The Misadventures of Caligula Vane

[TheGrinningMan]

The Misadventures of Caligula Vane

(ooc)

What your about to hear takes place in a world like your own, but cursed. Every aspect of life is tainted, humankind is afflicted with melancholy and hopelessness. The spectrum of color has lost all it’s hues, like the light has just stopped illuminating them. Names and places might be the same, nevertheless this is a heartless world, people care little about other peoples problems, they have their own problems.

It all takes place in Seattle, a melting pot of countless cultures, an old city beneath the new. With a population of just over six hundred thousand, and in such a meek world, the police take care of most of the criminals, but don’t have the time for the cases that don’t have evidence, and don’t make sense. So people are left to suffer.

Recently there has been a string of unexplainable occurrences, more so then the usual happenings that lead to simple conspiracy theories. Things happening to people who show no signs of prior hallucinations. These people try to call the police to help, who just call the victims loony. So they turn to other avenues, exorcists, demonologists, psychics, mediums, doing whatever they can to solve these problems, but generally this just exacerbates the situation. Enter Caligula Vane, Son of Hector Vane business baron of the west coast. When his father died young Caligula was left with vast sums of money and no business experience. Rather than inherit the companies he knew he would run into the ground he sold them off. Then fell off the social map.

Until recently of course, from wherever he was, whatever he was doing Caligula came back, buying a dilapidated building near City center under the shadow of the Space Needle. He entered the building and wasn’t seen leaving it for a month. Then began the renovations, he left the outside of the building in disrepair, but constant sounds of construction came from within.

Now comes word that there is someone who can actually help with those “special” problems, Caligula Vane has taken it upon himself to beat the unbeatable, and explain the unexplainable. It started slow, but word of salvation travels fast in a world with little hope, and now Caligula realizes he can’t do it alone. He is starting a business. Vane Private Investigation is now hiring, for adventures in the Weird, Strange, Bizarre, Cosmic, Horror, magical and most of all deadly. These are the Adventures of Caligula Vane…

Bigots need not apply.

Oh, yes, ye who define yourself as the Paragon of Infallible Logic, forget yourself. I will not waste my time with closed minds as I need available bodies to solve mysteries that sometimes take a little illogic to finally crack. I Caligula Vane, am indeed hiring for my Private investigation company, and yes you will be paid handsomely if your prove you are worth my time. So, I request a resume, and I will contact you if I am interested, this of course does not mean you got the job, it just means that I am following up. Until I explicitly say that you are hired then don’t get your hopes up. This is a very skill oriented job, many of the skills required are not of the usual sort, for obvious reasons. So, sell yourself well, make money, and have a job like none you have ever had, or will ever have again.

So make up your resume, include anything that you think will convince me that you are worthy to be in the Vane Private Investigation team. Thank you for your time.

(So, in character, make a resume, pm it to me. This by nature has to be a small roleplay, so convince me the character will be a good part of the story. We can’t exactly have twenty people trying to investigate the same thing. But I am not going to say how many I will accept, and I may accept more at later times. Not to mention employees can and may very well die, and we will need replacements so keep an eye out. Good luck my friends I look forward to playing with you!)

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Rules

First and foremost, do not come here to fuck around. This roleplay is in the adult forum, nevertheless If what your writing does not contribute to the story, we don’t want to hear it. Yes, there will be adult content in this thread, but I won’t tolerate any sort of childish ambitions. <- Probably only half true.

Second, I don’t really care about post length, near as much as I care about post quality. Every post should be the best of your ability, and should make the attempt to progress the story at the very least in terms of character relations. Always try to improve my friends. Always try and improve.

Third, trust in me and I will trust in you. If you have ideas to add to the plot, pm me. I always try my best to incorporate everything I can to the story. I don’t like a story to focus on one character (so don’t let the title mislead you.) I like it to focus on everyone, to let everyone grow, to become entwined with the story. Let this happen, do not doubt yourself or your importance.

Fourth, if anything makes you uncomfortable, talk to me about it. I will understand, but I do request that if you are going to join this roleplay you will be open-minded. Things are bound to get weird.

