the gun, except now it was way too late.

    He gave a thumbs-up he totally didn’t feel.

    Thumbs up? What did that mean? Wasn’t Mark completely against marriage and kids and the conventional? Didn’t he consider Jamie to be...what was it? Shackled to the kitchen floor? Well, at least SHE was getting some action. Claire couldn’t say the same for herself. “You and Mark have to come down for dinner this week, we’re celebrating!”

    “Uhm-,”

    “Is he there? Ask him!”

    “He’s-,”

    “Oh just give the phone to him!”

    Ever the obedient daughter, Claire grimaced and held out the phone to Mark. “She wants you.”

    “Uh, okay...”
    he took the phone hesitantly, clearly a bit disquieted by everything and scrambling for a bedrock of sanity. Think beaches, waves, toned flesh and the soon-to-be future, Mark. It was like a mantra.

    “Hi, Helen, it’s Mark, congratulations, Granny. So, which motel do you want to shack up at next weekend?” Mark could get away with that sort of outrageousness with Helen Pierce, and Bruce tolerated it because he knew it was in good humor and a young man flattering his wife a bit. It was an old hat.

    “Well, Bruce is out of town for the weekend. I believe Claire’s old bedroom is free?”

    Jen emerged from the bedroom, donning expensive looking sunglasses. “What’s he doing?”

    Jen asked that rather bluntly, so Claire was happy to reply bluntly “Flirting with my mother.”

    “Loud and clear lover. When do you want me there and what should I wear?” That was an invitation to get down to the actual business, the pleasantries bypassed. It was the sort of thing Calvin Richardson would never dare, but Mark Verona could pull off deadpanned and straight faced.

    “Say seven tuesday night? Remember a shirt, and do bring my daughter. I’m making pot roast.” Jen’s face was priceless, and Claire was smirking out of actual utter amusement.

    “No problem, I can definitely make it.” He’d have to manage the schedule with Manny a bit, but the thing was, he didn’t even know if he’d be working there much longer given that Harry Cohen sent an e-mail alluding to a pretty serious signing bonus and advance from Edge/Universal. It was hard to think like that, because he was so used to running on line almost no sleep between the band, the job and the lifestyle, but his free time was going to open up.

    “Excellent, Marcantonio,” Full name, no one ever used that, “Now please hand me off to my daughter before I get any more flustered.”

    “I’ll see you then, baby.”
    He said with a laugh on his voice as he handed over the phone. Whoops, Jen was there, and she heard that. He just mouthed the words, “Her mom. Just kidding.” He just hoped he wasn’t hosing it up with Jen when he slipped her a wink.

    Claire took the phone, pressing it into her shoulder so her mother couldn’t hear. She looked at Jen, face dead serious, and said in a low voice. “He’s not kidding. If she finds out about you two...well, you’re going to have a lot more than an STD and an eating disorder to deal with.” Her face transformed into a pleasant smile, the mirror image of the one Jen used after saying something horrible insulting. “Have fun you two!”

    It was Jen’s turn to look nonplussed, and Mark’s turn to basically want to get someone else away from someone else, though he’d already gotten the El Matador thing figured out, and it was just a matter of putting away dishes and getting the hell out; as quickly as possible. And maybe Jen realized that too, because she seemed to be tapping her foot and willing him to work at warp speed while she sipped at a coffee she’d poured herself while assuming a rather placid expression.

    The conversation didn’t start up again until they were, mercifully, in the car; Mark’s was a beaten up, rather old Toyota that still ran decently despite the age. It wasn’t exactly the awesomest of cars, Cal laughed at it and made snide comments about getting a real job, but it was at least something that worked and was paid off so he didn’t have to pay the cost of it. He did have it rigged up with a stereo system that took a music player and he was, of course, listening to a mix of stuff, though mostly rock. Some of it was newer, much of it was older, but there was a certain zen to driving around for him; it resembled other activities where his mind could wander while he enjoyed music and relished in the sunshine; he was forced to wear sunglasses to see the road, but his were nowhere near as expensive as Jen’s.

    But today was a little different, with a curious passenger on board.

    “Wow, uh, Claire’s not taking it well, is she? Did she say anything to you about...you know, us?”

    Mark didn’t give her a sidelong glance, because they were on the Ventura Freeway and all, on their way to the Pacific Coast highway; it was all open road driving for the most part, which was a good thing. She was curled up on the seat with a phone that was set on silent but constantly blowing up with texts, which was one way to pass the time; it wasn’t Mark’s style, though. He liked to leave e-mail with the computer and leave the computer at home. It was a separation of Life and Internet for him. But most people didn’t see it that way.

    The question made him want to give her a sidelong glance, though; it was a difficult one and she had her motives. He just wasn’t sure how much he wanted Jen to know about Claire, given how it all seemed to be shaping up. He was in that odd place of being a friend of one woman, a lover of another, and sort of being between them. It was possible that Claire knew that the odds were he’d lean toward the lover. But Jen wasn’t about to win it all and get him talking out of turn.

    “I dunno, she was shocked, basically, because everyone has a little history. It’s like she has some sort of weird maternal instinct for me or that I was kinda like a dork in high school -- you know that -- and she still thinks of me as the same guy I was in HS. I think she thinks she’s the same as she was in HS too. She has strong opinions about my decisions, and I think her boyfriend is helping reinforce those opinions.”

    “You mean in that she’s miss thing, prom queen and all around perfection?” That was said with a bit of venom and then, “What’s her boyfriend like?” Apparently, Jen managed to hold onto the past a little more than she’d admit. And it might have worried some guys that a girl like Jen was asking about Calvin Richardson, but Mark didn’t seem to think he was in any danger of suffering the fate of Matt Meyer; he seemed to think that Jen was a little more grown up than Claire, which of course, may have been wishful thinking. There was often a tendency to gloss over the shortcomings of someone one was intimate with. For Mark, the fact that they’d had an incredibly hot night of screwing despite a mutual past lodged the idea, firmly, in his subconscious that Jen was over high school and the past. Denial, it was called.

    That was way easier; he could talk about Cal’s shit all day. He couldn’t stand the dude, and that was gossip he could get into.

    “Think of every USC jock you’ve ever met, and then multiply it by two. The guy’s apparently some kind of ex-football star that thinks hustling real estate is the best job ever. The classic fuckin’ suit douchebag. This guy basically makes everyone around him miserable. I call it ‘the Sphere of Calvin.’ He was actually at the concert the other day, you know...” He tried not to let the irritation slip into his voice, but his hands gripped the steering wheel a little harder; Cal pissed him off in ways he wasn’t prepared to really open up about, he pissed him off for reasons he had sort of blocked off in the back of his skull, stuff he could express in a song but never bring himself to talk about in simple conversation.

    “Oh, wow...so what’s this guy do exactly?” Jen didn’t prod hard, for worry that she might go too far; getting someone to say too much was a delicate sort of thing; overplay your hand and you’d be obvious. Jen Gilbert, however, was pretty good at this game.

    “Territorial as hell. Definitely looks down his nose at anyone that doesn’t make money ‘honestly’ which means putting on a suit and tie. I think he’s got problems, but I have no idea what they are. I mean, he always seems to be trying to put Claire in her place and putting everyone in their place when they try to talk to her. Dude is always hanging around too; I pay rent, right? But he thinks he owns the place.”

    Jen nodded along, though it was probably more out of just trying to encourage Mark to say what he felt than anything, “Wow, you think for a girl that likes to call the shots so much she’d go and find a more pliable man. Or maybe she likes to have it both ways, you know? Have a guy that takes control of her shit while keeping another man on the side that does her bidding and runs around on a whim. You know...alpha male, beta male, alpha female type stuff.”

    This was, of course, the beta female herself talking, scheming to unseat the queen.. Or perhaps she was the omega, undermining the system entirely. Whatever the case, something simmered there, kept the relationship moving past simple lust and the idea that Mark was going somewhere and she’d like to ride-along..

    That struck a chord with Mark, to be honest, because he had this sneaking suspicion that when Claire talked, it was often Calvin doing the thinking in a lot of ways, imposing his views on Mark by proxy. To Mark, Calvin represented all that was wrong with mindlessly doing what society and others wanted, as opposed to finding one’s own lifestyle. Disturbing thought, and Jen managed to kind of find a sore spot and peel away the problems; the reaction was classic Mark, “Yeah, well fuck him. I’ve got a contract with one of the most prestigious labels in the nation and I don’t intend to let the cocksucker determine how to live my life. I want enough money and freedom to say ‘fuck you’ to society and then live on my own terms. I guess Claire never understood that. God, we’ve been friends from childhood, but she thinks selling used cars is more respectable than what I want to do.”

    Jen smiled; wedge driven. It wasn’t that hard to steer him away from the other girl and more into her orbit. You told them a bit of what they wanted to hear, sympathized with them. Oh, she liked Mark, enough to take him to bed and enjoy it, but there were other things about him she enjoyed as well -- the potential for making money, the climb to the top, the heady thrill of being associated with all those finer things in life. Being able to live without a care. A little petty revenge on Miss Perfect Pierce was icing on the cake; a bit of a ‘fuck you’ for all those years of feeling like second-fiddle.

    “Well, it sounds like you’re on your way to the top, baby. Who cares what frumpy has-beens like that think about it, right?”

