WOTM #19 Voting (Casual)

[LeighaMoscove]

Long post is long. After reading them all, this is what I thought. Not much for the poem since it's hard for me to critique poetry.

Entry #1: The creation of the world is an interesting concept, and I loved how you pulled it off. I feel like you should use a tad bit more detail, because the whole thing sounds like, “I made this then I made that.” Your descriptive words are brilliant though, so I can let that slide. I am kind of bothered about it sounding too similar to the Bible. It’s nothing about the religion, but I feel it lacks creativity. The only difference I see is the village part. Perhaps the creation of another world would have been more interesting? Maybe I just don’t like component? I refuse to let my dislike of a certain component effect my vote though. I assure you, I’m making this choice completely on your ability to write. I also believe that your beginning made me think you were going with another component.

Entry #2: Poetry is hard to write, and I give you props on writing excellent poetry. Your creativity was astounding, and I absolutely love your word choice. It’s unique, and you certainly have a gift for poetry. I admit, I’m a sucker for good poetry.

Entry #3: Interesting concept and interesting way to write it. I congratulate you for being able to pull it off. I do have one thing to tell you. Paragraphs are your friend. One large block of text is unappealing and turns people away. I also feel like it had something missing. You made it seem like it would head in a whole different direction. What was created? The world the girl lives in? The girl? I’m also not much one for monologs, it makes me feel like I’m reading a piece filled with, “This is me. This is my life. This is my dream.” I feel like it’s kind of boring. The idea behind it certainly made up for that though.

Entry #4: Your story would have been phenomenal had you not added the parts saying, “This is how I was created.” I absolutely love the idea and the originality. You didn’t just take the prompt for what it meant in a literal sense, but you took it in a metaphorical sense. It adds so much to the story. However, I’ve got to critique you somewhere. I can’t only look at what you write. I must look at how you write it. There were a few issues that I had with your grammar. Some points seemed more wordy than necessary. I also feel like the whole thing was, “I did this. I feel this.” Details please? Maybe something else was going on? Elaborate more on the fights or how the people treat you? That’s just my two cents though. Take it for what you wish.

Entry #5: Random guy enters to shoot her. Seems legit. I’ll tell you what I think of the ending first. I believe it is a desperate attempt the author uses to get the ending they desire. On the other hand the idea was brilliant, and I can’t fault you for that. How am I to know that you didn’t want that all along? The creation of a world is interesting, but I feel like there is something missing. I can’t tell you what, but maybe you’re discover it when you practice more. It is an interesting twist on the component, and I love it. It isn’t what I expected at all. I had expected her to wake up in a different circumstance though. As for how you write it, it’s descriptive and your word choice is pretty good.
Entry #6: Something literal. When reading the theme, I thought all of them would be like this. It’s so simple that it’s hard to mess up, and you did splendid. The twist in the end was brilliant, and I believe that’s what makes the whole thing perfect. Sometimes, simple really is best. The way you worded things were a bit awkward, but the idea behind it caught and kept my attention. It was hard to look away from something when I want to know how it will end. I am not the least bit disappointed in that.

I know they're long, but I said what I felt needed to be said. I hope nothing I said came acoss as rude, because I really loved them all. It was all brilliant. I focused on the idea behind it and how it was written.

[WOTM]

Congratulations DarkKeny!

Rob drops his cigarette on the ground and steps on it twisting his foot back and forth before returning to his garage locking the door behind him. He walks over to his work bench where all of his tattoo equipment is set up. The setup is just like you would see at his tattoo shop. Saran wrap laid down incase ink spills and to help make it easier to clean up when he is done. A few rows of ink caps all filled with different colors and a cup of water needed to rinse the needles of the his tattoo machines.

He sits down and puts on his black rubber gloves before picking up one of his tattoo machines and starts attaching the needle. The first machine is sets up for all the line work and small details he will add in the end. Another machine is used for filling in color and and shading. He turns his power supply on and plugs in his footswitch and clip cord and does a quick test of each machine before he can start working on the final tattoo he needs to finish something he has been working on for months.

Normally before starting a tattoo of any size the artist would have everything drawn beforehand and have a stencil made of the tattoo and use it to transfer the image from paper to skin. This is done so the customer can see what the tattoo would look like on them before going forward with it. Rob made them all the time but this tattoo was different. This tattoo was going to be done freehand and didn't need the customers approval before he started. Laying face down and naked on an old massage table was Rob's next canvas. The body of a young homeless man from Rob's neighborhood.

