The Anonymous Spam Confessionary.

[Serpentine]

Have an embarrassing moment/thought/story (spam or real life related) and don't want to have your name attached? Share your Spam Confessions here and remain totally anonymous even to the OP!

Click here to type and send in your confession. When confessions are received, I will then re-post them for all to see.

Also, if I find that some are too inappropriate to post, I will not re-post them. Also, if you would like a confession to be removed, just state in the confessions link survey thiiiing, and I will remove it - with reason, of course.

1. "I like monkeys."

2. "I am the bone of my sword
Steel is my body and fire is my blood
I have created over a thousand blades
Unknown to Death, Nor known to Life
Have withstood pain to create many weapons
Yet, those hands will never hold anything
So as I pray, unlimited blade works."

3. "I really like one of the members. *cough*bitchass tits McGee*cough*."

4. "I know every single word to Bohemian rhapsody."

5. "I own all the Twilight books and DVDs. Not really, I only killed a man."

6. "Sometimes when I walk to class I listen to the Mission Impossible Theme Song. Try it."

7. "Sometimes, when the cheese curls are aligned just right, my eyes turn into peanuts."

8. "I think Sherlock is hot."

9. "I'm actually a girl."

10. "I've had sex based dreams including various members of spam."

11. "I've never touched a penis."

12. "I'm actually Serpentine."

13. "Sometimes I feel I've got to run away."

14. "I'm a sham. "

15. "I had sex with Serpentine at least 20 times while I visited her."

16. "O.o This place looks fun XD. Have to post here more lol. Will totes fit in so long as I don't troll u guise . OK then I once ate a worm."

17. "EVERYBODY GET UP IT'S TIME TO SLAM NOW WE'VE GOT A REAL JAM GOING DOWN WELCOME TO THE SPACE JAM HERE'S YOUR CHANCE DO YOUR DANCE AT THE SPACE JAM
ALRIGHT."

18. "I would shamelessly bang some of my favorite spam members if we happened to meet up in person."

19. "Bela and Squee actually drive me nuts most of the time."

20. "Think? Sherlock is hot."

21. "I once got high on mushrooms and pissed into my best friends pool, also I'd sex everyone from spam."

22. "I am addicted to chocolate, and love cats.... obsessively."

23. "I've dreamt that Sophi got pregnant by Sherlock. I'm getting banned for that, aren't I?"

24. "I'd love for Bela and Squee to drive my nuts. Get it It's like sex."

25. "I've spent a significant amount of time calculating costs, figuring out the best travel methods and studying city maps in order to plan the deaths of several Spammers, just to see if it was viable."

26. "I farted and killed a Mexican village."

27. "Before Christmas I genuinely thought about killing my brother."

28. "I try really hard to make a few specific Spammers like me."

29. "What is life?"

30. "So I heard Sophi doesn't want spam members saying cunt and faggot. Your move. +"

31. "I think I might be asexual."

32. "I'm an alt."

33. "I appear cheerful to everyone. It's just an act."

34. "Being on spam makes me happier than being around my friends in real life."

35. "I think a lot of spammers are either rapists or murderers."

36. "I actually feel a little disappointed every time someone in Spam that I like announces that they are in a successful relationship. I have a habit of running through endless scenarios of events in my head, from the completely insane to the completely possible. Every time someone says that they think they've decided on their soulmate or they've started dating someone, one possibility dies right before my eyes."

37. "I would do any of the female members in spam because I'm a desperate, sexually depraved and utterly co-dependent individual. So basically every member of spam currently."

38. "I think I'm bisexual."

39. "I absolutely loathe Guru with every fiber of my being."

40. "I've pissed on someone's toothbrush once."

41. "I would fuck sophi kyuki narglehunter and smexyspiral so hard."

42. "Thanks for this thread, Serpentine."

43. "I remember my first beer."

44. "I wish I could let loose sometimes but I'm too withdrawn."

45. removed.

46. "I once had a dream that I was in a zombie apocalypse and that I encountered another spammer. Only that spammer killed my survivor group and took me hostage and proceeded to mash the butt of a assault rifle in my gut. I don't think I like that dream version of the spammer anymore."

47. "Sometimes I wish I was a woman so that I'd get more attention in Spam ;.;"

48. "I like to do the Cha Cha with Sophi."

49. "Some days I wish I was queer, so I can get chicks."

50. "If I could rank my top 5 members by amount of hot, it would be; 5. Natsume 4. Sole 3. Hank 2. Kyuki 1. Code Guru."

51. "I'm actually 8 years old."

52. "im maxipad."

53. "A love most of you, but you all really suck."

54. "I will post Horse Porn in 3 weeks time."

55. "NightStar (if anyone remembers her) is an emotionally underdeveloped wreck with severe histrionic personality disorder. I took advantage of that and I don't regret it."

56. "I get really happy when I see empty parking lots."

57. "I confess that I don't have an actual confession. Confidentially, I'm only confessing that so that I can join in the fun of confessing a confession in this confession box, made specifically for the purpose of confessing confessions in this confession thread. Consequently, the this thread is brought to you courtesy of the letter "C" and the number in front of this post. You're welcome."

58. "I hope sophi will see this message, remember that poem we made in Skype? about the Badger King?"