Finally, since I don’t like making rules, Have fun, since that is the whole point of the roleplay anyway.

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POST ONE!!!!!

A sharp compression clutched his chest, his heart knocking around in his chest like an un-oiled engine, but paced slow with an irregular rhythm. He could feel his chest bow outward every time that muscle gushed blood through his system, his veins groaned from the strain. This wasn’t what he was expecting, in fact it was something he didn’t think could ever possibly happen. It could have lasted for hours, it could have lasted for but an instant. He tried to reason with himself, that time was relative to the individual perceiving it, but this was different, like a drunk trying to see through a strobe light he felt his hands absentmindedly rising to his face, alien appendages trying to wipe the image away, but the specter was not a hallucination, he knew better. Even though he knew it was true his brain and body recoiled in horror, bile rose in his mouth and his eyes gushed forward trying to leap from their sockets.
“Mi Amor.”
Those full red lips were hugged the cigarette that gave off smoke like a fog, enshrouding whatever dark precipice of impossible in which he found himself. The silky pale skin of her face was framed in a tussle of black hair that fell in lazy ringlets. Her violet eyes and thick black eyelashes accentuated by perfectly shaped eyebrows shone through the half veil that tumbled down from the cocktail hat nestled lazily on her head. She was draped lazily down on a finely carved fainting couch, her black satin dress hugging her perfect womanly form.
“Mon Cher.”
The words were not spoken, they ambled across the air and clawed deafeningly into his very head. A sensual voice, and with it flooded in a tide of heartache. He grit his teeth and raced through his brain to try to clench onto any degree of sanity, to keep himself from stepping forward into hell with his head held high, to feel the embrace, the softness of her body against him. A smile puckered her lips and the cigarette burned with a light intake of breath. There was a rising sound, building deep within the foundations of this empty existence, a rumbling like thunder that had been building for eons, finally released in an every raising cacophony of sound and vibration.
“Caligula.”


Hours before.
Caligula was listening to music and playing with a handful of silly putty. It was late morning and the sun was reaching it’s highpoint, the waves of light bursting through the window made his head radiate with pain. He spent so much time out of the sunlight lately that it’s furious glare was unforgiving on his weakened eyes. He tried to ignore it and focused on the happily colored malleable goo in his hands and the heavy rhythm of very loud and angry electronic music pulsing through his ears. Meditation, he decided, could be found in even the smallest of things, simple repetition, or even creative expression, one could get lost in one’s own mind. This was his case, the rhythm and the putty were a focal point for all his attention. He didn’t hear it when the phone started to ring, and it took quite some time for him to finally break his trance and realize that he really had to piss.
He did his business and the phone rang again. With a snap of his fingers he strode back into his office and snatched the phone out of it’s cradle.
“Hello, Vane PI. What’s your problem, and how much is it worth for me to fix it?”
The voice on the other end was hysterical, female, young.
“Please Please Please, I need your help!” She spat out through sobs.
“Yes dear, I gathered that from the simple fact that you are calling me. Now, stop, take a deep breath, let your brain do what it is supposed to do and be rational. Tell me what is going on, and I will say if I can help, then you will talk about how much your going to pay me.”
There was a moment of quiet sobbing and three quick attempted deep breaths. The voice that returned was only a little less hysterical.
“It’s my boyfriend, well my ex boyfriend, you see he is dead, but he isn’t, he has been coming around my house at night.”
Caligula collapsed in his big cushy chair and retrieved his silly putty.
“So, are we talking zombie? Or ghost or what?”
“I don’t know,” the voice rising in pitch with every word. “its just late at night, I will be trying to sleep and I will start hearing our song.”
“Come on now, I know you are troubled, but you have to give me all the details, what do you mean by ‘your song’?”
“My ex, Reinhart, he was a musician. He wrote a song just for me and used to play it on his guitar. He and I are the only people who have ever heard it, he didn’t play it live because it wasn’t particularly good, but it was sweet and it was the idea that mattered. But we were the only ones who knew it and now I hear it outside my front door!”
“maybe it is just a neighbor that liked the tune?” replied Caligula.
“No, it is him, I just know it is. And now, I was getting ready to go to work and I opened the door and there was a basket outside. It had flowers in it, Poppies, my favorite. I took them to put them in the water and there was blood underneath them, and hair, and dirt. I don’t know what is going on, but I need your help.”
“And how much will you pay me?”
“I don’t know, I don’t know how much this stuff costs!” he heard her falling into deeper hysterics again, which meant she didn’t have much to give. He smiled.
“we can negotiate payment afterwards. Where do you live?”
“In an apartment building down by the university district bridge.”
“Just go stand out front Ill be around shortly.”
“How will I know what car is yours?”
“I will find you.” Caligula said, and hung up the phone.

