Ellynara half smiled at him, "Oh, don't be silly, it is no burden. I'm not about to idle around while you take beatings."
She gave him an even look, "Yes, I know. I do not detest the women specifically, just the idea of a Mord Sith... how they are made, what they do... I thought Lord Rahl had changed all this, but I suppose when leaders fall people fall back on old habits." she shrugged, "I see. Maybe you and I can try to piece it all together? And I'm some of the wizards remember you."
She smiled at him, and shook her head, "No Meeru, what do you want? Surely you can you remember your favorite food?"
Wicked Witch Of The North
"I am not sure...I...think I liked pie, it is so blurry, but I can remember buying and eating pie before this whole thing started."
Meeru said as he struggled to remember, it was all flashes and tiny fragments, but he could see himself buying a pie in the marked, and he remembered sharing one with Ulyssia once before she became his Mistress.
"But I remember the pies had to be cut up...I do not eat anything round, well I can in an emergency I am called like I said and not gifted, but there are little quirks that comes with being a wizard after all."
Meeru gave another slight smile, he remembered an old wizard standing before a class of them and lecturing, it was him, three third orders and a gifted. The old wizard had told them to expect to get some quirks in their food habits as their magic developed. Meeru shook his head and as quickly as it had come the memory faded leaving only fragments behind.
Meeru regarded Ellynara for a moment then he begun to speak again.
"I have not been out of the Wizard's Keep that long...I can not tell you how many years but not ten, I am sure many at the Keep remember me, there is not that many of us. I think...I think that there where five men in my beginning class, there where other students at the Keep of course, but five of us who came around the same time. One of them was gifted, I am sure, then there was me who is called, and three choose to seek out magic."
Meeru lifted a thin hand to his mouth to bite his nails as he tried to remember.
"I...I...had a roommate named Jeremy Lakkermir, he choose magic and is a third order...I think."
Images flew past Meeru's mind of a sharp featured, sad eyed man with red hair, his wife and young daughter had been lost to a plague and so Jeremy had come to the Wizard's Keep to learn how to be a healer. As neither gifted nor called but simply one who had decided to learn magic he progressed slowly but Jeremy never gave up and sat long into the night studying trying in vein to keep up with his far more talented roommate. The memory of Jeremy was there but fleeting and Meeru shook his head.
"Everything from before I was broken just comes and go, the memories are there but I can not hold onto them, they slip by my fingers like sand Ellynara."
Meeru sigh and waited until the two of them begun to move towards the market, he did not start walking before the sorceress did, he could not bring himself to take charge or do much of anything without being told, even if he was beginning to trust that the young sorceress would not hurt him if he disobeyed her. Meeru kept his dark blue eyes submissively on the floor before him as he walked.
"I only remember flashes like I said from before I was broken, but I can tell you what my Mistress have told me of how I got here, though I myself only remember bits of this."
Meeru glanced up at Ellynara then down at the ground again.
"I met my Mistress in the village of Veldan, she was on an undercover mission to find some smugglers and I was apparently traveling the world to see some sights after my studies at the Wizard's Keep had ended. I fell in love with the woman Ulyssia, and she with me. I can remember fragments of this, not much but some and I remember being happy."
Meeru had gotten a faraway look in his eyes as he spoke.
"One day my Mistress completed her mission but she was wounded in the process, I wanted to heal her but she stopped me finally telling me what she was a Mord-Sith, I did not care, I loved her and when she got worse and would have died without magic I healed her anyway, willingly giving her control of my magic to save her life."
Meeru glanced up at Ellynara and then down as the floor again before he continued speaking.
"For two years we where together after that, as lovers not as Mistress and pet. Ulyssia never used the hold she had on me, and save accidents she never hurt me, I was with her of my own free will and I loved her more than life itself."
A tear rolled down the young wizard's cheek as he spoke. He could not remember everything of what he was speaking but he did remember the love he had for for the woman Ulyssia before she became his Mistress and tormentor, the love he still felt for her at least sometimes.
"One day however my lover came to me, she told me there was some Midland wizards causing trouble around the borders and she suspected me of knowing their names. I was not involved in their dealings but my Mistress was right I did know their names, one of them however was one of the men who had taught me at the Wizard's Keep and I could not betray him. Mistress tortured me, broke me and got the names out of me..."