59. "I might be the only one who doesn't care about sHanked."

60. "I'm in the early stages of an RPG long-distance relationship. It's weird as."

61. "I have nudes of several spam members."

62. "I'm in the later stages of an RPG long-distance relationship. It won't end well."

63. "I live vicariously through the stories of spammers."

64. "I ship myself hard with myself."

65. "I was bulimic for three years and no one ever knew. I went through it and got over it alone."

66. "Spam Ships are just completely stupid and silly."

67. "Shipping isn't stupid. It's a mechanism for spam member to cope with the fact that they can't properly maintain real relationships, so they simulate this by shipping with each other."

68. "I picture what it would be like to meet some Spammers in person."

69. "I ship the people who wrote confessions 66 and 64."

70. "Drago told me he doesn't really remember his first beer. And that he hates the taste of it."

71. "The only bad thing I've really ever done was throw a stone at a car, I wasn't even punished for it but I never misbehaved again and that pretty much ruined my childhood.".

72. "I hate vests."

73. "I have an unhealthy obsession with sweets."

74. "I have an unhealthy obsession with Sophi."

75. "Sometimes when things are too much I'll bite my knuckles till it leaves a mark."

76. "I kind of like a spammer, but that spammer likes everyone, so I doubt things will go anywhere."

77. "I have a perfectly comfortable and reasonable obsession with Sophi."

78. "I would like to have a three-way with Sophi and Kyuki in a black van."

79. "Some nights I dream of Hank in my bed beside me, cuddling with me and telling me it will be okay."

80. "74 and 77, Sophi is mine. Deal with it."

81. "76 should talk to said spammer."

82. "In response to confession 76: It will never work between us."

83. "I still suckle on my thumb when I'm really tired."

84. "Some of this list is heavy, I'm tearing up reading it."

85. "I'm not actually gay, but my homosexuality has become such an integral part of my identity in Spam that I'm afraid of coming out as straight."

86. "Some songs make me cry because they remind me of how I've screwed up."

87. "I'm fed up with people treating me either as my disorders or as someone who's overcoming them. I'm me but and I'm struggling."

88. "I often consider breaking off contact with everyone I know and taking all the money I have saved up and driving away to meet all my internet friends."

89. "I've changed so much over the past year that I'm not really certain of how to identify myself anymore. I used to want the normal things out of life, family, friends, eventual marriage and kids. Now all I want is to be left alone. I want general solitude and booze and sex, independence, and art. Nothing else."

90. "There are times when I give into my anxiety and destroy myself internally; I lose all hope of a bountiful future and succumb to the belief that the paranoia I've been hold will become reality. There are some individuals that keep pushing me back onto my feet, but I have become so reliant on them I am very unsure of what I would do if they were not there."

91. "I really wish Sole and Nargle would stop having sex in my shower "

92. "I'm a fantastic liar because I've had to be so my family don't see how miserable I am."

93. "All these people fussing over Sophi need to remember one thing: sHanked. huehueHUEHUEHUEEE"

94. "If this is confession 100 I'm going to dance around my room."

95. "@89, don't worry yourself with what the "usual" things are. Seek out what makes /you/ happy, as long as you're not hurting yourself or others."

96. "Reading this list, I either want to laugh or give everyone big hugs. I have mixed feelings about this, but I'm glad it's here."

97. "Whoever gets 100, the confession better be good."

98. "Some of these confessions really concern me. And some I wish I could post..but I can't. Not so much an anonymous confession because, hey.

99. "In response to 90, you'll pull through, stop doubting yourself."

100. "I need a hug."

101. "There are times I hope most of spam forgets me."

102. "I love everyone here but I act like I hate you all.

103.

104. "I have severe anxiety to the point where I've thrown up just trying to tell my friend how I feel. My friends tell me to get help, but how am I supposed to talk to a stranger about not being able to talk?"

105. "I'm pretty sure I'm depressed. I beat myself down every day and convince myself I will never be anything. I feel unloved and unrecognized. And I know all of this is untrue but I can't control my thoughts anymore."

106. "Spam makes me happy, but some of the members are so despicable I regret ever finding this place."

107. "No matter what I've said to you, I'm not okay."

108. "I found love in a hopeless place."

109. "I'm seriously considering moving out of the country while I have the chance to do so without having to concern myself with things like a career I'm stuck with or people I might not want to leave. This is less of a confession and more so something that I'm excited about, but I know a lot of people would be really upset and the confession is that I don't really care."

110. "There are times when I look in the mirror and I just feel the need to rip my face off."

111. "To whoever wrote TORTAS over and over again as a confession, I'm going to rip your head off - Serpentine."

112. "The first thing we were taught is that guilt is a ghost that slowly consumes your soul until nothing remains. I'm somewhat worried that it's becoming true, but I'm having far too much fun shooting and cutting living things to care most of the time."

113. "Sometimes, I wish I had dicks for hands, so if people start talking shit, I take out my rock hard dick hands and pounding their shit. I'd probably be charged with rape or something but whatever."

114. "I've had a dream that made me feel much more than I've ever felt while I was awake."

115. "I figured I would have a lot to say, but I can't think of anything right now."

