Return of the Force (Star Wars Alternate Universe) OOC

[Automatic]

Oops, I'll get to that right away.

EDIT: Replaced 3 Force traits with "Bothan Spies" under Influence, "Speedy Operations" under Dedication and "Special Weapons" under Wealth.

[Kadaeux]

Sarzum.
Gat.
Andi.
Selvi.

Accepted.

[Andi]

Woohoo accepted, now all we need are some more jedi to sign up we can fry with lightning/torture/mentally rape them/send them prank calls.

[Thenewman]

Name: Orion Galtar

Race: Human

Sex: Male

Age: 29

Appearance: http://www.deviantart.com/download/2...an-d4fjvuv.jpg
(Instead of the Blue Lightsabre pretend he is holding a yellow lightwhip)

Equipment: Yellow Lightwhip

History:
Orion Galtar was born nameless. As a young boy he was nothing more than a petty thief and vagabond going by the name of Orion. He had given himself that name and was rather proud of it often flaunting it about the other parentless children on his home planet in the usual fasion of young boys. “One day you’ll all see. I’ll be called Orion the Great!” Often he would substitute it with Orion the Brave, Orion the Wise, or whatever suited the moment.

The sad truth is, despite all the musings and talk of grandeur Orion wasn’t really good at much of anything. He simply didn’t apply himself to any sort of work. Well there was one thing; Orion made a pretty good thief. Turns out he was one of the best pickpockets around and was actually a fine burglar. Although there wasn’t much to steal where he lived.

One day, when Orion was of middling age, around 15 or so, a Jedi Sentinel came through town. Orion got the thought in his head that robbing this jedi would be the utmost accomplishment. And what better item to rob than the jedi’s lightsabre? He set about it, and he was very careful in planning. On the night of the robbery he dressed in a black hooded cloak and crept into the jedi’s room while he slept. Lifting the lightsabre was easy, Orion had done similar work many times before. And getting away was easy as well for the jedi did not stir as Orion exited the room. At this point Orion was practically bursting with excitement. He had pulled of his greatest job yet and it was glorious. Or so he thought.

A couple of days later Orion found himself awakened by a heavy jerk as he slept. Suddenly he was up in the air and pressed against the wall by an unseen force. There in front of him was the jedi, holding the stolen lightsabre in one hand and channeling the Force in the other. Orion could barely speak but he sensed the jedi already knew what he wanted to say, “How did you know?”

“I knew the moment you removed my weapon,” The jedi spoke knowingly, “However it is commendable that you managed to conceal yourself up until then. The force is strong with you.”

“I have no abilities in the Force.” Orion said somberly, “You are mistaken.”

“But you do my boy! It is… unfortunate that those who would show you the way can no longer do so.”

“If my power is so great, why can you not teach me yourself jedi? I’m told that your people bring nothing but fear to our lives and yet you refuse to lower yourselves to our level,” Orion fired at the sentinel.

“You breath anger with your words. And I am no teacher. I was younger than you when our order was disbanded.”

“You are a coward then!”

“No. I battle against the dark side everyday young one.” The jedi motioned to his heart indicating inner struggle.

“If you will not teach me than I suppose I must turn to the Darkside of the Force for guidance. Is that my fate?”

“I could kill you. I should kill you if that be the case.”

“Then I suppose that is where we stand jedi. You have a choice: Kill me or teach me. Which will you choose?”

That Jedi was named Galtar. Orion was apprenticed to Galtar that night and together they departed from that place. Through the years Galtar helped Orion temper his skill and made him into a proper jedi sentinel. Contrary to his own belief, Galtar turned out to be a masterful teacher. When it came time for Orion to take a lightsabre he instead crafted a lightwhip, much to the surprise of Galtar, which was generally the idea. For years after Galtar and his apprentice Orion traveled the galaxy in search of the Sith. They found them many a time and many a time they struck down evil together.