Meeru shuddered, more tears flooded his eyes and he lifted one hand to wipe them away.
"I...she...my Mistress wanted to let me go afterwards, well she cold not let go of my magic but you know let me go back to my apartment in town to recover, but she was told no by her superiors, that since I had kept information from the D¨Harans I would be kept a pet and tortured until I died...and I do not know how long ago that is."
Meeru fingered the fabric of his reasonably clean shirt and glanced at the sorceress beside him.
"And that is all I know of how I got to be in this situation Ellynara, and most of it is what I have been told, and not what I myself remember."
Ellynara smiled and giggled, "Then we shall eat pie! Do you remember you favorite kind? I'll cut it for you. Go on, lead the way. We'll walk next to each other."
She watched him as he tried recalling his memories. And laid a hand on him to hep calm him with the aid of a bit of magic. She didn't want to disturb him. She frowned at him after he finished his story. Or at least what he remembered of it. "...That's all? They torture you for withholding some names from them? That's ridiculous! I'm getting you out as soon as I can, Meeru...If your mistress does indeed love you perhaps I could convince her to help as well. It doesn't sound like she actually wants to do what she does to you."
Wicked Witch Of The North
Meeru hesitantly lead the way towards one of the bustling marketplaces, merchants called out trying to convince everyone that their wears where the best, children nagged their mothers for treats, women oohed over fine fabrics and their husbands looked agonized over how much the silks and velvets would cost. Towards one corner of the busy market was the stall of a man who sold pies, the food was cold but from the amount of customers he got it was good. Meeru merely shook his head when Ellynara asked him what his favorite kind of pie was, he could not remember, all he knew was that he liked them, or at least he remembered eating them many times so he had to like them.
"Yes that is it, I would not give the names of some wizards causing trouble. being a magic user in D'Hara is dangerous, this is not the Midlands where magic might be feared but it is also revered and a citizen with magic is generally not treated any different than one without, with a few expeditions off course, a few dangerous exceptions, here however magic is feared and hated so if you put a foot wrong the Mord-Sith get you."
Meeru shivered again, he looked down as the leash that where dangering from the collar around his neck, when Ellynara mentioned speaking with his Mistress Meeru gave a sad smile.
"Mistress Ulyssia is Mord-Sith, duty is everything to her. I do think...I do think she love me, sometimes when she think I am sleeping she just lie there looking at me, and sometimes when I am hurt...badly she will hold me, I think that if she could choose she would let me go, but as long as her superiors tell her to keep me prisoner, that is what she will do."
Meeru looked down, a brief memory of Ulyssia just begging him to give her the names she was after so she would not have to hurt him flashed passed his memory.
"I do think you are right though...that my Mistress, or at least part of her do not like what she have to do to me..."
Meeru said and his voice sadly trailed off.
"But she have been conditioned to put duty before everything, they torture to death their own fathers to become what they are, I could never hope that she would spare me just because of a few years of love shared between us."
Ellynara shook her head, "Not as dangerous as you make it sound. D'hara has been ruled by a long line of wizards. And it's not like you were walking around throwing Wizard's Fire. I walk around here just fine. To anyone without the gift I am just a normal person. Simply withholding information is not a valid reason to torture you. If you were threatening people or something, then maybe, but you weren't."
"My mother once told me that what's done is done, and you cannot change it, but you can change the future. To shape your own destiny and face it with your head held high. To make my own decisions, because my life is mine alone." she looked at Meeru, "Duty is one thing, but blind loyalty is another. You've done no wrong, anyone with a decent sense of right and wrong could tell you you don't belong with a Mord Sith. I've lied occasionally, but I'm certainly not in chains for it."
Wicked Witch Of The North
Meeru gave a sad smile and he nodded slightly.
"Your words are kind Ellynara, and I do agree with you, my crimes do not warrant this, if they did warrant any punishment I have served that many times over now, my point is that it do not matter, if one of my Mistress's superiors told her to jump off a cliff she would ask if she should land with her head or her feet first. My Mistress do not care if I deserve this, her orders are to keep me as a pet, and so she do that."
Meeru sighed as he fingered the leash on his collar.
