rpgfa: Author May Cry Edition

[Kill Bones]

I'm glad you asked.

This is going to be my attempt at hosting a Forum Adventure in Spam. Now, in the past, other people's attempts- especially mine- at these have be unsuccessful, and the threads died off. This one probably will too. Yeah..... Additionally, my drawing skills suck more dick than a prostitute, so this will be a text-only FA. Aren't I so fucking competent?

How this shit is going to work:
For those of you asshats who are unfamiliar with Forum Adventures, here is the basic setup. The host (Myself in this case) will write a few paragraphs to start off the story. From there, anyone can offer suggestions on what the main character should do. I will select the best option(s)(HINT: THE ONES THAT DON'T INVOLVE RAPING THE LOCAL FAUNA) and write another story post. Rinse and repeat.

Actions must be preceded by the ">" symbol.

Example of a correctly formatted post:
">Walk foward"

Example of worthless bullshit:
"walk foward"

It's fairly simple.

Why the fuck are you doing this, KB?
As stated earlier, FAs are rea- ACTUALLY, NO. JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND PLAY THIS SILLY FORUM GAME.

On a dreary night within a secluded forest, events are about to take place that will change the history of Spamoria forever. These events shall be ludicrous at best, baffling at worst, and it is a safe assumption that few men within their right mind would truly believe these events had occurred in even the silliest tales.

Be that as it may, I express with the utmost sincerity that my tale is decidedly truthful in nature, and extend an offer to relay this tale to you, if you'd listen.

But first, I believe introductions are in order!

My name is Dexmamm Othwood, scholar of Spamorian History. In my many years of life, I have devoted my time to chonicalling the most important events that have occurred. From the Legion to the Pony Wars, through the rise of the dark messiah Kill Bones, I have watched, and recorded these goings-on, for future generations of scrubs and newfags alike. This tale, however, shall be much unlike the aforementioned, in that they are, as our mutual friend Mr. Bones would say, not "FUCKING RETARDED MOTHERFUCKCUNT BULLSHIT".

Mr. Bones is a rather vulgar fellow, isn't he? Which, of course, brings us to the proverbial elephant in the room. You may be wondering why today's tale is not being relayed to you by Bones, as per usual. To be honest, despite the respect I hold for the man, Ser Bones is a downright terrible storyteller. Unable to keep his audience attentive, as it were.

Alright, enough of the gossiping and naysaying, let us begin this story, shall we?

As previously stated, we begin in those dark, quiet woods, following the adventures of two individuals. These people have set up a camp for the night, and are currently snoozing away in their tents, as the native Superb Owls hoot greetings to one another.

The first of these individuals goes by the name of Ser Myytford the Grey. A rather unemotional man, this knight is a old veteran, and a survivor of many Spamorian wars. His spiritless disposition is in sharp contrast to his strong loyalty, and make no mistake, he is a companion worthy of the bravest adventurers.

The second individual is more of a mystery, I can't seem to recall their name or gender.

Let's ask them, shall we?

>____________________

(Please input name and gender)

[TP]

Gaylord Lolsor

[CommunistZed]

>Hank Sophison, Male

[Myyt]

>Mickey McMcerson Esquire, Chickwithadick

[vslayer]

Not to barge in on your game thread, but

>Mickey McMcerson Esquire, Chickwithadick

ROFLMAO.

[TP]

>Mickey McMcerson Esquire, Chickwithadick

This.

[Squee]

>VBelee Hartster, Female

[SebasChan]

>Hank Sophison, Male

.
[2]

[Kill Bones]

>Mickey McMcerson Esquire, Chickwithadick

Ahh yes, lying in the tent opposite Ser Myytford is a young, pretty mostly-female by the name of Michelle McMcerson Esquire, Mickey for short. Born into a wealthy noble family, Mickey's youth was inded troubled due to her extra... parts. Despite her mother's insistence upon becoming an esteemed, 'proper' lady, Mickey always had her heart set upon adventuring. At the age of 16, she applied to be the squire of Ser Myytford, whose previous squire had been eaten by Uk, the evil Dragon King. It has been 5 years since then, and young Mickey has become an adept fighter in her own right, wielding her longsword like a master. Phallic imagery, ho!

What's this? It appears Mickey has awoken from her slumber.

What shall you do, madame?

>____________________

[Squee]

>Get dressed and go to Myytford's tent.