116. "I lost two years of my life to angry and destructive behavior."

117. This message is only viewable by Gold members. - Sorry

118. "People on Spam know me better than anyone in real life does."

119. "Every ounce of wisdom I have ever gained was from wrecking my own life."

120. "I have a really big crush on a spammer, and I'm fairly certain they like me back, but I'm never going to bring it up because I dont feel like I should have another relationship."

121. "@116&119 You guys should hang out."

122. "If you have big tits, you are popular. If you have a big dick, you are feared."

123. "It's a tough life... being feared."

124. "I ruined a good relationship but came out better for it."

125. "I learned English by watching hip-hop gangsta movies while I was between the ages of 8 and 12."

126. "I detest a lot of people here, but, I like a lot more people than I despise."

127. "Hank and Sophi would make the most adorable babies. Then Hank will probably proceeds to go josef fritzl on his children and leave Sophi with Stockholm syndrome."

128. "You people need to get laid."

129. "I stay on RPG because I met the girl of my dreams here and leaving would feel like waking up."

130. "I have only one ball down below."

131. "All my life, I've hidden behind a fake smile, a little lie that "I'm ok". Truth is I'm not. I've had to deal with anger, depression, anxiety, and abuse my entire life, yet I always kept smiling and hiding my pain. I push people away because I don't want anyone to find out or worry, especially the people I care about most. But lately I feel as if I'm losing control, all the emotions that I have suppressed all these years have become overpowering. I'm afraid, afraid that I'm going to lose myself to them, afraid of what I am. Rage has started seeping through the cracks, effecting my personality. My sorrow has become so overpowering that I can't think straight. I've even started shutting out the one person that knows me best, because I fear what may happen should they see whats becoming of me. I'm afraid of myself."

132. "I stay in Spam because I met the boy of my life and leaving makes me afraid of losing him."

133. "I cannot believe Myyt got laid."

134. "The moment half of spam gets of their asses and do something with their lives. Is the moment America gets out of the Recession."

135. ""What is life?" Life is good, suck it bitches."

136. "I have deep interest in one of you spammers, a crush, but I highly doubt it's a mutual thing. I restrain myself from bringing it up because of that. I also do not want to have them leave me if it happens."

137. "I wish people wouldn't obsess so much over douchebags like Hank or Jorick, or drool all over people like Bela, Sophi or Holmes."

138. "I'm very concerned about the number of "Sophi Admirers" that spam has generated. I see why she isn't willing to share any personal details about her life."

139. "Most of what I post is a lie, while I was true when I first showed up on the site; I have since changed many of my thoughts. I now maintain the internet personality you know and hate while at the same time, most of my IRL beliefs are very opposite to those I express on the site. MINDFUCK!!"

140. "While I enjoy the apathetic feel of Spam, I think around half the members need to realize that their anti-social lifestyle isn't cool, nor is their lack of relationship success, and they need to cowboy the fuck up. I'll even sign this one.-RPG101"

141. "I just coughed on chili and snorted it through my nose."

142. "Stop being a wimp. If you have a crush on someone, tell them. It'll be good for the both of you, or however many people you want."

143. "I find it annoying when people suck e-dicks in Spam. Frankly, none of them fucking deserve it."

143. "I had a conversation about porn last night with a certain banned member. Turns out they don't watch it."

144. "Ironically enough, people on Spam seem to be less dickish when completely anonymous."

145. "Drago is awesome, though he's sometimes a dick, but I don't care. Drago <3"

146. "Sole isnt that bad of a spammer. he's actually pretty nice."

147. "Pally should grow a pair."

148. "Although people seem to like me, I hate myself. I feel the only reason I can't kill myself, is I don't want to be seen badly by those I've come to love and see as friends."

149. "I completely understand why people obsess over Hank -- he's funny, intelligent, really handsome and super amazing at everything. But Jorick's a fat midget dwarf poser muggle bitch. Ewwww."

150. "Posting in the Picture thread has become a way for me to remind myself I am am not becoming bald like my brother."

151. "Gifs are the devils invention. Witless fucking peons the lot of you."

152. "I'm very concerned about there not being enough Sophi admirers out there. With enough of them we could start using our collective computing power to determine her location and start sending her flowers."

153. "ohmygod sophi is the hottest bitch around. i wish i were sophi. sophi sophi moar soph."

154. "I don't always confess, but when I do, I make sure to whip out my manpendage and send the pictures to women on RPG."

155. "I got angry at my girlfriend once and yelled at her, later on I had my knife to my throat in the bathroom and almost killed myself, and I always thought SHE was the unstable one."

156. "144 that also depends on which ones are being cut out."

157. "My sanity dwindles, and I scare myself at times."

158. "Among the several that I dislike, there is truly only one person in Spam that I find despicable and actually hate."

159. "Foxes, Sora, Elendra, and Rose are some of the closest friends I've found on RPG and are people I care about deeply, I don't even care if half of them don't reciprocate or feel the same way, I genuinely hurt when these 4 people are feeling pain in their lives, and sometimes I just wish I could fix all their issues with a magic wand."

160. "I think bandwagon threads are fucking stupid."

161. "How do you tell someone you like them when you've barely spoken?"

