WOTM #23 Voting (Casual)

[WOTM]

Theme: Death

Explained: A story where the main focus is death, in any fashion.

Components:

• The death in the story is metaphorical rather than literal.
• The story is a poem or contains poetry.
• The protagonist is death, or death is otherwise personified in the story.
• The story involves life-after-death in some way (afterlife, resurrection, etc).
• The story involves immortality.

Rules for Voting:

• Read ALL entries.
• Vote on your favorite entry.
• Please post explaining your vote and why.
• Please provide helpful feedback on the entries.
• Do NOT post anything insulting or offensive about the entries.
• Do NOT vote for your own entry.
• Do NOT tell others which entry is your own.

Components required for casual entries: 1

The Entries:

XXXXX sat at his desk. He was staring at a blank piece of paper. He was going to turn it into a fine, extravagant piece of art in a minute. He just needed some to collect his thoughts and come up with an idea. He has been staring at this blank piece of paper for two and a half hours. Still, this must be how art is made by the famous artists. Surely this happens all the time.

His belly rumbled. He was hungry. Urgh, he’d forgotten to eat again. He hadn’t even had breakfast yet and it was twelve minutes to six in the evening. The sacrifices of an artistic mind. He gets up from his chair, and walks to the kitchen. As he looks around he notices how dirty it is. It’s not filthy or messy; in fact, it’d be spotless if it weren’t for all the thick layers of dust coating every surface in the house. He should water the flowers too. He grabs a hot pocket from the fridge. The flowers can wait until he’s finished his latest art piece. He returns to his desk after zapping the hot pocket in the microwave. He takes a bite, and continues to stare at the page, stopping to brush some food residue off it from his hot pocket.
He used to have friends. He used to be quite popular. He got a promotion to a higher paying job, but he didn’t enjoy the job. It was too stressful. He needed time to relax but his friends all wanted to go out and have a good time. He stopped joining them. He stopped seeing his family. He found a relaxing pleasure in drawing. He eventually stopped going to work. He was unsure whether he was fired or ‘unofficially quit.’ There was no difference to him. He didn’t need that job anyway. Not when he had his art.
Now he had peace, solitude, space to work. Except when his family came over, critized everything he did, and insisted he needed mental help. This time, though, they had gone to far. He looks to the side of his blank piece of paper, where there was a letter addressed to him. He had already put big ‘X’s on all five letters of his name so it matched his signature. He was XXXXX now. The old him was dead. Inside this letter, was a notice from the hospital. His family hadcalled the hospital and today they would be coming to take him away, declare him insane and begin treatment. His family had already given up on him, abandoned him, left the artist for the wolves to devour. HOW DARE THEY!!!

He got up, his chair tipping over behind him, and banged his fists on his desk. He took the paper he was working on, and ripped it into pieces, then grabbed the bottom of the desk, and tipped it sideways, the contents rolling off and going all over the floor. He went round ripping all his works of art from the walls. He picked up his dying potted plant, and threw it out of the window. The floors were now covered in paper and broken glass. His shoulders sag. He has been defeated. He was smart enough to know that putting up a fight or a last stand would just make things worse.
The ambulance pulled up to his house. He could see it through the dusty widow. All he could think of was that the symbol on the side looked like an angel, as he rage melted away. It really was beautiful. There was a knock on the door.
“Hello? Roger? Are you in there? Please let us in, it’s the hospital.”

I was told we were two sides of that same coin.

The one you always told me about.

You said it was lucky,

and I believed you.

Until your luck ran out.

Though you have moved on, that coin still remains,

I keep it close to my heart.

I wear it proudly

on this chain.

And admire it at each day's start.

Though I never met you face to face,

I hope you know that I cared.

And with all my heart I sincerely wish

that God will answer my prayers.

To see you in heaven

when my time comes.

So I can tell you all of this there.

Though two sides of the same coin we may be,

each other's face

we shall now never see.

Goodbye my friend.

