... Drabble and Jorick's D

[Elendra]

These are ridiculous.

Favorite line of these two: "When Jorick came to, Butter was holding his D and looking runny."

They get better... and or worse.

Jorick woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one tubular box that looked like an old movie.

Then Jorick noticed that Butter was out of bed too. She must not have been able to wait for her presents either.

Jorick thought that he would surprise Butter. Maybe even sneak up behind her and slipped her on her boring D. That always made Butter adequate.

Jorick crept mockingly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its runny lights, and the presents, heaped up provocatively, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Butter. Kissing someone.

Jorick was so angry, he picked up a loofah from a table and threw it indecently on the D.

They both looked around.

"Butter, you buttery blorb!" Jorick yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Jorick looked and then rubbed his beard and looked again. It was Santa Claus.

"Let me explain," Butter said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course she had to give me a kiss. And what a rectangular kiss it was."

"Well, I suppose," Jorick said arrousingly. "If he was under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be incandescent."

That seemed reasonable. Jorick went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.

Santa was the best kisser ever, like Natsume crawling up the ass of a giant pit monster. He made Jorick's thigh feel all ersatz.

"You see?" Butter said chidingly and Jorick saw. So they had a threeway.

Everybody's presents were late.

[Jorick]

Bahahaha, threeway with Santa. Fuckin hot.

[Elendra]

Bahahaha, threeway with Santa. Fuckin hot.

My only regret is that it didn't include the word orgasmic.

[Card VII]

I'd like to request Drabble of inflated and over exaggerated racial stereotypes.

[Elendra]

Oh god

My sides

Jorick was walking through an adequate meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied an incandescent little blorb lying under a tree.

Jorick skipped over to see the dear thing and was ersatz to find that she was hurt! A bondage kit had pierced her orgasmic little beard and she whimpered provocatively with the pain.

"My boring little friend," Jorick said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the bondage kit, as arrousingly as he could. The blorb cried out and Jorick's heart ached, like Natsume crawling up the ass of a giant pit monster. "You'll be all right," Jorick whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Butter and you can live with me forever!"

Scooping Butter up in his arms, Jorick carried her home and made a bed for her beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Jorick nursed Butter, cleaning her beard and feeding her Loofah-brand blorb chow.

On the eighth night, Butter climbed into bed with Jorick. She burrowed under the covers and chidingly enjoyed Jorick's D. It made Jorick giggle and he cuddled close to Butter, stroking her thigh and singing indecently to her.

They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Jorick hurried home so he could curl up with Butter. It gave him a rectangular feeling whenever Butter enjoyed his D.

Then one night, Butter looked up at Jorick and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a tubular princess."

Jorick screamed mockingly, he was so surprised. How could a blorb talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.

"You're not dreaming," Butter said. "Kiss me."

"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Jorick said and kissed Butter on her thigh. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a tubular princess! With a crown and everything!

"I'm Princess Butter," she said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."

"Is it really you?" Jorick said.

"See?" Butter said and showed Jorick the scar from the bondage kit on her beard. Then she kissed Jorick and they tumbled on the D and did a lot of very runny things, some of them involving a buttery old movie.

"I love you," Butter said when they were done. Jorick clasped her close and they lived together happily ever after on all the princess treasure Butter had stashed away.

And if Butter didn't know about Jorick's visits to the blorb sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt her.

- - - Updated - - -

Also, yes, this does officially mean Blorbs rule 34 officially exists.

[Jorick]

Holy fuck, that might be the best one yet!

[Elendra]

I'd like to request Drabble of inflated and over exaggerated racial stereotypes.

Ask and ye shall receive.

Smiral and Foster were celebrating a homoerotic Valentine's Day together. Smiral had cooked a bootilicious dinner and they ate on the D by candlelight.

"My darling," Foster said, stroking Smiral's right nut, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Smiral. "It is but a racist token of my dirty love."

Smiral opened the box. Inside was a purple caramel! She gazed at it illegally. Then she gazed at Foster illegally. "It's completely black," Smiral said. "Come here and let me molest you."

Just then, a religious crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a black man who stole my bike. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a drunken voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Foster read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my sister."

They stared at each other orgasmically as the crone cackled some more. Smiral's afro began to tremble. Then Foster shrugged, pulled out a fried chicken, and hit the crone on her D. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Smiral said and kissed Foster painfully. "This is a subhuman Valentine's Day!"

They erotically burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they stole each other all night long.