    Game, set, match. In the mind of Jen Gilbert, they could now enjoy the rest of the day at El Matador.
    -
    "The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time."
    - Bertrand Russell


  8. #8
    The Bleeding Rose Lizzie B's Avatar
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    “Wow.” Cal panted, rolling off of her and reaching his head back to knock his knuckles against the head board in an odd pattern. It was an annoying habit he’d picked up from his days in a frat. He didn’t know she knew, but it was the signal for ‘I just tapped a really hot girl and everyone should know it’. And after all, she didn’t really mind. He was hers now, and the habit seemed…well, like it was a habit. Nothing more, nothing less. Another habit, his talking and her silence. “That was so great.”

    Claire said nothing, pushing her hair out of her face, staring up at the ceiling. She’d been raised a Christian. Of course it wasn’t like her parents enforced the whole sex after marriage thing, but she’d grown up attending church functions that were more social than religious, along with a few Sundays when her mom felt she needed to pray about something. “God hears you better in church. It’s a sign of respect. For example, if you wanted someone to donate to a charity event you would call them. You’d show up at their house with pastries.” She’d always tell her, translating it into the language they both knew. Suburban social customs of the wealthy.


    It wasn’t that she didn’t believe…more that other things had seemed more important than following the strict guidelines. Like Cal, for example. If she had said she was saving herself for marriage, she never would have gotten Cal. And besides, this was modern day, right? God would understand, right? And eventually she would only be having married sex, so that would make up for it. Then again, she and Cal were practically married anyways. Maybe it was fine, maybe this was totally fine.

    Still, she always felt a little guilty after. She’d never admit it, not even if someone put a gun to her head. But the guilt was there, along with the doubt. It was fun in the moment, but afterwards…well, she was usually pretty miserable. Probably because Cal wouldn’t shut up. “That was so good. Right babe? Was it good for you?”

    “Yeah. Yeah, it was great.”
    “Get me some water? After all, I pretty much did all of the work.”
    “I told you I wasn’t feeling good.”
    “You were feeling fine about twenty seconds ago. Honestly babe, it’s a glass of water. And if you’re feeling especially grateful, some food would be nice. Maybe a sandwich, or some oreos.”

    She’d called Cal not long after Mark had left, telling him that she wanted him to come over so they could talk. The bickered on the phone a little, and Claire was feeling so low he won the argument. She shouldn’t have dragged him to that concert, she should have stood up for him, she should have could have would have. Cal had a funny way of getting her to apologize for things he’d done wrong. And in the end, she was so lonely she didn’t care.

    So he came over, and she wanted to snuggle and watch tv but that hadn’t lasted long before the groping started. And once he got going there was really no stopping him, so she’d decided that maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Maybe it would make her feel better. Instead she felt like shit, and she still had to make Cal a sandwich.

    He left a little before Mark got home, but it was obvious he’d been there. The place smelled like axe and the kitchen had a plate covered in crumbs on it, not to mention Claire’s hair looked like she’d been caught in a wind tunnel. It wasn’t hard to guess what had happened.

    The days passed quickly without any fighting, but Claire was obviously still very upset and very off her game. She spoke little, ate less, and hardly left her room. Before they knew it Tuesday was upon them, and for once they drove separate cars. She couldn’t bear the thought of a half an hour of awkward silence, or some awful fight right before dinner. Claire looked like a Stepford Wife, to be blunt. She was wearing a pale green colored summer dress with cap sleeves and a darker green ribbon that tied around the waist. Her feet donned matching green pumps that looked incredibly painful, and her hair was pushed back in a white head band with a little bow on the side. It was unfortunate that Cal couldn’t complete the picture in some stiff suit, but he’d had to work late and Claire couldn’t really say she was broken hearted. Mark and Cal in the same room was NOT something she could handle.

    They approached the house in silence, ringing the door bell and waiting. Funny, how the rules changed after she’d moved out. Now she had to be wait to let into the place she’d lived all her life. Helen answered the door wearing a dress not so different from Claire’s, in a Violet colored floral pattern.

    “Oh my baby!” she cooed, stepping forward to gather Claire into a hug. The two looked shockingly similar, despite age, and Claire had always been comforted at the fact rather than disgusted. At least she’d age well. Of course a boob job would be required in her thirties, but with Cal’s salary she’d be able to afford it. “Hi Mom!” she said, absolutely beaming. No one but Mark would notice that the smile wasn’t real. “And who is this sexy beast?” she asked, looking Mark over as if she’d never seen him before.

    Maybe things were working out for him on the Jen front in some way where he presented himself more confidently, because where he’d usually fear to go in looking like he was scruffier than the Pierces, today he just rolled with the appearance of scruffy by adding a black sport coat to the typical jeans and t-shirt array; he didn’t bother trying to tame the hair that he just let hang to the shoulders - his was naturally wavy and thick, but it didn’t curl up. It was low maintenance. He didn’t bother conceal the piercings, though he had the tattoo covered up, unless he took off the jacket, and while it might somewhat pass for conventional, maybe, he set the whole thing of with a rock-style belt buckle of a skull of all things; a hunk of steel that inevitably drew attention to the pelvis, and as a guitar-player he was subconsciously aware of the power of that on stage. It seemed like he swaggered a little more; Jen and something else, perhaps.

    In any case, he’d parked his car in his mother’s driveway and headed over, since Anna was already there, in any case. It was a weird extended family arrangement of sorts, and sometimes there was friction that Mark never quite got the story on, but things seemed to be okay now. He just really didn’t ever have time to visit around here or say much to anyone -- he did a lot of his contact-keeping by e-mail and phone or in passing, which might have been slightly regrettable.

    On the other hand, Cal might have been here, and that was avoided -- it was a sigh of relief for him. Cal was undoubtedly invited and Mark had girded himself for that action; excuses for leaving early and gaming out, tactically, when it was okay to withdraw without offending people or raising eyebrows. With Cal out of the way, it meant he could just interact with people and not have to deal with the Sphere of Cal encompassing what was, really, a private function of family and close friends.

    He hadn’t even bothered to invite Jen and wouldn’t have taken her even if she’d known or asked; as far as she was aware, he was just visiting his mother, technically true and he’d learned from Harry Cohen the lawyer that much of the art of misdirection, and it was probably not appropriate to make such introductions yet.

    “Oh, I’m a vagrant your daughter picked up out of pity, a charity case and an ongoing experiment in the socialization of deviants into normal and respectable society. But I must say, the charming creature before me is making me forget precisely why we even bother with normal and respectable society and what’s wrong with deviance to begin with...”

    Helen laughed, and Claire couldn’t help but smirk. More for the fact that her mother probably had absolutely NO idea what he’d said. “Come in, dinner’s almost ready.” There was something yelled from inside, inaudible all except for her name. “Jamie’s in the sitting room, go and see her.

    The house was massive, and well decorated. Light and open, Mark looked a little out of place, and Claire looked as though she should be captured at the foot of the stairs for an ad in some housekeeping magazine. Jamie was sitting on the couch, nursing a glass of what had to be sparkling cider. Still in her first trimester, she was already playing up the pregnancy, forcing Claire to stoop and bend to hug her where she sat. Because heaven forbid she miscarry should she stand up!

    “Congratulations!” Claire squealed, releasing her sister and moving across the room to peck her father on the cheek. She settled in a chair and crossed her legs, back rod straight, smile dazzling and enthusiastic.

    Once Claire released her sister, he was up at bat, but he tended to mind his p’s and q’s around Jamie, he played it straight, as opposed with Helen where everyone knew there was absolutely nothing happening. “Congratulations, Jamie,” he told her as he gave a careful sort of hug, perhaps making too much of her condition; he wasn’t exactly up on the process and intricacies of pregnancy, it was an element of the Pierce household he tended to tune out as much as possible.

    Mark had to play the mask game, or at least, plaster a smile he didn’t feel. He had this sinking feeling that Jamie’s pregnancy was the chickens coming home to roost, so when he had to give her a hug, it was chaste as all get-out; he knew Jamie, and he knew which lines did not get crossed. So his greeting was kind of lame. He was also burning with concern for Dalton; the dumbass was like a pool boy or something.

    Anyway, he moved on from there, the awkward part out of the way and him already feeling the craving to have a good stiff drink. This was suburbia, alright.

    “This is so nice, I feel like I haven’t seen anyone in years.”

    “Where’s Calvin?” Bruce asked, acting concerned. Chances were he already knew, and was asking to be polite or allow her to explain his absence to everyone else.

    “He had to work, he was so disappointed. You know how much he loves pot roast. But he sends his love, and he told me to tell you and Sean how happy he was for you.”

    “Well, at least you have Mark along with you to keep you out of trouble, then.” Bruce said, perhaps a bit naively; he hadn’t been around the apartment the last few days. Mark’s expectation that Claire needed another day to process everything was way, off. If anything, she had less to say and more to hold in after he got back from the day-trip to El Matador; perhaps it was because Jen decided to stay the night and Mark wasn’t about to turn any of that down, even if it meant making things a little more awkward. He did, however, wisely get his coffee and disappear back into his room the morning after, but learned a new rule of Jen sleepovers; bring two coffees and give her no excuse to run into Claire.

    “More like she tries to keep me out of trouble, Bruce,” Mark told him, off-handedly. Sly smile in Claire’s direction, another olive-branch offering of ‘agree to disagree, “doesn’t always work.”

