So, already shared this with the IRC, but I figured I'd share it with you

[Elendra]

IT'S ANOTHER REASON WHY THE AZTECS WERE AWESOME

What's the reason this time?

Mother fucking AVOCADOS

"Draw me like one of your French Entrees"

You see, these tasty things that we put in Mexican, Texan, and Californian dishes ( as well as other South American cuisines ), is a fruit with a truly wonderful history.

You see, the avocado wasn't always called such, back in the old MesoAmerican days, the natives ( particularly the fucking awesome Aztecs ) would call it a name in their native tongue, Nahuatl, "āhuacatl". You may be wondering, what does that word translate into, other than avocado?

Simple, I'll post a picture

Or not.

That's right, you saw it, the aztecs named this kick-ass fruit a mother fucking testicle. Now you may be asking, how the fuck did we go from calling it testicles to avocados? Simple! See, "āhuacatl" is roughly pronounced "Ah-wha-kah-tull", which when those Spaniards came upon the place, they started calling it "aguacate", or roughly "Ah-gwa-ka-tay" which is totally not the same, and, really, "Agua"? took out the testes, and put in some water.

The Spaniards, the original ball busting feminists.

This shit eventually came to be known in English as an Avocado after some bullshit. There was a period of time when it was known as the Alligator Pear ( which I'd like to think is a reference to Cipactli, but I know isn't, because Europeans were just trying to cloud the origins of the fruit ), and some places ( like China ) still call it that. Another name it got was the Butter Pear, which is what it's known in places like India, because of its smooth, tender, delicious meats, instead of naming it after a fucking testicle like it was supposed to be.

Buncha prudes

BUT IT GETS FUCKING BETTER

You guys know Guacamole? That dip stuff made from Avocados? It has a similar origin, also coming from Nahuatl, in a truly classy way, with the name "ahuacamolli" ( roughly "Ah-wha-kah-mole-y" ). Now you may be wondering what this means, knowing that it started as testicle. Well, in Nahuatl, molli means "sauce" or "soup". So that's right, Guacamole is more properly known as Testicle Sauce. No wonder it tastes so orgasmic.

BUT IT GETS FUCKING BETTER

The Avocado was a fertility fruit for the Aztecs. You know, cause it was shaped like and called a testicle, they thought it had something to do with sex, meaning that before a bun was put into the oven, they'd enjoy a little testicle sauce. And that's alright with me.

The Aztecs, classiest fuckers of MesoAmerica.

[Aragorn]

[JurassicHole]

Best thing I've read all week, that's saying something, since I read the descriptions of every product I buy.

You sir, should be an Avocado Salesmen or something of the sort. I'll take twenty.

[Turtlicious]

You should write for cracked.