Magic fixes everything, especially plot holes!
A character having a name automatically increases their survival odds by 10,000%. (Prometheus.)
Loners only exist until they are noticed, then they have the social skills of a social butterfly that's been frequenting parties for the majority of their teenage and adult lives. (Rilla.)
The word "plots" will often be used to represent the following not-plot-exclusive things: Settings, characters, backstories, narratives, relationships, aesops.
The more original something is, the harder it is to comprehend.
Normal parents don’t exist in roleplay. Everyone’s parents are either dead, evil/abusive, or never mentioned. (Kagamine.)
God(s) or Goddess(es) are typically represented as one of the following: Benevolent, neutral to the point of obscurity/inactivity, deranged and psychotic
. Bonus points awarded if the deranged and psychopathic god(s) are Judeo-Christian in origin. (Brovo/Kestrel. We both thought of this.)
It's ok for a teenage girl to abuse any male characters. But not the other way around. (Kadaeux.)
Especially prevalent in fantasy role plays: A character can read and write, do eighth grade arithmatic (assuming the author can pass basic math), and solve incredible complex socio-economic issues with just a few minutes of deep thought... But cooking is a specialty skill that requires several months of training.
Campfires never attract trouble. This is especially troubling for role plays involving fugitives or stealth work of any kind, as campfires create smoke that can be seen for miles and miles away... Campfires also never blow smoke in character's faces, never irritate a character's eyes, never dehydrate a character's skin, never burn a meal (unless the character falls under rule #9), and can magically dwindle away unattended without it possible going wrong. Smokey the Bear is out of a job.
No one ever just gets the sniffles. Always has to be some horrible illness. (Tempest.)
Communism never bloody dies. It always comes back either in a third world country, or in Russia in some kind of near future or alternate history thing.
Nobody needs a map or compass. Go anywhere. You'll never get lost... Unless the point of the role play is to be lost. Then go ahead, go anywhere, you'll be forever lost instead!
A character saying “I don’t want to talk about it” always actually means “I really want to talk about it; someone please interact with me”. (Kagamine.)
Most characters who have a Japanese name aren't Japanese. One is lucky if they are a bastardized, badly interpreted, westernized version of a Japanese character.
Whenever a character is asian they are either always samurai, ninjas or wise old men/women. (Sarzu.)
Addendum: Or wise old men and women who are also samurai or ninjas. (Sarzu.)
Every group has a traitor. If the group does not have a traitor, they will, at some point, have a traitor. (Prometheus.)
If you have a character with a dark and mysterious past, who has a mask fetish... Well... Just don't let him have the box cutter. Not even for a second. (Brovo.)
There are no bathrooms on the Death Star. Or anywhere else, for that matter. Don't even try to find them.
No one showers. Everyone who is described with a scent smells like springtime and mountains. (Tempest.)
When the big evil boss is female, she is usally, most of the time, always wearing leather showing off her curves and has access to a whip of some kind. (Andi.)
There is no such thing as an ugly woman. Just "average." By "average" we mean lithe, with a small chest, and maybe a scar or two, and messy bed hair. You know. "Average."
There are almost never ever fat people. And the only ones are usually the Big Bad, Bartenders and Merchants. (Kadaeux.)
In every single fantasy RP, the first two waves of feminism managed to travel back in time to either create gender equality or at least raise awareness. (Kestrel.)
That or there are entire kingdoms of amazons who dont take shit from any men. (Sarzu.)
The simpler the task is, the more complex it will become. Just buy a chicken? Well, there's only one chicken, and he was kidnapped by chicken-eating trolls yesterday, who went into the nightmare swamps full of traps. Good luck with that.
Nearly half of all roleplay characters are orphans. (Kagamine.)
And the other half were abused and wished they were orphans!... Save for a tiny fraction of people who don't hate their parents. (Brovo.)
If you present a universe of infinite possibilities concerning one's own species choice, half of your cast will end up human anyway.
Nothing ever goes wrong with half-breeds between two entirely different species with different genetic structures and different organ setups. Nope. Never. Breeding between species is completely viable without any fear.
When the GM says "Huh interesting" It's time to run for the hills. (Sarzu.)
"Now that gives me an idea" is even worse. (Kadaeux.)
Everyone knows the basics of CPR and first aid, even in situations where it would be entirely inappropriate. Also, everyone washes their hands in the medieval era--but nobody knows what germs are yet...
"I'm gettin' too old for this" is a death sentence. Any character who says this line will either be a lone survivor of a group or be dead by the end of the roleplay. (Prometheus.)
There is never any need for money, but you'll always get what you want... via magic, story arc, or some other means. If you do happen to walk into the store.. even without mentioning it, you've had the money the entire time. (Rilla.)
