Mental instability (Discussion)

[Uto]

You guys seem to know a lot about mental instability, I have a few questions.
Does counseling work for depression? I've recently spoke to my mum (at the suggestion of many anon depression help chats) after a few events (I always feel if I go into detail about shit then I sound like an asshole) and we decided to ask my college for counseling, but I'm slightly nervous/apprehensive about going. Does it work or will I just be wasting my time?

[Brovo]

Oh really now?

Stahp.

That is a crazy story alright.

Shame you had to get some flesh torn out like that to avoid being stabbed and diced.

It happens. It's just a moment in history.

Why thank you
Speaking of which though, when someone ends a happy and loving relation what do you think when the reason for the person who ended it was 'They just wanted to be single again'?.

Could be several hundred (possible thousand) reasons for it. More specific scenario required, more information on both targets required.

Indeed

--No comment--

I think this is one area where we differ, but only slightly.

I do agree that people need to solve their own problems, it's something I learned the hard way too.
However, I do still aim to try to help said partner and try to make them feel better, even if I can't solve the problem for them I can at least try to help them out.

I never said that I would not try. I would offer a hand to a fallen friend. It is up to that friend to take my hand, but on the same token, not use me as a crutch.

I am tempted at times to go out of my way to find a relationship for the sake of feeling better, but for me when this thought comes to me two main things happen.

1) I remind myself that if naturally developed relationships go to shit so much, imagine how a relationship that's just on 'trial' goes.
Note: By 'trial' I mean what seems to be peoples typical approach of approaching and finding someone attractive, asking them out, going out with them and seeing where it goes from where

I don't find 99.9% of women attractive physically until I've known them for a while, so, I would say that I could relate, but that would be a lie. So I don't really have any constructive comments on this one.

2) I remember my philosophy of waiting for the right person I seem to mix with rather than constantly pursuing any person I find myself randomly attracted to.

It's a sound philosophy.

Now, note however that even though I've had more/better relationship success than the majority of my friends (If not all of them save for one 1 friend)

Relationship success measured by what yardstick?

But, compared to most people I am down right awful when it comes to relationships when it comes to both

1) How well/long they last
2) How many people have ever been interested in me (at least those I was aware of)

1) Cannot control this generally.
2) Nor can you control this, most definitely.

Ergo, to use these as "qualifiers" puts an unstable element that cannot be predicted with much precision.

Combine that with facts that I am constantly in situations where I any other person would probably do far better than me (Like for example being the only guy in a college class with 40 or so girls, and this class has all the same classes together), and it becomes quickly obvious that I am downright awful naturally when it comes to relationships.

Meh. Most people are awful with relationships. Not just you.

But I've gotten use to that in life, using the idea of 'I'll find the right person someday, and if not it's not meant to be' with the fact that I don't and should not need a person to be complete.
Infact I have found I am a far stronger person/individual when single than when in a relationship (though this may be past ones have been hurtful and/or manipulative).

Healthy attitude.

*sigh* Sorry, I ranted on a bit there.

It's fine, I rant a lot.

Back to responding to the post though.
For your protagonist idea I can see that, but I like to imagine that some peoples stories can evolve into those where it's the group of protagonist/main characters the story revolves around, and not just one individual.

And although both of us seem to have shitty luck in the realm of love, it's hard to deny that some people have found successful love and it has lasted them till death.

I do not think it happens. If it did, we wouldn't be egocentric. Also, love =/= main protagonist. That's just a love interest, which can range from unimportant to very important. Like everything else. *Shrugs*

I don't know, I think you wanting to feel empathetic may be all you need.

It's not.

You don't need to know how the feel without them telling you, most people can't do that.

I suppose I'll put it to you this way then. If you saw someone bleeding to death, you would probably attempt to assist them or at least figure out what was going on. That is what someone with empathy does. If I saw someone bleeding to death, 50/50 chance I would forget to mimic empathy and I would move on and leave them to die. Without flinching.

Empathy is a big thing to be missing.

[QUOTE=Gwazi Magnum;8286916]Best most can do is pick up on some signs with how they act and move and even then people can easily mis-read them.

That's the fault of people. I simply never care to. I never feel the need to try and understand those signs except out of curiosity.

Different people define beauty as different things however.

I am very happy and proud of my life and what I am doing with it.
I feel that if I were to change, expecially for the sake of finding a partner in life it would be lying about myself to have them care for me and that isn't true love to begin with and is not the kind of relationship I want to be having.

Mmhmm.

Is there a specific reason this was posted?

Sturgeon's Law: 90% of everything is crap.

That includes 90% of people.

I am assuming it is simply tracking how many people have it and not which individuals have it.

For some reason, I think Brovo mis-remembered the knife-incident.

There are perfectly logical reasons for why I would misremember the knife incident. Among them being, obviously, my psychosis and delusions. A lot of memories of my years earlier than 16 are very fuzzy and unclear. That is one of them. I can attempt to tell the whole tale without messing it up, but there are some gaps where I'm not sure if it's fact or fiction that I see when I look to it now as opposed to then.

-Facts: It did occur, I was chased by a woman I had taken interest in with a knife (it's in police records, there were witnesses), and I did hop a barbed wire fence (scar on my thigh from the barbed wire fence, for a while I continued to own the damaged pants).
-Unknown: Why, specifically, she was chasing me. (She's in a mental institute now, so I put two and two together.) Where the barbed wire fence was located. (I assume a compound because I remember dogs barking... That could be an auditory hallucination though.)
-Fiction: I already removed the things that were, most certainly, fictitious in nature.

Ah, but there ARE consequences. We just don't see them, we don't have to deal with them. We can just look the other way because some ominous inactivity doesn't make us curious.
-But in a world where you can only see/interact by having someone else on te other end agreeing to do so, making it so that they cannot or do not wish to interact with you anymore would be a consequence.

Yet, they are easily replaceable... No?

The reset button is a lie gamers tell themselves so they can go to sleep at night after playing Devil May Cry with the Sims.
-It's a nice white lie, but still a lie.

Reset button as in the idea of taking out a game cartridge and putting in a new one then hitting reset. Not as in resetting and playing the same people game, over and over.

-And yeah, I've seen shadows/heard noises at some times... except it wasn't an alien... it was my pet cat... the one that is dead and buried in my backyard... he's kinda pissed that I killed him*... My mind is just too used to interpreting that odd shadow by the foot of my bed as him. In low-light conditions the mind just loves playng "fill in the blanks".
*Monty-Python's killer-rabbit, pissed.

Har. Har har. Har. Did your shadow try to kill you and cut open your hand though?

I'm also probably mistakening empathy with Verstehen.
Ironic, that there's a german word that is the literal antinymn to viewing people as mere objects in a country stereotyped for its ruthless-efficiency.

Ironic, that German philosophers are often prided for their social commentary and very bright thinking concerning individuality... Yet their country has always ignored them.

Also, Verstehen is similar to what I am trying to do. How to explain.

