See, I'm just going to make one last post and leave, because this thread is really a bunch of running around in circles.
Do you want to know the truth? The truth is you don't want a solution to your problem, or rather, you want a solution to your problem that involves indirect contact. You want to avoid the actual solution, because you so deeply dread the idea of talking to this simple human being that your mind will come up with a thousand different "logical" reasons why you shouldn't do it, why there are better solutions. The ultimate truth is you don't want to talk to her, at all, and you want her to talk to you. You don't want anything to happen, you want something to happen off screen, and then she will meekly walk up to you one day at school with that bashful smile on her face and ask you to hold hands or blow you or whatever it is you want to happen. There's only one solution, you know exactly what it is, and it's the one that you've been trying to avoid this whole fucking time.
Anyway, it's all just a big pointless game and a joke without a punchline, so you have nothing to lose. It might help if you stop approaching this problem like the choice between life and death and more like the choice between a green shirt and a greenish blue shirt.