    Bruce laughed ruefully, “Well, your choices in life aren’t the ones I’d make, but I heard you signed a contract with Phil Becken over at Universal Record Group, aren’t they one of the big boys? That’s what Helen said your mother told her, I don’t really know the music business myself...”

    That was a shocker; Bruce and Helen were Mr and Mrs. “Play it Safe” and here was Bruce telling Mark he did a damn good job; usually, the topic of music was brushed over, but suddenly, he had a contract -- talent didn’t seem to matter -- so the job was suddenly respectable. He grinned a bit, anyway and just took it for what it was worth; you had to pick your times to hold an argument and this wasn’t one of those times when the guy was trying to compliment you but was a bit clueless.

    “Yeah, Edge group is a subsidiary of URG. It’s complicated, but basically, it’s Becken’s personal domain for projects he wants to personally pay a lot of attention to.”

    “Did you get an advance?”

    “$17.5K, yeah. We hit the studio soon, but we’re trying to figure out who we want to actually work as our producer...you know, sound stuff, isolation booths, mixing, what frequencies get emphasized -- sound engineering stuff.”

    “All Greek to me, son. But nice job. Looks like music is going to pay off if you play your cards right.”

    “It oughta, we’ve got strong material when we get into the studio, and Becken’s behind us on marketing. John Reynolds is managing us, and he’s a pro. Harry made sure we don’t get fucked out of our money.” Which was the usual array of stuff that went on with bands that were unwary. “I actually got approached by this guy Martin Smythe, he’s well known for having an eye for this stuff, but he also tends to take his bands for a ride and screws them before moving on, and that was like a sign, I guess. Because he was on me one night trying to get me to sign over everything to him, and the next day it was a call from Reynolds.” That was glossing over the true facts of the event, but it was enough for Bruce and enough to spare Claire the details of him basically landing Jen on the night they got noticed.

    He shrugged, “It was pretty surreal.”

    Bruce seemed a little concerned; maybe there was a little bit of the strain and confusion showing through, “So how are you holding up with it all, Mark? Lots of pressure? You know you can tell me, it’s no shame for a man to feel the strain, for anyone really. It’s just a shame when someone lets it eat them up.” That bit of unexpected candor was enough for Mark to unlimber with a sigh.

    “Yeah, pressure. It’s the first step in a hard business. The first step is the hardest, but I want to nail it perfectly on the next step, which is thankfully the recording studio. Then the third step is out of our hands, because that’s marketing. And maybe we get lucky and go on tour. A lot hinges on what kind of a record we make, and I intend to go in balls-out. But nothing’s guaranteed.”

    “Well, it’s hard work, but it’s a gameplan. I’m glad you finally have one, Mark...”

    Mark chuckled a bit at that despite himself; he’d always had the game plan, the difference was that Bruce seemed to approve in it. But where he might jerk the chain on a guy like Cal, Bruce he liked and Bruce he respected and Bruce he just nodded along with. He was playing Stepford Husband for Claire tonight, as close as he’d ever get to playing this sort of role, out of respect for his neighbors and his friend and her family.

    Claire couldn’t breathe. She sat and listened in disbelief, staring at Mark as if she’d never seen him before. He hadn’t told her. Not a word of it, not a hint. His dreams were coming true and he’d forgotten to tell her? His best friend? Or was that just it? She wasn’t now, was she? Jen was the woman in his life, and he had his band. There was no place left for whiny, nagging, responsible Claire. She felt as though he’d punched her in the stomach.

    Jamie noticed her expression, always one to stir up drama. “What is it Claire? You knew, didn’t you?” She struggled for a moment to regain her composure, a moment that was noted by everyone in the room. “Of course I knew. It’s just...surreal. Living with a rock star. “ she gave a half hearted laugh and climbed to her feet. “If you’ll excuse me for a minute....” she stood and walked out of the room at a rather brisk pace, heading down the hall to the bathroom where she hoped she could find a few moments to put her head back on straight.

    Shit; he realized he’d erred when he told his mother in a hurried, hungover conversation but never got around to Claire; but it was Cold War after getting ambushed at the door that day after coming back from the meeting and no real chance to say anything. And in the sort of torrential emotional experience of Jen, who was quite capable of spinning a guy’s mind even in normal circumstances, he managed to forget about telling Claire the good news even while dealing with the shit.

    “Yeah, thanks Bruce, though I admit that sometimes it feels like I just pulled off the perfect crime, since it’s something I love...but I better go see my mom though. Before she thinks I’ve forgotten her.” The way he sort of managed to forget to tell Claire about the record contract thing. Or the way he’d been too pansy to like knock on her door and just drop it in her lap.

    Claire shut herself in the bathroom, locking the door and gripping the sink. She was not going to cry, not tonight. Then again, that didn’t really seem to be up to her. A few angry tears escaped, but she wiped at them violently. How had he not told her? It was only something they’d talked about a thousand times since...well, since they could talk! Since he’d found his passion, and become dead set on achieving his dream. But now he had, and she wasn’t important enough to tell? The girl he’d known his entire life, who he lived with, wasn’t important enough to tell? She had no doubt Jen knew, and that hurt even more. She wanted nothing more than to escape from the party. Maybe she’d climb through the window? Or hit him over the head with a vase and show him just how rebellious she was! Instead she sucked in a few deep breaths, wiped her eyes, and exited the bathroom. Maybe her mom needed help with dinner.

    ---

    By now things were pretty awkward, and Mark felt as if he only understood a fraction of it, and not all of that was the part that he had any control over. But there was the smell of food to briefly distract and it was the hallmark of manhood to be able to work up an appetite almost any time. Women starved or stuffed themselves according to despair and sadness or emotion in general, but men were more connected with the primal truth of eating.

    That didn’t make up for all the weird signals he wasn’t getting. Luckily, there was his mother and that wasn’t complicated; Anna de Rossi had a strong resemblance to her son in that she had the same nose, jaw, cheeks and hair, though his features were masculine enough; by contrast, she was pretty classically Italian, but unlike a number of Italian women, she didn’t go putting on the pounds as she approached her middle age; she was handsome and in fit shape, and presented a stylishly correct appearance. Even dressed down in a pair of slacks and a simple blouse, set off with a scarf from one of those Mediterranean countries, perhaps Morocco, she managed to convey what she was; an art broker with a master’s degree from Stanford in Fine Arts. What could you do with Fine Arts?

    Little, it turned out, but she managed to turn looks and style into salesmanship. Thick, ropy dark hair, dark eyes, slightly olive skin and good fitness, the product of being an addict to the tennis court for as long as age and knees allowed her such a luxury. She’d never bothered with the fake boobjob that Helen Pierce believed was a proper 30th birthday gift or trying to dress overly sexy; it was a natural thing for her, and if she’d decided to put on a sun dress, she would have turned heads. But at the Pierce family functions, she rarely deigned to do so, and not since the end of her marriage to Harry Cohen. There were differences between the small family of two and the larger family, but they were close neighbors long enough, in almost the small-town way, that this was considered like a difference between cousins.

    Her poise and tendency toward tact was where Mark often got the maddening habit of clamming up; it was old country Italian Omerta going on there, not discussing things, not airing them out in the open and sometimes letting the secrets lie. She wasn’t a bad woman, and she’d raised a son on her own while making real good money, but she also was not in the habit of talking about herself. She talked about Mark, of course.

    “So when does the recording session happen?” was the question out of people’s mouths to him as much as “When is the baby due?” to Jamie.

    For some reason, his mother seemed to have an insight into the business; she understood the hunt for a producer and the process, though they’d never actually discussed this. She’d subtly tried to discourage him from the guitar thing but was torn between worrying about the welfare of her son and not trying to push him into a life he found miserable. She seemed almost resigned to the guitar thing once it’d happened.

    He tried to ignore Claire’s occasional look, when she thought no one was looking, he tried to hold the line. Yeah, he was a lot like his mother in that he didn’t like things to spill over and worked to prevent that.


    “When’s the baby due?” Claire asked, in a sad attempt to steer the conversation away from Mark’s dreams coming true. The HUGE fact he’d somehow forgotten to mention. Jamie seemed a little hesitant to answer. “Uhm...sometime in November.” Helen looked concerned.

    “Didn’t the doctor tell you?”
    “Well it’s hard to say exactly.”
    “Don’t you remember when you conceived?”
    “Of course. It’s just...it’s not an exact science.”

    Claire made no attempt to hide her utter confusion. “Yes it is.” she said, eyeing her sister suspiciously. Why wouldn’t she just say it? Sean looked rather confused as well, chewing on a mouthful of pot roast, lost in the workings of his tiny brain.

    “I have a hard time remembering what I had for breakfast the other day, you know what I mean?” Mark said this with a hint of amusement in his voice, but it was uncharacteristic for him to run cover for Jamie when faced with her own pregnancy-and-babies-obsessed family. They didn’t look at each other or anything, but Mark seemed off hand.

    But Sean seemed reassured by that, and while he wanted to kick Claire under the table for even bringing it up, it seemed like the moment of near-crisis had passed; Dalton was a bro, and what Mark needed was time to a) warn Dalton and b) figure out a way to solve this problem if the kid was actually his. The thing was, he didn’t exactly have time to sit down with Jamie and ask her, “So, who have you fucked in the last couple months, sweetie?” It wasn’t exactly kosher dinner table conversation, even in a household where the womb was considered the center of the universe and the reason for existing.

