without him trying to bring toys into the equation. It's starting to really emasculate me.
Just make the motherfucker lie down and beg
I.. have a strict policy against leaving threads, but at the same time, I suppose I'd rather there be some account of why you will no longer see me around here, and I guess this is a way I can do it without being an attention seeking moron.
Right away, I'd like to make it 100% clear that this has nothing to do with my joke about having to leave if cussing was no longer allowed. Although, I maintain that I'd have no chance of surviving under such a rule.
But at the same time, I have to admit this was sparked by my joke. I reread what I said a minute or two after I posted, and I realized something. I stopped caring about this place a long time ago. It's the entire reason I keep leaving every so often. And what drew me back was never the site, but the people.
And this is where I've got to say, I've had a great time on here these past three years with the majority of the people in spam. Most of you are fucking great people, and I wish you nothing but the best in your lives. But no matter how much I like you guys, it's not enough to keep me here. I can't really rationalize any reason behind this, but I just can't shake the feeling that it's just time to move on.
So, to conclude this needlessly verbose idiotic breakup letter, this is goodbye. I hope everything works out for each and every person here, and I want to thank you for the laughs you've given me for three years straight.
It's been fun, you weird motherfuckers.
Tonight I rolled my dog over onto his back and rubbed his tummy something fierce. He tried to bark and whine and wriggle away but I got his front legs by the knees, and he wasn't going anywhere. And I rubbed his tummy man. Up, and down. UP, and down. Up and DOOOOOWNNN. Up and up and down and down, and the whole time I put my chin right down against his ear and I whispered "Don't fight it. Shhhhh shh shh shh.... don't fight it. That's a good boy. GOooo... .....ood boy. MMmmmmmmmm. No. No, no, don't talk. Don't talk. Shhhhh. That's a good boy. Mmmmmm." Up and down. Up and down. Till I was DONE with him. When I let him up he was confused, like expected me to run off or something. "Bitch, this is MY bed. This is where I sleep. If someone's gonna run boy it better be you, dog!" And he ran away. He passed his brother on the way. From a look, he could tell what had just happened. Growling, snarling, the brother leapt at me, knocking me over, but I caught myself upright with one hand on my wheelchair. He growled. I shoved the chair aside and throw myself at this dog. "You gonna growl at me, boy? THAT what you think you're gonna do, boy? At me? At ME?!" I pin him down where I'd just had his brother. He tries to kick free, but I've got him pinned. "What you want, huh? What you gonna do, huh? Huh? You're just a puppy. I AM THE MASTER." He wriggled free and popped up, bobbing his head left and right, swatting at me with his paws. I didn't need but one swipe. I caught him on the jaw and held him still, and plastered his nose with the most savagely disrespectful, the most unwelcome kiss, the one that says "Fuck love, you bitch, I own you, you're MINE, you're MINE."
Then we went outside and played fetch because they always get really energetic after a good tummy rubbin'.