Silent Hysteria

An abyss of desolate obsurity. A mortified void. An unimpassioned great beyond. I could go on and on within this prolonged state, and time would never pace a single moment. Only yours truly and a composition of relentless emptiness. All that ensues was oblivion. It mocks me. It torments me. It inflicts insanity upon me. Yet, it's all I have left to cope with. The fray I let myself fall to sustains it's only scheme to haunt what remains of me. This cruel and lonely afterlife is my own forfeit to blame.

Why did I give my trust to that someone? Am I in darkness to not see what came to this conclusion? Plainly...I was too naive. I blew it all. It's all because of my beliefs that I was finally in safety of someone's hospitality. Wrong. Oh so wrong. The hospitality I longed for while's time, it was all a delusion of false hope, and I was gullible enough to fall into this trick.

Astray I was in the miserable world, to be weighed down by many circumstances. I was considered to be homeless. Abandoned. Distant from the happiness I was in touch with before. The universe betrayed me to be this way, to rob me of the right to be happy. From there, I drowned in my own distress and sorrow, that I won't be able to turn back to those golden memories...that they are gone from reality. When I lost all of my will to wander aimlessly with no goal in life, I met a man that happened to be in my pointless path. He pitied me like most would do so when in contact with the homeless, but he was different. I expected for him to leave me be, but instead, he offered the chance to stay at his house until I was capable on my own. Eager by the offer itself, I immediately take the offer, blind to see what lies behind those persuading words. I only remained in his household for a week. Not just because I didn't accept any further assistance from him, but that he was the one to escort me out of the world and beyond.

His smile turned to a sneer. The gentle care into sinful inattention. I had no insight to escaping this fate. Oh no. He made my vision obscure with a cloth tied around my careful eyes...and that was it. Yes, I passed on. There's no doubt about it. However, I never found out why his actions drastically turned on me. Unfortunately, that was not the case anymore. I had no more association with the living, and I had the dead atmosphere to cope for me. Never did I bring up the memories of the last moments of happiness I had, it only disturbed me further than ever. This afterlife was already dreadful as it is. My life is commited to this world, and that it has become my husband. For no one else would join me here, to sacrifice whatever joyful activity they may be in.

Alongside with my loneliness and torture of the nothingness, I am glad on the other side. For am I to be free of the other hurtful deeds that are cast in living life. Oh, I would never want to be neglected there again. I might as well say that being neglected here was impossible, as the nothingness tormented me continuously for ages. The bittersweet feeling to be given attention by this nothingness made me feel no so alone in this darkness. You can say that I'm going insane, but what other purpose do I have if I were to be sane in an empty void that would never have another person? That is why I have chosen to take this...death penalty that I have thrown myself into, and endure it as much as I would to the close loved ones I once known.

By this day, until I become a lesser former of myself, I shall breathe in deprived blankness, and savour it with the assistance of my eroding sanity's last moments. I am dead to the world, and soon to be dead in the world after.

Extract from Chapter Six "Steps to Immortality" from "Life of Hana Riyuchi, Book II"

It starts with a TV turning on a dark alley a teenage girl with black hair and brown eyes appeared and spoke with her pale lips:

"I am Hana Riyuchi
and one day I died, but died not physically but mentally.

The Hana that are you seeing right now has no feelings what so ever. The condition that I have makes me nothing more then an empty shell filled with memories. I can only wait for my death or for the doctors to understand what is going on with me. Until then all I can is survive as a empty shell."

A leg kicks the TV away at which the homeless that set it up says: "HEY! What do you think you are doing? Do you know how hard it is to get a signal here? It took me..."But before the homeless could finish the sentence a hand grabbed him and then struck him into a wall at a speed which turned his body into a bloody mess on the wall.
From the shadow a human, or at least something that looked as one, walked out. He was tall and had blond hair with faint traces of brown, his eyes shone with an unnatural red when as his pale lips said: "Boring, humans are so boring. So Hana Rayachi, another victim of the "Emptiness Syndrome". Stupid humans if only they knew what was that for real I bet that panic would engulf their civilization faster than a lightning strikes. But now, towards Tokyo and the National Health Research Center." He let a laughter as night fallen on the peace full city of Osaka...