Galtar was not immortal however and it was only a matter of time before he departed this world to become one with the Force. Instead of falling in battle as he once predicted would happen, Galtar lived out his days into old age and only a 5 years ago he died of old age. As a homage to his teacher Orion took Galtar’s name as his own, having no surname or parents, Galtar was the closest thing Orion had to a father.

“How close can one get to the Dark Side without succumbing to its power? For years I have stood atop the cliff and looked upon the void. I would stand guard there and beat back any that dared emerge. Often I reached in, I felt their power and I took it from them, but not for myself. Not this time.”

“If I think myself immune to its influences then they have won. For the moment I forget that I am no better than what they once were. In that moment I become them, I become Sith. They forgot this, they thought themselves above Temptation. But the Dark Side does not discriminate. And from this we must also learn to be indiscriminate in judgment. The Sith are there, and the Dark Side pulls at us all.”

Stats:
-----Physical Skills: 8
-----Force Powers: 8
-----Command: 2
-----Wealth: 6
-----Influence: 3
-----Dedication: 3

Traits:
--Physical Traits:
Force Concealment x2
Force Speed
Force Instinct
Force Jump
Lightwhip Proficiency x3

--Force Traits:
Basic Force Skills
Droid Disable
Force Protection
Force Defend
Psychometry
Force Stun
Force Stasis
Force Stasis Field

--Command Traits:
Trianii Rangers
Loyal Servants

--Wealth Traits:
Legendary Ship (5)
Special Weapons

--Influence Traits:
Bothan Spies
Call to Arms
Smugglers

--Dedication Traits:
Incorruptible
Ingenuous
Speedy Operations.

Ship Name: ARCANUS VINDICTA

Ship Size: 1000 Metres

Ship Appearance: http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__...Nova-Class.jpg

Ship History: Orion’s ship was constructed to very detailed specifications. The ship’s design is quite modern and sleek, drawing inspiration from early Nebulon B prototypes. Orion had it scaled up a bit. The Arcanus Vindicta was optimized for heavy hitting stealth attacks, as such less powerful enemy ships are often defeated before they can organize a counterattack. The two heavy turbolaser batteries are located on the “wings”, one on each. The three ion cannons are situated on the front of the vessel and the two proton torpedo launchers are located on the mid-underside. Four extra turbolaser batteries are also positioned along the top of the ship.

General Components:
4 Shield Generators (15 pts)
2 Ion Drives
1 Hyperdrive

Armaments:
2 Heavy Turbolaser Batteries (20 pts)
4 Turbolaser Batteries
2 Proton Torpedo Launchers (16 pts)
3 Ion Cannon Batteries (10 pts)
2 Laser Cannon Batteries (2 pts)
1 Tractor Beam Projector

Specialized Systems:
1 Barracks (Capacity; Max 100 Troops)
1 Stygium Cloaking Device: (Does not suffer from Double-Blindness) (150 pts)
1 Gravity Well Generator (50 pts)
1 Landing System (30 pts)
1 Vehicle Bay (20 pts)
Hangars:
1 Hangars (2 Shuttles and 12 Fighters)
---- 2 Interceptors (2 pts)
---- Light Fighter Squadron (5 pts)

Forces:
Troop Capacity: 100/100
Droid Capacity: 0/0
Vehicle Capacity 6/10 tanks, 20/20 Auxiliary Vehicles

Troops:
--2 Lieutenants (40 pts)
--5 Triarii Snipers Squads (75 pts)
--5 Triarii Sabotage Commando Squads (125 pts)
--20 Speeder Bike units (60 bikes) (200pts)
--2 Heavy Tanks (160 pts)
--2 Medium Tanks (120 pts)
--2 Light Tanks (80 pts)
(800 pts total)


Lieutenants:

