Apocalyptica Out Of Character

[Prometheus]

I'll have my post done tomorrow. I wrote the bulk of it tonight, but I'm just not feeling hot enough to continue with editing, plus, it's extraordinarily long, which means I actually have to write in a place specifically for the purpose of cutting the thread in half. So look forward to the thing tomorrow, once it's passed quality control. But tonight, I sleepy sleepy tired. So no more tonight.

DFTBA.

[MrMystic]

In my opinion Prometheus, I'd say every one of your posts has natural breaking points in it. For example: post 11 You could have ended it right after the guard asked Daryl to put his hands on his head. A classic, exciting cliffhanger, leaving your reader wondering what is going to happen next.

Post 13: You tell three different stories in this post - one about the group of traders, one of Daryl's interaction with Sarah, AND THEN a 1400 word add-on about his interaction with Ratchet. That's easily three posts of appropriate length; you even broke them up with - - - marks!!! Trust yourself next time!

Post 17: You had a nice little dream sequence, and then a natural breaking point when Daryl made the decision to go look for Sarah. A perfect ending after

First things first, he thought - time for breakfast... Maybe he could ask Sarah to go with him... But as Daryl set out to her shop a couple of blocks away, a thought occurred to him that she might not actually live at her workplace. Still, he reasoned, it was as good a place as any to start looking.

Boom, end post, next one tells how nice their eggwich date was.

Just my critiques, and how I would suggest you go about breaking your posts up. Feel free to take them or leave them. As it stands, with the natural break points already in your posts, you wouldn't have to 'add' some in, which could affect your writing style; changing your natural flow (which I do enjoy) could cause your posts to sound strained in places.

[Prometheus]

Good points Sunshine. My issue with this post I'm typing though is that it really doesn't have any good breaking points ATM. It's one continuous flow. So maybe... it's not so much that I need to add the breaking point, as I just need to finally find a place to cutoff.

My biggest issue, though, is that I LIKE having the start->journey->conclusion structure in my posts. It just feels more complete, and if I don't do it (as in I leave off halfway through the journey or something) than I always end up with having to deal with the other half of the thought later. It just never meshes quite like I want it to, usually because I'm just in a different state of mind. Some days I wake up and I just can't write comedy. Others I wake up and I have to write some comedy or I won't be able to write anything.

And on top of that, if I don't have that conclusion than I get this feeling of post-inadequacy disorder afterwords. It just doesn't feel right for me to stop in the middle of a story, not when I can write the end. In any case, not when I'm posting it for other's enjoyment.

Weird, huh?

[Aweena]

Well as (wannabe) writer's, we're never supposed to stop growing and molding into different styles. So maybe right now you have the obsessive-compulsive need to have the structure you love, but eventually you'll find a way to cope with finding a cut-off point and still keeping your flow. Just don't toss the idea of finding the right cut-off out because you prefer your own style.

I know I'm an awful person to give advice about writing, but hopefully my little bit helped.

[pix1354]

Hey guys, I've written the bulk of my post but I'm gonna make it a little longer. Sorry for the wait.

[MrMystic]

Ok. No rush, Pix. Still excited for the next chapter.

[Aweena]

Agreed. As much as I'm dying to know what happened, take your time. It's best to not rush a good follow-up.

[Prometheus]

Well, at long last I've posted. Nothing special, just a little outline of what I'm going to be doing the next couple of posts. I'll post again tomorrow, if someone's posted by then.

Incidentally, where's everyone been this last little while? The thread's just kinda faded to black over the last three or four days.

[Shon Harris]

Name: Simon-Pietro Lombardi
Nicknames: The Nameless, Simon, Peter
Age: 29
Class: Condemned
Subclass: Diplomacy
Gender: Male-identified
Sexuality: Heterosexual
Before the Infection:
Simon-Pietro was an Italian-American born in San Jose, California. Exposed to highly educated parents for most of his life, he became highly invested in learning at a young age. His father, a professor in art history, migrated to the States solely to remain with his soon-to-be mother. The couple, matched by their artistic interests, offered their child a unique connection to the artistic world. With a household emphasis on creation and personal growth, Simon-Pietro developed a passionate vision for the world.
Unlike his parents, Simon-Pietro sought the application of his creativity. He attended The Evergreen State College in Olympia, Washington in order to study the arts, while also paying mind to his mind for creation. It was there that he honed his skills with visual arts, incorporating social justice, metal and woodwork into his curriculum. Upon earning his four-year degree in June of 2013, he was given little chance to apply his work – at least conventionally.
Simon-Pietro immediately returned home to celebrate his academic accomplishments. In short time the young undergrad was partying harder than he had in throughout his entire college career. Finally, he let loose. During his binge the meteor shower streaked the sky. Soon the news began reporting collisions with the earth, throughout the world. Fear spread throughout the community. People prayed in appreciation that their homes survived, meanwhile, Simon-Pietro took note of the disaster and cut his binge short. He rented an apartment with a few old friends the following week. It was time to take life in his own hands, to use the degree he had worked so much for, and hopefully, to find his purpose. Paired with his friends, who were much in the same mindset, it was with this group that he saw the first reports of the outbreak.