Rob found him in the middle of the park sitting on the same bench he uses most nights for a place to sleep. The needle used to pump heroin in his veins was still in his arm as he laid there motionless from overdosing. Rob pulled the needle out and tossed it into the bushes behind the bench before picking the man up placing him over his shoulder. Robs heart starts to beat faster and faster as he walks back to his car. He knows this is the last piece he needs to finish it.

Rob steps down on his footswitch and the buzzing sound from this tattoo machine fills the garage. He dips the tip of the machine into a cap filled with black ink before he starts the tattoo. As the needles pierced the skin the machine goes from a loud buzz to a soft humming sound. Rob takes his time pulling the first line of black ink on down his victims back. After the first few lines have been made Rob starts to speed up to get the tattoo done as quickly as he can.

Seven hours later and Rob is done with the tattoo. A huge exploding pirate ship is now covering the mans back. Large dark blue waves and a dark sky surround the pirate ship. Parts of the ship are flying off in different directions while the ship is engulfed in by flames. In Rob's eyes its perfect and all he needs to do now is remove the skin from the mans back and start the process of preserving it for his mural.

This last piece would complete the huge human skin mural of a ocean battle between two fleets of ships, The mural took up almost half of a wall it was hanging on in Rob's garage from the ceiling to the floor. There was ten ships involved in the battle. One ship had a giant octopus wrapped around it pulling the ship into the ocean while another ship was being crushed by huge waves. Standing back and looking at his masterpiece, Rob couldn't believe it was almost done. All he had to do was attach the last patch of skin and that was it.

Rob knew he could never show anyone the art hanging in his garage. He couldn't display patches of skin sewn together it at a art gallery or post pictures online without the possibility someone reporting him to the police. As much as he wanted to share his art, keeping it hidden away from the outside world hanging in his garage was good enough for him.

Sitting down looking at the many patches of skin hanging on the wall he thought he would feel the satisfaction of completing a one of a kind mural. Instead, all he could think about was how he could take this kind of art to the next level.

DarkKeny, brother of two-time WOTM winner Jorick, wins this month's competition with a tattoo artist's tale which ends with a shocking turn for the morbid with his creation of a human skin mural. Keny's entry was a clear winner far surpassing the others, and for good reason, with an interesting concept and great execution which, according to the reviews, had no major flaws. The win was well-deserved, and it's impressive to know that a dynasty of WOTM winners seems to be coming out of Keny and Jorick's family.

Keny: Please PM Contra Fates about your custom user titles.

I now encourage all writers who participated this month to use the next couple days to reveal themselves and respond to comments/critique given before the next Guidelines thread is up.

[CommunistZed]

I was Entry #2.
Now question me.

[DarkKeny]

I really didn't think I'd win this. It was my first time entering this contest and the first time I've done a short story in almost 10 years.

Depending on the theme for the next WOTM I might join again if I can come up with a good story

Thanks for the votes everyone!

[LeighaMoscove]

I was Entry #2.
Now question me.

I loved your poetry. As I mentioned already, I'm a sucker for good poetry. That was amazing.

[CommunistZed]

I loved your poetry. As I mentioned already, I'm a sucker for good poetry. That was amazing.

Thank you.

[Raez]

I really liked your poem as well! I find it hard to express things like these through a poem, well done!

By the way, I was entry #4. My first time in WOTM. Thanks to everyone for their reviews, I'll look over those mistakes in the future ^^

[★LunaLight★]

Mine was entry 3. It was a rush job, but I wanted to get the idea out there. I honestly didn't expect to get any votes. I was happy to hear only comments about my formatting.

@LeighaMoscove: The character created the idea of herself so that she could be a part of reality. The fact that she introduced herself as Aiko was highly important. If someone never existed, they shouldn't have a name to introduce themselves by, yet Aiko decided on a name. The name Aiko means Love Child, a concept that doesn't seem terribly important until the end of the story, but then makes perfect sense. Aiko is just a small insecure child who feels unloved, and unimportant. She is constantly afraid people will ignore her due to an inferiority complex. She sincerely loves the reader, and wants to be a part of their lives. Aiko is in herself symbolizing the need for ideas to be heard and become real. She represents 'impossibilities' that people bring on themselves because at the end the reader is supposed to want Aiko to have been real, despite the fact she is far from reality. My stories often have a lot deeper meaning than people are looking for due to my use of simple language, but I can say for sure that this was not a story about someone just talking to the reader. It is about reaching out for the impossible for the reason that it is worth reaching out for, being willing to find new ideas in strange places, and to view reality from a subjective-conceptional point of view; all while telling a sad story about the cruelty of reality and a little girl's suffering.

[Raez]

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