Homestuck: OC SBURB/SGRUB Session

**David Starsky** · 04-03-2012

==>

Meanwhile, you should probably enter the game yourself. You'll have to pester your friend in order for him to get things going. Besides, you can definitely mult-task between being a server host and a player somehow. Hell, one time you multi-tasked watching an episode of 30 Rock while pestering one of your friends and helping your godmother around the house.

==> Pester friend.

**Harvest** · 04-03-2012

===> Sobek: Respond to friend/destruction of property

RR: motherfucking miracles man.
RR: nah, my parents usually stay at a hotel when we travel so that they can have a corpulent amount of sex with minimal interruptions.
RR: i guess i'd rather be stuck in a bed with my sister than have to listen to acts of marital passion all the time.
RR: now if you'll excuse me, i need to go find my bitchin' sprite.
RR: and also my scissors.
RR: actually, could you try to find them for me?
RR: also also, there appears to be something in the bushes.
RR: it has fangs.
RR: take care of that too, will you?

It would be a bit of an understatement to say that whatever it is in the bushes is freaking you right the fuck out, so you make a mad dash into the house and shove on of those folding plastic card tables in front of the door. You doubt it will hold off that abomination, but it sure makes you feel a lot better.

What makes you feel really good is that your sister is nowhere to be seen.

As you carefully make your way over the debris, you spot Thomas. The poor dear looks a bit traumatized, but really no worse for wear. You decide to Captchalogue him since you don't want him to die. You also store your baseball bat and put on your rubber gloves. You'd think the plushie that you've had and loved that you were five would be friendly as a sprite, but one can never be too careful.

That's when you hear it.

The beautiful sound you've been waiting to hear in person for SO LONG that you begin to cry manly tears.

You run in the direction of the stairs and in a flash of blinding light and a squeal of 8-bit glory that really could (and should) be updated with new technology Nintendo has I mean come on he appears before you.

IT'S CHESTERSPRITE MOTHERFUCKER.

===> Gasm over new sprite

You are at a loss for words. Even though he's all white with a slight yellow tinge, has creepy dead eyes and instead of back legs it has a sperm tail thing, it's still your little Chester! You give him a big old hug and he begins his screechy nonsense chatter some more. Unbeknownst to you, he's attempting to warn you that there is an imp in the house, but he eventually tires of your ignorance and he's gone again. Before you even have time to turn around, you hear a crackle and the imp is violently fried from the inside out with an epicly powerful Discharge.

There is no doubt in your mind that this is the best fucking thing that will ever occur in the whole existence of this particular universe.

===> SHIKIA: Respond

GB: Wiel, since yew asked s'nicely~

You grab the nearest bookcase and set it ever so gently onto the Cruxtruder. It makes you sad that you had to rearrange your stuff, but it looks like you activated it. A kernel pops (puuuuun) out of the machine. You suddenly get a feeling in your gut that you should be setting up your Strife Specibus, so you leave Lexus to decide what he wants to make into a kernelsprite. He's a lot smarter than you are anyways... Besides, you don't want to mess up your nice little piles.

You didn't bother to read the guide that you got, but you get that you're going on an adventure or something? Meh. You don't plan on playing for much longer anyways, you think to yourself as your eyes wander from the ceiling to your eel to a giant wad of clay your Lusus brought you the other day.

But you have shit to do.

Adventure gear... Wait, what the fuck should you bring? You look at your weapons for a minute, but then you laugh at yourself. You don't need weapons to go on an adventure! You need a portable sewing kit! You also get a flute, a jacket, a hat and...

What was that?

You could've sworn you hear a cursor and

OOOOOOOOOOOH GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ.

Suddenly there is GAME SHIT atop your GLORIOUS SHIT and your computer is pinging like crazy.

DEEP BREATHS. DEEP BREATHS. Oh geez. Oooh geez. At least whoever deedn't break-

And suddenly the unthinkable; YOUR 1920 SINGER SEWING MACHINE TOUCHED BY REAL UNDERAGE SWEATSHOP WORKERS IS IN THE TREE.

IN.