"I do not remember not from my studies. I remember the magic but that have become a part of me, but of the rest, very little, but I do remember one of my teachers talking about loyalty. One day, he said, many of you will serve a Confessor, you will protect her and if necessary die for her, but remember to be willing to die for loyalty is a good, commendable trait, to abandon your own morality and sense of justice in the process is not."
Meeru sadly shook his head.
"The Mord-Sith are themselves tortured until there is nothing left, only a insane sense of duty, a Mord-Sith do not ask if what she do is right or wrong, she do what her superiors tell her. It is just like I will follow any order my Mistress give, without question, I can do nothing else."
Meeru stopped and raised his head to look Ellynara in the eyes with his deep, sapphire blue eyes.
"You have shown me kindness sorceress where none else have and for that I owe you so much. You are kind and wise but if my Mistress told me to I would tear you to shreds with my magic without asking why or if it was right, I would just do it for what she command, I must obey. Deep down my Mistress is as damaged as I am she will hurt anyone she is ordered to, and never ask why."
Meeru looked quickly down again, he shivered with his Mistress such an outburst would have earned him a long and painful punishment, the young wizard nearly whimpered where he stood, not completely accepting that Ellynara would not harm him.
"If you want to speak with my Mistress about it, I do not think it will do any harm, but I do not think it will do much good either...if she was going to listen, and be convinced to let me go, she would not have done all this to me in the first place."
Meeru added in a meek voice.
Ellynara pushed a lock of blonde hair out of her face behind her ear, "Because she knows nothing else now. She thinks D'hara is her whole life when it is only part of it. Home is where your heart is, and if what you say is true, that is you...." Ellynara shrugged, then held her dress up a bit with her hands to keep from tripping on it, "Perhaps she just does not have the courage to stand up to her superiors. It's long beaten out of her. She's become a sheep. Maybe she simply needs a push in the right direction. I suppose you two are the same in that. Two sides of the same coin.... Deep down, however, I think she does care. She is just as scared as you are. If she didn't she wouldn't have allowed me to heal you or even spend time talking with you. She would've simply let you die, would she not?"
Ellynara met his gaze and smiled back, she spoke in a gentle voice, "It is the least I can do, Meeru. You've been through so much. But I want to show you that there is light in the darkness. Life is a wonderful thing and you should not waste it. You deserve a good life just as much as anybody else. Even a Mord Sith. You are a wizard of the Keep. A powerful one even. But most of all, you should remember that you are a person. Just as I am, and just as your Mistress is. I want you to start thinking again." she ignored his note on ripping her to pieces. He might've been stronger in Additive magic, but she also had Subtractive at her disposal. She knew the basics of how to combine them for devastating effects, taught to her by her mother. She wasn't as strong as her mother though. Not knowledge wise, at least. Yet. She still had much to learn. But she certainly wasn't weak. Besides, it was more how you used it than pure power.
"I will speak to her when she comes back, perhaps I can talk some sense into her. After that I'll find some horses and depart for Aydindril."
Wicked Witch Of The North
Meeru looked out into nothing for a moment and his voice was cold and sacred, and yet matter of factly when he finally did speak.
"That a Mord-Sith try to keep their pet alive have nothing to do with love, there is no fun in a pet that is dead. You know why they teach the Mistresses the Breath of Life? So they can easier keep a prisoner alive longer for more torture, it is a sport for them to keep their pets alive through unimaginable torture, the dead can after all not feel pain, not pain given in this life at least. You know one of the most painful thing a Mord-Sith can do to you is to put her Agiel in your ear."
Meeru touched his own left ear and shivered.
"It do something to your brain and you have to keep completely still when she do it or you will die or be maimed. The pain when this is done is...indescribable."
Meeru stopped talking and for a moment he seamed lost in bad memories and when he spoke again his voice was shaking.
"Now sometimes when a Mord-Sith is tired of her pet she will invite one of the other Mistresses and they will both put their Agiel in his or her ears, this is always fatal but it is said to be a most horrific way to go, the Mord-Sith always try to find a way to get their pet to survive it though, they would be delighted to have a magic user survive so they could do that to someone again, and again, and again."
Meeru got a tired and defeated look in his dark eyes then he shook his head.
