Nodding, she exited the turbo-lift, not looking back at him. She sure as hell wanted more details, and she could come up with many things he could do to "help" her. Licking her lips at her thoughts, her stomach growled in not only carnal hunger, but for that of food. Natalie had skimped out on food for too long now, it was time to eat up. Making her way to the cafeteria, she ordered herself a steak with a side of corn and mashed potatoes. Slowly, she devoured the whole plate of it's contents, downing the meal with a tall glass of water.
Eyes flickered towards the window, watching as many stars zoomed by and clusters of galaxies resonated in the distance. So many planets. So many lives. Each and every creature doing what it could for survival in this more-than-likely doomed quadrant. Crew members surrounded her, talking amongst themselves, but not as much as usual. For the most part, they all sat there in silence, brooding. Growing bored of this scene, Natalie left her dishes on the table and made her way back to her quarters.
Natalie closed her eyes, feeling the smoke trace along the edges of her throat, only to be exhaled out slowly.
This time, she inhaled deeply, the smoke traveling all the way to her lungs, filling her up with its warmth and its poison. Quickly exhaling, she took another drag. Opening her eyes, she stared up at the smooth ceiling, watching the smoke circle its way towards it. Natalie was laying on the floor on her back, her feet propped up on the edge of her bed. She had taken her uniform off, down to her underwear. She felt the chill of her cold room, tickling up her spine.
Done with her ciggie, she smashed the butt into an ash tray by her side on the floor. Pinching the fat in her stomach, she felt nauseous. Her head throbbed in pain as she came to a sitting position, and then stood up. She still had hours to go before she was due back on the bridge. Making her way towards the bathroom, she knelt down before the toilet and proceeded to stick her finger in her mouth.
The tip of her single digit ran along the length of her tongue until it reached the back of her throat, pressing down against it, causing her to gag. Small bits of her meal were regurgitated into the toilet water, sinking to the bottom. Unsatisfied, she shoved her fingers back in again, more forcibly this time to cause a bigger gag until eventually she was throwing up normal amounts. She repeated this ritual until all she spat out was acid and her stomach was empty.
Flushing the toilet, she watched the contents slide down the pipe before the bowl was refilled with fresh water. At the sink she rinsed out her mouth, brushing the stuck bits out with minty toothpaste which she scrubbed along her tongue carefully. Rinsing once more, she stared at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were droopy and darkened with stress, her skin losing its once natural glow.
Retrieving another ciggie, she lit it carefully and brought it to her lips, taking a long drag before slumping onto her bed tiredly. Her previous bathroom experience had been exhausting and didn't take as much time as she had hoped. Setting her alarm, she quickly finished up her cigarette before tucking herself into her soft sheets and taking a nap.
They flutter behind you, your possible pasts
Some bright eyed and crazy, some frightened and lost
A warning to anyone still in command
Of their possible future to take care
Natalie was half-way awake, the song of her alarm present in her dream, slowly waking her up. She could still see the bloodshed in her dream, explosions of ship hulls with the music in the background.
In derelict sidings the poppies entwine
With cattle trucks lying in wait for the next time
Stretching, she exited the dreamworld completely, her mouth opening in a long yawn. Anxiously she waited to sing along with the chorus.
"Do you remember me? How we used to be? Do you think we should be closer?" Rubbing her eyes, she slid out from beneath the covers, shivering from the cold air. She had fallen asleep in her underwear. Now she just had to find her uniform. Sliding to the edge of the bed, she looked beneath it, seeing nothing.
The song continued to play as she got out of bed, looking around the room for where she had thrown the uniform. Finally, she found it slumped over the edge of her chair. Her blind throw had gone farther than expected. Slipping into it, she listened for the chorus to start up again as she made her way to the bathroom.
Stepping up boldly one put out his hand
He said, "I was just a child then, now I am only a man"
Washing her face, she rid it of the makeup, smeared from her tossing and turning in her sleep. Re-applying it, she sang along with the last verse. "By the cold and religious we were taken in hand, shown how to feel good and told to feel bad. Strung out behind us the banners and flags of our possible pasts lie in tatters and rags." Yawning, she used the toilet and washed her hands before spritzing a ton of perfume on to cover up the stench of smoke. Departing, she made her way to the bridge.