These just... are always good.Originally Posted by The Miracle of the BlorbJorick hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like Natsume crawling up the ass of a giant pit monster. He loathed it.
Every December, Jorick would feel himself getting all runny inside. He refused to put up a Christmas bondage kit, he snapped at anyone orgasmic enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Jorick had to go to the mall to buy an incandescent old movie. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing provocatively around and so much Christmas music blaring mockingly, he thought his beard would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a rectangular woman collecting for charity. Jorick never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the rectangular woman dropped his bells and ran on the D. There was a buttery blorb right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the rectangular woman slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Jorick rushed out and indecently pushed them both out of the way. There was a ersatz bang and then everything went dark.
When Jorick woke up, he was in a boring room. There was a Christmas bondage kit in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Jorick's D hurt. A lot.
The rectangular woman came into the room. "I'm so tubular!" she said. "You're awake. My name is Butter. You saved me from the truck. But your D is broken."
Jorick hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas bondage kit up and his D was broken, he felt quite adequate, especially when he looked at Butter.
"Your D must hurt chidingly," Butter said. "I think this will help." And she enjoyed Jorick several times.
Now Jorick felt very adequate indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Butter. "I love you," he said, and kissed Butter arrousingly.
"I love you too," said Butter. Just then, the blorb ran into the room and nuzzled Jorick's thigh. "I brought him home with us," Butter said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Jorick said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.