Empathy is a reaction that causes one to feel an emotion when seeing a fellow living being (especially one they care for and ESPECIALLY human beings) in situations which they can relate to. It's a survival mechanism for the species. You do not go out randomly murdering people because it makes you feel awful. Why? Because of empathy. For me? It's logic that prevents me from going on a rampage. If I kill people I don't even know for no reason whatsoever then I will die or go to jail and be Bubba's "friend" for the rest of my existence. I gain nothing, and lose everything. An illogical course of action if there ever was one.

Notable, though, I find it difficult to harm close friends. So there are still shreds of empathy left in me. It is just small and weak, and rarely affects my judgement or actions.

Actually Brovo got it right that I would've used it to keep track of my contacts, their likes/dislikes and a loltasticly large summary of every RP they've been in.

Although it would merely be for record-keeping purposes for a smoother mega-verse RP. Otherwise I'd need to constantly re-cap everything that happened over six months ago or risk losing it.

Old habit from an old RP-site... where every RP was interconnected... EVERY RP. And with 150 million RPs... server-crashes were not unheard-of.
-So interconnected, that it was possable for a player-character to get sick from a player-character in a completely irrelevant thread, that or attend funerals of characters from other RPs (which was just as common a RP start-point as taverns). Did I mention that characters died faster than a squad of newbies playing Red Orchestra 2?

So yeah... consequences.

Sounds... Entertaining? Not sure what this has to do with the thread.

You guys seem to know a lot about mental instability, I have a few questions.

I will answer to the best of my abilities.

Does counseling work for depression? I've recently spoke to my mum (at the suggestion of many anon depression help chats) after a few events (I always feel if I go into detail about shit then I sound like an asshole) and we decided to ask my college for counseling, but I'm slightly nervous/apprehensive about going. Does it work or will I just be wasting my time?

Yes, it works for depression. In fact, I would say that is one of a counselor's best strengths when facing mental instabilities, is against depression more than anything else. They set up a session where they ask a few questions sometimes, or you simply confess and talk about everything on your mind. They help you, by trying to understand you, by not just saying "oh get better" they actually go step by step to diagnose and assist you.

Plus, if it doesn't work for you, you can always choose to leave at any time as far as I'm aware of.

Logically put: You have lots to gain, and nothing to lose.

[Mike]

...I appreciate that you took the time to read all of this, and even admit your original intentions. Thank you, sir. That is very mature of you.

Thanks.

Skepticism is a healthy trait. So is curiosity. They've both kept me safe from falling into dark places, so I do not see why they wouldn't be healthy things for more "normal" people to adopt. You seem to have both. Appreciative...

Hmm. I could use a very personal example, like a loved one's death. Could also use a humorous example. *Ponder*...

Thanks, I try to keep an open mind, though I've been told I ask a bit too many questions sometimes. Just tell me if I cross a line somewhere.
Also, whatever you're comfortable with. I'm really curious about your experiences, but I don't want to make you (or anybody here, if they've got a story to share) go back to any painful memories if you don't want to.

The hallucinations generally start with noises. I'll hear someone yell, or whisper, or trip over something. When I investigate, nobody made the noise. Later on, hallucinations tend to develop into shadows out of the corner of my eye. Finally, if things continue, I'll see people, creatures. When I'm having an especially bad week, even the environment around me gets modified. (Hallways might look like the interior of an alien vessel, for example.) Remember these guys? I watched the first film as a kid. While most of you were probably terrified of the monster under your bed, I saw that monster. Consequently I have a love-hate relationship with it. It fucked with me more than probably any other horror film/novel monster ever. There were several nights where I would open my eyes feeling a weight on my chest, open my eyes a little, and guess what I'd see?

That stupid, faceless maw in front of my face.

First couple of times I screamed.

Gradually, I went to whimpering, and then slowly began to realize it wasn't there. Yet it was. I couldn't figure it out. So many lost nights of sleep.

Eventually I went nuts one night and assaulted it. It cut open my hand, so I thought it was real, even after it scampered away and mysteriously vanished. Later on my Dad showed me a little blood on the corner of my desk, which was in my room at the time. There was blood on it. I had cut open my hand on the corner of my desk while hallucinating that the alien cut it open with one of its claws.

Needless to say, I brought a baseball bat to bed with me the following night.

I beat the fucking shit out of it.

In hindsight, if I didn't have carpeted floors back then, I would have most definitely woken up my parents and fucked up any chances I'd have had at having control over my own life. I hadn't even considered that at the time.

tl;dr: My delusions can actually "affect" me in ways that my brain thinks are real. Like if someone is kneeling on me, I actually feel the weight on my chest.

Now you know. Hope the story was interesting.

(If interested in further stories: Press 1. If not: Hang up the phone.)

That...is some really freaky shit. That monster's always scared me, and made me afraid of the dark for the longest time as a kid. But to actually see that, to feel like it's actually attacking you...I don't even know what to say to that. I couldn't imagine how that would feel. Though I am glad to know you were able to "conquer" it, in a way. Have you ever seen it since, or did it go away eventually?

Also, 1.

[Gwazi Magnum]

Stahp.

But I can't!

Could be several hundred (possible thousand) reasons for it. More specific scenario required, more information on both targets required.

Just in general, I'm not reffering to a specific situation. Just one where the legit reason wasn't due to any relationship isses, just that the people wanted to be single.
Though, when I asked the question I was making the assumption that the relationship was close and they were (or one was lead to believe that) they loved one another.

I never said that I would not try. I would offer a hand to a fallen friend. It is up to that friend to take my hand, but on the same token, not use me as a crutch.

Now oddly I don't mind being the 'crutch'.
That's probably a bad thing but when I am in a relationship and love/care for the person it's always their well being that's my top-priority no matter how much they may need me.
Though with that said, what I don't like is to be used in such a way and then be thrown away afterwards.

I don't find 99.9% of women attractive physically until I've known them for a while, so, I would say that I could relate, but that would be a lie. So I don't really have any constructive comments on this one.

None really needed, I was just sharing my approach to things.

It's a sound philosophy.

Why thank you

Relationship success measured by what yardstick?

By that outside of two friends, none of them have ever been in a relationship before, kissed anyone before etc.

But noted, earlier post I said one friend was more successful than me, imply the other isn't.
It's measured by these things

1. Number of meaningful relationships
2. Length of said relationships
3. Feelings/emotional closeness etc.

In terms of #1 and 2 my friend who I say does better than be wins in both, has had more girlfriends and have had a longer relationship than any of us.
#3 much harder to measure, but from we've said to each other about our relationships I would say we probably tie in that regard or are pretty close.

I'm speaking more in generals here though honestly, I'm not going to go around claiming my relationships are better/worse than others (well I might say mine were worse at times).
I may say one of my relationships was better/worse than another, but I wouldn't rank relationships of other peoples in such a way.

I'm mostly above ranking luck in the area of relationships.

1) Cannot control this generally.
2) Nor can you control this, most definitely.

Ergo, to use these as "qualifiers" puts an unstable element that cannot be predicted with much precision.