162. "This Sophi admiration is sick and disturbing and clearly Sherlock deserves the attention more "

163. "I loathe Dutch people."

164. "I have managed to lie, manipulate, schmooze, and get my way either through lies, using other people, or being incredibly kind with every staff member except for Guru Gloin and Sophistikit. That not only scares me because of how manipulative I am, but Holy shit Sophistikit, lrn2emote."

165. "WHY DID I SEND YOU A PM. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME. HOWDOICONFESSION"

166. "mnsdcfvjokwcedmnkowedcmnkowdcpomkwcedmkowecrmnjwe dcomkjkwecomkeqdmiocwedoimwecimowecmiowecmiowecimo wce i can't decide if I want to be serious or retarded."

167. "To all those pining for spammer love, having had multiple online relationships start here, it's not the best route to take for things. The guys or girls you fawn over likely don't feel the same towards you. Yes, there will be those exceptions that work, but... well look at the conditions of it? Didn't TURT and BLUEROSE meet through Spam or something? You know, TURT? Anyway, you see the point I'm trying to make. Maybe."

168. "I think people hate me because I get in moods where everything irritates me. But it is mostly from feeling hopeless in life, has nothing to do with the person I'm talking to. I just wish I could change that about myself."

169. "I really hope most of these 'serious' ones are trolling. Because y'all motherfuckers are pathetic as shit."

170. "There's three kinds of people I hate in Spam. The Hanks, the Sophis and the Natsumes. And I'm pretty sure I like the Natsumes the most."

171. "This is the only forum I actually frequent."

172. "Here's an answer to 161. Walk up, talk to them. Ask for their number. If you get shot down you can stop whining, if you get the number, continue talking until you fuck up. Or just man up."

173. "I would date Squee, Sophi, and Sherlock. Not just because of base physical attraction, they're all women I would love to hang out with and stuff in real life. Shit, I'd be happy with just being friends with them. #I'msofuckingbeta."

174. "There should be a separate thread for crush confessions alone."

175. "I'm not nearly as big an asshole as Spam sees me, I just act that way to get people to like me. "

176. "These confessions should be put into multiple hiders, so you don't have to scroll through so many."

177. "Hey, 167 Rose and I are getting married, so what the hell do you know."

178. "If you're secretly in love with Awson, I bet he'll be totally okay with it. Go talk to him."

179. "I used to cyber a lot randomly, but then I became a fairly decent writer, thanks to the guild and roleplaying here. Now when I try to get into someone's virtual pants, their writing, grammar, and everything is just so atrocious that I can't. It's really fucking annoying."

180. "I'd like to have a relationship that's not long-distance for a change, but no sign of that changing anytime soon."

181. "I've always wanted to choke someone to death."

182. "I actually really dislikes Sophi. Yall are strange as fuck."

183. "I like people to think I'm dummer than I am, I'm not really sure why."

184. "I AM PRETENDING TO BE HANK. I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANY OF YOU. I WANT TO KILL YOU ALL BUT NOT REALLY BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO GET ARRESTED AND BECOME A PRISON BITCH."

185. "I used to be a great mediocre roleplayer and RPG didn't put any effort into making me better, but one day I started cybering on a high-quality site and it really upped my game. Now whenever I want to describe myself having copious amounts of intercourse with a pony-shaped doll, I can do that in such detail it'll make the most unwilling MLP fan wet his panties."

186. "<3TeamSherlock6eva<3"

187. "I left Spam for a while just to make people stop obsessing over me. I can't handle being in the spotlight for long so I had to get the fuck out of it."

189. "I like Smiral's taste in music."

190. "I've done a lot of sexual roleplaying. I mean, a lot of it, far more than I've done non-sexual roleplaying. However, to keep my cover, I act disgusted and disturbed whenever someone brings it up. Whoever you are, #185, we should get together and have some fun. "

191. "Most people that think I'm either a weirdo, a douche, an idiot, and anything else really don't know me. - Darkdrago."

192. "There should have been something like this for Valentines, with secret admirer letters and stuff. We kind of have that going on already."

193. "I thoroughly enjoy it when Sophi drinks whiskey and curses extensively because she hates it so much. That desire to become drunk clashing with her revolt at the taste being expressed so violently is absolutely hilarious."

194. "What exactly constitutes too inappropriate? Like, is there an arbitrary number of times I can say profanities? If I said penis 4 times, would you post it? What about 5? I need to know!"

195. "Writing these is fun."

196. "MEAN THING TOWARDS HANK HERE #STEREOTYPESAREALWAYSCORRECT."

197. "Hank you suck~Sole."

198. "@#190. I don't think #185 is serious. I also don't know if you're serious. I also don't know if I'm a walrus. Nothing is true, everything is permitted. O.O"

199. "I like the way #192 thinks. Sounds like a fabulous idea. "

200. "All of you guys with feels should just PM the person you have feels for saying "Hey I can't hold all of these feels for you" and just see where it goes from there."

201. "My first experience with roleplaying was on a Lord of the Rings related site. /geek"

202. "I don't know how to accept compliments because I hate myself."

203. "I don't know whether to laugh or cry about these confessions. I'm leaning more to the laughter. And I laugh because some of these people are wimps. I also laugh because some people are just ridiculous. I mean, seriously? But that's Spam for you."