Physical Attributes:

Attire: Simon generally dark jeans patched heavily on the knees, a black knit turtleneck tattered at the edges of the sleeves and elbows. He found a Flex Safety Vest in his travels north and has worn it ever since. Whether it be for personal safety, or simply because he fancies the look, Simon often wears workout, driver, or simply fingerless gloves.
Height: 5 foot 11 inches
Weight: 184 pounds
Personality:
Prior to the outbreak, Simon exclusively went by his full given name, ‘Simon-Pietro’. Sometime between the apartment shelter burning down and his arrival in Olympia he dropped it entirely. Whether he was ashamed to use the name after joining the Condemned, or if the fire took the old Simon-Pietro as well, not even he is sure. Most call him Nameless, but a special few of the more human members of the Condemned know him by Peter.
Simon-Pietro was a young man who found tranquility in art. In happiness and ecstasy, or hate and depression, he took up his pencil and drew out the feelings. He found himself on the page, and even if the emotion remained, this gave him an unmatched sense of calm.
Since the fire, ‘Nameless’ has grown jaded. Witnessing the more brutal of the group’s treatment of raiders, or even those who shot them a glare, chilled the overly compassionate spirit of Simon-Pietro. Today he lives with a mixed emotion, while he may feel empathy for those he sees suffering, he cannot help but partake in the bloodshed of the group if he hopes to survive. Truly, Simon is a man full of turmoil.
History:
Life began moving fast at this point. Inspired by hundreds of zombie films, Max Brooks’ novels, and their own personal inventions, the group reacted. Their third story apartment was quickly converted to an impromptu shelter. Using a couple crowbars and mallets, Simon-Pietro and his friends destroyed their staircase. They rallied the tenants of their building together, urging the first floor to move up or run. Within three weeks the undead surrounded the complex and their food was nearly gone. As the group gathered themselves to make a decision the horde began to part. When they saw this from out a window several figures wrapped in what looked like vines. Simon called out to them, asked them who the hell they were, but they just kept saying the same thing. “We are messengers,” they proclaimed, “convert.”
They stood there with their arms open as if Simon and the rest were supposed to come running out. After a while one of the residents from the second floor opened a window, rolling out an emergency ladder in the same motion. As a woman’s leg emerged from below, Simon bent out the third floor window and began shouting. Between the ‘don’t go’s’, ‘crazy fucks’ and so on, he swayed her back inside. Despite the rush of calm, as his eyes returned to horde, the figures vanished.
That night the building caught fire. At the window, Simon could see the glimmering, vine-wrapped cloaks of the figures in the street. He speaks little to what happened afterward.
Using the keys of one of his roommates, he commandeered a truck. He started his way north, his clothes speckled with blood and his mind racing. After either plowing through or rolling over the undead, Simon-Pietro sought calm in the radio. Every station reported ‘Armageddon’, the ‘Dead Walk’, and numerous other Hollywood-original names. Finally, he heard something that swelled his heart. A foolhardy smile stretched across his face as he heard the reports of some brave soul in Chico. Upon arriving in the city, he found the beginnings of a wall unlike any other he’d seen before. It was awe-inspiring – and the moat… As he contemplated the possibilities of this place, the mobs of wandering undead began to fill the streets. Before he could catch the attention of the people about the defenses, it was too late. He sped off, leaving the would-be Haven behind. Though he promised himself that he could return, in his heart, he wondered if the hordes might ever leave.
Not a hundred miles north the truck began to smoke and flame spat out the front. Simon left the heap behind, walking for hours until day turned to night. Finding shelter in the second floor of an abandoned home, he struggled to sleep. Sometime later several strings of boisterous crackles shook the very walls. Restless, paranoid, he grabbed a nearby golf club and rushed downstairs. The crackles fell quiet by the time his foot touched the last step. Soon the door was kicked open, several hulking men running in through it with weapons held high. What he said came in the moment. Of the men, the one at the lead looked over Simon-Pietro. His tattered, dirtied clothing, the golf club at the ready, and the blood drops spotting his clothes resembled theirs. With a smile, the man waved Simon over.
Half-heartedly, Simon-Pietro became one of them. Though he hadn’t heard of the group, he was now part of the Condemned. Thanks to the armed, war-hardened men, Simon survived the trip north to Olympia.
Arsenal:
Machete
M1911A1
Mosin Nagant

Strengths/Skills: His education has kept his mind quick, Artistic skill w/ the ability to Construct his ideas Exposure to the Survival tactics of Condemned
Weaknesses: He holds a deep hatred for the Cultists after the fire, so deep in fact, it may clout his decision making. As an art student, a majority of his life was not centered on combat or working out. What he knows of fighting is borrowed from his current company.
Vehicles: While he does not own a vehicle, he rides with the Condemned.
Home Base: Near Washington Haven

Extras-
Theme Song:
Additional Information: The only character I’d tied to is my own. While he may live with a gang at this moment, they are expendable, and I do not care how they go. Open invitation to anyone killing them, should we cross paths.

Also, I'm a third year college student actually attending Evergreen State. As such, I'm a busy guy, and can maintain a weekly post, but no promises as to anything too much quicker.
Username: Shon Harris

[guinness]

Incidentally, where's everyone been this last little while? The thread's just kinda faded to black over the last three or four days.

It was spring break for a lot of people so that may of lead to some of the inactivity.

Going to be introducing the crew Ewan is with over the next few posts so most of them will just be of a transition variety.