I know you can't control them really, but it still shows how shitty I am in terms of relationships and how few people seem to like me.

Meh. Most people are awful with relationships. Not just you.

Though it doesn't look like at at times :P

I do not think it happens. If it did, we wouldn't be egocentric. Also, love =/= main protagonist. That's just a love interest, which can range from unimportant to very important. Like everything else. *Shrugs*

Not everyone's egocentric.
Besides you can care about yourself more than others but have a special someone be an exception to the rule.

I suppose I'll put it to you this way then. If you saw someone bleeding to death, you would probably attempt to assist them or at least figure out what was going on. That is what someone with empathy does. If I saw someone bleeding to death, 50/50 chance I would forget to mimic empathy and I would move on and leave them to die. Without flinching.

Empathy is a big thing to be missing.

I mean this question out of pure curiousity what would go through your head that makes you say "Let's just leave him for dead"?

That's the fault of people. I simply never care to. I never feel the need to try and understand those signs except out of curiosity.

Being someone born with Autism I originally could not pick up on said signs either. My brain was not wired in a way that allows me to do so.
But to be honest I still think I may be missing a good amount of physical ques at times.

For most people it's something that naturally develops in their brain as they get older so it's second nature to predict them.
While people born with certain mental conditions may not develop naturally in such a way and need to be taught/re-wired in a way to pick up on those cues.

Sturgeon's Law: 90% of everything is crap.

That includes 90% of people.

Indeed

[Foster]

1. There are perfectly logical reasons for why I would misremember the knife incident. Among them being, obviously, my psychosis and delusions. A lot of memories of my years earlier than 16 are very fuzzy and unclear. That is one of them. I can attempt to tell the whole tale without messing it up, but there are some gaps where I'm not sure if it's fact or fiction that I see when I look to it now as opposed to then.

-Facts: It did occur, I was chased by a woman I had taken interest in with a knife (it's in police records, there were witnesses), and I did hop a barbed wire fence (scar on my thigh from the barbed wire fence, for a while I continued to own the damaged pants).
-Unknown: Why, specifically, she was chasing me. (She's in a mental institute now, so I put two and two together.) Where the barbed wire fence was located. (I assume a compound because I remember dogs barking... That could be an auditory hallucination though.)
-Fiction: I already removed the things that were, most certainly, fictitious in nature.

2. Yet, they are easily replaceable... No?

3. Reset button as in the idea of taking out a game cartridge and putting in a new one then hitting reset. Not as in resetting and playing the same people game, over and over.

4. Har. Har har. Har. Did your shadow try to kill you and cut open your hand though?

5. Ironic, that German philosophers are often prided for their social commentary and very bright thinking concerning individuality... Yet their country has always ignored them.

Also, Verstehen is similar to what I am trying to do. How to explain.

Empathy is a reaction that causes one to feel an emotion when seeing a fellow living being (especially one they care for and ESPECIALLY human beings) in situations which they can relate to. It's a survival mechanism for the species. You do not go out randomly murdering people because it makes you feel awful. Why? Because of empathy. For me? It's logic that prevents me from going on a rampage. If I kill people I don't even know for no reason whatsoever then I will die or go to jail and be Bubba's "friend" for the rest of my existence. I gain nothing, and lose everything. An illogical course of action if there ever was one.

Notable, though, I find it difficult to harm close friends. So there are still shreds of empathy left in me. It is just small and weak, and rarely affects my judgement or actions.

1. Actually I was joking about who was brandishing the knife, and who was running.

2. About as easily as I could replace you.
*Reminds everyone you cannot, and should never EVER attempt to build another Brovo.*
<<Insert original Stepford-wives ending here>>

3. Unless the discarded game-cartidge picks up a knife and chases you up another barbed-wire fence, yeah, that's a perfect analogy for 10% of the time.

4. Maybe. Although I'm generally lucid enough to realize when I've spaz'd and simply punched a toilet-bowl down the throat...

5. The philosophers are just the annoying guys in the back of the bus. Like Hayek.
-Well, you'd gain 'Bubba', your psycho ex-girlfriend with a shiv.

That's apathy.

Bonus: Just me being creepy.

I mean this question out of pure curiousity what would go through your head that makes you say "Let's just leave him for dead"?

Not screaming loud enough to be a nuisance.

[XxSkittlezxX]

You guys seem to know a lot about mental instability, I have a few questions.
Does counseling work for depression? I've recently spoke to my mum (at the suggestion of many anon depression help chats) after a few events (I always feel if I go into detail about shit then I sound like an asshole) and we decided to ask my college for counseling, but I'm slightly nervous/apprehensive about going. Does it work or will I just be wasting my time?

It depends. Some people can get to a certain point and get stuck, some are unwilling and for some it's just the push they need. It certainly can't hurt so I would suggest going for it.

[Dudel]

I'm very happy to have seen the direction this thread took after I vanished from it and all of RPGuild for... pff... I'm not sure how long. But, yeah, I read the responses to me after I left and Brovo had it all covered, and Brovo did have a point in that I did get a little bit too "black and white" with one of my opinions, so there ya go. All handled!

[Brovo]

Thanks.

--No comment--

Thanks, I try to keep an open mind, though I've been told I ask a bit too many questions sometimes. Just tell me if I cross a line somewhere.

With me, there is no such thing as too many questions. Only too many pitchforks, and knives, and assumptions on my character based on Hollywood tripe.

Also, whatever you're comfortable with. I'm really curious about your experiences, but I don't want to make you (or anybody here, if they've got a story to share) go back to any painful memories if you don't want to.

I've lived through my past already. I've accepted what's happened, and use it now only to entertain, to weave a good "true story" tale, to inform, and to comfort others who feel alone.

So, really, there are damn well no boundaries with me mate. Just ask.

That...is some really freaky shit. That monster's always scared me, and made me afraid of the dark for the longest time as a kid. But to actually see that, to feel like it's actually attacking you...I don't even know what to say to that. I couldn't imagine how that would feel. Though I am glad to know you were able to "conquer" it, in a way. Have you ever seen it since, or did it go away eventually?

Also, 1.

You get very desensitized to things. It helps in dealing with it, but it's a duel edged blade in that now, when horrific things happen around me, I remain fairly unaffected by it. Like if an accident occurred at my work place where someone cut off their finger, most people would be sick to their stomachs and panicking. I would casually go to the nearest phone, call 911, and in a fairly bored tone of voice go "yeah, some dude cut off his finger here... So like... Get here when you feel like it."

It makes me appear completely inhuman, which is alienating, when the reality is simply that I've gone through so much dramatic shit (both real and delusional) that it would take catastrophe-level events or horrors that others would like to think are unimaginable to potentially get to me.

I have conquered it. I still see it sometimes though. Cautiously watching me. Waiting for a day that I'm too weak to fight it.

It would not surprise me if the last waking moments I have of my life are seeing it open it's mouth and ending me.

Or, maybe, I will kill it in my final moments of life.

