*Jersey Police Ain't Heroes*[Destiny/Knuxieh]

[Knuxieh]

Taking a few bites out of her dish, and some sips of her milk, she stared at the television infront of her, and then a hello came from the entry of the living room, and she turned to look over, swallowing before she answered. "Oh - Hey Nathan." She smiled. The smile wasn't all that geniune though, as she'd stopped sincerely smiling months ago - for the sake of keeping up appearances for Robin and Xavier. This was a smile she gave everyone nowadays while things were hectic. Keeping a mask of smiles while everything inside was shattering.

Feeling the rather akward silence that seemed to quickly fill up the room, Nathan broke it - if only slightly, to talk. She wondered if anything about how he noticed how much less time they had spent together had been, if he remembered that he had to get his hair touched-up soon, because the brown roots were becoming more and more pronounced. That she'd have to get hers fixed too because her dark roots wer ecoming back through the red. But, like most conversations that went on around here, it was about the kids. She gave a soft laugh before she answered him. "Hm? Oh - Yeah, I did. Robin doesn't like veggies in hers, though." She looked at her plate for awhile. "Why don't you get something and try to sleep again, you know as well as I do that you need to sleep if you're going to do anything around here." Serenity tried joking.

But it wasn't really anything to joke about. He really -did- need sleep. Zeke had been mostly at the hospital nowadays that things had calmed down, and she'd just mostly go into the gym and maybe listen to music, or just run on the 'mill or something else in there. She wondered if Nathan had reached his goal of three double-oh yet. He probably had years ago, and never told her. Thinking about her and Nathan's relationship, and how it had diminished, she sighed mentally. Though, they never had a real talk-y relationship from the beginning.. They never did stuff just for them. Just like she'd feared, they'd drifted, sounding more like a pair of strangers at a reunion, than two people who had been dating for years now.. Figuring keeping up her act was the best way to keep things afloat, she kept her eyes from looking into his for too long, because that was where all her lies would be een, and all her insecurities. "But they're coming along well with their schoolwork." She adverted, not wanting to keep the silence that fell between them any longer, just realizing that she had been staring off for some time now.

[You're totally fine, Starrieh~ x3 I understand lol. I've been busy aswell :3]

[DestinyStar]

Nathan glanced up at Serenity as she spoke, but his eyes drifted down to his lap yet again. Everything about this encounter just felt... odd. Maybe it was because it was unusual? On most days, Nathan would stay up in the sniper room. The only time that he would come down was either to eat, or when he passed out from exhaustion and the guys had to drag him down to his room, where he would remain unconscious for a few days before returning to his post. It was really an unhealthy way to live. However, Nathan wouldn't listen to anybody who tried to tell him that, because to him it was no excuse to put his family in danger. Right now, everybody was an enemy to his family. I won't ever put her in danger...

That didn't mean that this hurt any less, though. He spent more time with his gun than he did with Serenity... Wasn't that sad? Serenity seemed to be feeling his absence too, because every day she acted less and less like her old self. Even right now, he could see the forced smile on her face, and he hated it. He hated seeing her hurting inside. He hated being the reason she was hurting... More than anything, though, he hated that she wouldn't confide in him. Not once had she told him how she felt about all of this. When he asked in the very beginning, all she had done was agreed and said that she understood. Did she? Did she really understand, or was she just trying to be brave?

I can't even stand to look at her...

That fake smile was too much for him to take. His heart broke down right there in front of her, and he has to look away. If he saw those sad eyes one more time, he was going to die inside. "Okay. Good..." He murmured quietly. So Robin didn't like vegetables, huh? Just like Brandon... He would never say that, though. Any mention of Brandon or Aria was like murder to this house. Nobody could seem to find any closure... especially Nathan. He loved the kids, and now he had finally gained the courage to be around them. But how long would that last? Tomorrow, he would probably be back to avoiding them, again.

Suddenly, he noticed his hands. They were clenched into tight, trembling fists on his eyes, as if his intense gaze alone made them shake. His eyes widened and he slowly looked back up at Serenity, almost cautiously. She was giving him that same, pitiful expression.

Stop it!