    Claire looked over at Mark with an incredulous expression. Was he kidding? He’d made that giant meat and egg scramble she’d eaten two bowls of in her depression. What was he trying to pull? Did he know something she didn’t? Probably. And he probably wouldn’t share it with her either.

    Jamie, in an attempt to turn the attention away from her baby, went and screwed Claire over instead. “So, Claire, how do you feel about living with a rock star? I bet all of your friends are jealous.” She paused, fork poised over a piece of broccoli she’d been picking apart for the past ten minutes. “Uhm...well, it’s still Mark so...” lame. Utterly lame, and stupid, and inarticulate. What the hell was wrong with her? “It must be pretty exciting though, considering you’ve been there going through it all with him. You must be really proud.”

    This was where Mark muttered, “it’s just a signing, we aren’t there yet,” and Anna, more silent and perceptive than the rest of the table, seemed to be catching the currents of tension; she was harder to hide things from, and Mark’s policy of not bullshitting people tended to stem from his inability to get past his own mother for much of his childhood. She glanced over toward Jamie with a reproving sort of expression, though it was little more than a tightening around the eyes and the compressing of lips that said, ‘enough’ without announcing to the others that shit was flying.

    Proud? Sure, she was proud. But that was somewhere deep down, underneath the hurt and the rage and the nausea. Oh boy, she was going to puke. Maybe she could aim it at Mark? “Yeah, I mean, it’s great. We’re all really happy for him.” We? Who was she talking about? Her social life revolved around Cal and Belli, and whatever band members seemed to be wandering around her apartment. Jamie rolled her eyes. “Yes, I’m sure Cal was absolutely overjoyed with the news.”

    This was where Mark wanted to sink under the table, but he tried to hold his composure and just let things pass as if these were innocent comments rather than claws out between the sisters. Maybe Helen picked up on it and decided to cut in; maybe she was a secret genius at appearing clueless while defusing situations. Or maybe it was blind luck.

    “Honey? Why aren’t you eating? Is the food ok?” Great. Just great, now her mother was doing inventory of her plate. Just what she needed, a table full of family picking over her eating habits. “It’s great Mom. I’m just feeling a little sick, I don’t think I’ll stay for dessert.”
    “You’re nauseous?”
    “Yes.”

    Oh no. Oh no, what had she done? You never said the N word in front of Helen Pierce. It was like cutting off a hand and jumping into a pool full of sharks. “Oh Claire, you’re pregnant!” SHIT. “Mom, no. One of my lab partners has been throwing up all week! All over. She puked all over the table.” Helen was beaming. “No, I noticed something was different about you! You just didn’t want to take any attention away from your sister, am I right? Oh Claire honey this is so wonderful!”
    “Mom, no...” she moaned, dropping her fork and burying her face in her hands. Now she really felt like she was going to hurl.

    It was Mark’s mother who cut in to lob an easy serve to Claire, a way out, “Have you been eating that UCLA cafeteria food? I’d heard that they were having a bit of an issue with some sort of minor outbreak of flulike symptoms and nausea. Something about unwashed salad greens. When did this all start for you, Claire?”

    Maybe it was Anna working out things, at least to the point where she realized something upset Claire and she didn’t want to share with the dinner table; one had to have open eyes and ears to notice such things, and Helen was mostly a woman that liked the sound of her own voice. Anna de Rossi? Much different. She seemed as if she could almost smell the secrets around the table; she definitely seemed to cut in with the right thing at the right moment for Claire, at least.

    Anna. Claire loved Anna, she really did. They weren’t incredibly close, but they had a good relationship, and this wasn’t the first time she’d saved her in awkward conversation. “A few days ago.” Claire said, jumping on the opportunity. “The cafe Belli and I usually go to was closed so we got a salad at the food court. I mean she’s fine, but she grew up in India. She never gets sick.” Was that racist? Maybe, but it was true.

    “Do you want some tea? Or sprite? Or diet sprite?” Helen offered, moving like she was going to stand. Claire beat her to it, pushing back from the table. “No thanks, I think I’m just going to go home and go to bed.” Her mother, of course, was not satisfied with this. “Maybe you should let Mark drive you home?”

    Mark didn’t openly wince, he just shrugged and said, “Yeah, sure.” But trust Helen to stick his ass right in the deep-fryer. Apparently, Claire was not taking anything well tonight, and he was about as eager to be trapped in the car with her all the way home as he was to be stuck in a sack with a weasel and a chicken, due to be thrown into the river somewhere.

    “I’ll be fine. Uhm, sorry to leave so early. Jamie, congrats. Really.” She glanced down at Mark, trying to seem casual. What would she normally say? “See you at home.” Yes, that seemed normal.

    “Uh, yeah, no problem. See you when I get there.”

    But he had no intention of going home tonight. He was going to take up Jen’s offer and sleep over; it was a bit of a change of pace from the status quo up to that point, but he wasn’t about to tell Jen that he was only coming over because he was avoiding Claire; instead, he plotted to bring something fun, like some sort of liquor or whatnot, and surprise her, as if he were being spontaneous rather than a fucking coward. That decision was made with alacrity. He just didn’t have the endurance to take another session on the rack the way he did that one morning. It was easier just to avoid than try to explain.

    She said her goodbyes from afar, so no one would catch her ‘illness’. Of course, the only way they would catch it was by spending too much time with Mark. Unfortunate for them, that he was staying. Claire climbed behind the wheel and spent a few minutes fiddling with the radio before she took off, realizing as she drove into town that she wasn’t heading home. Instead, she found herself turning into a rather disgusting part of town, where Cal’s apartment was located. He may have been suburban prince charming, but he was by no means well off. Still, sleeping in his tiny bed seemed like more fun than being within fifty feet of Mark.


    By Jaxi

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    As it turned out, the apartment saw neither of its inhabitants for the night; Mark headed down to Jen’s place, which was perhaps a surprise for Jen’s roommate, Alexis, but he managed to make a good impression there. In fact, the whole place had this feel of being well lived in without fucking tension. Alexis, or Lex, was cool about him being over and staying over, and Jen seemed happy to have him, especially once he admitted that he was avoiding Claire. He did that tentatively, hoping she wouldn’t lambaste into him over it, and it was like a weight off his shoulder to admit he was running and not be scorned or given a raft of shit over it; the band guys would have probably beaten him up for being less than a man over this shit. In a lot of ways, men were not terribly sympathetic, even when they were on your side, and Mark was about as in the mood for jokes at his expense as he was for a temperamental tongue-lashing.

    It was actually a pretty nice apartment, technically nicer than his, with tasteful decor and not a guitar in sight, which was a little unusual for him; he was so used to the extremes of rock and roll pad and Stepford Wife via the Pierce house or even his mother’s place that it seemed real relaxed in Jen and Lex’s apartment, a change of pace. There was a large TV, not that he really watched that, running some show on cable that Jen was watching when he’d sort of shown up on her doorstep. The place had stylish furniture, but it was comfortable, or at least the couch was; it was very chick-oriented, but it was comfortable and clean, not a bipolar blend of two extremes that his apartment felt like at the moment, where a clash of ideologies seemed to reign.

    It turned out that Lex had plans of her own that night, which left the place, graciously, to Jen and himself; she was out the door with a wink and a quip about ‘you kids’ that implied not only did she know what was going to eventually happen, but she was happy for them in that regard. His buddies did the same thing, of course, but it was a little different here; it implied, for example, that not all of womankind were pissed off at him, which is how it felt sometimes. But the conversation turned to other stuff. It seemed easy, really, with Jen just encouraging him, seemingly not judging at all. She was providing the sympathetic demeanor he needed right about then.

    It was almost like the therapy couch, with his head in her lap, which made it a better situation than some old guy taking notes, but it was still the same thing -- you described your feelings of impotence and vulnerability and insecurity to someone. In this case, the therapist had an agenda.

    “Wow, this whole living arrangement has really got you stressed out,” Jen observed, “is she really taking it all that badly? I mean, you think she’d be like happy that you’re moving up the ladder, instead it’s like she’s taking out her drab life with Cal on you.”

    Mark sighed, “I dunno. I just know there’s no winning right now. It’s like...I would have told her about the signing, but she was so busy either yelling at me or moping around that I really couldn’t figure out a good moment to let her know. I mean, fuck, I just figured that the middle of a fight wasn’t the time to give the good news. It seemed like the sort of thing you’d sit someone down to tell them, but instead it all got outed to her mother and then her parents outed me and it’s my fault.”

    “Yeah, that’s like totally unfair and stuff. It's really darkening your aura, too.” Jen said that while hiding her delight at the whole situation; it wouldn’t do, of course, to seem more than just sympathetic with everyone involved but mostly understanding of Mark.

    “I have no idea how to patch it up, to be honest, I mean, I can’t just not go back. I pay rent.”

    Jen did the concerned thing well, brushing his hair back and all that, but there was something of a delightful possibility there, “Well, you know, you have that advance money about to clear, maybe you can find your own place if it gets too fucked.”

    “I dunno, that’d be leaving Claire real high and dry. She can’t afford to pay rent on the whole place by herself, and I mean, we’ve been living there for a while, so it’d be fucked up if I packed up and left. And I dunno, we’ve been friends for a while, I just don’t know how to fix it.” He knew he was whining and he hated himself for it, to be honest; this was not how the rock lifestyle was supposed to go. This sort of shit did not seem to happen to the likes of Nikki Sixx or Keith Richards.

