Spam, I need some serious advice

[♠Ace♠]

His father is obviously on a self-destructive path and doesn't care to end his little escapades until he absolutely has to, and that won't happen if he can still keep leeching off of his son's goodwill and vehicle. Jim will end up losing everything if Jero does not end his being used by his father, and in the end he will be dragged down into the mud by his father as he makes one last attempt to keep his fun times rolling. They'll end up with nothing, living in a shitty apartment or trailer, with no car.

[Scribz]

I don't qualify to give much other advice besides, "get out. Now."
Shit's gonna hit the fan. You can't help them get out (referring to the little bro) if you're stuck in the same mess.
Good luck, whatever you do.

Good life lesson.

[Walker of Darkness]

As much as I know this type of situation, I'm sorry that I can not help with any advice. I have a similar situation of my own and have yet to find a solution to it myself. I wish you both the best of luck, however, as I know just how destructive these things can become to all those involved.

[Myyt]

I know some of you are going to give me bullshit answers, but a few will actually be thoughtful. I would prefer the adults to answer this one. Haha

Here goes:

Jero, or Dicklesworth as you lot know him, and I have been dating for 5 years in May. We are both 20 years old and are planning on continuing our future together through marriage and all that jazz. His mother passed away three years ago, with her mother following a year later. Both from suicides and both leaving the family in a mess. After their deaths, his father was able to have a bunch of money (not anything they ever struggled with) and fixed up the house and even got himself a girlfriend a year after his wife passed away. Every since this girlfriend came along, Jero's dad (we'll call him Jim) has been really using her for nothing but sex and she has been using him for money.

Over time, Jim started to have less and less money and the internet would start being cut off due to un-paid bills every month and eventually their cellphones. There were three family vehicles. A car that was Jero's mothers that ultimately became his car after her death (in Jim's name), Jim's truck, and a car that was the grandmothers that didn't run (in Jero's name). On the side, Jim sold a certain plant smoking product that always brought shady people into their home and at times, I would be scared to stay over at the house. It was just bad company. (Note: Jero is against his dad's habit and doesn't partake.)

The other family members are Jero's older brother, we can call him Carl, who was able to quickly move out and get married after him mom passed, and a younger brother who is 13 and over 300lbs, we'll call him Evan. Carl has a good head on his shoulders and is pretty damn intelligent. Evan, on the other hand, is lazy and can be violent. Jero and I are under the impression that he will end him in Juvie if he doesn't change his behavior.

Time to go back to the Jim and his girlfriend. Jim would often leave the house for a week at a time to spend time with his girl. This would leave Jero to practically take care of Evan and be like a father, except Evan doesn't listen to anything Jero says. After Jim wrecked the truck on one of his weekly visits, he began to use Jero's mother's car and basically left Jero at home to deal with his brother (who at this time was expelled from school and was dealing with court). Jero even tried to go to college, but Jim wouldn't allow it and always threatened to call the law if Jero even raised his voice. This isn't an exaggeration, though I wish it was.

Now comes the big problem: After spending money on his girlfriend and his habit, Jim couldn't afford house of car payments. The house is under foreclosure and both vehicles that were in Jim's name were repo'd, leaving Jero's car to become his dad's. Jim put in a new engine and other car things and got the car to running as good as new, but isn't bothering about the other vehicles.

At one point, Jero and I were going to move into his grandmother's trailer, but after learning we would have to go through a bunch of legal matters with her ex-husband, that idea was quickly thrown out the window.

So, my question, Adults of Spam, is a pretty tough one to ask. I have asked if it would be possible for Jero to move into my parent's home and live with us. It would certainly give him more opportunities and he wants desperately to go to college, but he can't figure out how to supply the funds. I know he can claim independent, but doesn't that also involve legal matters, too? Another deterrent is that Jim has his car. It is legally in Jero's name, but he can't just take it and leave Him without a car.

Second, any advice on how Jero can basically stick up to his dad and say that he's getting out (when the time comes that he is actually able)? This whole thing is messy and I hate it. But if you can help us out, thank you. If you just took the time to read this, thank you. But this is really bugging the both of us and it's effecting our futures.How can we (Jero) get out of this mess without making it too...messy?


You could, also, just explain what you would do in this situation without really giving advice at all.

What I would do:

1) Jero takes his car, leave the son of a bitch to fend for himself.

2) Move in with your mom if you want to. Is Jero 18? If he is, he doesn't have to go through any legal matters, he just gets up and goes. When filing taxes he's independent blah blah blah.

3) Cut of relations with his dad until he feels like he's ready to get involved with that mess again. Preferably when he's financially set w/e. When he leaves his dad will have to spend more time with Evan or else he'll watch his son go to jail. Simple as that. They may be family but there comes a point when you gotta put yourself first. Once you've got yourself situated, then you can start thinking of others. It's not healthy to live like that. Let others lay in the bed they'll make, don't let them drag him down.

Feel free to PM me or what not if you need more advice.

[Turtlicious]

I'm gonna be tough here, and it's going to sound awful. (This is about the 13 year old,) let the little shit call the law, false allegations happen all the time and honestly a week or two in a group home would teach that little fucker about the real world. Tell Dicklesworth to bail out, honestly all that closure stuff while "healthy" tends to create spirals and schisms. If the stuff is his, (by his, I mean in his name,) and he's above 18, have him pack his bags and leave. As an adult there is no legal reason for him to stay, and if he leaves he can call Child Protective Services, explain the situation to them and then take off. He has no responsibility to a kid who is going to drag everyone down with him, and he sure as hell has no responsibility to a Dad who's using meaningless sex to work through his grief. Those people are fucked and if Dicklesworth really wants to get on with his life and make something better for himself he needs to remove himself from that enviroment. Everyone reason that he throws at you can be combatted with, "and how is that your problem"

"He's my brother!" So you'll let him exhaust you until you're an empty shell?

"I can't leave my Dad stranded!" Because he's looking out for you right now right?

"They're Family," What am I? I can't stand to see you do this to yourself day in and day out. It's killing you, it's killing us and it's killing this relationship.

"You're making me choose between my family and you?!" No, I'm making you choose between dysfunction and function.

Sadly, the days where you can grit your teeth and "muscle through things" are long gone, society has tailored us a certain way and we're ill equipped for the social injustices we have to face in life. Try to make sure he understands why the decision is important before he makes it or he'll lash out against you and the people around him when inevitably the consequences come. The kid is also probably acting out because he's just lost his mother and grandmother and now the person he needs to turn too (his Father,) has become reclusive and emotionally unavailable, but really that's nothing some adderal couldn't fix.

[TP]

Well, while reading this I was coming up with all kinds of points and things to say. And then, I read the thread and everything I would've said has already been said.

So, I'll leave with hoping everything gets straightened out. You got my number and my inbox on here and FB is always open. :3

[Azarthes]

I FEEL A NEED TO MAKE UP FOR THE LACK OF BULLSHIT HERE

KILL JERO
KILL HIS FATHER
KILL EVAN
EAT CARL
WRECK ALL THE CARS WITH YOUR FUCKING BEAST
SMOKE ALL OF THE WEED
IF GOLDDIGGING GIRL IS HOT, MAKE PRONZ, IF NOT, KILL
COMMIT SUICIDE