Friends Forever

[TheBouquineuse]

“Don't be silly Ember,” Maria called down, shaking her head at her friend's concern. What did the other girl think she was going to do, fall? Jump? The idea didn't scare her or anything, but she would never do such a thing without saying goodbye first. “I'm not going to fall or anything.” She rolled her eyes. It was really annoying when people told her to finish her sentences, because sometimes she couldn't. She knew that whatever she was going to say after she stopped would just annoy or upset them. So she ignored the question and stayed silent for a few moments.
.
Why didn't she just tell Ember? Why didn't she just break down right now and cry for once in her whole damn life? Why didn't she just act normal and deal with her problems like a normal girl? She'd been trying so hard to be a normal girl. This was her best friend, not her teacher or her family. Friends weren't supposed to lie to each other or hide things from each other.
.
The problem was that Maria didn't know what was wrong with her. She had no idea why she was so upset all of the time. She was just selfish. She had a nice family, a good home; everything she needed. Ember was the one who had an excuse to be upset. God, her mom had CANCER. Maria was a selfish little brat. She didn't even deserve what she had. She pulled down her skirt as the wind blew past and displaced it. Her mom had been so happy when she'd picked this up from the store. Then the woman had confided something in her; she'd been terrified that Maria was a lesbian. It struck her as weird that her mom would say such a thing to a 13 year old, but it also told her the truth. Her mom would never be okay with her being different. That had been nearly a month ago. She leaned forwards (dangerously so) and looked down. “Hey...” She took a deep breath and bit down hard on her lower lip “You know you're my best friend, right?”

[MurderVictim]

Ember tilted her head, almost curious. "Yeah...Of course! And you're mine!" She smiled, clearly feeling a little better at being told that she wasn't going to jump or anything. Maria was such a good friend to her, she didn't know what she'd do without her. To Ember, Maria was a good person with a lot to live for. Yeah, she was a little pushy and different, but who cared? Ember certainly didn't. At that thought, she looked to the small ladder that lead up to the roof, no doubt what Maria had used to get up there. One had to wonder why they put that there, especially at a middle school. She supposed it was for the maintenance workers, so they wouldn't need to carry a ladder of their own everywhere. Still...Not the best of ideas.
.
Taking in a deep breath, Ember took hold one of the low rungs, pulling herself up one rung at a time. She hated heights so much, hated the very idea of taking her feet off solid ground. But...Maria needed her. She couldn't hold herself back because of a stupid fear when her best friend in the whole world needed her! Eventually, she made it to the top, slowly and cautiously making it to the edge. She was clearly scared, yet tried to erase the look from her face when she made it to Maria, sitting beside her. At least now it'd be easier to talk.

[TheBouquineuse]

Watching her friend come up the ladder, Maria stayed perfectly silent. It was a rather warm day and so she was wearing a simple skirt and t-shirt. However, she felt completely naked; having someone else here when she felt like she was about to start crying any minute. Having Ember see her cry would be the most humiliating thing ever. And so she held her breath for a few seconds, dug her nails into her palm, and kept herself perfectly still. The terrible aching in her stomach associated with holding in tears didn't go away, but it didn't threaten to burst and send her into complete breakdown-mode as it sometimes did. It was like there was a dam inside of her; one that got weaker and weaker every time it burst. “You don't have to come up here y'know... uhm... I know that you don't like heights and... I-” She crossed her arms tightly as if trying to hold herself together. It was so nice of the other girl to come up here when she was afraid. And it was so selfish of Maria for making her do it.
.
The taller girl got off of the ledge and onto the roof, aware that Ember would be much less afraid with a two foot ledge protecting her then actually on the ledge and leaned against said ledge, hugging her knees up to her chest. “I'm sorry. I just...” She took a deep, unstable breath. Her bottom lip quivered, and the pressure became less of an emotional pain and more of a physical one. She dug her nails into her palms again, not even bothered when she broke skin and stopped talking, knowing that if she started, the dam would break.

[MurderVictim]

Ember quietly looked at her, studying her face before letting her gaze trail down to the other girl's palms. She wasn't surprised to see Maria's nails dug into her skin, expecting it after seeing her current behavior. Sitting beside her, she left a respectful distance of three of four inches between them, not wanting to crowd her. Ember hated when people did that...Being too close to her when she was upset. The least she could do was give Maria the same courtesy she would have liked. "I know I didn't have to come up here...But I wanted to. Now we don't have to shout." She smiled, though it was small and only lasted a few short moments. After it was gone, she looked to the cement they sat upon, using a couple fingers to flick away a small rock. "Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything wrong." Looking back up at Maria, she frowned a bit at the sight of the broken skin on her palms.
.
"But...I wish you'd stop that." Gently reaching out, she gingerly took hold of one of her friend's hands, trying to unravel her fingers. "You don't have to hold anything in, you know. I won't judge you...I never do." She paused. "But if you want me to go away, I will." She just wanted to give Maria someone to talk to, like she did to her. They were always there for each other, no matter what. That was just how good of a friendship they had, but Ember wasn't going to push her.

[TheBouquineuse]

Maria unclenched her hands and quickly shook her head no. The last thing she wanted was to be alone right now. She was terrified that if Ember left her, she would some how get up the courage to jump. “Please don't go,” She said quietly, anxious that if she didn't speak up, Ember wouldn't pay attention. She knew that this wouldn't happen, but lately she'd been getting nervous over a whole lot more then was normal. This had made her do a lot of dumb things that she was sure Ember would be mad about. She'd stopped studying, sure that she was too dumb to get the work anyway. She'd stopped eating so much, afraid that she was gaining a figure (the last thing that she wanted), even though she hadn't even started developing. She'd also stopped talking to people who werent Ember, as she was always tripping over her words around them.