    “Well, I didn’t say that you should or you shouldn’t, baby, I just said that you could dust them off your boots if you felt like you have to.”


    But she was happy enough with the suggestion sitting there, in the back of his head, and his response.

    “Yeah, I guess if it gets much worse, I’ll have to really start thinking about it. I just hope shit works out.”

    “Well, it’s sort of out of your hands, isn’t it baby? You haven’t done anything wrong...”
    and with that bit of validation, she managed to neatly set the whole thing up.

    ---

    “Babe, I want to have a couple of guys over Wednesday night.” They were sitting in the kitchen, Claire boiling pasta while Cal reclined at the table, looking out over LA. She paused, glancing over at him before going back to her work.

    “So...you want me to help you clean your place? Remember, last time that didn’t go so well...” she’d told him the mess of dirty underwear and socks and various ladies underwear (though he claimed they were from long ago) shoved between the sheets at the foot of his bed was repulsive and childish. He’d told her that it was a guy thing, that she didn’t understand. She’d told him that sleeping with another woman’s underwear in his bed was not a guy thing, it was cheating. The whole thing went downhill from there.

    “Noooo. There’s definitely no room at my place. I was thinking we could have it here? You could cook something nice and maybe clean the place up a little. I want them to meet you.” Classic Cal, making demands and then adding in a little compliment at the end to pull her in.

    Claire stirred the pasta, unable to help but smile a little at the last part. He wanted his friends to meet her.

    “I guess that would be fine.”

    He grinned up at her. “Would you get Mark for me?”

    “I’m kind of...”

    “He won’t like me knocking on his door. In fact, would you just ask him something for me?”


    She stiffened. Things were still...well, messed up. She and Mark weren’t really speaking. But then, Cal and Mark talking was even more dangerous territory. “Well, what is it?”

    Cal shrugged. “Just maybe ask him if he can leave the apartment for a few hours while we do it.”

    “What? No. No way.”

    “Babe, seriously. He’s not going to want to be here when my friends are over, you know that. This way you’re being thoughtful and mature. Besides, he’d probably rather be off with his girl or doing...well, whatever he does.”

    Claire didn’t like the thought of having to approach Mark, but Cal was right. He probably wouldn’t want to be there. In fact, if she put it the right way, maybe he’d see it as her looking out for him? “Stir this while I’m gone, don’t let it stick.” she told him, knowing perfectly well that he wouldn’t. She made her way down the hall to Mark’s room, standing outside the door for a moment considering her words. She knocked lightly, hesitantly, waiting for a reply.

    “Yo!” Mark was never terribly formal about door knocking privileges, but when Cal was around, the door stayed closed. Hell, these days, the door stayed closed anyway. He hadn’t been around much, but he’d had a show the night before at a club with the Band, a promotional type affair to try out various producers, though it’d been rather hectic and none of the guys there were really to their interest -- most of them had different views from that of the band on how to produce the music, and Mark didn’t want to sound like everyone else or have a guy that wanted them to cut out the solos or do something more like other bands. They wanted someone that had the vision, like them, to storm barricades and take no prisoners on the way up.

    There’d been meetings the next day, which ran toward the exhausting as all the legal details got figured out; by the end of it, he’d gotten his hands on his advance, which was now sitting pretty in his bank account after a direct deposit. He felt fuckin’ fabulous and rich, but also worn down.

    “Door’s open, come on in.”
    Had to be Claire; Cal was here, but Cal never dared. It just never happened. But Mark was okay with trying to kind of explain things to Claire today, not that he necessarily felt he had to acknowledge that everything he did was a slight against her as much as explain that he had reasons, some of them dumb, for the shit that went on. He was willing to be reasonable, at any rate, and he wasn’t doing anything overly important, just responding to e-mails, which was pretty tedious since much of it was from URG marketing types. At least he had his little mancave mattress to recline upon while he pecked away at the keyboard of his laptop while the Rolling Stones played on the stereo -- it was “Beggars Banquet” this time. But he put the computer aside and even turned down the music, which he’d been using to drown out Cal’s shit, when the knock came.

    Her hair was fixed, and she was wearing a summer dress. Normally it wold have been sweats and a tank top, but with Cal there everything changed. She peaked through the door a little first, as if to make sure he wasn’t holding a gun before she stepped inside. Claire met his gaze briefly before dropping her eyes to the ground, shifting awkwardly as she tried to figure out what to say.

    “Hey. Uhm...Cal and I are having some friends over Wednesday night. Guys from his work. I thought I should warn you. I don’t know, maybe you want to go out for a couple of hours and avoid them?”

    Mark, by contrast, was wearing cuttoff shorts made from camouflage pants and a t-shirt, hair out all over and basically chillaxed, which was just as well, because this request made him temporarily see red...but the thing was that if he started barking, it’d be bad. He wanted to try and patch shit up, or at least offer an olive branch, but he also felt like he had to state his case a bit.

    “Look, Claire, if this is you asking, I’ll consider it, but you know, I’ve got a lot of shit going on right now, early days and all with the URG types. It’s pretty intense going up to suitville and having to like audition for these producers, or I guess we play for them and find out if they like us and if we like them, you know? And I’ve got that lined up again for tomorrow, and after that. We’ve got club dates and shit, too. They want to hustle us into the studio and the pressure is on. I’m not saying no here, but I want you to appreciate my position.”

    He let that go for a moment.

    “Now look, is this you really asking, is this you saying you really want to do this or is this just something Cal sprang on you? Is this something you’ve thought about, what you’re asking and all? Because I’ve been a pretty good trooper for a number of years about a lot of things, and I’m cool with this too...if you’re the one asking. Because we’ve been friends for fuckin’ ever, and I’d take a bullet for you. But I get the feeling this isn’t really you asking, is it? You don’t even want to be here asking this, and I can tell, because you kinda look like you’re ashamed to even be asking. I’m not mad, I’m just saying.”

    Claire stared at him, horrified, unable to process his words. Ok, some of them were incredibly true...and that hurt. Of course, she couldn’t think of anything to say to them. What wouldn’t be a lie? You’re right Mark, you’re absolutely right. But he couldn’t be, not completely, not with the way he’d been acting.

    “Uhm, wow. I’m sorry I didn’t take your massively hectic schedule into account. I guess that’s because I haven’t heard a word about it-,”


    He actually interrupted her; that was a first, “Claire, you’re about to get going. Look, I understand, I didn’t tell you. Shit, I didn’t know how to tell you, and it felt weird to tell you when you were going full steam ahead; it seemed inappropriate to tell you and I tried to sit you down and tell you, but that got interrupted too -- and no, I didn’t call Jen over that day, that was just shitass luck. But I’m telling you my shit now, because I’m trying here. I mean, you gotta cut me a little slack here, it goes both ways, you know.”

    Her throat constricted, a tell tale sign that she was going to burst into tears. But she wouldn’t, she couldn’t. Then he’d really think she’d lost it. Despite common belief, not all women liked to talk about emotions or have big open confessions about feelings. Claire was fine talking about the serious stuff, but on her own terms. This? This admission and apology out of the blue? It made her nervous. “It’s fine. It’s all fine. I am cutting you slack, I’m trying to warn you. You don’t really want to be here, we both know-,”

    It was probably a fine thing she was about to say, and it was probably convincing, except just then...

    “Babe? What’s taking so long? I think the pasta is burning.” Cal stepped into the door way, throwing a careless arm around her shoulders and looking over at Mark. “Hey, dude, you don’t mind stepping out for a few hours right?”

    Mark glared at Cal, no way around that, and assumed a cold, compressed-lips look that told stories about his degree of annoyance with Cal, “Yeah, Cal, I do fuckin’ mind. I pay rent here, half of it to be exact, and that entitles me to make the decision whether or not I come and go as I please. And howabout you knock next time you enter?”

    He glanced to Claire, shrugging, but no longer apologetic or in the mood to talk nicely, “Looks like you’ll have to have your little soiree with your caffone frat brothers and just wonder if I’m gonna come home or not, Cal. I don’t know what my schedule is, but I’ll tell you this much, you aren’t telling me when I can and can’t go where I please, much less my own place. Capisce?”

    He never used Italian unless he was pissed; his mother had a little Jersey Italian in her; caffone was one of those terms that slipped out -- pejorative for empty suits, braggarts, fools, everything that Mark thought of Cal. He hadn’t stood up yet, but he was sitting up and even leaning forward, looking pretty indignant; was Claire on the edge of talking him into it? Possibly, but then Cal came in and made fucking demands of him, in his own room. It was just the timing, and it sucked, but that was it, Mark was having no more.

    “Woah, what the fuck man? Are you pmsing or some shit? It a few hours tops. You can bet Claire would leave for a few hours if you asked her to, but she asks you and you go ape shit on her? That’s disrespecting my girlfriend, and that means you’re disrespecting me. And I don’t appreciate you throwing in your little Italian curses or whatever. It’s rude, this is fucking America.”

    Mark enunciated every word coldly, slowly and clearly, “You know what? Fuck this shit. You don’t matter. You don’t get control over my life, even if it means I gotta drop a friend to do it.”

    Then he flared some more, taking advantage of the shocked silence to press his point, aggressively and hard-charging, the same way he played music.