A black Suv pulled up alongside the girl with black mascara streaming down her face. Mid-twenties, blonde hair separated into two loose braids, dressed in overalls and a white shirt, both with paint on them. Typical odd Seattlite caught up in something that she can’t handle. Caligula threw “The Machine” into park and killed the ignition, the engine gave one last grumble before quieting, leaving behind only a light hint of a gasoline perfume. He stepped out of the car, black and white saddle shoes hitting the pavement with a clop. He wore fitted slacks and a simple black wool overcoat. His hair was shaved to near baldness, his face was not quite symmetrical, his nose a little too big and his pince-nez glasses cradled on it with their mirror lenses only intensified that effect. His eyes and hair were both a light brown that went well with his light skin. He was by no means an ugly man, but he wasn’t dashing. His smile was the most distinguishing feature, his face lit up and took years off. His teeth were meticulously well cared for and straight. The girl wasted no time and flung herself on him weeping and sobbing and doing the usual. Caligula pried her from his body and held her at arms length.
“Don’t worry miss, I am here to help. Lets go up to your apartment and check out that basket.”
The building was very industrial in fashion, brick walls, pipes unhidden, and of course the girl (whose name was Margaret) lived on the top floor of the building, the elevator cursed with a depressing little “out of order” sign. So they trotted upwards through the smells and sounds of apartment life until they reached her door. It was orange and had a number 23 nailed onto it, the lock argued with Margaret’s key for a moment before finally giving way. The apartment was small and dismally disorganized, not much unlike Caligula’s office, it had some cheap import furniture, a tv too big for a single human’s minimum wage budget and several speakers and amps.
“Your ex not take his equipment with him when he left?”
She shook her head. “No, those are mine, I also play music sometimes, rent out my speakers other times.”
Caligula...
[8:46:46 PM] Serena: He knew which room it was from the smoke that crawled out under the door. Someone played a chime followed by a gong and Caligula couldn’t help but sigh. He knocked on the door, and it was quickly awnsered by a small woman, pretty, with massive dreadlocks. He raised a hand.
“Hullo, Caligula Vale, I would like to ask you a couple questions.”
The girl looked him up and down with a frown. “Did those sheep willingly give up their wool for that fancy coat?”
Caligula rolled his eyes, “no, I raped it off their bodies with a knife.”
With that the door slammed and he knocked again. This time answered by a different woman, taller, with more pronounced womanly curved but with the same hair, in the background he could hear the other woman bickering about how disgusting he was.
“Hi, Caligula Vale, I would like to ask you some questions.”
“Are you a Cop?”
“Nope,”
“Are you lying?”
“Nope,”
“Prove it!”
“Got any weed?” Caligula Said with a smile.
“Not for free I don’t” she said, crossing her arms under her breath and pouting, looking at him with bloodshot eyes.
“Well, then we have a predicament, I don’t have the cash for pot, but if I was to smoke it I could prove I am not a cop.”
“you’re a tricky bastard.”
“That’s my job.”
“Cop?”
“No private investigator. What do you know about magic?”
Her eyes widened slightly at the word and her breath caught in her mouth.
“What do you mean magic?” she asked slowly and deliberately, emphasizing on the word magic.
“Let me be blunt, are you practitioners of an earth-based religion?”
“Not that I see why it is any of your business but yes we are, the mother goddess watches over us all. And man is going to hold us back from reaching our true potential.”
“Well, as much as I would love to have a Theosophical debate with you, that isn’t exactly why I am here, may I come in?”
“What’s Theosophical?”
“Religious.”
“Are you a jesus freak?”
“No, I am Caligula Vane private investigator.”
Her face scrunched up like she was trying to make a difficult chess move. “Caligula like the emperor?”
“I am only emperor of my own destiny, now may I come in?”
“sure man, you seem like you could teach us a thing or two, or maybe we could show you something.”
He smiled his dashing smile and walked in through the door. The floor had no furniture except for a few altars to random deities. The ground had several large pillows on it and the walls were covered with tapestries. Incense burned in every corner, and despite being overbearingly strong, it couldn’t quite mask the marijuana smell that had imprinted itself all over the apartment. Caligula noticed all the paraphernalia towards the back.
“Nice bong.” he said.
A woman he hadn’t talked to yet awnsered him, she didn’t have dreadlocks, was younger than the others, late teens, wasn’t wearing anything but a long hemp shirt. “It’s NOT a bong, it’s a water pipe.”
Caligula nodded, “tomato-tomato.”
“So, what is it that you want?” asked the taller of the dredlocked women.
“Well, no point of beating around the bush. Did you leave a curse on Margaret upstairs?”
All three of the girls smiled and giggled simultaneously.
“Awe, did we scare the little girl?”