A day in roleplay time is always equal to at least a week in real-life time, and can often go on for much longer. (Kagamine.)
Armour is invincible. That's why plate mail can stop crossbows!... Oh, wait...
Protection also seems to defy the laws of space and time as a love scene fading to black doesn't always lead to babies. (Kestrel.)
Sex is also always perfect. There's never any mistakes, unless that becomes a deliberate plot point.
Sex is the ultimate representation of love, which often occurs at first sight, between characters who may or may not have anything in common whatsoever. Anyone who has had sex already will find the very concept hilarious... And perhaps just a tad bit creepy in retrospect.
There's no such thing as genocide so long as it's against those Godless Communist Orc Aliens from space, and not against the sexy space elves. Because remember...
...The more attractive it is, the more likely it is to be morally correct. Somehow.
Except in the case where beauty is villified. Then the opposite is true. There is very rarely moderation with this concept.
There is no such thing as an STD or STI. What are you talking about? Have as much unprotected sex as you like. It won't ever go wrong.
Green hair is completely normal. (Kestrel.)
Age has absolutely no impact whatsoever on how skilled or experienced one is with anything of any potential significance.
Some how, regardless of how bad an injury is.... If it doesn't kill them, they will be healed soon enough. No one wants to play the poor sod with a broken arm, or worse, leg. (Tempest.)
Pirates, assassins, and other such characters can of course be played as good of heart people. That's why pirates loot, pillage, and rape wherever they go, and assassins get paid to murder people in cold blood. These sound like career options that good people go to. Bonus points if the history of their careers is never revealed, it's just "my character was trained as an assassin once" without any backstory as to how many people they killed.
Speaking of assassins and ninjas, they of course fair well in straight up one on one combat. It's not like they depend on stealth and surprise to kill people or anything.
There is no such thing as stealth. Just the calm before the inevitable alarm sirens followed up with several gunshots and exploding buildings.
Children are always innocent and need to be saved. The little fuckers never have it coming. (Tempest.)
Players almost never ever see children. Or encounter children. Unless the GM is using them as a plot device. (Kadaeux.)
Cuteness Invincibility Law: No matter how unlikely, the cuter it is, the more likely it will survive. (Children? Will probably live. Dogs? Will probably live. Puppies?... They could be hit by a nuclear weapon and would somehow survive.)
Wolverine healing powers are an automatic trait for all PC's. Especially so if there is no healer.
Every roleplayer is capable of finding a way for their character to learn convenient information that they only know OOC, plausible or otherwise. (Kagamine.)
If it is not a race yet, someone will try and make it. Or they'll edit an existing race to include one minor difference... and call it a whole new race. (Rilla.)
S.A.D.: Subconscious Appearance Disorder. The majority of characters made (especially human characters) will reflect at least fifty percent of their owner's own physical traits, or idealized physical traits. These include: Ethnicity, height, weight, eye colour, hair colour, hair "configuration", gender.
Explosives never misfire.
Psychological disorders will be consistently and constantly misrepresented. These include errors like using the words "sociopath" and "psychopath" interchangeable, and depicting mental disorders as always being all consuming and all overriding of a person's own sense of morals and personality.
Also, drugs never work, despite them being rigorously tested...
Psychological disorders will be used as scapegoats for shitty, random behaviour. Like randomly stabbing the waitress at Hooters because, quote, "my character's invisible best friend told him to do it."
Common Sense. Isn't. (Kadaeux.)
There is only one language. Somehow that ended up being English.
Everyone always has a light source handy or can see perfectly in the dark. (Tempest.)
If thousands of nameless mooks die, nobody feels any emotional reaction towards that scene whatsoever, unless the sole purpose of the scene is to feel an emotional reaction. In which case the many sacrifices will be forgotten within five minutes.
Statement Personality Clause: People who state they are wise, typically aren't. Same goes for people who state they're charming; they most certainly aren't.
When a character is hit by any protectiles it is never mentioned what kind of surgery is involved to remove them, they just get dissolved. (Sarzu.)
The longer a role play goes on, the more prevalent inside jokes become. (For example: Rat Skull Charm. Only a select few people will get what that means.)
When a role play dies, the blame game of hot potato begins. It's like dissecting the frog. Nobody thinks it's funny, nothing is learned, and the frog dies. Someone taking responsibility for themselves is an undervalued rarity.
Homosexuality doesn't effect any comment, observation or special notice regardless of the time period of the RP. (Kadaeux.)
All thieves are secretly good at heart. For some reason PC criminals are almost never ever actual cutthroat hardcore criminals. (Kadaeux.)
If the devil is present in a role play, he nearly never, ever directly acts upon a world. This is made especially awkward if his entire goal is to invade that world in order to escape his own. This also goes for demons.