    “It’s not her asking, asshole, it’s you demanding, and guess what? You can just fuckin’ move in, because I’m moving the fuck out. Claire can tell you what the rent is; I’m not paying to eat your shit anymore. You’re trying playing your power-manipulation games and trying to run my life through your girlfriend and it’s done; it’s not happening anymore. You two can live your little 1950’s Leave it to Beaver Bullshit in this apartment, I’m moving uptown with the advance money. Now both of you, get the fuck out of my room. I wanna pack some of my shit tonight, set up some movers and get a goddamn condo on short notice. The apartment’s all yours once I get that shit out. Until then, I don’t wanna see your smug suit face again tonight until I'm leaving, capisce?”

    He stood up, but it wasn’t aggressive; he moved right around them. It was almost predictable of Mark that the first thing he’d pack would be his guitars; he was definitely grabbing the cases for those first, perhaps cognizant of Claire’s one-time threat to mutilate them and perhaps fearing that she actually meant it. And if she didn’t, he had no idea what Cal would do. But he knew one thing, as he started to gather his shit up and pack it with a furious intensity; fuck them, he was moving uptown.

    They no longer mattered to him. Jen was right, it was time to dust them off his boots.

    ---

    The surprise verbal assault put Cal back enough to actually retreat from his room, and Claire went with him, looking more hurt than she ever had before; all the shit he’d said before, he just compounded on it with that last speech, and he’d always thought he was the calm one. He’d tried calm and it didn’t work.

    He packed up the most valuable equipment and did what any artist did in a real tight spot; he called his agent, Johnny Reynolds and explained the situation.

    “Look, Mark, I am absolutely positive I can set you up a nice condo to stay in, and it might not even cost if a friend has one laying around vacant that needs house-sitting or the label decides to hook you up. I'm pretty sure I can swing you something and you won't even have to worry about rent. But if you need a place to stay tonight...I mean, you have money, right?”

    “Yeah, I didn’t do anything with the money once it cleared into the account.” That was true, Mark was holding back and being responsible with the money, unlike the other guys who went on shopping sprees.

    “Well, that’s good. You wanna go crash somewhere, like a hotel or something?”


    Mark mulled it over; there was the hotel option, but it cost money and he didn’t want to go through the shit dealing with it tonight, finding one, checking in and all that. Friends and Jen would ask questions that he wasn’t ready to answer. He needed time and privacy, and maybe there was a bit of an urge to crawl back into the womb too.

    “It’s kinda fucked up John, and it sure as hell ain’t rock n’ roll, but I think I’ll crash at my mom’s place. We can work shit out in the morning tomorrow.”

    “Make sure you pack your amps, guitars and computer. Don’t leave anything important there, Mark. I’ve seen shit like this before, that choad boyfriend could steal your shit, like something important if you aren’t careful...or the girl might decide to wreck something, you said she’s got a temper right?”

    He laughed; he’d been the one with the temper tonight. But Claire’s threats of revenge against the guitars rang in his head.

    “No problem, guitars are packed and anything professional is going with me tonight.”


    “Okay, well don’t drive hotheaded, okay? Be careful out there, and just find a place to crash tomorrow, we’ll sort it out. It’s no problem.”


    And Reynolds was right, it was no problem. He was free now. He had all good things ahead of him, and there was no point in dwelling on it.

    “You’re right, Johnny. Hey, thanks brother. Thanks for being there.”

    “No problem. I want you on top of your game in the studio man. You've got something here.”

    “Dont worry, I think I just tied up the biggest loose end in my life. I'm clear-headed.”


    And that was true, he just cut off his longest-lasting friendship. He wasn’t feeling anything right now, because numbing often accompanied the worst of wounds.
    Last edited by HeySeuss; 02-13-2012 at 11:57 PM.
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    "The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time."
    - Bertrand Russell


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    There was a feeling of release and catharsis after leaving the apartment; he'd wanted to fix things, or start anyway, but Cal seemed to sense that if Claire and Mark managed to talk things out, his position would be diminished. Did he ever pick the best possible time to break it up; both of them, for a moment, were defenses down and trying to talk when Cal managed to bust in and blow the whole process up.

    He almost, almost, wanted to go back, knock Cal out and try to have that conversation they were having, as hard as the conversation was and painful as the topics it covered would have been, but it was useless. He'd already cussed out Cal and even went so far as to cut Claire loose. It was hard for him to do anything about Claire when Cal was on the prowl; he was about to give into Claire, agree with her when the sonofabitch barged in, and it just snapped in his head; he didn't have to eat that shit from Calvin, he had options. That was what Jen said and she was right. While packing up his car with everything that he could think of as important, he'd texted her the news and her response was;

    "No problem, baby, u need a place to stay? <3"

    But something, instinct and subconscious, held him back and kept him on the path back to the house he'd grown up at. The thing was that it'd be hard to conceal what was going on from Helen Pierce, because she'd know the car parked there was Mark's, and it wasn't entirely often that he would stay the night at Anna's -- it never happened -- which meant that it would be a sign that things were skidding off the rails. But Mark was beyond the point where he could keep up appearances, though he'd given his damndest try with Claire and tried to stay a close friend. Now, it was an open question whether or not they'd be friends at all. At this point in time, he wasn't sure he cared.

    He was unpacking in his old bedroom when his mother came in to check on him; he didn't so much unpack as just bring himself and his laptop with him; the guitars, the amp, the equipment in general and most of his stuff that he'd taken along, including a few changes of clothes, stayed in the car. This was a layover, nothing more, though the room was pretty familiar -- there were the posters, the stuff from his childhood; he'd spent a lot of it skateboarding or even screwing around with finger-paints and other things before he'd really gotten into the guitar; there was even a season of baseball he played in Junior high, though he'd kind of sucked for lack of motivation. There were also a lot of boxes packed full of spare stuff that Anna put in; she hadn't expected him to really need that room at all after years of keeping it ready when he moved out; he'd done well by the standards of LA, he'd kept his head above water when he didn't have a raft. He hadn't moved back in, but he found a way forward.

    "So where to after this, Mark?" was Anna's question of her son, "You're welcome to stay, but..."

    "No, totally not necessary Ma," he kissed her on the cheek with a grin, "you know me, I kind of want to go it alone. I just need a place to crash. I just couldn't stay there the way things were going. She's making me nuts. I mean, more nuts than usual." He never told the truth of the car crash or the other things he'd covered for with Claire, including that period when she decided to discover sex in high school; Mark held the line for a lot of shady dates with shitty guys that Helen and Bruce had no idea about.

    His mother looked at him with a sad, knowing sort of expression, "That's the problem Mark, you're the kind of guy that wants to go it alone; you tend to think the world is against you, and now you think Claire's doing this out of a conscious decision, like she's thought this out and made her decision. But she's trying to find her way through just like everyone else, and she doesn't know what she's really buying into any more than you do. No more than I did, Helen did, Bruce did, Jamie did or anyone else you care to name."

    But there was more to that; Anna covered herself well, but it seemed like there was more to her, "like I did" than simple regret; it sounded like there was a pertinent story there. Mark started to object, but was interrupted.

    "I'm just saying, honey, don't cut everyone off just because they become difficult on your way up. You'll end up at the top with no one and the top is a terrible, lonely place to be. Just try to think about it. You might not need each other now; maybe you both have other people, but try not to burn your bridges."

    "That's hard to do Mom; I almost had her talking sense rather than spitting fire--"

    "She's Helen's daughter, don't be shocked at that."
    Anna, for her part, sounded rather amused at that; she and Helen were friends, but their values were radically different, even beyond their differing attitudes toward breast enhancement. But it was true; Anna, and Mark, the boy she raised, were both people that held shit in, and the Pierces were definitely more extroverted, though the extroversion was often a facade covering up bigger issues.

    "--I'm not, but I mean, we were talking sense and trying to see each other's side when that bastard barged in."

    "I know, he's a bastard and she's enthralled by him for some reason. You can't control her decision making, Mark. And he's a bad one, one of the worst kinds, the ones that take away everything from you because they are so insecure they'll never actually be able to hold their head high if they feel someone is better than them at anything. And that's why he was out for you. But Claire may need you sooner than you think, and you should make sure you're there for her when it happens."
    But rather than press the point, she just brushed those fingertips lovingly against his cheek and left the room so he could unpack for the night. He was left with a lot to think about the night before he had a lot of shit to do.

    --

    Johnny Reynolds came through with a bungalow, way out of the Valley, in the Hollywood Heights; it was part of a historic neighborhood, but it was a somewhat quiet sort of place without a lot of neighbors around -- there was space between him and the other people around there. Johnny said it was a temporary thing, the house was unoccupied by the current owner who had other bits of real estate-- they were sitting on it since the housing crash, waiting for the price to go back up to where they could sell at a profit. They were cool with the idea of a caretaker, someone to keep the place from getting robbed or vandalized...Mark got the feeling that Johnny might not have been entirely honest about what sort of person was moving in. Mark was responsible, but damage was bound to occur as part of the whole lifestyle of partying and bands.



    That was fine by Mark; he wasn't about to ask questions of his luck. The biggest problem was a distinct lack of furnishing, but the place had open space aplenty; hardwood floors and a bathtub that actually had jets; that actually was the part that made him shiver a bit. If he only kept part of the house inhabited, it was still more space than he ever had, even at his mother's place. There was even a hot tub out in the back and hedges to allow for people to move around in the complete nude if they wanted. It had, to be blunt about it, enormous potential for a guy that wanted privacy and freedom. The price tag, though he didn't ask, had to be fairly enormous on the place, but Johnny made it sound like the owners pretty much neglected the place.