I'd say "we shall see", but, that would be an oxymoron for a psychotic to say to someone who isn't a psychotic, eh'?

Once upon a time, when I was a young teen and still suffered intense depression that I didn't know how to deal with, I was heading home on the bus system. I was exhausted. I didn't realize that I took the bus heading the wrong direction. I ended up roughly 80 blocks away from home in -35+ Celsius weather with a jacket rated only for -20, and nothing else. My limbs were numb in minutes. It was deathly silent, I heard nothing, not even my own breathing. Everything was grey, and the sky ceased to exist. There was just a few city lights, blurry images. I ran for twenty blocks, I couldn't find my way home.

I collapsed in the snow and blacked out.

There was just darkness for a while. I didn't hear anything, didn't see anything. I felt something holding me tight. I couldn't breath, but I didn't panic. I didn't want to breath, I wasn't afraid to die.

Then I felt something.

I looked up in the darkness and saw someone I cared for, deeply. Someone who was dead. I was confused. She grabbed my arm and helped me get to my feet. "Get up." I slipped a couple times. She kept helping me until I was on my feet. I could barely stand. "Hold me." I stumbled forward, almost fell, but kept moving forward until I was in a steady stride. She, somehow, stayed just ahead of me, just out of reach.

It all faded.

I saw street lights again.

Ahead of me was a mall near where my Dad worked, less than a block away.

I would have died there had it not been for a delusion of the dead love of my life picking me back up.

True story. The words I'm uncertain about. It's a rather fuzzy memory, so I did the best I could with what I remembered.

As for her being the love of my life? It was a platonic love. Nothing more, nothing less.

(If you want even MORE stories, feel free to ask.)

But I can't!

--No comment--

Just in general, I'm not reffering to a specific situation. Just one where the legit reason wasn't due to any relationship isses, just that the people wanted to be single.
Though, when I asked the question I was making the assumption that the relationship was close and they were (or one was lead to believe that) they loved one another.

There can still be a thousand and one reasons why, ranging from personal, to beliefs, to feelings, to instincts, to family, to friends, to history, to personality, to...

...Love is complex. You can't nail down a single rhyme or reason for why it succeeds or fails. Love is as it is. If I knew how to explain it, I would be in a good relationship right now, me thinks.

Now oddly I don't mind being the 'crutch'.
That's probably a bad thing but when I am in a relationship and love/care for the person it's always their well being that's my top-priority no matter how much they may need me.
Though with that said, what I don't like is to be used in such a way and then be thrown away afterwards.

Codependent, maybe?

None really needed, I was just sharing my approach to things.

Understood.

Why thank you

--No comment... --

By that outside of two friends, none of them have ever been in a relationship before, kissed anyone before etc.

But noted, earlier post I said one friend was more successful than me, imply the other isn't.
It's measured by these things

--No comment--

1. Number of meaningful relationships

Meaningful by what definition? What is meaningful?

2. Length of said relationships

...Why is this a yardstick?

3. Feelings/emotional closeness etc.

Plenty of people feel emotional closeness during a relationship. Then again, I know couples that aren't emotionally close and keep plenty of secrets from one another, and yet, are quite happy, because they don't feel like they need to give away their secrets to one another for love.

In terms of #1 and 2 my friend who I say does better than be wins in both, has had more girlfriends and have had a longer relationship than any of us.

How does having more girlfriends equate to being better at relationships? That means literally nothing. Hell, that could even be a con. He's good at picking chicks up. That's an entirely different skill set.

Longer relationship? So? What if it wasn't really sincere, or happy? What if he/she delayed the inevitable breakup for longer? Does that still count as a relationship then?

#3 much harder to measure, but from we've said to each other about our relationships I would say we probably tie in that regard or are pretty close.

Emotional fulfillment is almost a requirement for relationships to last any real length of time. (Unless you're in an abusive one, in which case, get out while you can.) So this seems silly to measure, no? I mean, how do you even measure emotional fulfillment? People want different kinds of emotional fulfillment. Like I wouldn't do well with a woman who would want to cuddle me to death. That's not who I am, I don't enjoy that much, yet that's seen as a form of emotional fulfillment, no? Would that mean that my relationships are all suddenly ranked down because I don't conform to the standard?

I'm speaking more in generals here though honestly, I'm not going to go around claiming my relationships are better/worse than others (well I might say mine were worse at times).
I may say one of my relationships was better/worse than another, but I wouldn't rank relationships of other peoples in such a way.

Good! I'd have to hit you if you pulled that card!

Then what are you ranking them against? What standard makes you declare yourself above average?

I'm mostly above ranking luck in the area of relationships.

tl;dr: Don't "rank" or "rate" relationships. They are all equally important and equally valuable. From failures you learn lessons about yourself. From successes you gain happiness and contentment with life. Both are good, and measuring them against one another and arbitrarily deciding that X is better than Y because X lasted longer is almost juvenile where it concerns a topic as complex and multi-layered as relationships. It's why I still respect the girl who tried to knife me. Yeah, okay, that was freaky as fuck, but hey, I learned valuable lessons in that relationship, ones which I took to future relationships!

No other woman I've been in a relationship with has tried to knife me for example!

...Not yet, anyway.

If anything, relationships are so mind bendingly complex that we have an entire field of human studies dedicated to it, called sociology.

I know you can't control them really, but it still shows how shitty I am in terms of relationships and how few people seem to like me.

If you can't control them, why consider yourself "shitty at relationships" for those factors which you cannot control? That's extremely illogical. .-.

Though it doesn't look like at at times :P

We see what we wish to see, we create images in our minds that support how we feel. Reality is perspective. Mine just happens to be more flexible and chalked full of bizarre things.

It's also why I see a lot of things in a greyish murky tone. A grey world is easier to justify my sorrow in than a colourful one.

Not to imply that you're egotistical or selfish. Just that everyone is a little egotistical and selfish, and adjusts reality to reassure themselves that how they feel is justified. Myself included, especially considering the world will literally change in my eyes based on how I'm feeling.

Not everyone's egocentric.
Besides you can care about yourself more than others but have a special someone be an exception to the rule.

Yes, we all are, to a certain degree. Otherwise we would be nonfunctional as individuals... Which isn't healthy...

A little ego is good. Too much is bad. Many have overindulged in it.

I mean this question out of pure curiousity what would go through your head that makes you say "Let's just leave him for dead"?

Most think it's malicious. It's not. It simply doesn't go through my head to do that. I wouldn't even notice, wouldn't even care.

Simply put: It's an example of human egotism to say that someone like me must have some rhyme or reason about why I would leave a stranger to bleed out and die pitifully. Simply? It wouldn't even occur to me to save that person unless I reminded myself to do so. Really, it would look more like this.

"Oh, that guys is bleeding to death." *Walks a few steps away* "...Oh, tsk, right." *Turns back* "Okay. Lets see what I can do to fix this."

Being someone born with Autism I originally could not pick up on said signs either. My brain was not wired in a way that allows me to do so.
But to be honest I still think I may be missing a good amount of physical ques at times.