The more powerful a villain is, the more likely he or she is to rely on lower class minions and overly complex, easy to wreck plans instead of simply getting the job done himself.
There is no moderation where it concerns villainy. There is no "good man driven to evil ends". If there is an evil man between the PC's and their objective, that evil man is pretty much as evil as is humanly possible. Sliding scale of evil? Doesn't exist! This concerns their appearance, personality, history...
Sex will always end up with a curtain call or fade to black... On the forums, anyway.
Problem of Evil Clause: Ultimate evil is self-defeating, because ultimate evil cannot form an organzation without betraying itself.
Problem of Good Clause: Ultimate good cannot destroy evil without mimicking evil, because ultimate good cannot resort to the tools of evil, which includes murder.
Nobody negotiates. Villains will fight to the death or run screaming and heroes will fight to the death or run screaming a little less.
The party will consist of combat-esque characters unless otherwise restricted, and even then.. sometimes they will be. Gone are the hapless cooks, or building folks... mages and warriors, or any of that inclination will be in the party... (Rilla.)
The longer it takes to learn and master a skill, the faster it will be learned and mastered for the sake of convenience.
The more characters someone has, the more likely it is one of them will be killed off.
No matter how hard a GM tries, there will always be one player who attempts to play the villainous scumbag in a party full of good characters. If not the villainous scumbag, then at least a grey world loner who hates everyone and listens to Green Day.
If a character can be summarized entirely by a single song that lasts four minutes and repeats itself several times, that is a very weak character, or the author has no idea what they're doing.
Animal companions never die.
Group dynamics often aren't considered when characters are made. (EG: Getting a party full of delicate flowers who need protecting, or full of grey world loners who hate everything and listen to Three Days Grace, or getting a party of leaders who all fight over who gets to lead, etc.)
If there is magic, a character will have some hidden talent that is either going to be revealed late game, or be passed off at the start. (Rilla.)
Medieval puberty comes at the same time as modern puberty. It doesn´t matter if you were eglible as a squire before you even hit the age of 12, in RPG´s you can only become one if youre 16. (Kestrel.)
In a fan fiction role play, expect to see at least one near-clone of one of the main cast members... If not a straight up character sheet playing as
the main cast member in question.
The more likely a character is to live in the real world, the more likely they are to die in the fantasy world, and vice versa. (The non-athletic nerd? Will totally survive the zombie invasion. The trained soldiers armed with his very own rifle? Undead puppy chow.)
Taverns won´t kick you out no matter how many spies that followed you there you kill in front of paying customers. (Kestrel.)
Speaking thereof, here is the typical tavern checklist for both fantasy and sci-fi. Alien/human bartender who is fat and knows all the town rumours, a few shady characters drinking in corners, a few citizens drinking away their sorrows, a weeping widow who probably holds a side quest, a large and warm fireplace, wooden tables and chairs, a monk or samurai or other wanderer of great fighting skill, and no bouncer.
Love is always eternal. Always.
The undead are either monsters or misunderstood tragic figures. Very little middle ground.
The more a character resists their "destiny" the more overpowered they'll become later. (Kadaeux.)
Speaking of, most plots are destiny plots. How the destiny works is often not explained. In fact, where the destiny originally came from is often not explained. It's just "you are the chosen one, here is your sword, try not to die."
Destinies often make plot holes that even magic has a hard time repairing.
Armour doesnt slow your movements or hinder them in any way... at all. (Sarzu.)
The more edgy a character is, the darker their weapons style, appearance, magic, or otherwise becomes. You can almost measure a character's "edge" by the colour of the magical flames they wield.
Katana's can cut through anything. ANYTHING. (Kadaeux.)
PC's are almost never captured. If they are, they almost always escape unharmed and untouched. The worst they might have is a bruised cheek.
No matter how dangerous or time-sensitive the situation, any character (though especially drama queen villains) have time to throw off an entire speech before fleeing the scene.
Notable, when damage is dealt out to a party, it usually hits the men, not the women. This is doubly true if the women took more traditional roles (EG: female healer) as opposed to more modernized roles (eg: female fighter).
There is always -ALWAYS- a romance somewhere in there. (Tempest.)
The weather never hinders the heroes in any manner. There is no such thing as a snow storm or otherwise. Even if there is, it will never do something dangerous, like cause frostbite, or separate the heroes, or cause them to get lost... Mainly because it's impossible to get lost.
There are at least this many definitions for "Mary Sue."
Archetypes are often looked down upon as being inferior, despite nearly everyone using an archetype of some kind.
No matter how many different characters step up to the plate, the more humble a character is in their origins, the greater the person they will end up becoming. (Peasants are Gods in this respect.)