Here is some dating advice.

[Turtlicious]

Whatever you do, do not take a plastic bag with you on your date as women will often mistake them for jellyfish and, attempting to eat them, suffocate.

You really don't ever need to do that thing where she looks cold so you offer her your jacket, it's really fucking cheesy, and the woman is unlikely to actually be cold as she can cheerfully live in minus 58 degrees Fahrenheit, so the jacket will probably just make her uncomfortably warm.

Talking of temperature, it's a myth that women need to live in cold climates, they simply need cold water in which to hunt and in fact there are more women in Australasia than anywhere else in the world. As well as hunting, the cold water will stop her skin from drying out and prevent dandruff; women forced to live in warmer waters may have issues with this, so think about reassuring her with a compliment. Something like "wow, you always look great, you must barely need to preen at all!"

Women have a gland above the nose that converts salt water to fresh water. Some women expel the excess salt through sneezing, and this can cause unsightly ridges along her beak. If you are a gentleman you will be able to look beyond this and not expect all women to look like the ones on the cover of National Geographic. Real women have flaws. Deal with it.

During molting it's true that some women are likely to become a little irritable and emotional. You should already know not to be a dick about it, but a lot of guys are reluctant to have sex when a woman is "on the molt" because they're grossed out. It'll do your relationship a lot of good if you can get over your squeemishness and still initiate sex; once you try it, you'll be glad you made the effort, and likely so will she as many women agree that sex during molting helps to relieve cramp pains. Be aware though that many will feel self-conscious and unattractive, so be extra nice.

Not all women like blowjobs, and that's fine, but I've always personally felt that oral sex is basically vital to a good sex life. If she's not into it it may be that she's had bad experience with past boyfriends being too pushy; the way to deal with it is to be totally cool with her not liking it and make it clear you have no problem; in general, as she trusts you more, she'll come around. Be aware though that all women have rows of backwards facing hooks lining the top half of their mouths, so if she's new to blowjobs make sure she knows not to use the teeth!!

Nothing says "I love you" like a sack of Atlantic mackerel.

[The Australian]

tl;dr

[♠Ace♠]

Sometimes I glue squirrels to the side of my house and make them listen to old cassette tapes.