Name: Ashleigh Royall
Race: Human
Sex: Female
Appearance: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wCDakW1TJH...R_Smuggler.jpg
Equipment: some sort of smaller blaster
History:
Ashleigh Royall was actually a childhood friend of Orion’s, if you could call her a friend. They were more like rivals than friends though. Back then she went by the single name Ashleigh, given to her by her parents before they abandoned her. She later took the surname Royall while Orion was away with Galtar. After Galtar’s death, Orion returned to his homeland and was reunited by chance with Ashleigh who was also returning from adventures of her own. The two hit it off this time round and one thing led to another. It was there that Ashleigh Royall was recruited as a Lieutenant aboard Orion’s ship.
Stats:
-----Physical Skills: 5
-----Force Powers: 0
Traits:

--Physical Traits:
Navigation 2
Starship Command 1
Blaster Proficiency 2

--Force Traits: n/a

Name: Sara De-vara
Race: Human
Sex: Female
Appearance: http://www.wallchan.com/images/sandb...s-commando.jpg
Equipment: Basic combat armor, belt sheathed vibroblade, thermal detonators, some sort of blaster
History:
Sara De-Vara started out as a bounty hunter. She was a damn good one too, storys were told of a beautiful lady who could make anyone disappear, for the right price. She was naturally gifted as an infiltrator and vertisile combatant. It was around 10 years ago that Orion first crossed paths with her. Orion was currently apprenticed to Galtar and they had received intelligence that a Sith operative had established a base on a previously unknown moon and was marshaling forces. Sara De-Vara happened to be the commander of the Sith operative’s forces at the time and Orion met her in the battlefield. It was a dead lock and every time Orion seemed to gain the upper hand Sara would seem to pull a new trick out of her sleeve. It was only Galtar’s double-edged lightsabre through the Sith operatives chest that ended the struggle. Realizing she would not be getting paid, Sara De-Vara fled the battlefield. Orion and Galtar did not give chase.

A few months later they met her again, this time while boarding the vessal of a Sith Lord. Much to their surprise upon entering the ship they were met with little resistance. The duo reached the control room swiftly and engaged the Sith Lord in tough battle. This battle was cut short as the Sith Lord’s head exploded. The source of this assault was a young woman with a blaster perched on a catwalk on the far side of the room. It was evident that she had been watching for some time before firing upon the Sith Lord. Afterwards Sara and the duo exchanged a few tense words across the room and looks of recognition were exchanged between Orion and Sara.

Over the next three years Orion and Sara met many times under similar circumstances, some more ridiculous than others. Until one day, while off ship, Orion was returning to his room at the hotel for the night when he sensed something behind him. Before he could turn around he felt the barrel of a blaster pressed against his back.

"Orion, I’ve been sent to kill you,” Sara’s familiar voice whispered in his ear and he could practically hear her smile.

“Sara—” Orion began.

“But I think I’d rather do something else right now.” She whispered seductively as she opened the door and pushed Orion into his room.

One thing led to another and now Sara-Devara is a Lieutenant aboard Orion’s ship.

Stats:
-----Physical Skills: 5
-----Force Powers: 0
Traits:
--Physical Traits:

Blaster Proficiency 2
Vibroblade Proficiency 1
Armour Proficiency 1
Grenade Use 1

--Force Traits: n/a

[Andi]

*Note I have been asked to look over sheets but Kadaeux keeps all rights to correct me if I am mistaken.

@Thenewman, first off welcome nice looking character but I gotta warn you that your history might be a problem, you stated your character robbed the jedi temple and was tracked down by a jedi sentinel.
There's a bit of altered timeline here where some 400 odd years before the start of this rp the sith performed a terrorist attack on Coruscant at which they put blame for the attack on the jedi, causing anti-jedi sentiment to reach it's height, disbanding the jedi order and effectively making the Jedi wandering nomads in the galaxy to this day and age. So technically speaking there is no jedi temple on coruscant, or if there is it has been abondoned for several centuries and probably emptied of all valuables/relics.
(maybe if you want to keep the history similar you could have robbed one of these wandering jedi who tracked you down?)

