I like the last stanza a lot.
"While the wind howls low" is kind of awkward. Might want to tweak that a bit.
While it doesn't really have a clear translation, I still like it for the most part.
A lost path turns ever so slightly
Forked in the center and mysteriously torn
No place which to go
No lessons learned
Down the sunset road.
A blade of grass flickers
While the wind howls low
No hardships experienced
No challenges beat
Down the simple road.
A smile on another face
A heart beating quickly still
No sadness inside
No regrets and no pride
Down the helpful road.
I've lived and learned pain
Tragedy begins and ends in life
No pain too deep
No regrets I keep
I will never be alone.
Just a quick one I wrote up. I will post more once I hear some feedback. Hope you like it.
Really? Did you really just say that Zuk?
What?
Dude, you just said you would get with my mom.
Well, she IS hotter than your sister.
I like the last stanza a lot.
"While the wind howls low" is kind of awkward. Might want to tweak that a bit.
While it doesn't really have a clear translation, I still like it for the most part.
Originally Posted by Bladewind
Thank You! "The wind howls low" is meant to say the wind is making it's sounds on a low key. The whole poem is derived from life experiences: helping with no regret, a simple life with no challenges, a mysterious path with many choices...it can really be interpreted in many ways, but yeah...I will post more a bit later. Thanks for the feedback![]()
Really? Did you really just say that Zuk?
What?
Dude, you just said you would get with my mom.
Well, she IS hotter than your sister.
I understood the line, just found the phrasing a bit odd. But just my opinion. xD And I followed it, and kind of saw the other three stanzas as the different paths of life we all walk. Just random opinions I decided to throw at ya. No problem!![]()
Originally Posted by Bladewind