I Just Need to Hear Your Thoughts

[Rilla]

Minor complications I should add. One, I'm what's keeping her sane and helping ward of some pretty bad depression. B, both girls are part of the same circle of friends I'm in.

Honestly, she'll probably be fine. This is a common thing people say/think when they don't want someone to leave.

If you think you'll be happier with the second girl, go for it, don't let someone else's mental state keep you bound to them, or you won't be happy.

[Sanquin]

-snip-

My god you're a heartless person, aren't you... You have this all planned out. >_>

My advice: It all depends on whether you think it'll last and if you want to keep that 'circle' as your friends or if you don't care about them being against you. Oh, and if you think you actually have a chance with the other.

If you think it'll last and don't want to alienate/anger the others, don't break up. You have something good already. Sure it's not perfect but no relationship will ever be perfect.

If you think this relationship won't last, and you're not that bothered or don't care about alienating/angering the rest, then break up and have a go with the other.

Now, be very sure you can actually start a relationship with the other if you're going for the second option. Because if not, you might end up with no girlfriend at all and looking like a HUGE douchebag and a player.

[The Nexerus]

I'm still in favour of you not dumping her just because your eye's on someone else. -_-

[Catharyn]

*cough*Threesome*cough*

And now for some intelligent and insightful advice!

[Sanquin]

I'm still in favour of you not dumping her just because your eye's on someone else. -_-

I do kind of agree with this. There will always be 'someone else' you might set your eyes on. Are you going to be one of those people that always sleeps around, or will you have some self respect and stay faithful?

[KalasAlseif]

will you have some self respect and stay faithful?

It's not a matter of staying faithful. He's already said that he'd never cheat.

The way I see it, you're bored. It's sounds harsh, I know, but trust me when I say everyone's been there in one form of relationship or another. Whether it's a friendship, GF&BF thing, Married Couple, Friends-with-benefits, any of them.

And here's the thing, you don't need to lie, or make yourself hate her, or make her hate you, or anything like that. You just need to tell her how you feel. Straight up honesty.

Forget about her depression, if you're honest and upfront she'll be fine. She's supposed to be someone that you care for and she's supposed to care about you, right? You're supposedly a happy couple? (I'm assuming) You get on fairly well? You've been able to tell her your feelings in the past? (Of course you have, how else are you together?)
So just by those facts alone, you should be able to sit down with her and talk this out. Who knows, maybe you'll re-ignite something within your relationship? And if not, you've done all you can do, honestly and in the least douche-eist way going.

Most relationships screw up because of a lack of communication. Mo'Fokin' FACT! I've seen and experienced it more than enough times. And 7 times out of 10, it's the guys that screw it up. Girls, more often than not, plod along in their relationship quite content to voice how they feel to the guy and guys drag behind but don't say anything. (Why do we do this??) And because the guy never talks about anything, the girl doesn't really ask. Or if she does, she'll ask all the time. And the guy refuses to say anything or bottles it up. This leads the guy into becoming bored because he thinks either, the girl doesn't pay much attention to him...or he's becoming annoyed with her constantly asking him about his feelings and stuff. And Ta-Da! Before you know it, he's cheated. Cue a Shitstorm.

You can prevent this. Just sit her down, tell her how you feel about the relationship, be open to suggestions on how to fix it. And if it comes to the point where you absolutely have to break it off with her, then do it. Don't pussyfoot about, this is someones life you're playing with, remember that.

If it all goes well in terms of ending it, wait a little before talking to the other girl about your feelings. Have some respect for the relationship you've just come out of and the girl you shared it with. That way, your ex won't hate you and your group of friends won't see you as a bad guy. What have you done wrong? You've stopped a relationship that you weren't fully committed to anymore. No one can say a bad thing about that.

In situations like this, if you commit yourself with a little bit of self-dignity, honour and honesty, people will remember it.

Good luck with whatever decision you make.

[Gwazi Magnum]

Two main things I want to address here.

