The Kill Fucking Bones Advice Column

[Kill Bones]

Send me a PM describing any problem you're having, because I know you weirdass motherfuckers have like a billion fucking problems.

I'll post the problem anonymously, and prescribe a solution like only a KB could.

Then everyone else in the thread will point and laugh at how shitty you are, but at least they will have no idea who the shitty person is.

But it'll still be you.

Emo-Pussy-Sounding Motherfucker wrote:

"I have a problem with life. How should I address his manager?"

That's a great question, Emo-Pussy-Sounding Motherfucker!

Well, I hate to tell you this, but life doesn't have a manager. You see, life is not a person, because that'd be fucking stupid!

Now, don't despair just yet. I have a great idea on how to solve your problem. To fully grasp this idea, we must first understand the way you deal with people you have a problem with on RPG. How do you do such? With the ignore function, of course! So, applying that principle of running away from your problems to your issue with life itself...

Suicide is the answer.

Hide and Go To China wrote:

How do I smuggle myself abroad? I want to get out and see how much weirder other nation is compared to mine (lolUS).

Well, the first thing you'll need to do is gather up any belongings you can't live without, such as clothing, hygiene-maintenance tools, tampons, etcetera.

After you've got all of that, burn it.

Yeah.

Now, let the fire spread through your home, killing everyone inside as you make your escapé. You'll either be presumed dead, or you'll be hunted as a murderer.

If the latter is true, see my advice in Issue Number Uno.

If you got away with it, however, your next step is to find a ship that's heading to wherever you want to go.

Sneak onboard and kill the first male shipmate you see, and steal his uniform.

It's okay, he hates his life anyway.

Then simply act natural until the ship docks in wherever the fuck you want to go.

Would Bang wrote:
I wish to engage in sexual relations with you. How do I proceed?

First go to my apartment. If you have trouble finding it, just ask Sole and Nargle.

When you get there, it's literally as simple as having sex with me.

Just know my girlfriend will probably want to tap dat ass of yours also.

Threesomes are great.

Elab wrote:
I need advice....on needing advice. I don't know how to ask for advice from you on here.
Well, first you need to get a problem

I'll wait

















Got one?

Okay.

Now ask me how I could possibly help with your problem.

I won't really help, but I'll cuss a lot and make uncomfortable






Pauses

Also Elab wrote:
HOW DO I PROPERLY NOT PUSSY OUT WHEN I AM SUBMITTING A PROBLEM TO YOU?

That's a fucking stupid question Aza, shut the fuck up.

Concerned Boyfriend wrote:
I'm having trouble with deez magnets...there is no hole for my ding a ling.

Should I break up with them?

I think you should first consider the enjoyment you get from simply being around your attractive friends. Remember, relationships aren't always about sex, except for when they are, which is all the time.

[ImANargleHunter]

How do I get out of your shower.

[Kill Bones]

How do I get out of your shower.

How did you get in my shower

[Sherlock Holmes]

This should be entertaining. XD

[Kill Bones]

This should be entertaining. XD

If anyone has the balls to PM me

I predict the weather will be cloudy with a chance of pussying out

[Sophistikit]

Advise these hooligans on how to get over their obsession with me

[ImANargleHunter]

How did you get in my shower

I fell while I was brushing my teeth. I think my cheek is bleeding

[Kill Bones]

I fell while I was brushing my teeth. I think my cheek is bleeding

What are you doing in my apartment

- - - Updated - - -

Advise these hooligans on how to get over their obsession with me

I was one of them, sorry

[Sophistikit]

I was one of them, sorry

Damnit

[Sole]

How do I get out of your shower?