Stats are 30 worth in total so that is in order.

With the traits it would help if you format it like this:
Lightsabre profiniency
Force concealment
Forcse Speed

Instead of this: lightsabre profiniency, force concealment, force speed (bit hard to read/check)

The only odd thing I notice regarding the traits themselves is that you have Force Stasis Field x2 it doesn't say it requires any pre-requisite traits and only in physical you can have traits with additional levels so it should just be stasis field and you can pick another force power trait.
(though kad might want to look at that because it's odd that it says it's the highest form of Force Stun and yet it states that it does not require Force Stasis or Force Stun before you can pick Stasis Field).

Ship cost comes at -20:

General Components:
4 Shield Generators (15 pts)
4 Ion Drives (10 pts) (20 pts)
1 Hyperdrive
Sub Total: 35 pts

Armaments:
2 Heavy Turbolaser Batteries (20 pts)
4 Turbolaser Batteries
2 Proton Torpedo Launchers (16 pts)
3 Ion Cannon Batteries (10 pts)
2 Laser Cannon Batteries (2 pts)
1 Tractor Beam Projector
Sub Total: 48 pts

Specialized Systems:
1 Barracks (Capacity; Max 100 Troops)
1 Stygium Cloaking Device: (Does not suffer from Double-Blindness) (150 pts)
1 Gravity Well Generator (50 pts)
1 Landing System (30 pts)
1 Vehicle Bay (20 pts)
Sub Total: 250 pts

Hangars:
1 Hangars (2 Shuttles and 12 Fighters)
---- 2 Interceptors (2 pts)
---- Light Fighter Squadron (5 pts)
Sub Total: 7 pts

Ship Total: 35+48+250+7= 340 pts total
Legendary ship = 320 points
so you have spend 20 points too many.

Army looks all in order.

Oh and last thing, for everyone actually:

ACHTUNG!
Regarding the randomized stats/traits that are given to padawans/apprentices, jedi/sith and lieutenants.

Kadaeux requires for the following:
For padawans, apprentices, jedi and sith (the ones you buy in the army tab if you have the trait for them) he needs a appearance description (text or picture) and which star wars race they are.

For Lieutenants Kadaeux requires also a appearance description and race. BUT!
(Bonus) if you also include history with the lieutenants you might influence the outcome of some traits (but no guarantee).

*I repeat Kadaeux can, if he sees it fit to do so, correct me on anything I may have said.

---------- Post added at 09:26 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:25 PM ----------

Also:

@Automatic, your sheet looks perfect now. Kad will give final approval.

[Gat]

Hey zach, Andi's gone to bed and Kad isn't up yet so I'll give your sheet a once over for you.

First up the good news: Your ship checks out as does your army (though your listed cost for the mandos is wrong it all adds up right in the end)

Bad news: "THIS IS SPARTA!" trait requires 5 in influence as well as the restriction of 3 force. you have one half of the requirements but you only have 4 influence.

On a side note, as Andi said before, its a good idea to do the histories of your lieutenants as that can have an effect on the traits Kad generates for them.
Also you might consider replacing the picture of Ashoka, very recognisable images for characters is frowned upon, my clone commander being an exception becuase well he's a clone and all the clones are still cloned from Jango Fett in this timeline.

[Helios]

Ive got an influential Sith underway to balance the spectrum. Hopefully I'll have a pleasant amount of tidiness to the sheet to have it up sometime tonight.

[Zacharius]

I'll get to work on the histories (I merely stopped to take a break) and finding a new picture, some specific combinations of traits are hard to come by...but I'm sure deviantart will hold an alternative.

[Gat]

That assumes Deviant arts search function is working again at least, it was just returning errors last night.

[GrievousKhan]

Is this still taking?

If so am interested in applying for side of darkness and cookies.

And Damn you Zach and Automatic!