1. Depression: I'd like to quote Patch Adams here for this bit.

"I think that Depression is never a diagnosis, I think that it's a pharmaceutical company diagnosis. That Depression is a symptom of Loneliness. All you need is one friend to get rid of Loneliness. How do you know if you have a friend? If you're thinking about them you can't be depressed".

Although he words it a bit differently than I would word it, Depression really isn't something to really ever concern yourself with. Patch Adams words it more in a way of just being without something or someone, in my personal experience I've found depression to be more of an excuse or a scapegoat. In cases such as "It's not my fault it's my depression".

Basically, Depression is 99% of the time just something people self-diagnosed for a scape goat or a convenient excuse or something diagosed by doctors looking to drug up their patients and even if it's a legit diagnosis from the doctor the person diagnosed with it will use it to excuse or get away with so many more things than they should be getting away with. (If anyone wishes to argue this point please do so outside this thread, this thread is not the place for a debate on depression).

By quoting Patch Adams though I imagine the wording must have you thinking "If I break up with her I'll make her more depressed" when infact that is not what I'm trying to say. What I'm saying the Depression diagnosis is just natural feelings people generally have (but more negative) just caused by how they live their life only given a name to either be used an an excuse or for drug retail purposes. It's not something that you should be considering as a factor really at all.

Just could see this becoming a big issue (or weapon she'd use against you) and figured it should be addressed before it's been blown up too much.

2. Should you do it?

Now to answer the actual question. It's hard to say because not that long ago I was basically in her shoes.

But something's to consider here... first is her not being as independent truly a problem?

I mean if you really respect and are strongly attracted to someone independent that's not a bad thing at all. But is it a bad thing that she tends to be closer to you? I mean if you were ever meaning for your relationship with her to of been serious it's a good thing she got more warm and comfterable with you.

Also worth noting, people who are more independent are way more capable (and likely) of breaking up with you for freedom, another person, or a giant list of other reasons. Someone being strongly indepdendent, at least in the way you seem to be wording it isn't necessarily a good thing.

Something else to note, no matter how happy or inlove you are in any relationship you are ever in you will always be attracted to other people. That's just a fact of life, but we can be held accountable fully for how we act on such things. So something you need to ask yourself, are you sure you're be able to be happier with this other girl, are these feelings you've had for a long time or are these new or temporary feelings you may have, possible the only reason you have a stronger attraction to her being that you're not with her? People always want what they don't have which includes other partners.

Have you ever considered helping your girlfriend? Helping her build up her self confidence and make her more independent? No one is truly perfect which is why no relationship is perfect. But the whole point of relationships is loving each other for who you are despite your flaws and being able to better one another.

In then end, no one here can or should be telling you what to do. But this is defelently not a choice you should make lightly, and also remember having someone who loves you for you, and is willing to stay with you through rough and thin is very rare. You could have someone claim they love you completely and utterly, but when it comes down to it they toss you down a pit to be feasted on by a pack of wolves... and assuming your girlfriend isn't like that and truly does just love you and/or care about you for you what you have is extremely rare and not something to take lightly.

There is no right or wrong answer here truly. It just boils down to did you think this through? Is this the smart thing to do? Is this in your mind the right thing to do? Will you be able to sleep at night happy with whatever choice you make?

But if you do truly believe the relationship will not work out, it's better to end it sooner rather than later. But if you end the relationship it's always best to be honest with the person and give them the actual reason you're breaking up with them. When someone chooses to hide behind an excuse or flat out lie for breaking up things do get ugly fast, so remember to be true to yourself and to her. The truth might be harder at first, but it's what's best in the long run. Good luck.

Aight lukas, Here's some advice. if you want the other girl, your going to have to play a bit cruel. stay with girl #1, but look for anything she does you can use against her to make her look like the problem, and carefully insert these things to the group via words like "I love her to bits but [insert bad thing here]" etc.

This will basically pull the group closer with you when you choose the moment to breakup. You'll notice when the group of friends are ready, they'll seem to avoid or divert the conversation with this girl. Now to begin.