    The first several days in the place with Jen were bliss; they spent the days combing around for furniture to put in the place; Jen was better at it than he was, in finding furniture and the such that he could add in. A call to Johnny confirmed that he could paint the place, so long as he didn't do anything fucked up. He used his mother's taste as his guideline in repainting walls and making the space his own, but made sure to do a good job of it -- he'd taken a summer job painting houses for three years in a row in high school to help pay the bills and get spending money for himself, he was, once he got past the rust, a damned good house painter. It felt a little too domestic, so by night it was the hot tub, the booze and the band members and whomever they wanted to bring -- small parties, but lots of money to go around; it was acknowledged that Mark's place was the best to hang, but no one wanted to be stuck with the bill for trashing it...trashing places was for someone else's parties, or at Cave's new place. Dalton moved in, finally free of his mother's house; thankfully, Jamie didn't show up for pregnancy sex on the sly -- that would have been awkward.

    And they did; they blew off steam; they all quit their jobs and collected their last paychecks, those of them that had it, and they were playing gigs here and there to help market themselves to producers as they hunted for the right guy that would do their vision justice. And when they weren't doing that, they were practicing most of the day and then hanging out in seedy sorts of places and getting into trouble, particularly through Hack and Cave. Jen, her friend Lex, and a rotating array of different girls and guys they knew, dealers, hangers-on and the such, accompanied this, lured by the free ride of the advance money that largely got blown in this atmosphere. They weren't buying expensive stuff, but the drugs, booze and cheap food tended to pile up.

    Even though that change would be considered massive, it wasn't the end of it; life was throwing it all on heavy and hard at this point. The band managed to locate a producer they liked a guy named Ray Mendoza, who had a stripped down attitude about his producing; he wanted to keep the band sounding natural, rather than make it too glossy and over-produced. The guy had a few small projects to his name, but little else and he seemed eager to take it to the next level; that was the sort of meeting of the minds that Mark appreciated, and why they took this Mendoza guy over industry veterans that had a lot of preconceived notions about what was a successful formula, rather than trying to work with the band they had rather than trying to make it into the band they wanted. The production, the sound mixing of the production, was what made or broke a record, and Mark wanted the absolute right sound for the music, he wanted that shit to roll out of the speakers. Playing may be distinct, but bad production gave you a well-played record with a tinny, awkward sound, as Metallica well knew from the production of "...and Justice For All."

    The thing was, the agreement across the band was to trim down the party lifestyle, partially because the money was running out, and get serious about the album, and that was the word from the record and Johnny Reynolds as well; there was a sense of mission there to take things by storm, to put out a furious and awesome record; in order to concentrate, they had to put aside all the distractions. Mark even ended it with Jen around the time that Jen started to make demands and Stace called her "Yoko Ono" to her face. She took that as not merely racist, but also a nasty attempt to undermine the relationship and demanded an apology; when Mark tried to tell her that the point was that she needed to back off on her demands, she blew her shit...Claire would have probably enjoyed the way it ended, because the truth was that Jen was wearing off rather quickly once he left the apartment -- she seemed to turn her jealous impulses toward the Band, intent on playing games and she got shown the door; they had an argument about him stalling on having her move in, and finally Mark just told her it was over, rather than play games and try to make her go away or dump him first. Maybe it was guilt over Claire; in a way, he blamed Jen for that, even though he made the decisions and the fuckups were his. But Jen was baggage.

    The truth was that Mark had been getting tired of it anyway; Jen spent a lot of her time talking shit about Claire, trying to get Mark to say something hateful rather than clearly regretting it, and that led to a few fights -- she wasn't content to just have him out of the apartment, she was showing signs of being a jealous mistress...and Mark couldn’t deal with that at his point in life, especially when he was trying to focus solely on the music. And after ditching Claire the way he did and uprooting his life so completely out of dedication to the music, he had no problem getting rid of Jen. In fact, it was anticlimax, like cleaning up the fallout of the Claire mess.

    The whole thing was awkward, but it also wasn't in his face; he figured he could mend fences after the album was out, because he just felt the intense need to get it done, to pour what was in his head out to the rest of Reckless Life, make it into songs and put it on a record. Much of the stuff was already there, but some of it got written on the fly, or updated, as they came up with good ideas. They had thirty songs, but they needed to pick the twelve best and make them work with each other. It was a winnowing down process, basically, whilst they refined what they had once winnowed.

    So there was nothing but the music and maybe a fling or two, and he seemed disinclined to start seriously with anyone else, even as he slowed down on the drinking and the drug use; mostly drinking, a little snort here and there of something or a pill that let him keep drinking.

    A week earlier was when the date was scheduled for studio time, and that gave everyone a little time to slow down a bit and get it out of their system; with little else to do, having quit all their day jobs, it was hard not to try to do something, but Mark and Hack occupied the time by shopping for more instruments with the money they had left, just the right sounds with speakers and amps; Mark was happy with his blue Les Paul, but Hack was looking for a different bass, something with more of a roll to it. Even Stace was on board, showing up, surprisingly, with Jen's roommate Alexis, whom Mark had introduced to Stace during the relationship, to do the guitar shopping, though she was of little input on instruments -- much as the redhead might have an opinion on everything else, the intricacies of strings, frets, tuning, amps, speakers and effects were lost on her. Mark came out of it without really changing his instruments -- he'd worked at Manny's and had the employee discount access to good stuff from the get-go -- whereas Hack and Stace spent considerably more on new amps, speakers and a Fender Bass and a Paul Reed Smith with dual humbuckers; Mark had to admit, it sounded good, and had a deep enough growl for the sound they usually counted on in the rhythm. While he and Stace usually played intertwined on rhythm when Mark wasn't leading, they preferred a lower-powered amp that broke up the sound when cranked up on the settings, which gave it a menacing growl without distortion in the punk rock way. They differed on amps, but it still sounded good.

    When the day finally happened that they got to a studio, one that Johnny Reynolds thought was nice and out of the way and one that Ray Mendoza approved of in terms of equipment, they pretty much all showed up relatively sober and eager; it was hard for Mark to sleep that night and he'd done it all alone. It was a swirling chaos of ideas, variations and expectations in his head, on how precisely to compose things and how to arrange it; as the lead songwriter, he was the one that collaborated in talks with Ray, which kept him out of a lot of the business of getting high and laid as much as some of the other guys, and they’d come to an understanding of what to expect.



    The recording process was not like playing a concert; you played the same stuff over and over again, sometimes alone and sometimes with others while the equipment picked it up. Then the engineer took that individual recording and merged it with other recordings trying to form a proper song out of each individual segment; you didn't generally get up there and belt it out. But there was, at least, in the case of Reckless Life, a sense of community in that they stayed together and worked on this together; they'd play through the song and then refine it, getting things just so; the studio was made to be comfortable, and they were told ahead of time to bring shit to make themselves more comfortable; humidifiers and drinks for Cave's voice, seats, cushions. Mark didn't even bother with pants, he just threw on some shorts and a t-shirt, though, as a matter of course, they made sure they were wearing enough 'rock' attire in the form of chains, bracelets and the such to look photogenic, but there was still less effort given and more natural.

    In Mark's case, it boiled down to the heat; shorts and a t-shirt, varying ones that said shit like, "To Avoid Pregnancy, Use Your Head” and other similar things. The studio got hot; it was summer in LA and the electric equipment ensured that the place was going to run a temp. Even with air conditioning, it was a bit of a losing battle in the scheme of things. But he still wore stuff on ball chains and leather string, including a peace symbol as a bit of irony; he'd gotten an extra tattoo or two on his arms during his little bender-binges, though he'd largely let the tattooist do whatever they wanted and was given a bit of a mural on his upper arm; an skull done by a talented apprentice tattooist named Anita Tora, a real west-coast Japanese girl that just did this beautiful scene on his entire upper arm; a very Garden of Eden sort of scene of flowers and the such...with a snake cunningly twined in through the plant life, lurking in the underbrush. Before, he'd only done the Medusa, but now he had a little more leeway for what he could do with the tattooing. She was Cave's girl of the moment, but Mark really liked her, enough to just let her turn his upper arm into a canvas scene for her work. He would have asked for more, but Cave seemed to be a little obsessed with the girl, at the moment; Cave was like that, possessive, territorial. But unlike Calvin, Cave and Mark knew the limits of each other, where the line was drawn, and respected it between each other.

    And it was just as well he hadn't asked Anita to do his leg or thigh, or get him something on the torso; he was still slapping lotion on his arm and that didn't do much to stop the itching, but the studio distracted. It usually did; there was a feeling of unity in the room, even with the girlfriends sitting right there, all two of them, and actually just staying well out of the way; if either Alexis or Anita Tora had been intent on making trouble, it probably would have resulted in them being told to shut up and/or get the fuck out, but instead they seemed to like each other; Mark was surprised at that, since he had this misogynistic image in his head, not helped by Jen and Claire, that two women together were like cats in a bag. And, for a wonder, neither one tried to manipulate the boyfriend or play with their minds or the band the way Jen did. Mark would have thrown up huge roadblocks to it after the way Jen did shit, but apparently Stace had more spine about that shit than he expected or Alexis understood the dynamic of the band; she wasn't butting heads with Cave Wyatt, and that was amazing too. Somewhere down the line, he'd found out the story; Lex had moved out from the apartment she shared with Jen and moved in with Stace, so there was no problem in regards to Jen hearing stuff through Lex anymore. When Mark heard that, he was so visibly relieved that Lex laughed at him outright, but he laughed with her.