***

Two days later, "Emptiness Syndrome" ward, National Health Research Center, Tokyo

Hana was reliving one of her memories again, in that one smiling happily about the gifts that she got for her birthday, but no matter how much she tried she couldn't feel nothing when she relived in in her head and what was even more weird she had no feelings about being unable to do so. With nothing to do she sung a song:

"Will I ever be able
Able to fly
Across the sky

Into the hands
Of the one I love
Of the one I crave

Alone and empty
I lay on the ground
My heartbeat the only sound

I wish
The impossible..."

Then a sudden opening of the window stopped her from continuing. A red haired teenager, around Hana's age leaned into the window, his red eyes observing Hana which said: "Who are you? And how are you standing there?" The boy's pale lips responded: "A friend and I am not standing but hanging from a rope, but now come quick he is already here my fair lady, we have to go before he comes." She just asked again: "Why should I trust you?" The boy smiled and said: "Because I will allow you to feel again." At those words Hana felt something for the first time in years, a faint trace of security, and she extended her hand to the boy's.
In that moment the man that we seen in Osaka stormed trough the door and said: "Florence! Don't even think about it, you know well that I am far stronger and faster then you!" As the boy, obviously named Florence tightly gripped Hana's hand he said: "Well not this time Rick. Oishka, if you may." With that words someone pulled Florence and Hana upward and a gunshot was heard. With the glimpse of her eye Hana saw a hole appearing in Rick's body, which was followed with: "A blessed bullet! Curse you Florence and that two bitches that you stole from me! Trust me one day I will catch you when they are not around and rip you to shreds!" With that said he jumped out of the window and disappeared in the bushes as Florence and Hana slowly risen towards a helicopter hovering over the hospital. They were soon safely in the helicopter and Florence said: "Thank you Oishka, now go pick up Greta and we will be on our way."

After picking up a girl which had beautiful blond hair and blue eyes and carried a big sniper with her, the helicopter headed towards Tokyo bay. It landed on an aircraft carrier. A tall and imposing man with black hair and eyes stood on the deck and said: "Did you get her?" Florence said: "Yes father, we have her, although Rick was there as you predicted. Thankfully Greta shot him with a bullet that Marrie made." "Great! Great," the man said and then approached Hana: "I am Lord Trentin, the owner of this vessel, the Independent Carrier "Hope". I hope that you will listen to what we have to say." Hana said: "Not like I have much choice."

Then her stomach roared with hunger. Trentin said: "My, let's eat and talk then! Follow me." Hana followed Trentin and the rest into the ship's interior. A quick walk got them to a cafeteria which only occupied by a single girl, with pink colored hair and violet contact lenses as well as a few tattoos and old piercing holes left, if we don't count the kitchen staff. Trentin greeted the girl: "Ciao there Marrie! Glad to see you, this is Hana." The girl just munched another bite from her plate ignoring him. The Lord froze up for a few seconds in which Florence, Oishka and Greta grabbed food for themselves, Hana and Trentin, the last one unfreezing when the smell of food reached him.