You and I both. The only ones I catch quickly are typically gang-based ones, for obvious, survival reasons.

For most people it's something that naturally develops in their brain as they get older so it's second nature to predict them.
While people born with certain mental conditions may not develop naturally in such a way and need to be taught/re-wired in a way to pick up on those cues.

Aye. Which is why I can easily fool 99% of people into thinking I'm normal. Except that other 1% that's crazy like me, but still coherent and logical.

They see it.

Indeed

Indeed.

1. Actually I was joking about who was brandishing the knife, and who was running.

...Oh. I missed that. Apologies.

2. About as easily as I could replace you.
*Reminds everyone you cannot, and should never EVER attempt to build another Brovo.*
<<Insert original Stepford-wives ending here>>

If you built another Brovo, you'd have some very interesting forum conversations that would usually end with pink smile icons and the word "indeed."

Also, nice reference, but I doubt I'd be replaced by a robot/clone/etc version of me.

More than likely it would go insane attempting to figure out what's real and what's not and kill its creators, then succumb to depression and kill itself.

Resolving two problems, with one stone. >:3

3. Unless the discarded game-cartidge picks up a knife and chases you up another barbed-wire fence, yeah, that's a perfect analogy for 10% of the time.

I suppose.

4. Maybe. Although I'm generally lucid enough to realize when I've spaz'd and simply punched a toilet-bowl down the throat...

Indeed?

5. The philosophers are just the annoying guys in the back of the bus. Like Hayek.
-Well, you'd gain 'Bubba', your psycho ex-girlfriend with a shiv.

That's apathy.

Yep.

Bonus: Just me being creepy.

Not screaming loud enough to be a nuisance.

I've had that go through my head, too... Albeit, it wasn't a life or death situation, but still.

It depends. Some people can get to a certain point and get stuck, some are unwilling and for some it's just the push they need. It certainly can't hurt so I would suggest going for it.

--No Comment--

I'm very happy to have seen the direction this thread took after I vanished from it and all of RPGuild for... pff... I'm not sure how long. But, yeah, I read the responses to me after I left and Brovo had it all covered, and Brovo did have a point in that I did get a little bit too "black and white" with one of my opinions, so there ya go. All handled!

Indeed!

Also, I knew I could handle doing this. Not that hard.

[Gwazi Magnum]

You guys seem to know a lot about mental instability, I have a few questions.
Does counseling work for depression? I've recently spoke to my mum (at the suggestion of many anon depression help chats) after a few events (I always feel if I go into detail about shit then I sound like an asshole) and we decided to ask my college for counseling, but I'm slightly nervous/apprehensive about going. Does it work or will I just be wasting my time?

Sorry, I didn't see this last time.

I'm no expert on Depression, I know a couple of people who have it but all I can really say is two main things.

1) Counseling can't hurt to try
2) Stay away from the drugs unless if the reasons are very specific, they more often do harm than good

And as far as the Counseling works, it only works if the person with Depression is board and willing to work with the Counselors. If they go in the mindset that "You're stupid, this is stupid, I don't care, I won't do anything you want me too etc." then it's going to go no where. Co-operation and understand from both sides is vital and this goes far beyond just Counseling for depression, this counts for counseling or therapy for almost everything out there.

It seems in your case though that you're the one with depression, which case if you are willing to look for Counseling and work with the Counselor rather than write them off then go for it.

There can still be a thousand and one reasons why, ranging from personal, to beliefs, to feelings, to instincts, to family, to friends, to history, to personality, to...

...Love is complex. You can't nail down a single rhyme or reason for why it succeeds or fails. Love is as it is. If I knew how to explain it, I would be in a good relationship right now, me thinks.

I suppose you're right.
It's just that when I see those cases I really begin to question how much the person who "Just wanted to be single" really care about the relationship and the other person to begin with.

Codependent, maybe?

Interesting, I never even knew this existed.
But, if my first relationship taught me anything one of the lessons was "Do NOT self diagnosis, for anything, ever.
It does sound similar though which is odd and worrisome.

But I wouldn't say this is me, largely cause part of it details 'Using sex as a means of acceptance or comfort'.
I don't hold sex in that regard, I cherish it as something special between two people who already love one another.

Though... this part may be hypocrtical, but I'm mostly doing this

1) Out of boredom, I got nothing else to do
2) Hopefully make more conversation

I will check off/bold the symptoms I'm looking at which I think I may match with, and why this does seem worrisome.
Even if I don't have it, the fact I finding myself agreeing with a number of a things may be a bad indicator itself.

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency

Bold = Matches
[i]Italisized[i] = Does match but may not be 100% of the time
Underlined = Doesn't match but still wants to comment on

Denial patterns: I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling. I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel. I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others. I lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others. I label others with my negative traits. I can take care of myself without any help from others. I mask my pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation. I express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways. I do not recognize the unavailability of those people to whom I am attracted. Low self-esteem patterns: I have difficulty making decisions. I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough." I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gift (Though note worthy this is a trait I've had for most of my life). I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires. I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own. I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person. I constantly seek recognition that I think I deserve. I am jealous of the relationships between others I would like to have as my own. (Closest I think I'll find here, it's not Jealousy I have but envy. I envy their relationships and wish I could have a similar one myself) I have difficulty admitting that I made a mistake. I need to appear to be right in the eyes of others and will even lie to look good. I perceive myself as inferior to other (There are episodes, mostly if I'm left sitting around doing nothing for a few days, otherwise I usually find me and my friends above others because we are not people who will run around hurting and harming others for personal gain) I look to others to provide my sense of safety. I have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines, and completing projects. I have trouble setting healthy priorities. Avoidance patterns: I act in ways that invite others to reject, shame, or express anger toward me. I judge harshly what others think, say, or do. I avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a means of maintaining distance. I allow my addictions to people, places, and things to distract me from achieving intimacy in relationships. I use indirect and evasive communication to avoid conflict or confrontation. I diminish my capacity to have healthy relationships by declining to use all the tools of recovery. (Unsure if this is true or not, mostly because [at least from my view point] relationships were ended because of lack of feelings on the other end, not because I did not recover in something, and if it was a reason they never expressed it as an issue or contributor). I suppress my feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable. I pull people toward me, but when they get close, I push them away. I refuse to give up my self-will to avoid surrendering to a power that is greater than myself. I believe displays of emotion are a sign of weakness. (Quite the opposite actually) I withhold expressions of appreciation.

Compliance patterns: I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger. I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same. I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long. I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own. I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want (Only with a significant other/romantic partner) I accept sex and/or sexual attention when I want love. I am afraid to express my beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others. I make decisions without regard to the consequences. I give up my truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change. Control patterns: I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves. I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel. I become resentful when others will not let me help them. I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked. I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about. I use sex to gain approval and acceptance. I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others. I demand that my needs be met by others. I use charm and charisma to convince others of my capacity to be caring and compassionate. I use blame and shame to emotionally exploit others. I refuse to cooperate, compromise, or negotiate. I adopt an attitude of indifference, helplessness, authority, or rage to manipulateoutcomes. I have obsessive, compulsive thinking patterns and cannot focus on daily activities. I use terms of recovery in an attempt to control the behavior of others. I pretend to agree with others to get what I want.