"Forgive me Ellynara, I do not mean to tell you all these disturbing things, my point is just that a Mord-Sith wanting her pet to live is no real indication that she cares, they all do, however I do think you are right, I do think my Mistress care about me, but that she do not know how to not do what she have been trained for."
Meeru looks down again studying his long, slender fingers.
"I can not begin to think again Ellynara, forgive me, but I am not strong enough. Talking with you now, today is a respite, and a welcome one. Your kindness and well wishes warms my tied soul and I will always be grateful to you for it, perhaps I even allow myself to hope, if just a little that you can do it, that you can somehow get me free, however until that happens I still wear this collar around my neck, and when our pleasant morning here is over I have to go back to my Mistress and then any disobedience will be met with pain, any questioning of her orders will be met with pain, I will cry, beg and grovel and it is easier to just obey and not think, to abandon pride and rebellion and just endure than to fight back, I have long since lost the will to do that."
Meeru sigh he fingered his leash again and shook his head.
"Even hearing what you have said about the Mistresses Ellynara, calling them sheep fill me with dread, I know I will confess to hearing it and not protesting and I will be tortured for it. I am nothing sorceress, nothing, I am a dog whimpering at my Mistress feet and if I where to think as well when I have to endure that it would be more than I could bare, so I just, obey and endure, there is nothing more I can do."
Meeru tiredly sat down on one of the many benches dotting the marketplace he did not lift his eyes of the ground anymore and he had a haunted look about him.
"I hope my Mistress will somehow agree to your words, or if not that someone at the Wizard's Keep will aid me, but until this collar is off my neck and I am free I will not dare to think, disobey or hope to much, there is only so much pain I can take, emotional and physical. Forgive me sorceress, I am afraid I can not comply with your advice, good as it might be."
Meeru gave that slight, sad smile of his again.
"But I am afraid I am not being much good company...perhaps we for a moment, should discuss a happier topic...there is one thing about sorceresses I have always wondered, may I ask a question of you?"
Ellynara tilted her head to the side, "I know what they do. But different reasons can still produce the same result. Some do fall in love, rare though it may be. I know of one case, although it was before my time."
She shook her head and smiled, "I refuse to believe that. You can and will. Hope comes from human will. And I will get you out of here one way or another, I promise you that. Also from my experience the easy road is never the right road. Better to die with your head held high than just laying down for it. You will be strong, I will help you regain your pride and your freedom. And I will do my best to convince her. Whether she does or not is irrelevant, however."
Ellynara stopped, sat down next to him, and gently took his hand, "Certainly, Meeru. What is it?"
((Short post, I know. Sue me. lol))
Wicked Witch Of The North
Meeru did not protest, but he still looked doubtful over Ellynara's suggestion that he hold his head high and start to think for himself, that was easy to say when you where not under an Agiel, but Ellynara meant well and she had thankfully never been subject to the tender ministrations of a Mord-Sith so she would not know how it was, there was no point in arguing the topic. At least the sorceress assurances that she would get him free filled him with hope, Meeru did not dare quite believe she would be able to do what she said, but he did allow himself hope.
Meeru glanced at Ellynara a bit nervously when the sorceress took his hand, he was not used to kind human contact anymore, but he did not pull away.
"I have met a few sorceresses."
Meeru begun, he knew that was true though he could not remember their names or faces.
"What I have always found curious is that every one of them where gifted. Among us, wizards I mean we have three categories, so to speak, we have the gifted, those born with the gift, and then we have those with the calling like me who know in our bones magic is what we want to dedicate our lives to but who lack the gift itself, and then we have those who simply have a desire to learn for whatever reason but who neither have the gift or a calling for magic. Now among wizards those who have the calling and those who just wish to learn greatly outnumber the gifted but I have never met a sorceress with the calling, or just the desire to learn."
Meeru got a curious look in his eyes, magic fascinated him and talking about it seamed to perk him up.
"Now I know that there are many different types of magic users in the world and some uses vastly different kinds of magic than us, but wizards and sorceresses we are the same, we both use our Han, and while there is gender differences making it difficult to train someone of opposite gender what we do is basically the same, so it should be possible for someone ungifted to learn what you do as well, and yet I have never met a sorceress who is ungifted, do that not occur among your kind? Do you not have the called and those who just want to learn?"