They sat down and a silence fallen on the group, until Hana spoke: "Now, tell me everything." All eyes turned towards Trentin, waiting. The Lord spoke: "As you know for centuries humanity has spoken legends about the beings they call vampires. Well the legends were true, vampires exist, but most of them are in a dormant state without any knowledge or marks about being a vampire. Only a few of them, including myself stayed awake during the past centuries. All those were direct descendants of the Vampire King which decided to put asleep the vampire race a millennium ago, to protect them from humans. Using his powers he turned most vampires expect for twelve of them into ordinary humans, making them reincarnate into future generations, but alas, he was betrayed by the Queen, which wished to rule all and use humans as mere cattle for blood. She made her own representative, which was tasked with bringing her back to this world. That was the man you meet before, Earl Rick of Longbridge. Now to why you are here, you see to find the dormant vampires more easily Rick created an artificial virus which targets vampires in a specific way, it closes of their emotions, humanity calls it "Emptiness Syndrome". Now you understand what that means right?"
Hana stood, silent for a few moments, until saying: "I am a vampire?" Everyone nodded. Hana asked: "So what now?" Trentin said: "Well you can allow one of us to awaken you and join our cause or take a cure that will destroy the virus and your memories about us, returning to the life of an ordinary human, protected from Rick by one of us." Hana stood silent, deep into her thoughts for quite a while, until she finally said: "I think that the me from before would join you without second thought. I only wish for my feelings to return, but she wishes to correct the wrongs in this world. I will join you for the sake of Hana from then. Florence, you will awake me."

***

A few hours later, Pacific Ocean, southeast of Japan, observation walkway of "Hope"

Florence and Hana were looking at the stars. Hana said, he voice warmer then ever before: "So, I am a vampire now, somehow I don't fell different at all." Florence said, knowing from his own experience how it must feel of Hana: "Well we mostly ain't that different from humans, if you exclude the immortality, blood drinking part and supernatural abilities, naturally. We still have feelings although we are going to live forever." Hana said, feeling cheered up: "You are right! The only thing that's changed is my body, my heart is still mine." Florence nodded and the two returned into the ship. That was only the start of Hana's life as an immortal.

***

Taken from "Life of Hana Riyuchi, Book II" by Yuhoki Oniri and Laren Hawaru for the needs of this learning book. All rights go to Oniri Prints Incorporated.
"History of Earth V" by Marina Cinbali, Arthur Freny and Amanda Krinsbring. Published by the Ministry of Education. All rights to this book are held by the Ministry of Education.

Theme & Components Provided By:

Brovo, Kagamine Jorick, & Contra Fates.

General Guidelines For All:

Writer Of The Month: Guidelines & Rules (updated)

_________________
Banner Thanks To: Lucious Veil.

[Silver carrot]

Okay, here we go. Review time.

I like the 'insanity from the eyes of the insane' approach, and the pacing is crisp, if a little too crisp. The end feels quite rushed to me. Overall, I enjoyed it.

Nothing really clicked for me. Didn't really get an emotional bond with the subject. Maybe if it was longer, or the words held more weight.

Very poetic and descriptive. A little too vague and confusing for my investment in this character, though.

Interesting mixture of styles, but this pro is also a con. There are some areas where it drags and some where it's rushed. Not overly enough to be commented upon if it was only slow or only rushed, but together the transition is jarring.

Hmmm, this is a tough one. Whichever aspect I make priority while judging changes who I should vote for. This is a tough one. It really is. I'll just have to go with which one I enjoyed reading the most.

[Kaizen]

I voted for #2

Reviews available upon request, after the voting is finished of course.

[PlatinumSkink]

My small reviews.

Just getting this first out of the way before I get into how this has anything with death to do. After the first little number of sentences, I am imagining that it is the writer of this piece writing about him/herself just before coming up with what to write. Yessss.

Alright, then. Now that I have read it all. This I guess is what happens when a person allows their life to fall completely apart. It isn’t really about “death” as the theme would imply. More like… loss of life. That is fine too. For a so short a text it does a great job in setting up the atmosphere, line up all the information needed and bring forth the conclusion. I mean, this is like, less than a page and it feels like it is still holding its own. I will consider it later.

And I am positively sure people from the hospital says something else than that the hospital is coming to visit him. XD

So, I guess that the two of them knew each other over the internet or as mail-friends or something or something. I mean, if they never ever saw each other face to face, then that is the only options I can imagine. So, s/he died I guess, and the one left behind wants to see him/her when s/he dies as well. Ain’t that romantic. Assuming they are of opposite genders. Which I actually don’t know. I just assumed. Which might be wrong. I have sincerely no idea.