Without thinking, he suddenly lunged forward and held Serenity in his arms tightly. He was afraid. He was afraid to let go and face reality. He was afraid that he was going to lose her... or that he had already lost her. "I can't take it, anymore," He whispered, his whole body trembling as he clung to her thin frame. "I can't stand this... separation, anymore. It's driving me crazy...!" His eyes shut tightly, now, as if he were trying to will away a bad dream. "Passing out once a week... fasting for days... all of that is worth it to stay at my post to protect you. But to give up being with you... I can't take it, anymore! I can't handle that like I thought I could!" Tears fell down his cheeks and he buried his face in her shoulder to muffle the sobs. "I-I miss you... I miss you, and I don't want things to be like this between us! I-I can't stand those eyes of yours... Those damn sad eyes and that fake smile! Serenity if you're hurting, just say so!" His arms pulled her tighter, but he never looked up at her. Instead, he kissed the side of her head and ran his hand through her hair. "Please, Serenity..." He whispered into her ears, his voice strangled from the restrained sobs. "Please go back to the way you were... Please let me be with you again.... Please let us be happy, together. Please... It may be childish to leave my post, but I feel like I'm about to fall apart. I'm falling apart without you, Serenity... I can't sleep without you near, I can't eat... I thought I could better protect you from afar, but I can't. I can't even focus, up there... I don't want to be responsible, anymore. I just want to be by your side... I love you, Serenity. I love you, I love you so much..."

Nathan had once again reached his breaking point.

[Knuxieh]

She noticed how he was looking at her. He probably noticed that she hadn't really been herself as of late, even though she had tried her hardest...well, the hardest that she could manage, to keep up her act, but it seemed that her shell was cracking. Soon they had been sitting there for the longest in what seemed like forever. When he grabbed her, she froze, his touch almost foreign to her now, since they hadn't been together in ages. She felt him trembling, almost faintly at first before they began to get more and more violent. Did she upset him by saying something?

"Can't take more of what..,Nathan?" She asked, curious. The sudden outburst startled her as he explained everything that seemed to be bottled up together. It seemed like she needed to do that too, but someone always had to be strong, and she always took that stand if no one else took it first. When his face buried itself in her shoulder, she hugged him back, gently at first. Not sure if he would move to talk or just stay there and somber. 'He misses me...?' She knew he did, in some way - but just not how much. With how much time he spent away, and how distant they had gotten, she wondered if he ever thought of her, if he ever looked her way anymore. Everything was just on the kids, and on the mafia. Nothing else. She meeped softly as he squoze tighter, out of surprise. "I...Can't." She said softly. "I can't let you know if and when I'm hurting. Not when you're already a mess..." She shook her head. "I can endure it..Awhile longer." She smiled. Hearing him plead on to her, Serenity sighed softly and embraced him a little tighter. "Then just be there, then." She whispered softly. "I...I love you too, Nathan." The phrase sounded so akward coming from her, and she couldn't help the feeling she got when he had said it towards her, awaiting a response. And even if he wasn't, it was jus tto show her how he felt regardless.

[Sorry it took so long! Started school today so I might be getting on a little less often D:]

[DestinyStar]

(That's alright. Things have gotten crazy busy over here on my end, too. Sorry for the super-long absence, again. ^^")

Nathan was surprised by her words. Mostly, he was shocked that all of this seemed to be news to her. Serenity had always seemed to know how he was feeling, or guess when he was about to break, but this time she just seemed so clueless. Had he really grown that distant...? "But why can't you, Serenity?" He asked, pulling back from her and gazing into her eyes. "Why can't you just... let it all go? You don't have to carry it all by yourself, Serenity. You don't have to carry all of the burden. Don't you see?! I've been trying so hard to protect you! You can trust me to do that... right?" His eyes gazed upon her intently, watching as she looked away, saying that she could endure it. Sighing, he looked away from her, reaching up to wipe his face dry. This was no time for tears.

"You don't have to be strong. I'm right here. I've always been here. I just... I was just protecting you in the wrong way." He looked up at her again, seeming to have taken on a sudden change of character. He wasn't the tired, crying mess he had been a moment ago. Instead, he was calm, strong, and more determined than ever to change. He wanted to change... for Serenity's sake. "No more crying," He whispered, reaching out to touch her cheek. "No more running. I won't do it, anymore... I'm going to protect you. Just like I promised. I want to be here for you, Serenity, and I tried to be... but I was mistaken. It isn't physical protection that you need... You need someone to help you carry the emotional burden, right? I won't leave you alone, again... I won't make that mistake, again..." Gently, he took her hand and pressed it against his chest, right over his heart. "Right here... You can put all of your pain, your fear, your exhaustion right here... You don't have to be strong all of the time. I'll protect you." Finally, for the first time in a long time, he gave her a true, peaceful smile. "I love you."