Caligula frowned. “Well, cursing someone generally doesn’t have pleasant consequences.”
“Come on!” said the scantily clad one, “the goddess will only put a little fear in her and leave her alone. If anything at all. Our rituals rarely work anyway!”
So it was going to be another one of these cases. “Well! So you play with fire, try to burn down the forest in the rain, doesn’t work, but you keep prodding and prodding, didn’t you ever think that one day you will regret the savage flame?”
The smaller of the dredlocked one smiled “woah man, that’s deep.”
“The goddess will make everything right.” said the scantily clad one.
“Your ignorant if you actually believe that.” said Caligula with a frown. “As of today true nature religions have been reconstructed from myth and desire. Gerald Gardner brought back the idea of witchcraft in the 50’s when the ban was lifted. Now it is all a ruse, all a money campaign that you were all blind to. It was so obvious, ever book throws out promises of power, wealth, love all of your dreams coming true, but the fact is that you will never achieve greatness without sacrificing blood sweat and tears! Aleister Crowley said “Do What Thou Wilt Shall be the Whole of the Law! And that is the basis of all the occult sciences. You all jump in head first into the ether and expect to come out all right? Your slaves on a ship of fools!”
The taller of the dreadlocked women frowned at him. “Well if we are just stupid followers, then so are you, quoting Aleister Crowley. Why is he so special?”
“He isn’t. Delving into the occult sciences is a personal battle. Nevertheless you can learn from the words of others. “Do what thout wilt!” is a statement defining the necessity to follow your True Will. You should never blindly follow any idol, take every word with a grain of salt and understand that nobody can send you up the ladder of enlightenment because every living soul is different. You do incantations written by people who don’t even believe in the garbage they are writing, then all of your heart and soul into incantations and who knows who could be listening on the other side!”
“what are you saying? That we are just stupid ignorant girls? Such a sexist!”
“ No, I am saying It is most likely your ‘goddess’ doesn’t even exist, a hoax, a scheme, but something has been listening and Margaret is in trouble!”
“Our goddess isn’t real? How can you say that? We have seen her…” said the small one.
Caligula furrowed his brow. “what do you mean you have seen her?”
The scantily clad one was next to him suddenly, a small wooden straw in hand, she put it to her mouth and blew, a yellow powder rushed out in a cloud and Caligula uttered a curse as the substance made it’s way into his lungs before he registered what happened. He grabbed his head in his hands and stumbled down the hallway in disorientation. And that’s when it came, a moment, a second, a flash. There she was, smiling at him.
[8:46:57 PM] Serena: “Mon Cher,”
And just when he thought things were going to be the usual.
He spun around facing the living room, the colors from the tapestries spinning across his vision.
“What the fuck did you do?”
It was then that the alarms started going off in his head. Things were not right and it was time to leave. The women, all stood in a crescent shape, no longer wearing clothes. Their skin cracked and rotting gray, their breasts hanging down to their stomachs with hard jagged nipples black and shining and as sharp as obsidian. Nasty rotting teeth peeked out through broken smiles and eyes black soulless portals to nowhere. He balled his hands into loose fists and raised them.
“Alrighty, people in this room have been lying, and I know I won’t get any awnsers so lets just get it over with.”
“She sure is cocky,” Croaked one of the hags.
“He is a fuck-knuckle!” growled another.
Then came a flurry of movements, The bloated corpse bodies of the women were on him in an instant, it was here that he finally caught hold of his brain and emptied it entirely, the moments between seconds in combat, there was no time for thought. There was only time for action. Their fingers extended into claws and raked the air where he had been moments before, and he began to dance, weaving in and out of every swing, landing blows aimed precisely in all the right places, rotted flesh crumbling to liquid under the force. His training held true and with a a violent roar Caligula showed his truest of abilities. And within moments the hags were heaps on the floor, one dead two broken and bleeding. He wasted no time and exited quickly.
Another hit of shock as he lurched through the doorway. It was night, that was impossible it was only afternoon when he went in, now, it was dark. It was dark and there was music playing from a few floors above.
Caligula charged up the stairs, and to the long hallway of doors to apartments. One side was a railway to open air five stories up, the other side was doors, and directly in the middle was a bleeding body with a smashed skull standing in front of Margaret’s door strumming an out of tune acoustic guitar.
“Zombie then…”
Caligula ran forward and planted a kick right in the undead monster’s chest sending it sprawling over the edge of the railing where it splattered on the pavement below. He knocked on the door.
“Margaret, it is Caligula Vane. Time to start talking about that payment.”