204. "I actually don't have a problem with Hank, or 99% of the people on here for that matter. -KB"

205. "I've never posted a picture of myself because I hate the way I look."

206. "We've seen that the people of spam will reveal their secrets anonymously, but I think the question on all our minds now is... will it blend? *takes out a blender* Let's find out!"

207. "@206 I really hate people that use asterisks to describe actions. Please die."

208. "I am the wolf."

209. "I've never been in a relationship."

210. "I admire some of the Spammers. They are quite funny. Have their wise moments. And amusing."

211. "I stab myself with thumbtacks when I'm angry in an attempt to get my mind off of it."

212. "I've considered provoking my step dad into full out physical abuse just to get rid of him."

213. removed.

214. "Okay 207 *dies*"

215. "There are some people on Spam that I really want to get to know and get close to, but I'm not sure how to go about it without seeming intrusive."

216. "Whenever I gather up my courage to admit that I like someone, I find out that they're in a relationship immediately afterwards. Or they're internet strangers."

217. "I used to struggle with depression and think a lot about killing myself. Spam was one of the things that got me through it. The antidepressants helped too, but Spam was part of it. <3"

218. "I'm genuinely racist towards blacks and Arabs. Both are, as far as I'm concerned, fundamentally flawed races that have far too high a predisposition towards unreasonable behavior and violence to ever succeed as a society."

219. "I like your eyes, dollface. Whatever color they are."

220. "If you divide a relationship in three stages (flirting/advancement/relation), I confess that I'm only good at the first and the latter. I honestly wouldn't be able to tell you when it's a good time to take it a step further even if it was smacked in my face like a over sized sausage."

221. "Hey #207, I absolutely agree with you. I fucking hate it when people do that, it looks so damned retarded. I'm not even going to be anonymous with this one, they need to know who hates them and their actions. - Jorick"

222. "I know people are unresponsive to me because I share little to nothing with spam. But when I feel like shit about myself I really really wish someone would take an interest in me the way they do with asshole celebrities like Jorick and useless attention whores like Clirkus."

223. "I showed my dick to someone a few days ago and I regret it. Normally I wouldn't, but geez, I couldn't have picked a worse person... If you're looking at this, let's just pretend that never happened. Also, I'm probably never going to talk to you again."

224. removed.

225. "215 Just drop them a PM saying hi or talk to them in thread, if they enjoy the conversation they'll remember and if not they'll forget about it eventually."

226. "I think KB's fucking hot- Aza"

227. "I got another story, something to get off my chest, my life is kind of boring, got something that I can confess, SOMETHING SOMETHING SLEEVES STAINED WEE COMMAS."

228. "I confess that I've been in a heavy depression for a good four or five months last year without anyone ever noticing it, because I'm just that good at hiding it."

229. "I really want to be like Sherlock. She seems far to perfect to be real and I kind of hate her for it because it makes me feel crappy about myself."

230. "Taaja Hart is my world. ilu bby <333333333333"

231. "Foxes had to explain to me what pedant meant, and then I felt really dumb because I thought it meant ass-kisser. It doesn't, pedants are people who use big words when they really don't have too. Also, Serp, you regret making this thread yet?"

232. "I have talked shit about almost everyone in spam with another spammer. I don't feel bad because we're honest, and we almost always turn out to be right."

233. removed.

234. ""I hate Sophi so much, that if I ever felt even a single bit of love for her, I'd die on the spot." -Zed"

235. "I adore Taaja Hart but she doesn't adore me."

236. "#222, woah, woah, hold on a second there. How dare you call me an asshole celebrity? I'm not a celebrity. Fuck you."

237. "People of Spam make me unsatisfied with myself, and I hate myself for having such petty thoughts."

238. "I wish I wasn't so shy and self-conscious... on an Internet forum, of all things."

239. "Sometimes I pee in the shower."

240. "Why don't people just say the names of the people they're anonymously loving or hating? It's anonymous, yo. I find Smiral's attitude and facial region attractive. Never talk to her though."

241. "My greatest fear is that I am not a good person and that I might ruin the lives of others inadvertently."

242. "To be really honest, I have to agree with @229. Sherlock has astounding amounts of self-taught talent, a great marriage and strong personality despite a rough youth. I couldn't be more jealous of her for being able to be that good a person and it makes me feel less worthy to be alive."

243. "This is so fucking cathartic it's unbelievable."

244. "To all those people talking about Taaj: No. Go away. Mine D="

245. "I actually really like Taaj and no, this is not a troll."

246. "I hate the spammers who have that Skype group. I bet they're talking shit right now."

247. "For all the hate Hank gets, I personally like him a lot. Mostly because he isn't like ActRaiser, Drakel, and a few others who use STRONG CHRISTIAN VALUES to support being awful, and instead just acts the way we would if we had nuts. Hank you're awesome <3"

248. "sparkle~*"

249. "@233 I've had that same thought many times before."

250. "I sometimes wonder...If I'm an asshole like "some people act" or "are claimed to be", will I become popular? And then I remember: Nah, I have my sarcasm. That's good enough. And I don't need to be like the famous celebrities of Spam."