THE.

TREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

As you bawl in agony from your loss, you happen to glance over at the computer screen and notice the text.

The lime green text.

You look to the heavens and start screaming out such a chain of vulgar obscenities that even I would feel uncomfortable repeating them for you. You don't even notice the imps until you run out of breath and happen to glance out the window.

VERTIS. YER GONNA MAKE IT UP TO ME BY KILLIN' ALL THESE THINGS. IF I DIEE, MY BLOOD IS ON YER ~Obscenity chain part deux!~ HANDS.

You sit in the middle of the room in an act of defiance and watch them start to break in the window. You hope you do die just to guilt him.

Your poor baby never stood a chance... *Sob*

**David Starsky** · 04-03-2012

==> Reap spoils for your friend.

After you witnessed that TOTAL THRASHING of that little creepy thing, and the transformation of your friend's plushie, you are in total shock and awe at the amazing shit this game has to offer. You gather up the build grist for your own selfish purposes. Or to totally help your friend out, you don't really know.

==> Deploy PUNCH DESIGNIX.

Oh my god, this thing is so swag, you don't even know. No seriously, you don't even know. No freaking clue. You'll check out all the awesome stuff it has to offer once you find out, you guess. Also, you totally bump that fucking CRUXTRUDER with a couch as it starts the countdown, but you totally don't care. Shit's allllllll good. Zero fucks given.

==> Deploy Punched Card.

You do the same thing with that as well. Gee, you wonder why the game has a machine for punched cards, and a punched card itself. Well, maybe its like if you buy one can of Dr. Pepper instead of a six pack of Dr. Pepper. Man, do you love Dr. Pepper. But y'know, you deploy it for your friend.
==>

P.S, I totally forgot how SBURB worked.

**Kilt Man Bagz** · 04-03-2012

from what you see your Anelona is busy doing whatever she likes, that's fine. You got her all set up, if she needs help she can send you a message. most of your friends are well on your way to getting into the game, while you are less fortunate. from what you've heard from the others the only real potential hosts for you are either Shikia or Lexus. Honestly, you don't trust your life and the hands of either of these trolls but if you had to choose one to get your ass through this ordeal, it would be lexus. You take a deep breath and begin to pester the royal blue asshole.

==> Pester Lexus

**Kodama King** · 04-04-2012

You suppose killing her would probably result in a failed session. Hanging around in the Medium for eternity does not sound like fun, and if you change your mind about killing her, what better position to be in?

==>

==>

Was it just you or did that sound really creepy? Oh well, no time to facepalm. The SBURB screen takes over on your laptop and after an exciting and colourful loading screen you get to seeing Leshas' hive. You deploy the ALCHEMITER, the CRUXTRUDER, and the TOTEM LATHE around her hive, moving statues about to do so oh whoops that one went through the wall, oh that one went too, oh your butterfingers. You fling all the statues wallwards except for one big and heavy one which you pick up and drop on the CRUXTRUDER. A rust-coloured KERNELSPRITE is released and the timer is activated. You then proceed to fling the statue through the window as intended. Happy with your work, you deploy the PRE-PUNCHED CARD into the room and leave her to it.

==>

Oh good, your server player has activated the CRUXTRUDER. The little blue KERNELSPRITE is flickering merrily and speaking in its indecipherable code like crazy. You do what any sane troll would do in this situation and huck the bloody corpse of your lusus kernelwards. No drama, no tears, just a glowing blue sphere with the face of your lusus. You check the timer, 5 minutes? Please, plenty of time. You then go looking for the PRE-PUNCHED CARD so you can get this game underway... Erm, wait where is it?

==> Lexus: Troll server player again

**Antarctic Termite** · 04-04-2012

==> Be the archeology loner.

You are suddenly the ARCHEOLOGY KID. It is not your birthday, which isn't surprising. It's a leap year. There was only ever a one in 366 chance.

==> Enter name.

No! Just, no. You don't have time for this. You have just arrived from an archeological exploit, late to play an exciting video game with friends who are now probably waiting for you. There are more important matters to see to than ongoing gags, and besides, it says JACQUES PASCAL on your placronym.

