To be truthful, I was depressed after finishing Hanako's route. I mean, it was beautiful. It was beautiful and heart-warming and I was crying in happiness as I watched it. But afterwards, thinking on it, I started feeling depressed. Hisao... I've heard that the creators made him like a typical Visual Novel protagonist. Like he was supposed to be the blank slate, everyday guy, kind of character. somehow, though, I can't ehlp but think that's complete bullshit. Hisao has problems all his own. I've only played the Hanako Route so far, so I'm not sure exactly how much they cross over to the others, but he does have his own personality. His own fears, wants, and needs. And to see him reach such a state... to see him resolve to take his relationship with Hanako one step at a time, to get to know each other like that... it hit me. I have no close friends, I can't figure out how to interact with people for prolonged periods of time, whenever I do try the other person always just seems to shut me down, and the few times I have started close to someone, something inside me just... makes me quit. Grow distant. So to see Hisao resolve one of the major problems I've had like that... it just depressed me.
But now... I think I've gotten over it. Life is shit if you make it shit. If you wake up and think of the ways the day could be good, if you ignore how the way people stare, and simply keep talking, then one day you're going to meet someone that you feel you can trust. Adn even if you never do, even if you spend your entire life alone and isolated, that doesn't mean you have to isolate your own mind from other sources. that doesn't mean life isn't worth living, in some way. Even now, when I can't help but think that I have no hope for a future, that I will likely die when I'm twenty three, I spend time screwing around, goofing off. I get my work done, but I play. I read, I write, I think, I play games, and slowly, I grow just a little bit older and more experienced. Thinking of it this way... even if I hate myself for being weak, that doesn't mean I have to punish myself by being sad.
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