251. "#246 - The Skype group is still on? DID THEY CHANGE ROOMS? THE SHIFTY BASTARDS."

252. "@240: because people can easily do process of elimination and figure out who you are, for ex. im 90 and my friend figured that out too easily."

253. "#246, you are absolutely correct. #Skype4lyfe"

254. "Herzinth's weirdness is attractive."

255. "Warning: Applesauces causes mouthgasms."

256. "I think Sole and Smiral would make a great couple, and are both very open to the idea of getting to know each other better, but neither wants to make the first move. I've talked with both of you and like sebastian says in the little mermaid if you don't do nothing Ain’t that sad, Ain’t it shame, too bad, You gonna miss the girl."

257. "Hope you feel better, Serp!"

258. "I agree with 243."

259. "I AM A STRONG, INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I AIN'T GOT TIME FO DAT. -taaj"

260. "I confess that the idea 'nice guys finish last' applies to spam well, seeing as the jerks (whether sincere or acting) get far more attention than those who are attempting to be genuinely nice."

261. "I have a crush on a certain spammer, though I really like her I'm not sure how to tell her my feelings.I don't want to make anything awkward....So I am waiting for my chance to tell her how I feel."

262. "I like Jorick even though I don't think hes as funny as people act like. I disagree with him most of the time too."

263. "I feel that people on the guild are too afraid to attempt a relationship with one another because they fear the distance."

264. "I don't get the hype with " Always Sunny In Philadelphia" It's a horribly unfunny, crappy show that just gives the white trash of America something to relate to."

265. "I saw Herzinth when he had his rabbit set and wondered why people ever thought he was a girl. Then he changed his set and I thought "Oh.""

266. "255 With cinnamon?"

267. "After receiving all sorts of praise and love in this Confessionary, Sophi has decided to start lookin4love. She's very lonely and is looking for a soulmate. Loves long walks on the beach and making plushies. Contact her on Skype, her Skype ID is the same as her username here."

268. "Sometimes, I don't know what to do, I just want to confess my love for Jorick...I love him with all my heart."

269. "Sometimes I wish I could stop acting so fake on the internet, but I've grown so accustomed to it that I've sort of locked myself into that persona on all the sites I like. I'm nothing at all like my online persona, but I can't break away from it or people will know I'm a huge phony. =/"

270. "I ate all the Kit Kat bars."

271. "I almost cried when Kid Flash of Young Justice died. -whoops, spoiler alert-"

272. "My favorite people are: Hank, Kenyi, Sophi, Holmes, David, Jorick, and Taaj"

273. "254 and 265. . . I love you guys. Anonymously. Double blind experiment. sparkle~*"

274. "No one I've known IRL has ever shown romantic interest in me. It's kind of discouraging."

275. "@266 yes. Makes it even more better."

276. "#261 SERIOUSLY SOLE, JUST TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL, IT'S NOT A SECRET TO ANYONE BUT THE TWO OF YOU OHMAIGOD"

277. "I wish I never found this place."

278. "I could have been a mod but I didn't want any backlash or fake niceness."

279. "This thread may be the most beautiful thing spam has ever produced <3"

280. "The fact that I'm no longer as popular and beloved in Spam as I once was has made me a spiteful person on the forums, and most of what I do and say reflects this."

281. "I'll never admit it to anybody, but my back is slowly deteriorating to the point where in ten years or so, I will be completely disabled. I speak to nobody of it because I refuse to be thought of as a lesser being in this day and age."

282. "Why are the feels so real?"

283. "I miss the guy I'm in love with. If only these things would last."

284. "I have a mind that can conjure endless thoughts and a mouth that can't vocalize them. That's why I'm so manic. I think I think too much."

285. "I'm racist against my own race, and have no remorse about it."

286. "I confess that this thing is slowing down. I suggest we all turn our heads and stare at Serp at the same time. Like Myyt, expect without moaning."

287. "I'm a virgin."

288. "The only reason I haven't offed myself yet is because people give a shit about me. I don't know why, but there's a few people that do."

289. "240: FINE I LIKE CLIRKUS."

290. "I read gay porn."

291. "275 Share my apple pie with me."

292. "I ate my twin in the womb."

293. "My sex drive is always in over-drive but I'm too afraid to do anything about it."

294. "Me too, 287."

295. "I want Spam to accept me."

296. "I suppress myself sexually. Probably not good, but I am afraid of what would happen or what I would let myself do if I gave into it."

297. "I prefer lesbian porn even though I'm a straight chick."

298. "I know someone obsessed with yaoi and has gotten me addicted to it. Damn you."

299. "291 Of course.*holds out plate* ^^~"

300. "I haven't been mentioned in a confession yet. This actually really disappoints me."

301. "@300 You're fucking welcome, fuckass."

302. "@300, that's okay, we still love you, Foxes."

303. "I honestly really care about a lot of people here, even if I don't know them very well, and I try to be open and friendly to everyone because we're all human and we all have our insecurities and sometimes we just want someone who will make us smile, so I try to do just that."

304. "Mammoth wouldn't be as popular if people knew what he really did."

305. "He makes his feelings painfully aware, but I just can't return the favor. Every time he shows affection towards me, I remember just how awful I really am."