[Knuxieh]

Serenity listened, slightly surprised by this sudden change of character in him. She knew she didn’t have to be strong, but she chose to, because everyone else didn’t seem ready to step-up just yet. “Nathan…” She started. “You don’t have to not cry anymore…” His fingers gently brushing her cheek seemed to startle her. Emotional protection…Smiling softly towards him, she nodded. “I got you, I got you.” Nodding, she let her gaze fall. “So, when are we going to your fathers?” She asked, not forgetting about it. She truly wanted to know when they could finally just sit and talk and be how they were before…She never knew the day anymore – Nathan had grown so distant, she actually sat down some days and contemplated how long it had been since they’d been together. Robyn and Xavier were sleeping, and she squeezed his hand softly. Once he finished explaining, she leaned into his chest, and sighed.

“Nathan…” She started. “Can I…” Serenity blushed lightly, unsure if this was out of the way, or the time for it. “What I’m trying to say is, is it alright if I…” She cleared her throat. This had gotten harder to do. “I want to fall asleep in your arms again, Nathan…” She looked at her lap, sniffling lightly. “I miss you..”

[Hey Starrieh! I'm out of school <3 So I'll be able to reply alot more, though I know you're still in school, haha. ^^ Sorry for taking ages to reply! :< Congrats on your "One" By the way~!]

[DestinyStar]

(Yay! Haha I'm not still in school? I don't go to school, silly. :P But I do have work... blaahh. Which is why my replies might be pretty slow, so please forgive me! *bows* Also... *tackles* I MISSED JOO!!! WELCOME BACKKKK~! ^.^ And thanks! I've never been so super happy before~ <3 ^///^)

Nathan felt his heart ache when she said he could still cry, but he fought the tears. "Come on, Serenity..." He whispered, trying not to let his vulnerability show in his voice. "Just... let me gain some of my masculinity back, okay?" He gave a sort of weary smile before chuckling. It felt strange; he hadn't laughed in a long time. The tension finally seemed to ease as she accepted it and began asking about his father. That's right, he still needed to make an escape plan for them. I really hate to ditch the guys like this... but my family comes first. He thought for a moment before standing and stretching. "Tomorrow night," He answered. "The sooner we get you and the kids out of this hell-hole, the better." Slowly, he turned to her and touched his fingertips to her face, giving her an unsure glance. Would she really still accept him, after how he'd behaved? He didn't even feel like he deserved her. After all, it wasn't like he was any good at protecting her. The soft, gentle feel of her skin was so foreign... yet so warm. Oh, how he had missed this. She truly was perfect in every way.

At her request, he was slightly confused. It seemed so sudden and so random. As soon as she had said it though, he found himself longing for her embrace once again. The blush across her cheeks was so perfect, making her eyes glisten with forming tears. She was really upset, wasn't she? I'm a horrible person... I made her cry. Gently, he sat down beside her and slowly pulled her into his arms. His grip was loose, unsure if she would want to pull away from him or not. "As... As long as you want me to..." He whispered, his cheeks a little flushed. "I... I really missed you too, Serenity. I missed you so much..."

[Knuxieh]

[Ohhhh xD I would have thought that you were in school o.o I thought we were close in age or something, haha. Oops. xD And -squish~!- I missed you too! It's great to be back, honestly ]


Serenity looked towards him, and sighed. Tomorrow…They would leave on tomorrow. She felt herself being pulled into his arms, and she instantly nuzzled herself close, resting her head in the crevice of his neck. She wasn’t going anywhere. Her hand clutched the fabric of his shirt. “Always. I’ll always want you here, Nathan. I’ll never turn you away.” She smiled, and sighed in content. “I know…” She whispered, and faster than she realized, she’d gone and fallen asleep against him, just as she’d wanted. Tomorrow would indefinitely get here faster than she would want, though she was sure Nathan wasn’t in any rush for the next day to come, either. Tomorrow would be a very hectic day. She’d have to get Robyn and Xavier ready.. They’d never met him, so hopefully he’d atleast be nice to the two of them.

[Knuxieh]

[-bumps back into recent threads which might have dissapeared- xD]

I'm not trying to rush you, but I thought I should bump it since its been like two months xD