Overall, sure, the rhyme-scheme was slightly interesting, but I have no idea what part of this is… uh… eh… umgh… I don’t know. Was any word after the word “start” supposed to rhyme with another? I was trying to find the rhymes constantly, and I felt so proud when I found that “about” and “out” rhymed, and that “heart” and “start” rhymed the same way the next five lines. Then it stopped doing that. The flow broke within my mind, and I find myself unable to enjoy this text as much as I should be. I am sorry, but I will not be voting for you.

… Alright, I think you just broke the record of amount of times one can have accurately described the state of absolute despair in below a thousand words. I feel despair only reading this thing. You described her pain over and over again until she accepted her death with joy. That is SO dark. That is so indescribably dark. I know the theme of death invites these forms of texts, but dang. Jeez. Gosh. Next.

You sure have imagination, my dear. Firstly, I need to praise how you set it up. You surprised me with the little emptiness syndrome and made me rather interested to know what was up with the place. A successful hook, I believe that is called. The story afterwards would be the standard introductory episode of any fictional story where the main character learns something new and turns to an entirely new life… Well, yes. That’s about that. I need to praise those things, first.

However, you probably need to practice your writing a little bit. I’ll just pick out a single sentence here.”A red haired teenager, around Hana's age leaned into the window, his red eyes observing Hana which said: "Who are you? And how are you standing there?"” So, he’s a haired and he’s a red teenager. That’s right. He apparently has red skin and hair of undefined color (I’d guess black). Hm. Maybe you meant “red-haired”? Then, he leaned into the window. Yes, he leaned his body through the glass, like phasing through it. Maybe you meant that he leaned himself into the room, through the window? Then his red eyes suddenly began talking. Yes, the eyes that were observing Hana said that which follows. I think you should have split that sentence up for best effect. “A red-haired teenager who was around Hana’s age leaned himself into the room, his red eyes observing Hana. She asked: "…"” For another little point, most people use ‘“Who are you?” Hana asked’, like with the speaking first and who did it after. Although I guess you’re free to do as you which on that point. XD

I’m sorry that I went grammar-nazi on that single sentence, but the text it riddled with similar small details. It makes reading slightly tougher than it should be, and it really jars the reading experience. So, well, good job for trying, but that won’t earn my vote. It felt a lot like an introduction rather than its own little story. That is actually fine, but anyway. But if she doesn’t become a vampire before Book II, Chapter Six, then I FEAR what kind of drawn-out introduction it has been leading up to this twist… Kinda happy we jumped there… ha-ha-ha…

1 VS 2 = 1
3 VS 4 = 3
1 VS 3 = …
1

I’d say I’m voting for the first one. Maybe it hit me extra hard because he is suffering from something I can relate to with the exceptions that he’s far beyond and worse than I am. Gosh. I need to make sure I don’t end up like that. Seriously. Anyway. I don’t think that’s the only reason though, because that is a quality text that is ready for presentation. Good job.

[WOTM]

Entry #1 has been disqualified for self-voting.

I apologize for not catching this and pointing it out sooner. It's been a hectic month.

[WOTM]

Congratulations Gardevoirgirl76!

Silent Hysteria

An abyss of desolate obsurity. A mortified void. An unimpassioned great beyond. I could go on and on within this prolonged state, and time would never pace a single moment. Only yours truly and a composition of relentless emptiness. All that ensues was oblivion. It mocks me. It torments me. It inflicts insanity upon me. Yet, it's all I have left to cope with. The fray I let myself fall to sustains it's only scheme to haunt what remains of me. This cruel and lonely afterlife is my own forfeit to blame.

Why did I give my trust to that someone? Am I in darkness to not see what came to this conclusion? Plainly...I was too naive. I blew it all. It's all because of my beliefs that I was finally in safety of someone's hospitality. Wrong. Oh so wrong. The hospitality I longed for while's time, it was all a delusion of false hope, and I was gullible enough to fall into this trick.

