Naruto Uzumaki pulled his long winter coat closer and let out a heavy breath, watching it come out as a white puff in the cold air. With a tremor of cold, he gritted his teeth and had his eyes closed with a stubborn scowl, why did he have to go on this mission? It was cold outside and he would much prefer being bundled in his winter blankets on his bed with a hot cup of ramen and hot chocolate. But, reluctantly, Naruto had been put up onto this simple mission. Well, it wasn't exactly simple, he was delivering an important message from Tsunade to Gaara. He already delivered it, and he was halfway home, one last stop for the night at the nearest inn(hopefully one with a hotspring) and he would be home by tomorrow afternoon. He was almost completely sure Tsunade assigned this mission to him just to torture him in the cold, he hadn't had much else to do lately so he figured she threw this mission at him to give him something to do. And money to earn, but still.
As loud and annoying as he tried to be to her before leaving a few days ago, he didn't have much of a choice to do it. The worst part was over and all he had to do was tough it out until tomorrow. It'd all be better once he was in a warm bed and ready to sleep. He was just glad it wasn't snowing, but it wasn't quite that cold to snow yet. Perhaps by night when the sun's warmth was completely gone.
The blond shifted to walk more on one side of the dirt path to allow a man and his cart of things pass him easier. His deep blue eyes watched the man until he was almost out of sight. He was pale and dark haired, and it reminded him of Sasuke. His stomach clenched just from the thought of that man. His hands gripped into fists and he shoved them in his pockets as he glared down at his own feet, watching them walk, occasionally kicking a rock unintentionally with his shoe. Naruto never really had understood Sasuke very well when they were younger, he hadn't know how to understand him when he himself had never experienced the pain Sasuke went through. It was different now, after loosing his own friends like Jiryaya and the third Hokage. He could understand more of Sasuke; and for awhile he really did think he was coming close to being able to see on the same level of Sasuke.
But things had gotten far more confusing and had not cleared up at all for months. No matter how much he tried to think about it and figured out what was going on in that man's head. It happened well over a year ago, Naruto was in his own apartment one night, completely asleep. Sasuke had invaded his home that night, no one even knew he was in the village. It all happened so fast that for awhile Naruto wasn't even sure if he had dreamed it all or if it was real. When Sasuke had broke into his home and raped him. It was so long ago now that Naruto couldn't remember everything of it. But he recalled how it happened and what it felt like. It was painful, messy and weird. It felt good too but he hadn't paid much attention to it. He could remember the vivid shock when he realized who was doing it. Sasuke hadn't uttered a word, only grunts of the effort of moving his hips so rough and the groans of his own pleasure. Naruto couldn't remember much else of that night, he didn't remember if he said anything to Sasuke or what he did after.
He could remember the horrible pain in his hips and pelvis the day after, the only thing that showed him it had not been a dream. Often he wished it was. That wasn't the only time Sasuke paid a little visit to him either. He had done it many times now since then, at the most random times too. Naruto never knew when to expect it anymore. Sometimes Sasuke would show up late at night, or even right in the morning before he would even get up. The latter was one he hated the most; it was the worst way to start off his day with a throbbing ass and mixed feelings. Sometimes he'd already be waiting in his apartment all smug and angry that Naruto took so long to get home. He was still the same asshole, Naruto had tried to get Sasuke to stop and just tell him what the fuck was going on, but it normally just ended up in one of two things, either he had a dick shoved in his mouth to stop the talking, or some sort of bindings to keep him from being a struggling annoyance to the Uchiha.
Sometimes Naruto would have a small glimpse of hope Sasuke would have a change of heart and mind halfway through; but over a year and that had not happened once so Sasuke suddenly realizing what he was doing is totally wrong was out of the question. Naruto was just more confused than ever, why did Sasuke suddenly just decide he had the right to violate him whenever he felt to? Naruto didn't want this, he didn't want this at all... well, not like this anyway. He would have liked to have done this with Sasuke at some point of their lives, maybe when he'd finally be back in the village. But with consent from both of them, but just because Sasuke felt like it. The Uchiha wasn't at all gentle either, he was rough and brutal, just as he was in battle. Naruto was often left with bruises, bite marks and usually cuts from the battle and struggle beforehand, and his head sometimes felt sore from the amount of times Sasuke grabbed a harsh hand full of blond hair and yanked his head back or forward. Not to mention the soreness the day after- or sometimes only later on in the day. Sasuke wasn't exactly a small size to take raw.
With a loud sigh, Naruto's eyes turned up to make sure he was still going in the same direction. Sometimes; although reluctantly, Naruto would give in early and just let it happen without fight to get it over with quicker. However Naruto was sure Sasuke specifically took advantage of these times to make it extra long just to be an ass. Sometimes when he gave in early, he would... allow himself to enjoy it. It's not like it made much of a difference anyway right? Whether he struggled or not it always happened; he wasn't quite strong enough to fend Sasuke off. Sometimes it felt really, really good if Sasuke felt generous enough to focus on his pleasure too. Other times not so much. The entire ordeal was changing his life in a whole weird turn. He often found himself constantly looking around whenever he was alone, trying to find if those cruel eyes were watching him from afar or not. He was more jumpy than usual now, his dreams consisted of the first night replaying differently, meanwhile his daily live constantly thought back to Sasuke. So many things reminded him more and more of that stupid Uchiha. Be it the butt of a chicken or just some man who looked similar.
In all honesty, even as much as he dreaded the actual action of it, he often found himself sometimes... looking forward to it. To being able to see Sasuke, to feel his touch and know he was still doing okay. Naruto never felt right without Sasuke around, not even if all his friends were near. It wasn't the same without Sasuke. He didn't look forward to what would happen when Sasuke showed up, but he looked forward to seeing his face, or hearing the dark tone of his voice. He felt disappointed in himself more often than not. How could he be so attached to Sasuke after all of this? Almost a year full of begging him to stop and still he hadn't brought himself to hate him! To tell someone what was going on. Never had he spoken a word about it. He thought about it often, however. Maybe if he told Tsunade right after Sasuke would leave his apartment; they'd be able to track him quick enough and force him back into the village... but yet, he never found himself able to knock on that door to say anything. Was he growing attached to these 'visits'? Or was he afraid to explain what had been going on for over a year now?
"Or, maybe I'm just a moron after all... Stupid Sasuke!" He grumbled lowly to himself, looking back down again. It was difficult. It was difficult to deal with this and still grin at everyone else. He wanted to hurt Sasuke for it; punch him in the gut or something. But every time he saw Sasuke he just felt weak; weak in the heart and weak in physical body strength. He knew what his own feelings for Sasuke were; he'd realized them not too long ago, however he had no intention of admitting it to himself or Sasuke. He shouldn't love Sasuke, especially after all he'd done. And yet...
Tilting his head up, he gave a loud and frustrated groan. This freezing cold air wasn't helping himself feel any better about himself. Oh well, he could see the small town near by he could stop at to take a hot bath and get into bed. With luck he wouldn't have that damned Uchiha in his dream and he could just completely forget all about it and try to relax in his subconscious for awhile. Completely dismiss the thought.