.
“I... I um...” She broke at that point, hugging her knees so tightly that it hurt, trying to stop herself from crying despite the fact that tears were streaming down her face. “I don't know what's wrong with me,” she confessed. “I'm just rotten inside. I know it! I mean... my life is perfect!” She slammed her hands down on the concrete angrily, ignoring the stinging. “I don't deserve to be upset, I don't deserve to be so selfish, and I don't deserve to have you as a friend...” Maria turned her head away from Ember and looked down at the concrete, “Everything would be better off if I were dead.”

[MurderVictim]

Ember was silent the entire time, stunned by her final words. She tensed, gnawing on her bottom lip as she shook her head. Almost in a panic, she scooted in front of her, trying to get Maria to look at her without touching her. "N-No! Don't say that...Please!" She trembed a bit, trying not to show just how scared she was. "Nothing would be better with you dead! Everything would be worse without you. Of course you deserve me as a friend! You're my best friend, and nothing could ever change that!" She fumbled with her hands, trying to find something else to say. "I don't know what exactly is going on with you...But that's okay. You don't have to explain it to anyone if you don't want to. Just know that you have a right to be upset if you feel upset. It doesn't matter if you have everything in the world, it's still okay to feel more than just happy. I mean...I don't have a very bad life, and I still feel sad sometimes. I think it's normal."
.
She was starting to get nervous, hoping she wasn't making her friend feel worse. Glimpsing up, she saw her tears, hesitating slighly before reaching forward and swiftly wiping some away. "My mom always tells me that crying is a good thing. It helps get your feelings out, instead of having them build up and make you feel worse. Next time you need to cry, just let it out. No one will think any less of you." She smiled at her again.

[TheBouquineuse]

At that moment, Maria wanted to curl up and disappear. She'd said too much and was probably coming off as some sort of attention hog already. How was she supposed to backpedal from this? Gosh, she'd said the word dead. When people wished to be dead, other people always got super worried and tried to 'help them' by sending them places and making them see doctors and other stuff that she didn't understand. Maria had read enough books to understand how adults worked, and the thought of Ember treating her like that made her want to take it all back. She took a deep breath and attempted a smile. “I'm sorry,” she began, until she felt Ember's hand on her face. Something about that made her heart skip a beat and something about THAT made her want to disappear even more. At the rest of what the other girl said, she shook her head and looked up at the clouds.
.
“Not everyone cries though,” she pointed, as if she were saying something ordinary, like 'it's nice out,' or 'not everyone likes chocolate'. “My brother never cries. Ever.” She watched a small group of birds fly over the school. She idolized her brother more then anything. He was big, strong, handsome, and he was happy. She never saw him cry or even smile. And it broke her heart when she couldn't go places with him because 'she was a girl' or 'she should have a female role-model.' And so she tried being the best girl she could for him, and it just made her feel lost and depressed.

[MurderVictim]

"But you're not your brother...You're you." Ember moved back, her hands retreating to her sides. She never quite understood why people idolized others so much, when they had their own lives to live. Then again, she didn't really have a role model, aside from her mother. But that was different...She didn't try to copy what she did, or hold her up higher than she deserved. She was just...Her mom. The wonderful person who had raised her and taught her to be a respectful, kind person. But she didn't think of her as any more. She loved her, of course, but that was it. And she certainly didn't look up to her father or own brother. A man who always seemed sad and depressed, and a lunatic. Even at her young age she knew that would be a mistake.
.
"I'm sure he cries sometimes," she added, though that statement was more curious than anything. She couldn't think of anyone who never cried. Her own brother never seemed to cry, but she was sure he did sometimes, especially now when he wasn't allowed to come home. Ember shifted back into a sitting position, crossing her legs with her hands in her lap. She knew everyone dealt with their emotions differently, but she also knew that crying was natural. In her mind, someone could only go so long before breaking down.

[TheBouquineuse]

“Well... I don't see him cry.” Maria naturally responded, shrugging. It was only after she said it, that she realized she'd been wrong. He had cried before. She didn't remember it very well, but when he'd gone away, he'd been a mess. Yet, even after remembering this, it didn't serve to make Maria feel any better. She was crying over something dumb. In fact, she didn't even know what she was crying over, which made it doubly as dumb. It would have been wiser for her to look up to her mother; a strong, resilient woman who showed her emotions and still was able to be strong for her children. However, she didn't want to be anything like her mom... simply because her mom was so... womanly. And for reasons unknown to her, that was the last word she ever wanted to be referred to. When she'd started developing she'd had a nervous breakdown, fearing that one day she would look like her mother. And even now she wore the loosest clothing possible to hide this recent change.
.
“I mean... he does sometimes I guess, when he's really upset.” She looked at Ember closely, unable to help the smile that finally reached her lips. “And that's a good thing really. Girls like boys who cry sometimes, right?” Perhaps It was an odd question to ask. However, she only thought of that after she'd already said it. Still, she listened intently for an answer.

[MurderVictim]

Ember shrugged, looking to her lap. "Yeah, I guess." She hasn't really started noticing the boys yet, and the boys who were noticing the girls weren't really noticing her. She hadn't even truly began developing yet. Her mother called it being a "late-bloomer." That didn't exactly sound like a good thing to her, but whatever. There wasn't anything she could do about it. For the time being, she simply focused on her school work and what went on at home. And she didn't really know Maria was dealing with the opposite issue.
.
"Well...I will never judge you. And that means when you cry. So...Don't be afraid to cry in front of me, okay?" She knew that would probably be easier said than done for her friend, but she just wanted to say it. She didn't want Maria thinking that she had to hide anything from her, just she she didn't want to hide anything from Maria. Well...Not most things. Some things, like her homelife, had to be kept to herself.