Meaningful by what definition? What is meaningful?

This is one of those things where I know what I mean inside, but putting it to words is a very hard task.
To try though, what I mean is the relationship meant something to each person, there was close bond there.
However they chose to express it there was something that they both liked that held them together.

...Why is this a yardstick?

I should of clarified sooner I am not counting times where the person simply 'hanged on' and wanted to leave.
But this is a yardstick in terms of determing if the relationship was a quick one like after a few days or weeks it simply dies off or if there was some kind of bond there that allowed it to last for a while.
But this is also concious of certain factors that a relationship may ended from outside elements like controlling parents.

This is not the best way to measure by (assuming I should be measuring at all) though I admit.

Plenty of people feel emotional closeness during a relationship. Then again, I know couples that aren't emotionally close and keep plenty of secrets from one another, and yet, are quite happy, because they don't feel like they need to give away their secrets to one another for love.

Everyone defines love differently, and I am aware of that.

How does having more girlfriends equate to being better at relationships? That means literally nothing. Hell, that could even be a con. He's good at picking chicks up. That's an entirely different skill set.

Longer relationship? So? What if it wasn't really sincere, or happy? What if he/she delayed the inevitable breakup for longer? Does that still count as a relationship then?

Note, none of the friends I refer to are players.
So I can automatically eliminate that factor of 'He's just picking up lots of girls'

Though I did have an online friend like that at some point, and I did give him the same argument that you just gave me.

It's meant more to predict a persons luck in the field, that they were able to find several people who cares for them.

As said above though in terms of longer relationships, I don't count if the break up as simply delayed.
Though sadly this can be measured by how much a person has out right said they were delaying a break up, and the only admitted cases of this happening as been in my own relationships.

Emotional fulfillment is almost a requirement for relationships to last any real length of time. (Unless you're in an abusive one, in which case, get out while you can.) So this seems silly to measure, no? I mean, how do you even measure emotional fulfillment? People want different kinds of emotional fulfillment. Like I wouldn't do well with a woman who would want to cuddle me to death. That's not who I am, I don't enjoy that much, yet that's seen as a form of emotional fulfillment, no? Would that mean that my relationships are all suddenly ranked down because I don't conform to the standard?

I'm comparing this among friends, where I have at least a decent idea of their mindset's and values when it comes relationships.
I wouldn't be making this comparison at all if it was compared to people I didn't even know.
But no, I wouldn't rank someone down for having a different definition of love.

Good!

I'd have to hit you if you pulled that card!

Then what are you ranking them against? What standard makes you declare yourself above average?

I'm stating I have more luck when it comes to relationships compared to most of my friends, mostly from the fact I'm one of few in my group to of actually been in a relationship before.
I am though far below average if I were to compare myself to the everyday person, at least in amount of relationships.
But since other factors like we both stated above are hard if not impossible to measure, I will refrain on commenting on other aspects of outsiders relationships outside of frequency.

tl;dr: Don't "rank" or "rate" relationships. They are all equally important and equally valuable. From failures you learn lessons about yourself. From successes you gain happiness and contentment with life. Both are good, and measuring them against one another and arbitrarily deciding that X is better than Y because X lasted longer is almost juvenile where it concerns a topic as complex and multi-layered as relationships. It's why I still respect the girl who tried to knife me. Yeah, okay, that was freaky as fuck, but hey, I learned valuable lessons in that relationship, ones which I took to future relationships!

No other woman I've been in a relationship with has tried to knife me for example!

...Not yet, anyway.

If anything, relationships are so mind bendingly complex that we have an entire field of human studies dedicated to it, called sociology.

I suppose you're right.
But as far as learning lessons from bad relationships though.
I have not learned anything from them that Improves me as a person.
All I've learned is how tenacious and manipulative people can get, and how to be more cautious and careful in that field which has generated a large amount of mistrust in people and their intentions.

If you can't control them, why consider yourself "shitty at relationships" for those factors which you cannot control? That's extremely illogical. .-.

In my case, I mean control them conciously.
I am probably still delievering messages just from my behaviours, my physical stances etc that probably turns people away.
I may also be completely oblivious to many approaches that may of been made on me (If any have been made I don't know, I would of missed them after all).
Part of how I'm shitty at relationships though stems from how badly they ended up in the end and how little care they ended up having for me and my feelings by the time things did end.

We see what we wish to see, we create images in our minds that support how we feel. Reality is perspective. Mine just happens to be more flexible and chalked full of bizarre things.

It's also why I see a lot of things in a greyish murky tone. A grey world is easier to justify my sorrow in than a colourful one.

Not to imply that you're egotistical or selfish. Just that everyone is a little egotistical and selfish, and adjusts reality to reassure themselves that how they feel is justified. Myself included, especially considering the world will literally change in my eyes based on how I'm feeling.

I think this case may just boil down too the popular saying that "When you're single you notice everyone in a relationship, when in a relationship you notice everyone who is single".

Yes, we all are, to a certain degree. Otherwise we would be nonfunctional as individuals... Which isn't healthy...

A little ego is good. Too much is bad. Many have overindulged in it.

I remember learning this in class.
I misunderstood what you meant, I assumed you were refering to everyone mostly caring for themselves.
Not just everyone looks after basic needs and wants at times.

Though I do think most people usually if not always are looking out for themselves and themselves only (except maybe one or two people), I wouldn't label all people under it.

Most think it's malicious. It's not. It simply doesn't go through my head to do that. I wouldn't even notice, wouldn't even care.

Simply put: It's an example of human egotism to say that someone like me must have some rhyme or reason about why I would leave a stranger to bleed out and die pitifully. Simply? It wouldn't even occur to me to save that person unless I reminded myself to do so. Really, it would look more like this.

"Oh, that guys is bleeding to death." *Walks a few steps away* "...Oh, tsk, right." *Turns back* "Okay. Lets see what I can do to fix this."

Ah, I think I understand. It's just when most people have the thought come to them instantly, for you it may take a little bit longer for that to come to you, if it does.
Do I got it right?

You and I both. The only ones I catch quickly are typically gang-based ones, for obvious, survival reasons.

Both relationships I was in, was a result of the girl coming onto me, strongly.
A person usually needs to be very straightforward/obvious their intentions in relationships regards for me to catch on.
If you're doing the stuff like "I look quickly and gaze away" or "I inch a tiny bit closer", "I play hard to get", it's just going right over my head, I won't pick up on it.
And it wouldn't surprise me if people who might of tried that took it as a form of rejection.

Note: By strongly I do not mean 'strongly'. I mean they just made it very obvious, like they might as well of just outright said "I like you, want to go out?" and infact it pretty did become just that.