Astray I was in the miserable world, to be weighed down by many circumstances. I was considered to be homeless. Abandoned. Distant from the happiness I was in touch with before. The universe betrayed me to be this way, to rob me of the right to be happy. From there, I drowned in my own distress and sorrow, that I won't be able to turn back to those golden memories...that they are gone from reality. When I lost all of my will to wander aimlessly with no goal in life, I met a man that happened to be in my pointless path. He pitied me like most would do so when in contact with the homeless, but he was different. I expected for him to leave me be, but instead, he offered the chance to stay at his house until I was capable on my own. Eager by the offer itself, I immediately take the offer, blind to see what lies behind those persuading words. I only remained in his household for a week. Not just because I didn't accept any further assistance from him, but that he was the one to escort me out of the world and beyond.

His smile turned to a sneer. The gentle care into sinful inattention. I had no insight to escaping this fate. Oh no. He made my vision obscure with a cloth tied around my careful eyes...and that was it. Yes, I passed on. There's no doubt about it. However, I never found out why his actions drastically turned on me. Unfortunately, that was not the case anymore. I had no more association with the living, and I had the dead atmosphere to cope for me. Never did I bring up the memories of the last moments of happiness I had, it only disturbed me further than ever. This afterlife was already dreadful as it is. My life is commited to this world, and that it has become my husband. For no one else would join me here, to sacrifice whatever joyful activity they may be in.

Alongside with my loneliness and torture of the nothingness, I am glad on the other side. For am I to be free of the other hurtful deeds that are cast in living life. Oh, I would never want to be neglected there again. I might as well say that being neglected here was impossible, as the nothingness tormented me continuously for ages. The bittersweet feeling to be given attention by this nothingness made me feel no so alone in this darkness. You can say that I'm going insane, but what other purpose do I have if I were to be sane in an empty void that would never have another person? That is why I have chosen to take this...death penalty that I have thrown myself into, and endure it as much as I would to the close loved ones I once known.

By this day, until I become a lesser former of myself, I shall breathe in deprived blankness, and savour it with the assistance of my eroding sanity's last moments. I am dead to the world, and soon to be dead in the world after.

With a theme like Death, it was to be expected that we'd see some dark entries this month, but according to the voters, it would seem that Gardevoirgirl nailed the dark theme with her eerie, descriptive and poetic tale of a girl already tossed into the abyss of death, lost in the emptiness that came with it, until finally simply accepting it. The emotions conveyed with this entry were plenty to earn her the votes, as well as a deserved WOTM win. So congratulations!

Gardevoirgirl: Please PM Contra Fates about your custom user title.

I now encourage all writers who participated this month to use the next couple days to reveal themselves and respond to comments/critique given before the next Guidelines thread is up.

[Silver carrot]

Congrats, Gardevoirgirl!



Yeah, I was entry 1. Why did you have to make me sound like a rotten cheat?

I was under the impression we had to put all bias aside, so I did


Not even sure if I can face competing again. Feel like trash now.

[gardevoirgirl76]

Woah, thanks guys for liking my entry! I wasn't really satisified with it considering that it may seem short, and could had put a bit more effort into it. Didn't really had the time to anyways. I just felt like my writing style copes with the "Death" theme so much, so I felt comfortable when working on this. So, thank you guys! It was fun.

[Kagamine]

Congrats, Gardevoirgirl!



Yeah, I was entry 1. Why did you have to make me sound like a rotten cheat?

I was under the impression we had to put all bias aside, so I did


Not even sure if I can face competing again. Feel like trash now.

It was clearly stated both on this thread directly (under "voting rules") as well as on the general Guidelines/Rules thread that voting for yourself is against the rules. It's not as if you're barred from the contest completely because of it- it only results in a one-time disqualification. But, since rules are rules, it would only be fair to disqualify you because of that. As entrants, you're expected to read and understand the rules.

Edit: And to be clear, we managers are out to make sure people follow the rules, but we do not aim to humiliate them. If you didn't want it to be known that you were the self-voter, then you didn't have to say anything, and could've addressed me in private about the matter.