Make sure the group is around. Find the next "Irritating thing" and escalate it out of proportion, try to get her raising her voice first and then drop a line like "I can't deal with this bullshit! I'm breaking up with you." Now the girl will probably cry but hold your ground, one or two of your friends will probably go over there if the girl does try to make it look like your trying to help console her. (but don't because she'll go to try and get to you, thus back in your life.

Wait a few days, keep on your target girl and ask her out, in front of the group, this raises your chances because the group will approve.

I hope you're joking, that is the most dickish way to break up with someone. Completely devastate a girl and pull the roll over several peoples eyes just so he doesn't have to be honest as for his reasons? This is never something anyone should be doing.

It's not a matter of staying faithful. He's already said that he'd never cheat.

The way I see it, you're bored. It's sounds harsh, I know, but trust me when I say everyone's been there in one form of relationship or another. Whether it's a friendship, GF&BF thing, Married Couple, Friends-with-benefits, any of them.

And here's the thing, you don't need to lie, or make yourself hate her, or make her hate you, or anything like that. You just need to tell her how you feel. Straight up honesty.

Forget about her depression, if you're honest and upfront she'll be fine. She's supposed to be someone that you care for and she's supposed to care about you, right? You're supposedly a happy couple? (I'm assuming) You get on fairly well? You've been able to tell her your feelings in the past? (Of course you have, how else are you together?)
So just by those facts alone, you should be able to sit down with her and talk this out. Who knows, maybe you'll re-ignite something within your relationship? And if not, you've done all you can do, honestly and in the least douche-eist way going.

Most relationships screw up because of a lack of communication. Mo'Fokin' FACT! I've seen and experienced it more than enough times. And 7 times out of 10, it's the guys that screw it up. Girls, more often than not, plod along in their relationship quite content to voice how they feel to the guy and guys drag behind but don't say anything. (Why do we do this??) And because the guy never talks about anything, the girl doesn't really ask. Or if she does, she'll ask all the time. And the guy refuses to say anything or bottles it up. This leads the guy into becoming bored because he thinks either, the girl doesn't pay much attention to him...or he's becoming annoyed with her constantly asking him about his feelings and stuff. And Ta-Da! Before you know it, he's cheated. Cue a Shitstorm.

You can prevent this. Just sit her down, tell her how you feel about the relationship, be open to suggestions on how to fix it. And if it comes to the point where you absolutely have to break it off with her, then do it. Don't pussyfoot about, this is someones life you're playing with, remember that.

If it all goes well in terms of ending it, wait a little before talking to the other girl about your feelings. Have some respect for the relationship you've just come out of and the girl you shared it with. That way, your ex won't hate you and your group of friends won't see you as a bad guy. What have you done wrong? You've stopped a relationship that you weren't fully committed to anymore. No one can say a bad thing about that.

In situations like this, if you commit yourself with a little bit of self-dignity, honour and honesty, people will remember it.

Good luck with whatever decision you make.

Agreed when it comes to being honest, however...

I don't really think what could 're-ignite' from this. The closest thing I can think of is his current girlfriend upping her game out of fear of losing him to someone else? That's no way for a relationship to work, expecially if she's afraid of that because she told her he might prefer another girl.

As for guys messing up most relationships, I would use to agree with you there but something that's hard for many people to relise is how unpredictable, unsensable, messed up (mentally and morally) and unsensitive girls can be in relationships. It's largely because when guys mess up it's:

1. More blunt/open/obvious
2. Easier to relate to gender stigma

Men typically are more straight forward when they have a problem or are causing one, plus with stereotypes related to gender it's easier to blame a man for messing up a relationship than it is to blame a woman. Men may mess up relationships more often by just not wanting to talk enough or only wanting something such as sex. However women are just as reponsible for messing up relationships through stuff like trickery, mind games, excuses, guilt trips etc. They're more tricky, sneaky and manipulative with the mind and it's usually more overtime too so it's harder to catch a woman messing up a relationship than it is to catch a man doing so.

As for your points on being truthful to the other person, having respect for her and reconizing he's dealing with a human life here I fully agree with.