What would you do if your mother was a severe alcoholic for the past 13+ years, and over this time, her physical health has degraded, her mental health has completely destabilized, she has pushed everyone around her away, and blames it on everyone but herself. She has refused to acknowledge her problems, until she fell and broke her leg, but even when the doctor has told her repeatedly to stop drinking, in no uncertain terms, she keeps buying alcohol even when she knows that the family does not have enough money to support her addiction. Through this all, she has insulted you, lied to you, betrayed all trust you've ever put in her. Has told you that she keeps trying to hide her drinking, because it gives her a "thrill" that she thinks that she is "pull one over your eyes." She has even insulted you in front of family friends, compared you, unfavorably, to family friend's children. To top this off, after several months of being bedridden, and forcefully sober where you have supported her, thanked her, and encouraged her, she returns to drinking to the point where she she can barely stand, let alone walk, almost nightly, bitches at you for not supporting her, and told you to "go fuck yourself." What would you do?
This is a tough situation and I'm sorry that you have to deal with it, but with someone who is an alcoholic to this degree, there isn't much you can do for them -- only they can make the change, themselves. You can tell them how it makes you feel and try get others to do the same, hoping that some of it will sink in and maybe make them see how destructive their behavior is (not only to themselves, but others around them), but only they can make the decision to stop drinking in the end.
If this pattern continues, even though it's your mother, you may have to make the decision to wash your hands of it. I know that sounds cold, but you
can't have that sort of a person in your life; emotional abuse is no joke and
no one should have to deal with it. Tell her that you love her, but you don't love her drinking and that, as an adult, she's free to choose which is more important to her. (You or the booze.) You'll happily support
her, but you can no longer support the choice she's willingly making to destroy herself (and eventually those around her) any longer. She may resist you at first, but having people pull away from her one by one may make her realize how lonely it is with nothing but an empty bottle to talk to. It could also have the opposite effect, too, and make her binge.. It's hard to say without knowing her, but the end result is the same -- she
has to hit bottom before she'll be willing to change her behavior. Otherwise, the vicious cycle will just continue..
Emotional abuse can be just as hurtful as physical abuse; the effects of emotional abuse are very long reaching and toxic behavior, even from those we love, is
not to be tolerated. (I speak from experience on both of those fronts.) We often excuse behavior from those we love, being afraid to abandon them because they 'need' us, or we're afraid that dismissing them makes us bad people for not sticking by them..
But it doesn't. At some point, you
have to put yourself first because, the sad fact is, their behavior may
never change..
And you have to accept that and move on with your life. I'm not saying you shouldn't have compassion for them, but if they're not willing to try and change, there's very little else you can do. You can't stick around and let them drag you down as well, however painful it might be to divorce yourself from the situation/person.
In the end, life is just too short.
If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to message me; sometimes a friendly ear is more helpful than anything when going through things like this. It's a simple thing, just having someone to listen to you, but it does help.
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Originally Posted by overwatch
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