As for Gang ones, can't say that I do.
But what exactly do you mean by that anyways?

Aye. Which is why I can easily fool 99% of people into thinking I'm normal. Except that other 1% that's crazy like me, but still coherent and logical.

They see it.

I remember one day in a college class our teacher had read over the classes answers to a question on an assignment, and one of the questions as 'What do you think of those with mental disabilities?'.
I answered along the lines of, I am one of them, I relate, I don't see them as any different from myself etc.

While apparently almost the rest of the class pretty much said "They feel sorry for them"... *facepalm*

She quickly addressed this by playing a video of a famous autistic person named Temple Grandin, famous researcher, autism spokesperson and invented a device to kill cows painlessly.
In the video played she detailed autistic people learning social behaviours and cues like acting.

We were acting to learn these things, essentially learning these social ques and behaviours was acting which was largely what my autism therapy was like.
Learned how to read these things and learning how to 'act'.

And it seems to of worked for me at least, because no one I run into now suspects me of having autism. Except for one guy, and he was autistic too

And I do admit, I am a lot more my natural self when around others with Autism and other diagnosis's, while in a general public setting I tend to be very quiet, reserved, calm, keep to myself etc.

- - - Updated - - -

You guys seem to know a lot about mental instability, I have a few questions.
Does counseling work for depression? I've recently spoke to my mum (at the suggestion of many anon depression help chats) after a few events (I always feel if I go into detail about shit then I sound like an asshole) and we decided to ask my college for counseling, but I'm slightly nervous/apprehensive about going. Does it work or will I just be wasting my time?

Sorry, I didn't see this last time.

I'm no expert on Depression, I know a couple of people who have it but all I can really say is two main things.

1) Counseling can't hurt to try
2) Stay away from the drugs unless if the reasons are very specific, they more often do harm than good

And as far as the Counseling works, it only works if the person with Depression is board and willing to work with the Counselors. If they go in the mindset that "You're stupid, this is stupid, I don't care, I won't do anything you want me too etc." then it's going to go no where. Co-operation and understand from both sides is vital and this goes far beyond just Counseling for depression, this counts for counseling or therapy for almost everything out there.

It seems in your case though that you're the one with depression, which case if you are willing to look for Counseling and work with the Counselor rather than write them off then go for it.

There can still be a thousand and one reasons why, ranging from personal, to beliefs, to feelings, to instincts, to family, to friends, to history, to personality, to...

...Love is complex. You can't nail down a single rhyme or reason for why it succeeds or fails. Love is as it is. If I knew how to explain it, I would be in a good relationship right now, me thinks.

I suppose you're right.
It's just that when I see those cases I really begin to question how much the person who "Just wanted to be single" really care about the relationship and the other person to begin with.

Codependent, maybe?

Interesting, I never even knew this existed.
But, if my first relationship taught me anything one of the lessons was "Do NOT self diagnosis, for anything, ever.
It does sound similar though which is odd and worrisome.

But I wouldn't say this is me, largely cause part of it details 'Using sex as a means of acceptance or comfort'.
I don't hold sex in that regard, I cherish it as something special between two people who already love one another.

Though... this part may be hypocrtical, but I'm mostly doing this

1) Out of boredom, I got nothing else to do
2) Hopefully make more conversation

I will check off/bold the symptoms I'm looking at which I think I may match with, and why this does seem worrisome.
Even if I don't have it, the fact I finding myself agreeing with a number of a things may be a bad indicator itself.

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency

Bold = Matches
[i]Italisized[i] = Does match but may not be 100% of the time
Underlined = Doesn't match but still wants to comment on

Denial patterns: I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling. I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel. I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others. I lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others. I label others with my negative traits. I can take care of myself without any help from others. I mask my pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation. I express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways. I do not recognize the unavailability of those people to whom I am attracted. Low self-esteem patterns: I have difficulty making decisions. I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough." I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gift (Though note worthy this is a trait I've had for most of my life). I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires. I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own. I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person. I constantly seek recognition that I think I deserve. I am jealous of the relationships between others I would like to have as my own. (Closest I think I'll find here, it's not Jealousy I have but envy. I envy their relationships and wish I could have a similar one myself) I have difficulty admitting that I made a mistake. I need to appear to be right in the eyes of others and will even lie to look good. I perceive myself as inferior to other (There are episodes, mostly if I'm left sitting around doing nothing for a few days, otherwise I usually find me and my friends above others because we are not people who will run around hurting and harming others for personal gain) I look to others to provide my sense of safety. I have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines, and completing projects. I have trouble setting healthy priorities. Avoidance patterns: I act in ways that invite others to reject, shame, or express anger toward me. I judge harshly what others think, say, or do. I avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a means of maintaining distance. I allow my addictions to people, places, and things to distract me from achieving intimacy in relationships. I use indirect and evasive communication to avoid conflict or confrontation. I diminish my capacity to have healthy relationships by declining to use all the tools of recovery. (Unsure if this is true or not, mostly because [at least from my view point] relationships were ended because of lack of feelings on the other end, not because I did not recover in something, and if it was a reason they never expressed it as an issue or contributor). I suppress my feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable. I pull people toward me, but when they get close, I push them away. I refuse to give up my self-will to avoid surrendering to a power that is greater than myself. I believe displays of emotion are a sign of weakness. (Quite the opposite actually) I withhold expressions of appreciation.

Compliance patterns: I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger. I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same. I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long. I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own. I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want (Only with a significant other/romantic partner) I accept sex and/or sexual attention when I want love. I am afraid to express my beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others. I make decisions without regard to the consequences. I give up my truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change. Control patterns: I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves. I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel. I become resentful when others will not let me help them. I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked. I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about. I use sex to gain approval and acceptance. I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others. I demand that my needs be met by others. I use charm and charisma to convince others of my capacity to be caring and compassionate. I use blame and shame to emotionally exploit others. I refuse to cooperate, compromise, or negotiate. I adopt an attitude of indifference, helplessness, authority, or rage to manipulateoutcomes. I have obsessive, compulsive thinking patterns and cannot focus on daily activities. I use terms of recovery in an attempt to control the behavior of others. I pretend to agree with others to get what I want.

Meaningful by what definition? What is meaningful?

This is one of those things where I know what I mean inside, but putting it to words is a very hard task.
To try though, what I mean is the relationship meant something to each person, there was close bond there.
However they chose to express it there was something that they both liked that held them together.

...Why is this a yardstick?

I should of clarified sooner I am not counting times where the person simply 'hanged on' and wanted to leave.
But this is a yardstick in terms of determing if the relationship was a quick one like after a few days or weeks it simply dies off or if there was some kind of bond there that allowed it to last for a while.
But this is also concious of certain factors that a relationship may ended from outside elements like controlling parents.

This is not the best way to measure by (assuming I should be measuring at all) though I admit.

Plenty of people feel emotional closeness during a relationship. Then again, I know couples that aren't emotionally close and keep plenty of secrets from one another, and yet, are quite happy, because they don't feel like they need to give away their secrets to one another for love.