==> Archeology kid: Introduce yourself already!

Better. You proceed to get to the point and introduce yourself.

As was mentioned, your name is JACQUES PASCAL.

You take great interest in ARCHEOLOGY, explaining the various ANCIENT AGRICULTURAL IMPLEMENTS carefully displayed on their respective stands on your BEDROOM WALLS. Various DARK AGE DOCUMENT COPIES alongside ARCHEOLOGY PAPERS and occasional RPG VIDEO GAMES decorate your STORAGE SHELVES. Your LAPTOP COMPUTER, IPHONE, and MEDIEVAL SCYTHE are resting on your DESK, along with some PUMPKIN SEEDS. You like PUMPKINS, so much so that you grow them on a SMALL ROOFTOP GARDEN at the top of your HIGHRISE FLAT. Your SCARECROW up there doubles as a BATTLE TRAINING DUMMY. Speaking of battle, you take your SCYTHE and put it into your SCYTHEKIND STRIFE SPECIBUS. You also put the seeds in your WISDOM MODUS SYLLADEX.

Good, that was an introduction.

Jacques: Pester friends immediately.

You notice that there is a memo already running, and reply.

You downlod the game, watching the psychodelic colours flicker before your eyes.

**Kilt Man Bagz** · 04-04-2012

==> Finally get Jacques into the game.

Christian notices that your last friend is finally online. Dude has serious timing problems, you were starting to worry he'd miss the whole thing. You decide, since Sobek seems to be nonresponsive at the moment ( probable having a shit ton of fun in the game, lucky dog...lizard, whatever. ), to get things started with Jacques. At least you'll be playing one way or another. Let do this shit

--------------------------------------

Leshas returned into the hive. The sprite of the fire bird seem to have left for the time being, likely roaming the tunnels in search of her. You return to find your hive in complete disarray, all your many statues and figures are broken from being thrown through walls. That book boning blue blood! That's the last bleeding straw. Like the firebird wasn't punishment enough for an accident. After doing some reading up on the guide the human sent you, a plan formulates in your head. Time to send that Azure Asshole an ultimatum.

==> issue ultimatum to Lexus

**Antarctic Termite** · 04-05-2012

==> Jacques: Reply.

IE: WHy excellent.
IE: I've downloaded the game; Host acceptance proceeds now.
IE: ANd I think I'd do well to read up on this overly large memo going on.

You check on the memo. You've certainly missed a lot. Initiate informational catch-up.

You feel informationally reinvigorated. Sure they barely spoke of the game at all, but at least you're in the know.

==> Jacques: Subliminally suggest that your team name is absolutely awesome and that others should adopt it.

IE: ALright, so I'm in the know.
IE: UNless my info is wrong... Does our team have a name? I think not, or else I missed something. We need one.
IE: I had in mind Team Humantithesis.
IE: ALl the same. ANy news on hosting my game, good sir Grandmaster?

**Kodama King** · 04-05-2012

==> Lexus: Respond to threat

==>

You scratch your chin with your quill and glance at the timer. Four minutes to go, you really need that card.

The KERNELSPRITE hangs lazily in the air and it's shut up which is nice, although very unlike your lusus.

**Kilt Man Bagz** · 04-05-2012

Rage, so much rage. you have no words for the amount of anger and frustration you fell. You'll just have to work this out later. You hate feeling this helpless. Damn it, what happened was a mistake and an accident, one you're sorry for. But no, he had to go and take this up to the next level fine, if that' how he wants to play. FINE! You'll play his game. You decided to send him one last message, get all your feelings out there. You'll have enough problems playing this game with one major distraction, much less two.

==> Give Lexus a piece of your mind and get your head back in the game

whew, you feel a lot better, he wanted war, now he's got it. Now that you have all that cleared up you begin to go about the process of getting yourself into the game. you still wondering what your should prototype. You really don't see a reason to prototype the bird unless you have no other choice. Ah well you'll deal with that later.

Thread: Homestuck: OC SBURB/SGRUB Session

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