306. "In the arrrrmms of an angel~ Hi I'm Sarah McLachlan and I'm here to ruin your whole freaking day."

307. "I think people don't follow what I do or say very well and that's what gives them a poor opinion of me."

308. "Get help people."

309. "297, you're not the only one."

310. "@261: Tell her."

311. "I really miss the old Foxes. The eloquent playwright that made us all laugh with his well-crafted nonsense. Alas, poor Brendan, I knew him, Spam; a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy."

312. "Elitism in this community really bothers me. The truth of the matter is, there's only a handful of people in Spam whose personas are truly unique and reputable. If your persona is based around bad sexual innuendo and shitty reactions images/gifs, fuck you. You're all bad copy cats of each other and you're all too obsessed with snorting your own farts to see it."

313. "I literally contemplate suicide every single day. Every opportunity in which I could off myself, the whole scene plays out in my head. The weird part is that I'm really not even depressed, I'm just done living. I'm relatively happy. I've had my fun, I've played my part, I'm just done. If I did it, nobody would have any idea why."

314. "Somebody mention me in their confession godammit."

315. "Foxxel5eva."

316. "Haha reading this shit over makes me want to off myself."

317. "I can calmly say that I (281) am neither TP nor Elendra. But the kind thoughts are appreciated."

318. "I'd be interested to know how many of the deep confessions belonged to the popular people of spam. I can easily imagine an angsty 2013er walking in and spewing their problems."

319. "Some of these confessions I'm reading in the results are making me laugh too much, and it hurts. "

320. "Everyone confess their love for each other in 3, 2, 1..."

321. "I completely agree with #254. It's too bad he's a guy."

322. "I used to have a crush on Smiral but then I realized I was being kinda creepy about it, so I gave it up and moved on."

323. "I constantly have genderbendws dreams. My genderbended self is always super hot. I want to fuck my genderbended self more than I want to fuck actual people. That's top tier narcissism my friends."

324. "@Everyone moping about someone they like "

325. "I have joined the skype group and am observing them in their natural habitat. These creatures are truly terrifying and I fear my safety and my sanity. Hank's looking at me. Oh god. Oh god, help. Ohw092p;1;10[/"

326. "I wish people like 312 would say it openly because it needs to be said."

327. "Too many thoughts running through my head... I can't think."

328. "@312 I agree. And my opinion means a lot, you see, I am very important."

329. "I hate serp. Yes, this is svenn." ♥u2

330. "I wish I posted more, but despite all the time I spend lurking here I always hold back."

331. "Fuck you, Hank, you Dutch bastard."

332. "300 dont worry. I've never been in anything by anyone before~"

333. "I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me... but I can't help it that I'm so popular."

334. "I'm getting a lot of satisfaction from posting these and seeing them go up. I don't know why."

335. "Rocketman should post more often."

336. "I think love that panda is hot and am uncomfortable with my hypothetical pedophilia."

337. "I think Taaj is hot."

338. "I'm going to be leaving Spam forever in a few days. I really hope this action doesn't hurt anyone here, but it's something I've gotta do. This isn't due to the usual retarded reasons that people have for leaving Spam, and I'm not really allowed to say anything about my situation, which is why I'm doing this anonymously and there will be no leaving thread. Humorously enough, this won't be the last many of you will see of me, but rather the first you will see of me. Again, can't go into detail, but you'll know, and hopefully get a laugh out of it, soon enough."

339. "I wish people would stop confessing to respond to other confessions. You're wasting my fucking time making me scroll back up and find which loser you were consoling on the off chance you were being ironic."

340. "I don't have a spam crush. I don't have a crush at all, from a mixture of "I don't think of them like that" and "Eh, we wouldn't work anyway". That said, am I lonely? Well, from a strictly romantic point of view, yes. But you know what? I'm not fucking lonely when it comes to friends. Spam, you guys are fucking awesome, even when you're a bunch of horrible pricks. Not sure if despite the latter, or because of it. Probably both."

341. "My nipples twist and explode every time I see a stupid cat thing on the internet."

342. "I almost shot my sister with an arrow - Svenn" True story.

343. "Serp didn't post my Taaj confession. The one about her being my favorite victim and stuff. It's there." - Sorry about that, didn't see it.

344. "My father has lived in my mind a sad, and a bit pathetic life. It makes me cry every time I think about how he must feel everyday."

345. "Serp's set is disturbingly hot."

346. "I want to shoot 336, who is non-hypothetically a pedophile."

347. "Pop punk is the shittiest music genre of all time, and if you listen to it, I hope your balls fall off."

348. "338 is Smiral, expect her I hope she visits me."

349. "I die a little inside whenever I submit a confession and it doesn't make the list."

350. "I contemplated suicide when I was eight because I didn't understand the point of living when we were all just going to die in the end."

351. "Half the stuff I could post I don't and I should."

352. "I love my boobs more than I love most people - FACT"

353. "Hey, 129. I met the guy of my dreams on RPG and I keep coming back because I don't like what it feels like to be awake."

354. "To whoever confessed the dolphin tits gif, you don't think I open pictures before posting them?" Tsk tsk - Serp"

355. "I'm going to die young and tragically."

