Basic Training: TheDesperado and Skallagrim

[Skallagrim]

Close Quarter Combat: Noun1. close-quarter fighting - hand-to-hand fighting at close quarters fighting, combat, fight, scrap - the act of fighting; any contest or struggle; "a fight broke out at the hockey game"; "there was fighting in the streets"; "the unhappy couple got into a terrible scrap"

Please post your entrance/stance for me. Describe the character/weapons and some of the setting/scenery. Do it all in one paragraph between 4-10 sentences.

[TheDesperado]

(I used notepad to type it. From there. I had 10 lines cutting it close. If you have notepad copy and paste it there you will see the 10 lines hopefully. I tried my best doing what I can with I had. Not sure why it has 6 lines here for.)

It's mid day. Sun is going down.The wind blows mutipul trees.And the short grass. Sounds of the forrest is heard. Birds chippering, a wood pecker, hitting the wood of a tree close by. But the sound is soon closed off by foucsing on this current scene. The chracter now first seen Walking calmly and ordly fasion on the grass. He stops. His black leather boots, true blue jeans, a gun hoster on his right thigh. a black belt with a golden skull like plate hooked on the middle. With his belt. His black shirt, matching his mid length curly hair and brown eyes. His caucasian skin. The charcter having both eyes and a mellow look on his face. His forms his fighting stance. In a boxing defense stance. Both forearms covering his ribs and chest. With both fist up to his chin. The right infront of the left. Now a look ready to fight.

[Skallagrim]

(I used notepad to type it. From there. I had 10 lines cutting it close. If you have notepad copy and paste it there you will see the 10 lines hopefully. I tried my best doing what I can with I had. Not sure why it has 6 lines here for.)

It's mid day. Sun is going down.The wind blows mutipul trees.And the short grass. Sounds of the forrest is heard. Birds chippering, a wood pecker, hitting the wood of a tree close by. But the sound is soon closed off by foucsing on this current scene. The chracter now first seen Walking calmly and ordly fasion on the grass. He stops. His black leather boots, true blue jeans, a gun hoster on his right thigh. a black belt with a golden skull like plate hooked on the middle. With his belt. His black shirt, matching his mid length curly hair and brown eyes. His caucasian skin. The charcter having both eyes and a mellow look on his face. His forms his fighting stance. In a boxing defense stance. Both forearms covering his ribs and chest. With both fist up to his chin. The right infront of the left. Now a look ready to fight.

Alright, then. Let’s look at this and see what we can do. First, is it mid-day or is the sun setting. Those are two different times. Second, nice you have the ten lines, this can be cleaned up, and look like this:

The late afternoon sun started its descent as the gentle breeze blows through the trees and grass. Birds chirped and a woodpecker knocked on a tree close to the man who was clearly not natural to the forest. Black leather boots, blue denim jeans and a gun belt slung low around his hips, the holster on his right thigh. The thick belt holding his jeans to his hips, framed a gold skull buckle. His onyx shirt matched his curly hair, falling mid-length around his face, where brown eyes held the clam of a Zen master. The dark clothes off-set his pale skin, and on first glance gave the appearance of an apparition. With practiced ease, he assumed a boxing stance, fist up near his chin, elbows tucked in close to his body, his right hand slightly forward of the left.

A response to your action:

It had been a glorious day, the goldenrod glow cast by the setting sun filtered through the trees, highlighting the life that hid in the trees. Birds singing and a lone woodpecker hammering loudly. Carl cast smoky grey eyes upon the man walking towards him, a grimace spread across his lean face. Cracking his neck he rose from his seated position, his baggy shorts and Hawaiian shirt, rumpled from laying about. Thick-soled hiking boots stamped on the ground as he assumed a simple stance, his long, dirty blonde hair shook with each impact. Sliding his left leg back, his right forward, knees bent Carl inhaled slightly. Raising his hands half-closed, his left close to his check the right a few inches away from his face, elbow tucked close to his lean, muscular core. “’Sup brah…” He said at the new comer.

[TheDesperado]

So I need think of it more of anmie style then real?

[Skallagrim]

I am confused. What in my post do you perceive as not realistic?

[TheDesperado]

"the goldenrod glow cast by the setting sun filtered through the trees, highlighting the life that hid in the trees."

I guess I kinda saw that part more anmie. I understand i need to read it out in my mind first. Before typing. What do you think I need to work on the most?

[Skallagrim]

Well you have the basis for good detail, I like the way you added the touches about the character that made him more than a flat character. I think that you can blend the detail so that you can pack more punch in a sentence and make it more vivid and memorable.

I want you to make a basic attack. I want to see what you do to write out the action.

[TheDesperado]

Same chracter and setting?

[Skallagrim]

Yes. We will continue with this for a bit.

[TheDesperado]

I realize I didn't go in detail where the other three bullets didn't go or hit. But since this is training.

Standing completely still. Both arms and hands down to his waist. Feet spead inchs from each other. Yet his feet are at the same angle. He seemed to be frozen. The weather seems to be perfect at the moment. The birds has stopped singing. The woodpecker stopped hitting the wood. Just then, he made a smirk. Right right brow going down. Quckly he pulled out his his steel 44. Magnum revolver. From the hostler and shot without, taking the serious time to aim. The gun was loud enough to be ehno though out the forrest. Loud at first, yet getting lower and lower. A foolish action indeed. yet having the smarts to keep three bullet in the chamber. Sprinting to the nearest tree, on the right. He covered leaning his back against the tree with his back. Taking a loud deep breath. While holding the gun up wih both hands on the trigger. Out and to his chin. Evenly.