The next day.

Silly Putty, Music, relaxation. Only today was different. Today he would reject all calls. He was to wait for his new hires, show them the ropes, and hope for the best. “Cocky mcfucknuckle….” he said and snorted out laughter….

[Aliana]

The buzzing was an incessant annoyance in her ears, but her brain hardly registered the sound. The knot in her stomach seemed to weigh her down and pin her to her mattress. Poppy was always nervous before a new installment in her life, and this had the potential to be the beginning of the single most important period of her lifetime. As was usual in this sort of situation, she found herself unable to force herself into motion, so she sunk into the back of her mind and let her body carry her through the absent motions. Get out of bed. Turn off the alarm. Walk to the bathroom. Turn on the water in the tub. Get in the shower. And so on, until when Poppy finally emerged from her shell, she was clean, fed, and ready to leave. She took one last look at herself in the mirror. Her skin was scrubbed clean, her dark hair was combed and dried and the top half was pulled back in a ponytail, her clothes were neat, and she was overall impeccably clean. She practically glowed. This still did not prevent her from being nervous. Looks weren't everything, and this Caligula Vane seemed like he could not care less about appearances. It was all about observation, deduction, perception. Poppy didn't lack these things; in fact, she excelled at them. But this fact had no effect on the nauseating anxiety lodged in her gut, so she just took a deep breath and walked out her front door, locking it behind her and putting the key safely away in the purse at her hip.

The walk to her new extraordinary workplace was very ordinary. She had gotten lucky when it came to her living situation: She was already living close enough to save herself the effort of driving to work every day. She did own a car, but she enjoyed the fresh air and activity of walking. Also gas is fucking expensive.

Walking to work only served to make her more nervous. The air was still and misty as it was wont to be in this part of the world, with no breeze to whisk away her troubles or sun to burn away her worries. Her gray-blue eyes stayed low, always drifting back down to the concrete beneath her feet whenever she attempted to lift them. As she walked, she twirled a lock of hair around her finger. The entire small journey she spent worrying, doubt gnawing at every corner of her mind like a hive of a million termites feeding on her confidence. What if she wasn’t what he expected? What if she was too short, or too shy, or not a hard enough worker? By the time she found herself standing in front of her new place of employment, she realized she was thirty minutes early. Too embarrassed to show up before the scheduled time, she scurried around the corner to a nearby Starbuck’s. Poppy was not over fond of coffee, but she had a certain soft spot in her heart for tea, and fifteen minutes later she was sitting on a bench, sipping a hot cup of Earl Grey. The hot drink warmed her insides and as the warmth spread throughout her being, she felt herself relax, physically and mentally. Her breaths came easier and her hands felt less shaky.