356. "I pretend to be friends with Clirkus, because that's the only way I feel I'll be accepted in Spam. I'm so tired of being a mindless seat in this internet hugbox echo-chamber."

357. "Don't hide it, Sophi. You know you want me."

358. "I find incest super hot but none of my family members are attractive."

359. "I find it funny when people confuse me for someone else because I'm the coolest cunt around, ain't nobody takin that spot light yaknowatimsayin?"

360. "Bai 338. You'll be missed for about ten minutes. Afterwhich, these slack jawed idiots will get distracted by something else that could make Hank look intelligent for once."

361. "You can't stop true love, 346! Follow your heart 336! Follow your penis! FOLLOW THEM TO THE END~ <3"

362. "346 Man, you just don't understand ok? He or she isn't a pedophile, he just like... Really thinks she's hot ok?"

363. "Tonight, on Dateline: An Look Inside Hank's Angry Vagina."

364. "I've lost over 35 lbs since October. I didn't make a thread about it because I didn't want you guys to know I was fat in the first place."

365. "I actually wish I was able to develop online friendships with some of you people, but I am so bad at social relationships that it burns, I secretly just want belonging behind my pathetic attempts at being a hard-ass."

366. "Why am I the only one that is putting my name after all them?"

367. "

I'd write a porn for that.

You are porn for that."

368. "352, I love your boobs more than I love most people - OPINION"

369. "I wish Foxes would become an amateur gay porn star and slowly lose the light in his eyes."

370. "I have stopped myself from meeting Spammers IRL because I found out they were fat."

371. "Someone should make a story/comic/something interesting about this."

372. "280, I want to post in the thread saying I agree with you, if you come out with it, I will too."

373. "Thank you, David. You've seen me act my absolute worst, and yet you still say nice things about me. I'm sorry I'm not so good at reciprocating. Sometimes your statements make me uncomfortable because I'm not good at taking compliments (and frankly, you oversell me quite often), but they have helped me a lot. You kinda make everything okay about this place."

374. "Sometimes, when I'm snuggled in Hanks strong confident hands, and his chest hair tickles my neck in such a way that sends chills down my spine. I think about how much he means to me, the smell of his manhood and the feel of his breath as he whispers against my ear let's me know I am truly the luckiest man on Earth. Hank, you know who this is. Will you marry me."

375. "I constantly dream about Sophistikit as a super hero saving me from mundane problems in my life."

376. "I'm paranoid that my real life friends would see my activities and posts on spam. My spam persona isn't really flattering and some of the people on here aren't exactly top-notch."

377. "I use way more toilet paper than I should, because I'm scared to death of getting shit on my hands."

378. "I'm not the coward, Sophi. You know."

379. "@360, Being an antisocial cunt won't make anyone think you're cool, kiddo. If you truly think so negatively of the people here, stop coming here, because the only person with a fucking problem is you. Love 338."

380. "People think I'm a guy, but I'm actually a woman. I've kept up the charade for over a year because I know people will treat me differently if they knew I'm female."

381. "371 I'm on it - Sole"

382. "377 Toilet paper? Who uses that?"

383. "I honestly don't know if Nat is a man or a woman."

384. "@381: Yes!"

385. "I wish Foxes would reveal everything about his RD if he doesn't plan on finishing it."

386. "One of the women on RPG sent me a nude. It was a dick pic."

387. "Sometimes I imagine spammers who hate eachother having sex, just to punish them in my mind."

388. "I've done porn when I was in desperate need of money, on two separate occasions. It wasn't all that bad, honestly."

389. "381 I'm not actually Sole, but I'm sure he's on it"

390. "I'm preventing myself from making a Sophi love confession out of mercy."

391. "379 People have to be antisocial cunts because you people would have been an asshole to him/her for no apparant reason."

392. "I think tentacles are hot, and for this reason I hold a soft spot in my heart for Grif."

393. "I often have sexual roleplays with random strangers on Omegle."

394. "I am actually a huge worry-wart. So when I do something online that makes me feel guilty, I can't go to sleep without writing a full-on apology to that person."

395. "I still collect action figures."

396. "You are all a sad, sad bunch. But that's OK. I needed the laughter."

397. "I'm a pushover because I hope if I act like a doormat it will make make up for what I've done."

398. "I used to be in special education in public school before I ended up on honor roll for all 4 years of high school. I still take insults to my intelligence very personally and can feel insecure about myself, even though I feel more intelligent than most people."

399. "I consider a large part of spam and rpg to be a bunch of close minded, lazy, couch surfing white trash."

400. "I am 8 weeks pregnant."

[Hellis]

This can only end well.

[Serpentine]

[Ruby]

This can only end well.

Laughter is the only way to start the day. =)

[Hellis]

I'd contribute. But at the moment my brain is drawing blanks.

[Serpentine]

That's fine. Take your time. Doesn't have to be a super big confession. Can even be "I like the way I'm dressed today. Or something that's just uber silly and irrelevant.

[Hellis]

"I like the way I'm dressed today" would tottaly give me away.... I'll think of something.

[Serpentine]

Updated.

[Valcherion]

Fate/Stay Night, fuck yeah!

[SmexySpiral]

I almost did a serious confession but then I remembered this is Spam.