    The whole thing, watching apparently healthy relationships with women made Mark wonder where he'd gone so seriously wrong with the whole thing. But it was an angst he ruthlessly tamped down and channeled into the music instead of letting it take him over.

    There was that electricity in the air, though, he could just feel it; he couldn't really describe that cutting the first real album was not only an experience, but there seemed to be more to it than that; Ray had this look of intensity on his face that mirrored that of the band members, and when Johnny showed up to show the A&R guys from URG what was up, they had rapt looks on their faces too, as if they could feel it just building up in there.

    The usual A&R refrain of "I don't hear a single here" was absent; they had songs, but the titles probably needed more professional work, guys going over the song lyrics and titling them to be less awkward, more cool. Mark didn't resent that; most of the material was about enjoying things but also seeing just how excessive and messed up things were; sleaze, prostitution, the unglamorous side of drug use. Mark wasn’t wealthy, the band wasn't wealthy, and they saw things from their perspective; cynicism about guys like Calvin, who didn't get a song, and cynicism about girls, who did get a few songs in, though nothing under their names so much as the unvarnished tales, rather than a fairytale about dancing in clubs and partying all night. Reckless life was about the drinking and the hangover; the drug high, the crash, the craving, the scoring. It was about what you did the morning after with the girl from the night before.

    The recording industry was overrun with pop titles and even country was glossy and smooth these days. Rock had been emasculated to the point of even a number of 17-19 year olds listening to old stuff because it had more authenticity to it than the Nickelbacks or other butt rock type bands, glossy, overproduced, forced enthusiasm, crafted image...the same. On the other end of the spectrum, there was the lifeless, even pedestrian sort of bands that 20-30something collegiate hipsters liked, drawing on old psychedelic rock or other esoteric forms; that wasn't the direction this band headed either -- they weren't targeting an audience or trying to catch a trend, they were blasting it full speed ahead because they felt it. Reckless Life was on a label, but it seemed to have enough of a center and viewpoint to survive the commercial process, and enough identity and swagger of its own to hold up under the microscope of the A&R guys. Even Alex Blue, a friend of Johnny, came through and declared, "That is the Devil's Music," which was worded as a compliment and Mark took it as such.

    For Mark, there was little outside of the booth; Alex Blue visited and that was a rocker that knew the industry and played some really awesome shit in his day complimenting them, but the other faces were anonymous; it was him and his guitar and an intense sort of focus; the days blended into each other where he just kept playing as many times as Ray needed it to be right, but it was very few times that he was too far off the mark; the others were about as pumped and playing right on their edge. They all crashed at Mark’s temporary place, which was the closest to the studio as well as the nicest, the easier to keep an eye on each other and to stay out of trouble, and it seemed they’d go back at night and start playing more music, writing more music and coming up with ideas off the top of their heads. There wasn't much room for the girlfriends as the group mind of the band asserted itself at this necessary time, as they got shit hammered out, but Anita and Lex, unlike Jen, seemed able to tolerate that they were not the center of the universe for the band members they were in a relationship with. It seemed like even when they left the studio, they didn't want to really leave the studio, and so they'd get instruments and paper and pens, pot and booze and keep going until exhaustion finally wore them thin for a night.



    For Mark's part, instrumental guitar solos were done carefully; placed in parts of the song where they made sense, to accentuate the music, not to overwhelm it as some show-off guitar types might do. The great ‘guitar gods' played in songs that were more than the guitar playing alone, and that was Mark's orientation as well. He spent more time on the intro, the bridge and the coda parts, trying to craft those to be as excellent so that the entire songs would rule, as opposed to waiting overmuch for a solo and practically wanting to fast forward through the other parts.

    The album wasn't going to just be good, it was going to be tremendous, that was the buzz they felt in them, as shit that sounded just right came off their lips or fingertips or things just got written down and then played quickly before they had a finished product; much of it was Mark's material to begin with, but the other guys added their voice, imprinted themselves on it; the heavy, aggressive roll of the bass, the throaty growl of the guitars as they occasionally broke out and started wailing and wah'ing, the paced power of the drums and the spectrum of Cave's voice, which moved from the cool and measured to the snarled, as opposed to some sort of deep-throated metal growl or an Eddie Vedder moan or a higher pitched sort of tone suitable for a softer album. The thing was that while Mark was at the center of the songwriting, he didn't protect his ideas from modification or being discarded. But, often enough, the stuff came through largely filtered through his own rock aesthetic, something informed by the hip-swinging, whiskey-soaked blues-bar aesthetic of the Rolling Stones, with more than a liberal dash of the iconoclasm and rebellion of punk rock and the cynicism of the grunge era, a mixture of influences. The lyrics bore a similar stamp, a realization of imperfection, but a determination to push forward. A celebration of the grit and a biting 'don't give a fuck' message.

    --

    Review: The Hollywood Music Report
    Rock has sucked for a long time; it seems like it's been a long, hard road since the day Kurt Cobain killed himself. Grunge's punk rock simplicity, Hendrix-like distortion and howled angst has become played out; it's morphed into psychoanalytic post-grunge, stripped of any animating passion or skill...much less instrumental flair, or it's gone very light and cerebral, perhaps inspired a lot by the experimentation of Rush and other progressive bands, but this isn't about these attempts to create a broader type of rock or the efforts of metal guys to delve into complex arrangements. This is about old fashioned Rock n' Roll and the truth of rock n' roll these days is that you go to a club and you see three to five guys with sleeve tattoos, fedoras and beards playing three chords devoid of any sneer or snarl, apathetically moving through their music with the clinical attitude of an archaeologist, prodding the dead remains of a civilization; curious, but detached.

    Then, enter Reckless Life, fronted by a crazy Texan named Cave Wyatt who spray-paints himself on stage and sneers his contempt and howls, rather than moans, his angst into the mic, strutting across the stage rather than using it as a therapy couch in some Woody Allen movie. A good singer can make their own career, but great singers generally need great bands; you don't have Steven Tyler without Joe Perry and you don't have Mick Jagger without Keith Richards...or Ozzy Osbourne without the dual geniuses of Tony Iommi and Geezer Butler. Reckless Life has a guitarist that brings back the guitar; loud, snarling and unapologetically inspired by those that came before, unashamed of his skill and not afraid to show off.


    Reckless Life come with screwed up childhoods, alienated adulthoods and a contempt for the mainstream, but it's also a band that knows music; they seem to pull the right lessons out of rock n' roll history in their raw ferocity and punk rock attitude, combining it with professionalism in the musicianship; you can tell that lead guitarist Mark Verona could easily haul off and do seven minutes of impressive solo playing, but instead he shares the spotlight and plays locked in with the band, a united front against everyone else. He even shares the spotlight with his rhythm guitarist, Stace Calvert, and admits to being 'entranced' with good rhythm guitar playing. The songs are carefully composed, but also simple, lending themselves to be played by kids in their garages; Mark Verona seems to feel that the mark of an expert is making it look easy, and that's what he does in the recording booth and on stage.


    It's a sound that appeals to old guys moaning about the loss of real Rock and younger folks looking for someone in their generation that can really cut it loose, a whole generation that got told that rock was dead and what remains sucks. Reckless Life is a defiantly-up thrust middle finger to the conventional types in the industry that keep signing artists that sound alike. The band is ramshackle, disorganized, distinctly unaltered from when they were plucked up from a stage on the Alley Cat by no less than Phil Becken, Alex Blue and Johnny Renyolds, but that's charming -- they wear what they want, play like they want and sing about what they want, with a refreshing lack of input from the marketing guys in the creative process.


    It might even work.


    Where can you get their album? Right now, nowhere, though Edge Records has two singles out; "First Taste" and "Mindgames" though we're reliably told the title is a compromise from something more vulgar. The singles are high quality and riveting in their rawness, and the material is old story for a new generation. It's on the radio, it's on MTV, though the video is nothing special, and intentionally so -- just a shot of a band sweating their asses off under the harsh stage lights in some seamy club. But that's alright, because it's far from contrived. It's worth a listen, because it sounds like Rock is making a return with all the loud, nasty, swaggering toughness that seems to be lost in all the undergrad angst of the current rock scene.
    Review: Christian Music Weekly
    Headline: Sin is back in. Reckless Life is the Vanguard of Degeneracy in Follywood.
    Breaking the Seal, KROC FM-101.5, Late Night Local Rock Show:
    "So yeah, at first we played it because strippers delivered it to us, but now we're getting requests all the time for Reckless Life. Sorry guys, the album isn't out quite yet, but I heard the word that the day of release is close. Until then, you gotta go see them live; they kill. But a word to the wise: make sure you bring rubbers, that you ladies don't accept any free drinks and you shower off afterward. Until then, we've got the tunes. That's right, another "First Taste" on Rockin' 101.5..."
    Email: from Phil Becken
    Johnny, pitch this to Mark Verona and Cave Wyatt, along with the attached article in Christian Music Weekly; let's name the album, "Follywood."
    Last edited by HeySeuss; 07-31-2012 at 11:12 PM.
    -
    "The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time."
    - Bertrand Russell


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