Now full of tea and feeling a bit more confident, she looked up at the sky and frowned. She had staved off the courage-sapping parasites for the moment, but the impending rain, which she had not planned for, could not be kept off with something as simple as tea. She quickly made her way back to her new place of employment, ducking through the door just as the rain began behind her. The deep rhythms and complex chords of colorful electronic music assaulted her as soon as she entered and, for a moment, held her in its grip, until she managed to break away and approach her new employer. This was their first time meeting, and everything about him unnerved her, and her previous nervousness returned full force. He already seemed bored. Aloof. He did not seem to care that she had appeared within his office. She was not quite sure what to do, so she just looked around the room a few times before forcing herself to make eye contact with Caligula. “Umm… Hi.” Her lack of eloquence made her wince. "I'm Poppy Fenn. It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Mr. Vane."

[Moongirl]

Eve couldn’t have felt more frustrated. Today had been one of the few times she had left her apartment without an umbrella. It had been right by the door, but she had decided to go against her instincts and leave it. She had known better, yet she was already running a bit late for her meeting with her new employer and it was far too late to turn back now. Not to mention if she had, she would also need a change of clothes. Her long hair was becoming plastered to the sides of her face like a second skin. And she refused to see the way her new grey dress looked. The wet material rubbing her sides with every step. It was an unbearable sensation and she was starting to rue the day she had purchased it. Even if it had looked splendid on it’s hanger and in the mirror, this after effect was completely uncalled for. The skirt would hardly swirl now, much less anything else besides remain glued to her cream colored legs. She tried to force it from her mind. If she looked she would feel even more annoyed.

Today hadn’t been the best of days for Eve. A noisy neighbor had the nerve to keep her awake for the past few nights with a prolonged couple spat. The apartment she stayed in had very thin walls and only the barest of necessities, new was hardly something for her to be concerned about though. In this instance she had just been glad to find something she could afford; now she just wanted somewhere she could peacefully sleep. It was a discussion about something she clearly wasn’t in any mood for and had on one occasion actually gone to tell the couple to keep it down. The woman who answered the door apologized, but after a few steps back to her room the couple was enraged and yelling again. Saying curses the blonde chose to keep out of her head until exhaustion finally took over. Everything was feigned peaceful bliss the next morning too, but keeping it that way had only been wishful thinking.

There had been a series of furious knocks against her door. Causing the half rested blonde to crawl out of bed to answer. There stood the neighboring couple and the once sweet, yet plain looking woman was pointing an accusatory finger in her direction.

“You tramp!”

“I beg your pardon?”

“How dare you sleep with my husband!”

Eve gave the woman an odd look before looking at the man standing by the woman’s side. She hadn’t even seen the man around the building before, much less enough to have been intimate with him. The man wasn’t even familiar. But by the man’s nudge to get his wife under control she could already guess the misunderstanding. The man had most likely mistakenly said her name or been caught staring. Whatever the case Eve wasn’t in any mood to be caught in the middle of the squabble.

“I’m sorry…but I’ve never met this man before.”

“You lying little-“

“Besides what proof do you have? If he’s been unfaithful it hasn’t been with me. I’m not interested.”

The door closed without pause. If the two kept this up Eve was going to be looking for a new apartment. Finally the young woman arrived to the building she had been looking for. The door already looking ajar and she let herself in. Not completely sure what was to be expected from this sort of place. Keeping an eye open for her employer the woman wiped her wet hair from her face. Inhaling a deep breath once she realized she was more damp than completely soaked. It would have to do for now. She heard a small voice coming from the other side of the room, taking in the sight of the young girl. Eve couldn’t help but smile noticing that the girl hadn’t managed to get caught in the rain. No, that perk was reserved only for her. Luck was not an asset to her and it never tried to be.