Want a lazy review of your writing?

[Jorick]

I'll totes provide one.

After giving Foxes my half-assed review of his writing some other people expressed vague interest, so why the hell not make a thread for it?

Link to or post a sample and I'll get around to saying something about it at some point.

[Squee]

No.

[Jorick]

No.

<3

[CommunistZed]

Entry #2

[Squee]

<3

<3


Actually, I would. But you've already seen everything I have written lately since I consulted you with, I think all of my short stories last semester and you've been in my RD's and stuff.
You give good constructive reviews. You're like Holmes with Art, but with writing.

[Jorick]

Entry #2

For a moment there I thought you went full retard and linked to this month's WOTM and revealed your entry.

Horribly forced rhymes make a lot of the lines feel wrong, some of them making no sense at all ("On how to make our man act like a fawn," why do they want him to act like a baby deer? "He had found us with snide," snide isn't a noun, it's an adjective, snide what?). Alternating your rhyme scheme is good, but not every line needs to rhyme with another. You could've just gone with a rhyming scheme where only the second and fourth lines of each verse rhymed, thus freeing lines one and three to end in whatever the hell is needed to make the narrative of the poem make sense. Oh, and your general flow is broken by the repetitive first line formation and stilted lines caused by your rhyming. There is also a massive lack of any metaphor or lines that present interesting mental imagery, further bringing it down.

Overall 5/10. Grow past the level of Poetry 101 rules, focus on giving your poems a good rhythm and flow, and you can do a lot better, I'm sure.

- - - Updated - - -

<3


Actually, I would. But you've already seen everything I have written lately since I consulted you with, I think all of my short stories last semester and you've been in my RD's and stuff.
You give good constructive reviews. You're like Holmes with Art, but with writing.

Wait, what? I don't recall consulting on short stories.

[CommunistZed]

For a moment there I thought you went full retard and linked to this month's WOTM and revealed your entry.

Horribly forced rhymes make a lot of the lines feel wrong, some of them making no sense at all ("On how to make our man act like a fawn," why do they want him to act like a baby deer? "He had found us with snide," snide isn't a noun, it's an adjective, snide what?). Alternating your rhyme scheme is good, but not every line needs to rhyme with another. You could've just gone with a rhyming scheme where only the second and fourth lines of each verse rhymed, thus freeing lines one and three to end in whatever the hell is needed to make the narrative of the poem make sense. Oh, and your general flow is broken by the repetitive first line formation and stilted lines caused by your rhyming. There is also a massive lack of any metaphor or lines that present interesting mental imagery, further bringing it down.

Overall 5/10. Grow past the level of Poetry 101 rules, focus on giving your poems a good rhythm and flow, and you can do a lot better, I'm sure.

[Squee]

Wait, what? I don't recall consulting on short stories.

It was on Google Docs.
You helped me with my Twinkie Thief.



"He'd eat it off the floor."

[Whetfeather]

*submits essay for class*

[Jorick]

It was on Google Docs.
You helped me with my Twinkie Thief.



"He'd eat it off the floor."

Ohhhh, right. Why was I thinking that was someone else? Awkward.