She had nothing else. That’s what Saidah told him in the small safe sanctuary of her room. How could he answer that? He had nothing to give her, no reason for hope, no words to encourage, and yet he wanted her to live. For his own selfish reason he wanted Saidah to be here in her room with this small bit of green she protected. He needed her here. There was no way to tell her that. He could see the pain in her eyes the water ready to come, as she lifted her chin. In that gesture he could imagine what she once was. He could not ask her to endure all this for him. She was once something to marvel at he was sure because even here in the clutches of hell she was more than he; her fall farther and harder than his.
“If the survival of this small wonder does not give you reason, Saidah, then I have none.” He could not look at her face but instead kept his eyes on the very tiny sprout and leaves that already meant more to him any plant he had known.
“But let me share a promise with you, Sadiah. My return for the secret you have given me.” Slowly Jaymz raised his eyes so he could look at her again. It was time for him to drop his mask of determined aloofness and let her see the pain behind his eyes. He stumbled upon words as he heard the cheers of the crowd in the arena. A new battle had begun. Trying to block out the sound and find a way to ease some of this shared warriors’ pain he blinked. He leaned in closer to her as if what he would say pained him in ways he wasn’t sure he wanted her to see, he whispered, “When you can take it no longer, when you are sure there is no way out, I promise you Saidah I will end your breaths and heart beats and bless your journey onto the afterlife.”
Jaymz was not sure he could wait for her response. As the noise rose from the arena and the courtyard he knew his precious private time was done. He turned and put his hand on the door fearing she would call him back and tell now was the time.