Everyone defines love differently, and I am aware of that.

How does having more girlfriends equate to being better at relationships? That means literally nothing. Hell, that could even be a con. He's good at picking chicks up. That's an entirely different skill set.

Longer relationship? So? What if it wasn't really sincere, or happy? What if he/she delayed the inevitable breakup for longer? Does that still count as a relationship then?

Note, none of the friends I refer to are players.
So I can automatically eliminate that factor of 'He's just picking up lots of girls'

Though I did have an online friend like that at some point, and I did give him the same argument that you just gave me.

It's meant more to predict a persons luck in the field, that they were able to find several people who cares for them.

As said above though in terms of longer relationships, I don't count if the break up as simply delayed.
Though sadly this can be measured by how much a person has out right said they were delaying a break up, and the only admitted cases of this happening as been in my own relationships.

Emotional fulfillment is almost a requirement for relationships to last any real length of time. (Unless you're in an abusive one, in which case, get out while you can.) So this seems silly to measure, no? I mean, how do you even measure emotional fulfillment? People want different kinds of emotional fulfillment. Like I wouldn't do well with a woman who would want to cuddle me to death. That's not who I am, I don't enjoy that much, yet that's seen as a form of emotional fulfillment, no? Would that mean that my relationships are all suddenly ranked down because I don't conform to the standard?

I'm comparing this among friends, where I have at least a decent idea of their mindset's and values when it comes relationships.
I wouldn't be making this comparison at all if it was compared to people I didn't even know.
But no, I wouldn't rank someone down for having a different definition of love.

Good!

I'd have to hit you if you pulled that card!

Then what are you ranking them against? What standard makes you declare yourself above average?

I'm stating I have more luck when it comes to relationships compared to most of my friends, mostly from the fact I'm one of few in my group to of actually been in a relationship before.
I am though far below average if I were to compare myself to the everyday person, at least in amount of relationships.
But since other factors like we both stated above are hard if not impossible to measure, I will refrain on commenting on other aspects of outsiders relationships outside of frequency.

tl;dr: Don't "rank" or "rate" relationships. They are all equally important and equally valuable. From failures you learn lessons about yourself. From successes you gain happiness and contentment with life. Both are good, and measuring them against one another and arbitrarily deciding that X is better than Y because X lasted longer is almost juvenile where it concerns a topic as complex and multi-layered as relationships. It's why I still respect the girl who tried to knife me. Yeah, okay, that was freaky as fuck, but hey, I learned valuable lessons in that relationship, ones which I took to future relationships!

No other woman I've been in a relationship with has tried to knife me for example!

...Not yet, anyway.

If anything, relationships are so mind bendingly complex that we have an entire field of human studies dedicated to it, called sociology.

I suppose you're right.
But as far as learning lessons from bad relationships though.
I have not learned anything from them that Improves me as a person.
All I've learned is how tenacious and manipulative people can get, and how to be more cautious and careful in that field which has generated a large amount of mistrust in people and their intentions.

If you can't control them, why consider yourself "shitty at relationships" for those factors which you cannot control? That's extremely illogical. .-.

In my case, I mean control them conciously.
I am probably still delievering messages just from my behaviours, my physical stances etc that probably turns people away.
I may also be completely oblivious to many approaches that may of been made on me (If any have been made I don't know, I would of missed them after all).
Part of how I'm shitty at relationships though stems from how badly they ended up in the end and how little care they ended up having for me and my feelings by the time things did end.

We see what we wish to see, we create images in our minds that support how we feel. Reality is perspective. Mine just happens to be more flexible and chalked full of bizarre things.

It's also why I see a lot of things in a greyish murky tone. A grey world is easier to justify my sorrow in than a colourful one.

Not to imply that you're egotistical or selfish. Just that everyone is a little egotistical and selfish, and adjusts reality to reassure themselves that how they feel is justified. Myself included, especially considering the world will literally change in my eyes based on how I'm feeling.

I think this case may just boil down too the popular saying that "When you're single you notice everyone in a relationship, when in a relationship you notice everyone who is single".

Yes, we all are, to a certain degree. Otherwise we would be nonfunctional as individuals... Which isn't healthy...

A little ego is good. Too much is bad. Many have overindulged in it.

I remember learning this in class.
I misunderstood what you meant, I assumed you were refering to everyone mostly caring for themselves.
Not just everyone looks after basic needs and wants at times.

Though I do think most people usually if not always are looking out for themselves and themselves only (except maybe one or two people), I wouldn't label all people under it.

Most think it's malicious. It's not. It simply doesn't go through my head to do that. I wouldn't even notice, wouldn't even care.

Simply put: It's an example of human egotism to say that someone like me must have some rhyme or reason about why I would leave a stranger to bleed out and die pitifully. Simply? It wouldn't even occur to me to save that person unless I reminded myself to do so. Really, it would look more like this.

"Oh, that guys is bleeding to death." *Walks a few steps away* "...Oh, tsk, right." *Turns back* "Okay. Lets see what I can do to fix this."

Ah, I think I understand. It's just when most people have the thought come to them instantly, for you it may take a little bit longer for that to come to you, if it does.
Do I got it right?

You and I both. The only ones I catch quickly are typically gang-based ones, for obvious, survival reasons.

Both relationships I was in, was a result of the girl coming onto me, strongly.
A person usually needs to be very straightforward/obvious their intentions in relationships regards for me to catch on.
If you're doing the stuff like "I look quickly and gaze away" or "I inch a tiny bit closer", "I play hard to get", it's just going right over my head, I won't pick up on it.
And it wouldn't surprise me if people who might of tried that took it as a form of rejection.

Note: By strongly I do not mean 'strongly'. I mean they just made it very obvious, like they might as well of just outright said "I like you, want to go out?" and infact it pretty did become just that.

As for Gang ones, can't say that I do.
But what exactly do you mean by that anyways?

Aye. Which is why I can easily fool 99% of people into thinking I'm normal. Except that other 1% that's crazy like me, but still coherent and logical.

They see it.

I remember one day in a college class our teacher had read over the classes answers to a question on an assignment, and one of the questions as 'What do you think of those with mental disabilities?'.
I answered along the lines of, I am one of them, I relate, I don't see them as any different from myself etc.

While apparently almost the rest of the class pretty much said "They feel sorry for them"... *facepalm*

She quickly addressed this by playing a video of a famous autistic person named Temple Grandin, famous researcher, autism spokesperson and invented a device to kill cows painlessly.
In the video played she detailed autistic people learning social behaviours and cues like acting.

We were acting to learn these things, essentially learning these social ques and behaviours was acting which was largely what my autism therapy was like.
Learned how to read these things and learning how to 'act'.

And it seems to of worked for me at least, because no one I run into now suspects me of having autism. Except for one guy, and he was autistic too

And I do admit, I am a lot more my natural self when around others with Autism and other diagnosis's, while in a general public setting I tend to be very quiet, reserved, calm, keep to myself etc.