Mary Sue/ Gary Stu detection service thread (Character Evaluation Thread)

[Azurestorm]

(The title is mainly a joke before anyone says anything, only the parenthesized part is serious. this is not a public execution square for mary sues / a mary sue inquisition thread.)

So I was Looking through this forum, and I realized something: There's no thread for people to post requests for character evaluation from other members. I think Analyzing and looking at characters other people have created is extremely entertaining and interesting, and I thought it would be a good idea to make it an official group thing in this thread.

Ground Rules:

1. Don't offer evaluations of characters that haven't been requested unless the creator says you can after you ask them.

2. This is not the Jerry Springer show: RPG edition. if you're going to fight over characters instead of having honest, mature discussions about them do it in PMs or better not at all.

That's pretty much it.

I dunno how this is gonna go right now, so I guess I'll just wait and see if anyone even pays attention to this thread.

But I guess I'll make the first request!

...which I did and It's clear that I need to rework the character sheet so that he makes more sense.

Feel free to ask for evaluations at any time from visitors to this thread

[Doctor Tetris]

This is just asking for trouble, if you ask me. Someone's going to piss somebody off and this whole thing will go to hell.

[Azurestorm]

Ehh... I'm kind of just hoping people can accurately judge their ability to tolerate criticism/opinions and not feel personally offended if someone points out something they feel differently about.

I thought about all the sh!t this could start but I'm trying to stay optimistic. ><

[Select]

First off, you have to realize that there is no such thing as "objectivity" in terms of art or literature, especially in a place—on the Internet nonetheless—shock full of amateurs; it's always going to be subjective. Second, what is the point of reference, the context in which we are supposed to evaluate characters? Think of it as evaluating a car without knowing what you're going to use it for; are you going to use it on the race track versus formula 1 cars or in the mountains alongside off-road jeeps?

[Disciple Cain]

Shit... where do I even start.

Alright I'm going to point out things that murder suspension of disbelief for me as a start and maybe that'll get somewhere. You'll see a post here sometime.

[Azurestorm]

First off, you have to realize that there is no such thing as "objectivity" in terms of art or literature, especially in a place—on the Internet nonetheless—shock full of amateurs; it's always going to be subjective. Second, what is the point of reference, the context in which we are supposed to evaluate characters? Think of it as evaluating a car without knowing what you're going to use it for; are you going to use it on the race track versus formula 1 cars or in the mountains alongside off-road jeeps?

Well when I say objective I mean an honest opinion of how you feel about the character from the information provided, objective meaning how another person other than yourself sees the character, even though that is also subjective. Objective here meaning other views outside your own as the creator. as in someone else objectively views your character as such & such, the way they view your character and feel about it is an objective fact; they think and feel that way about your character.

I just want another view from other readers' perspectives on the characters (or how the character discriptions/ information organization could be improved). possibly to open my eyes to another way of viewing them or describing them that I hadn't considered before.

sort of like I want this thread to be a place where people can express themselves about how they feel about a character someone asked other people to look at and how they personally understand the characters' motives and personality, without people taking it personally.

also that probably wasn't the right word so I just got rid of it. my bad ><

[Disciple Cain]

Alright here is the biggest issue. This character already has the 'Doesn't play well with others' aspect upon him and he has the power to kill gods and goddesses. He's a divine mana battery capable of redirecting what should be an Godly Orbital Strike and perverting that magic for his own needs. This assumes that Gods are actively out to get him and then the playing field rises to the point where it trivializes anything that isn't a god. What does he have to do? Oh, I don't know... piss of a god really quick and then redirect the shitstorm to his enemies. Easy.

With that ability he practically is a god. He's old as hell and he acts all anime 'Kawaii-desu~' shy about his horns and tail because he's insecure about them. As far as he's concerned he's barely a teen with the power to kill a god and anyone who follows that god. The way his appearance is described sounds like the typical pretty boy you'd see in any old Yaoi comic. The fact that he's an apparently bisexual half-incubus only cements that he basically is. The entire 'God-like powers and ability to kill a god thing' is almost completely trivialized by his cuddly-bear nature. It makes it seem like 'Well, shit, why did you even put all that power in there if he won't even use it?'

'Should Azure be able to get his hands on a genuine relic that has divine energy stored within it, Azure can use that divine energy any way he wishes. The catch is, he has to spend it all in one place and on one thing, and it's power depends on how much divine energy was stored within it. This lets him, for instance, suddenly create something out of nothing or fire an unblockable and extremely powerful magical attack. This is his ultimate ability and not one he can use very often, as items storing divine energy are scarce.'

You had to describe it as 'Unblockable and extremely powerful'. It's an ace in the hole and it's the character's 'Fuck all of you' move that is, as described, unblockable and extremely powerful. Nothing short of Deus Ex Machina would undo it. Or a GM.

Another wonderful little thing is that the kid, if he has even the slightest suspicion that he's being deceived by glamors or illusions, can pull out his glasses and see the truth immediately. This undoes powers that many other creatures rely on and gives him no downsides. The character is powerful enough to pretty much destroy the world if he feels like it and if this is any indication of what other Nephilim are like, well, it means that the world is pretty much fucked should any of them decide to suddenly lose their shit and hate humans.

All around the design of the character is too 'strong', and he's not built to really interact with anyone outside of what would be situations involving... maybe comedy and romantic drama? Anything else is blown out of the water by all of his 'Fuck you I'm a demi-god' moves. Any action is blown away by the fact that he can probably pull something out of his ass to deal with because of how versatile all his abilities are if he used them like a thousand year-old soul would. There is way too much room for all his abilities to be abused worse than a red-headed step child and the character all around just doesn't really look or feel like a god-killing half-demon would seem like.

Just... just the everything. The everything.

- - - Updated - - -

But that's just what one in the morning says about it.

[Azurestorm]

Ohhhhh.... I see where you're coming from.

See this sort of evaluation tells me why it's important to establish the rules he works by. I've thought about all these things before such as the overpowered-ness and the seeming personality inconsistencies.

I forgot I put so many abilities in there. gosh. I'll get onto fixing this stuff tomorrow. sorry to make you read that rough draft version 0.0.0.1 ><

I promise it's not as bad as it seems though.

but I do agree that I need to make him more multiplayer-friendly, so to speak. I'm too used to being able to decide everything about the world in which he lives. he was born in a 1x1 RP where we knew all the rules and backstory ><


I think all he needs is a little more context and information (and maybe a few nerfs) and he'll be fine once the finer details are explained... it's putting him into the context I find intimidating. I did leave out the whole entire backstory/universal rules...

I think my main mistake is that I'm asking for an analysis on a character from a solo story gone 1x1 where he's consistent and reasonable within it's laws, but I omitted those things that gave focus and information about him.


but yea thanks for the honesty! feel free to continue talking to me and about this, I don't hate you. You have valid points. :P

[Disciple Cain]

but I do agree that I need to make him more multiplayer-friendly, so to speak. I'm too used to being able to decide everything about the world in which he lives.

Roleplaying is strictly a multiplayer game to begin with >_>

What did you use him with before?

- - - Updated - - -

But anyway, yeah you bet. Just take it... partly with a grain of salt. I'm tired and a bit grumpy and may have missed something.

...for better or for worse.

[Select]

I do not like to flaunt, but I've recently "published" an article here, on the forums, with a few interesting theories regarding character creation. It might help you develop your character.