"I was pretty drunk myself by the time I'd been in South Africa for three or four weeks... I was fuddled. My head boiled with cliches. I was getting used to being confused... I was becoming South African--used to having people all around me all the time doing everything for me and not doing it well...
When I sat down at my table there were three teaspoons, two water glasses, one dirty wine glass, no forks, no knives, and no napkin.
"I need a dinner fork, a salad fork, and a napkin." I said to the waiter, who stared at me and then headed out across the dining room at the speed of a change in seasons...He returned with another spoon.
"I need a knife, a fork and a napkin!" I said. He came back twenty minutes later with the water pitcher and filled my wine glass. "LOOK HERE," I said, "DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?"
He thought about that for a long time. "Oh, yes." He disappeared and came back in half an hour with one more water glass. "Is the master ready to order?"