They get better... and or worse.
Originally Posted by I Saw Butter Kissing Santa ClausJorick woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one tubular box that looked like an old movie.
Then Jorick noticed that Butter was out of bed too. She must not have been able to wait for her presents either.
Jorick thought that he would surprise Butter. Maybe even sneak up behind her and slipped her on her boring D. That always made Butter adequate.
Jorick crept mockingly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its runny lights, and the presents, heaped up provocatively, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Butter. Kissing someone.
Jorick was so angry, he picked up a loofah from a table and threw it indecently on the D.
They both looked around.
"Butter, you buttery blorb!" Jorick yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Jorick looked and then rubbed his beard and looked again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Butter said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course she had to give me a kiss. And what a rectangular kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Jorick said arrousingly. "If he was under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be incandescent."
That seemed reasonable. Jorick went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.
Santa was the best kisser ever, like Natsume crawling up the ass of a giant pit monster. He made Jorick's thigh feel all ersatz.
"You see?" Butter said chidingly and Jorick saw. So they had a threeway.
Everybody's presents were late.